“Sorry, buddy, I need to get going. I have a very busy day today, and you have school, so maybe on the weekend. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m gonna get dressed for school. See ya.”
Joel leaned over and kissed Petra on the cheek and then blushed as he ran out the door. If he didn’t know better, he would say his son was in love. He couldn’t blame him. “Do you have to go?” he asked as he watched her slide out of bed and begin dressing.
“I want to go and see Caleb before he starts his shift.”
Damn, he’d completely forgotten about Caleb. He barely noticed him leaving last night but hadn’t thought much of it. He wondered why he’d left. Maybe it was just to give them some alone time. Caleb was broody and dark sometimes, but he also never did anything without a purpose. Part of him hoped Caleb had left them alone for good and he’d have Petra for himself. Not that he really had an issue with sharing her with Caleb. Being the voyeur at heart that he was, it made life that much more interesting.
“Will I see you tonight?” he asked, wanting to sound confident and in charge. Unfortunately it came out whinny and needy. Fuck!
“Of course, if you’re okay with it.”
“Petra, you have an open invitation to this house. Actually I’ll give you a key before you go,” he said, jumping out of bed and grabbing his PJ bottoms.
“Can I ask you a favor?” she asked.
“Anything,” he replied. She seemed worried.
“Could you please give me Caleb’s home address? I don’t actually have it.”
Shit, after all the time they’d spent together she had no idea where Caleb lived. Damn, had Caleb shared anything of himself at all with her? “Not a problem.” After handing her the key and Caleb’s address and giving her a quick good-bye kiss, she was driving away. He called out to Joel to hurry up so he could drop him off at school. He then thought about Caleb and Petra. He had a bad feeling that this wasn’t going to be good. He should allow them some alone time, but he felt in his bones that Petra was going to need him, so he rushed toward his room determined to shower and dress in record time. He would drop Joel off at school and then make the decision about whether to go to Caleb’s or not, but he wanted to be ready.
* * * *
Petra looked at the address on the slip of paper and then at the town house she was parked in front of. The two matched, but she just hadn’t expected Caleb to live in what she thought a New York brownstone should look like. She gathered her courage and walked up the front steps and knocked on the door. Caleb and Kyle were working the afternoon shifts at the hospital for the next two weeks, so he should be home. What if he left last night to go see another woman? What if another woman was inside his house? Shit! Maybe she should have called before she came. Too late now, she said to herself as the front door opened and Caleb stood there in sweats. He should have looked good, but he didn’t.
“Petra,” he said in an accusing tone.
“Caleb, I apologize if I’m bothering you.” She sped on. At least she wasn’t stuttering.
“No, no, it’s great to see you. Come in, come in.”
* * * *
Caleb was happy she’d arrived. He was going to call her and go see her today. He wanted to ask her what he’d resolved to ask her last night. He was going to ask her to choose between him and Kyle, but before he laid his cards on the table, he wanted to get some insight.
“You left last night, and I was worried about you.”
Was she worried he’d rejected her or was she worried he was upset? “Yeah, sorry, I had some thinking to do,” he said, leading her into the living room.
“Okay, well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she stated.
He could see she was unsettled, even a little nervous. “Worrying about me, sweet cheeks? I didn’t know you cared,” he joked, hoping to lighten the mood.
“What do you mean? Of course I care about you.”
He could see the concern in her eyes. She did care, she may even love him.
“Sometimes I’m just not too sure,” he hedged, giving her a questioning gaze.
She narrowed her eyes in return. “Caleb, I love you. Oh shit! I didn’t mean to say that. Well, I did actually, but I didn’t mean to say it out loud. No, that’s not true. I didn’t mean to say it right now. Yes, I meant it, but I didn’t mean to say it right at this moment.”
She flushed and flustered and she looked so adorable. He wanted to just gobble her up.
“You do, little sub? You love me?” he taunted. He was filled with heat at her admission, but it wasn’t complete. He needed her to only want him.
“Don’t be an ass, Caleb,” she replied.
She was waiting. Was he supposed to say “I love you” back? Well, he wasn’t going to say it until the time was right, and right now he needed to know more.
“Where’s Kyle?” he asked, praying he wasn’t parking the car and about to come in and interrupt.
“At his house. I just left him.”
She got a dreamy look in her eyes. Obviously she was remembering last night, even this morning. He wanted to wipe her memory clean, leaving only the memory of him in her thoughts. He looked at her, really looking at her for the first time, and then he knew. He had to ask her the one question he didn’t want to ask. His anger boiled at even having to ask the question. He was hoping for a calm adult conversation, but his inner rage, his inner beast wanted to play.
Chapter Twenty
“You love him, don’t you?” Caleb demanded.
“Why? Are you accusing me of some sort of crime? Of course I love him!” she paced back and forth, anger vibrating through her. “I’m not some submissive slut that likes playing with Doms.” How could he think that of her. Hadn’t the time they’d spent together in the past month shown him anything?
“Be careful how you speak to me, little girl.” His anger radiated from him.
There was no way in hell she was going to let him try to intimidate her. She was just as angry as he was. “What are you going to do? You’re too fucking afraid to let go. You’re too afraid to let yourself be free, but you stand there judging me.” She let the waves of frustration pour from her. “At least I’m honest with myself. At least I’m being true to myself!” She wanted to scream, she wanted to rant at him. It was a shock when she realized that was exactly what she was doing. She looked into Caleb’s eyes and saw the anger, the desire, and the resignation shining from them. He was going to let her go. He wasn’t going to fight for her, and he wasn’t going to share. He couldn’t. The realization was like a hot blade searing through her body, and her anger fled in a millisecond to be replaced by pain and sorrow.
“Yes, Caleb, I love him.” She felt the pain she’d just delivered to him like a physical blow. “I love you both if you want to know the truth. Don’t worry about warning me. There are no choices to be made, I already know you don’t want me.” She took the extra step to him and laid her hand against his face. She showed every ounce of the love she felt for him in her eyes. Her eyes began to water and a sad smile lifted her lips. “Find someone to love,” she said as she stroked his cheek. “Find the happiness you deserve.” Struggling to keep a sob at bay, she whispered, “Good-bye, Caleb.”
She let her hand fall away just as all her hopes and dreams of having him in her arms forever also fell away. She turned and started walking away as the tears overflowed and rolled down her cheeks. It felt so strange to be so in love and happy to have a future with a man she loved and yet torn apart and hurting for the love of the man she had just lost. The unfairness of it all. If she was the author to the book of her own life, she’d never have written Caleb in at all. She would have left him out and given him a different story.
Liar. Even though you only had him for a short time, you would do it all over again. Just to have loved him once and to have held him at all was worth the suffering.
As she walked from the room, she felt the wet heat of the tears that were rolling from her eyes, and her vision blurred. She wanted desperately to allow the sob that tightened her chest out, but she had enough pride and strength to not allow that to happen. She’d never be one of those sad, fragile women who needed to cry and weep in front of a lover or ex-lover. She would hold her head high and escape to her cave, or car in this case, and allow herself to release the pain and the hate in private. She hated him, she loved him, but most of all she mourned him.
Why couldn’t he just love her? Why couldn’t he just open his mind and his heart to more than a standard relationship? How many ménage relationships had they seen in the club? Some of his best friends were in permanent ménages, so why couldn’t he accept being in one himself? Why couldn’t he love her enough to share her? She would do it for him.
Could you really? Could you allow another woman to touch him, to lick him, and to make love to him? Could you allow another woman in your bed holding him?
Damn that inner voice. That bitch needed a muzzle. Didn’t she know that right now wasn’t the time for logic, nor was it the time for reason? Now was the time to scream and ask for vengeance.
But her heart knew her inner voice was right. He didn’t deserve her anger or her hate. He had a right to not have to share her. He should be allowed to hate her and be angry at her for not choosing him and for sharing her heart and body with his best friend. She needed to let him go, and she had to face the cold hard truth. If she had chosen Caleb, she would have ended up back in Kyle’s bed. She wouldn’t have been able to help herself. She loved him too much and to lose Joel and not be able to develop her love for the little boy would break her heart. She couldn’t have done it. Caleb deserved more. He deserved a faithful partner, one who didn’t dream of another. She knew Kyle would never hate her and would never be angry if she dreamed of Caleb. He wouldn’t judge her for her love and desire for Caleb. He understood that it didn’t lessen the love and desire she felt for him. Kyle was an amazing man.
The weight in her chest told her she was okay, but her heart would break to see Caleb with another. It would be torn in half to watch him build a life with another. It would never survive when it saw the love in Caleb’s eyes for another. She wanted to tear the imaginary woman limb from limb. She wanted to claw her eyes out, screaming ‘he’s mine.’ What on earth was she doing? She needed to get herself into gear and stop this insanity. She need to focus, she needed to…write. Yes, she needed to get herself home and write her ass off. She could put all this vengeance and bloodlust into a new book. Maybe a shape-shifter or a vampire? Yes, that was it. Not the nice, lovey-dovey kind of vampire, though. Not the I’ll-love-you-for-eternity kind. No, this one would be all about death and destruction and the need to drink from his victim’s body till he took her life. Centuries of heartlessness in the aim to conquer the ethereal plains, all those he captured being his slaves.
He would take out his vengeance on his greatest enemy. He would capture his enemy’s only daughter in a surprise attack and make her his slave, his whore. He would humiliate his enemy by the use of his daughter. He would allow all his court to use her. Then as she was brought into the throne room in chains, she would look like an angel incarnate. She would make his blood sing. But she’d have the strength and spirit to fight him even though she’d lost. He won’t be able to stop himself from enslaving her and forcing her to bend to his will. He would enslave her into his bed and his heart. She would kneel at his feet and submit to his power with beauty, grace, and love. He would never allow another to touch her. He would want to make her his bride for eternity.
Okay, so maybe a little lovey-dovey!
Even in her state of pain and with the misery in her heart, she still was a hopeless romantic.
* * * *
Caleb grabbed the first thing his hand could find and threw it at the wall. His inner beast reveled at the sound of the smashing glass and the crack in the dry wall. The destruction wasn’t enough to quiet him but enough to make him roar with his need. To let her walk out the door and not drag her kicking and screaming to his bedroom where he would chain her until she submitted to him and promised to never leave had nearly killed him. He knew how this was going to go. He knew he would lose her. Even knowing this didn’t stop the rage and the pain. He wanted to kill Kyle. He wanted to pound him until he stopped breathing for allowing his woman, his submissive to love him. How dare Kyle let her love him. How dare she love him? How dare she love another man as well as Caleb?
He knew she loved him. He had seen it many times on her face before the words had been spoken. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted her to love only him. He would never share a woman, never share his woman. He wasn’t designed that way. He knew so many that shared, and he didn’t judge them for it. He got that it was their kink. He got that they were happy with it, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t.
Share her or lose her. You chose to lose the love of your life. You stupid dick.
God, even his inner voice was taunting him. He needed a drink. He needed to beat something. Maybe he should go to the gym and then go to the club for a beer. After that maybe he could find some randy sub wanting a scene, and he’d fuck her until he was blind. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. He would forget her. He would replace her. She was nothing to him. She could go with Kyle and have a happy life. They would have a great little family and future together, and he would be happy for them, he would.