We were pulling down the drive within seconds and headed off into the canyons of Manhattan within moments. I didn’t know how the day was going to turn out, but for the first time in what seemed like way too long, I was actually excited about being awake.
Three hours and four stops later, I had to call it quits. It wasn’t as much as I’d hoped to do, but I’d made two connections and had one solid appointment, two maybes. Okay, there had been one flat
no
, but so what? I’d been doing this long enough to know just how good that percentage was.
“I missed this,” I said as Paul merged into the traffic of the city.
“Missed what?”
“This. Going out, talking to other people in the industry.” I laughed wearily and rubbed at my temples. “Not that I’m really
in
the industry right now. I barely had my foot on the first rung when I quit my job to...do freelancing.”
“Of course.” Paul’s voice was bland. “Freelancing.”
I shot him a narrow look, wondering how much he knew. Considering he’d called Flynn, it was probably more than I was comfortable with, but I wasn’t going to ask. In this instance, I was going the whole ‘ignorance is bliss’ route.
Resting my head against the padded leather seat, I stared out at the rush of the city, brooding. How much time had I lost with wedding plans? Preparing for a wedding that still hadn’t truly felt like mine?
In that moment, I had to admit the truth. I was preparing for a wedding I didn’t even want. A life I didn’t want.
“I’m making a mistake,” I said softly.
“Everybody makes them,” Paul said evenly.
I shot my gaze to his. Haltingly, I said, “I don’t mean my writing.”
“I know.” He nodded, his eyes on the road. He took a left and I looked around, registering where we were.
My heart started to pound.
Flynn’s studio was here. Just a few blocks up. I started to twist the strap of the pink briefcase Paul and Helen had given me. “Paul?” I whispered.
“Most mistakes can be fixed, Gabriella.” He dropped the
miss
as he pulled up to the curb and looked into the mirror to meet my eyes. He knew he was crossing the line between professional and personal. “But it all depends on when you realize the mistake is there and how long you pretend the mistake isn’t really a mistake.”
I was shaking. “How…” My voice cracked. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Why did you call Flynn?”
“I’ve been taking care of this family since I was twenty-two years old, Miss Gabriella. I know most of their secrets, and pretty much all of their flaws. I know the good things too. Flynn started to change around you. He became a better man. And I think he makes you better too. There’s only one reason for that.” He nodded at the door. “Maybe you should go talk to him.”
Maybe.
Maybe I owed it to myself.
It couldn’t hurt, right?
Chapter 22
I was wrong.
As I walked towards the door, I remembered the woman with the beautiful golden skin. The woman I’d seen him with...this could hurt a lot.
I almost turned and bolted, but I knew if I didn’t do this, I’d regret it. I had enough regrets, enough things that I wished had never happened. I’d seen the accident as one of those because of Cody, but now I could see the silver lining in it. If I hadn’t been in it, I’d have been married now.
“Married to a man who thinks I should be wrapped up and coddled. That my safety is more important than me being happy,” I whispered. The idea hit me hard enough to steady my heart as I opened the studio door and found myself looking at Flynn.
He wasn’t alone.
That
wasn’t a surprise.
If he’d been with some scantily dressed model, I wouldn’t have blinked twice. If he’d been naked and with a model, I’d have been devastated, but not surprised. But he was dressed more professionally than I’d ever seen him. A polo shirt, a pair of khaki pants and loafers that looked expensive enough to have pleased even his mother. And he wasn’t with a model. He was talking to two people, a man and a woman. One carried a bag that I recognized as a camera bag. The other carried a briefcase. They looked between us as I stared at Flynn.
Speak
, I told myself.
“Gabriella.” Flynn inclined his head.
“Hey...um…hi, Flynn.” Looking over at the other two, I nodded stiffly. I should’ve called first. “Is this a bad time?”
“Oh, no.” The woman smiled easily and hooked her arm through the man’s. “We’re all done. Thanks for working us in so quickly, Flynn. We’ll take a look at our budget and get back to you as soon as we can.”
The easy, carefree smile I knew so well curved his lips as he shook hands. “Great. Just let me know.”
“Can you hold off showing it to anybody else? A week maybe?” The man flashed him a wide smile, heavily laden with charm.
Flynn shrugged and tucked his hands in his pockets. “I’ve already got a few appointments set up, but I won’t make any commitments until I hear back from you. That’s the best I can do.”
Confused, I looked back at them, but they disappeared through the doorway and left me watching Flynn without an answer. “Ah…” I bit my lip, telling myself to leave it alone. I couldn’t though. “What was that?”
“Business.” He rubbed at his stubbled jaw. He hadn’t shaved this morning. “You look exhausted.”
“I am.” Hesitantly, I smiled. “I went job hunting. Made some appointments.”
“Good for you.” His tone was sincere, but there was nothing else to it. He turned towards the back of the studio.
I took a step after him. “Can I…” Nerves unlike anything I’d ever known slammed into me and I paused just inside the door. “Flynn, can I come in?”
He’d only gone a few steps, so he was close enough that I could see his shoulders tense. I watched as they rose and fell, watched as some internal struggle took place inside him. Feeling like this had been a huge mistake, I started to back towards the door.
“Okay, I guess I’ll just…”
“Come on in,” he said shortly, cutting me off. “I’ve got stuff to do, but I guess I can talk and work at the same time.”
The terseness of his reply caught me off-guard, but as he motioned for me to enter, I came far enough inside for my eyes to adjust to the different lighting.
And then I had to stop and gape.
There were boxes.
Everywhere
.
“Flynn?”
He cut around me, taking care not to brush against me. “What did you need, Gabriella?”
Staring at him as he strode off into the wide, open space of the studio, I looked from one box, to another, and another. He was most definitely packing up. “You’re moving.”
“Yeah. Time for a change of pace. I…” He stopped in front of a big box—more like a crate—and stared down into it. “I need to get out of New York for a while.”
Out of New York
. “You’re leaving the city?” My voice cracked. A sudden spasm of pain ripped through me and I gripped the edge of a counter to keep him from seeing how much my hands were shaking.
“Yeah.” He glanced at me, his face unreadable. “I’ve got a studio out in L.A. I sublet it for the most part, but the tenant was offered an assignment that’ll have her traveling most of the year. Seems like good timing. I need a change, the place is open. Why the hell not?”
“Why the hell not?” I echoed woodenly.
Why did I feel like my heart had been cut out?
As I shifted my weight onto the stool next to the high counter, he levered a few pieces of equipment into the box. It occurred to me in a vague sort of way that he could pay men to do this, but then again, I knew Flynn. He treasured his photography equipment. He wouldn’t trust it to anyone else.
Several long moments passed as he worked and I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that he was leaving. He wouldn’t be here anymore. Wouldn’t be lurking in the shadows. Watching me. Tormenting me. He wouldn’t bother me for modeling sessions. Or for...anything else.
“What about the wedding?” I finally whispered a question that wouldn’t betray my internal turmoil.
A heavy light fell out of his hands and crashed to the floor. As glass shattered, Flynn just stood there and stared at it.
When he finally lifted his head to look at me, there was a look in his eyes that I’d never seen before. Raw, aching misery. But his voice was even, almost flat. “I can’t be there for the wedding, Gabriella. I’m sorry.”
He’d called me by my name. Again. Then the rest of his statement registered. “You can’t be there…”
I was still talking when he walked away, disappearing down the hall that led to the restroom. My brain struggled to catch up, was still struggling when he reappeared, carrying a broom and dustpan. Feeling stiff and useless, I slid from the stool and moved closer, as if I could help.
“Stay back,” he said, his tone clipped.
I twisted my engagement ring around and around. “You know, if there’s a job or something that you’ve got going on that weekend, I’m sure your employer would understand you needing the time off for your brother...”
He shot up to his feet and strode over to me, grabbing my arms. His hands gripped me tightly, although there was no cruelty to his touch. His eyes raked over my face as though memorizing every feature.
“You’re not hearing me,” he said roughly. “I can’t be there for the wedding, Tennessee.”
My heart clenched at the nickname.
His expression so full of pain that I could hardly look at him, and yet I couldn’t look away either.
“I can’t watch you marry my brother. Not in October. Not next week. Not next year and not in the next hundred years.”
Frozen, I stood there as he reached up. His hand cupped my cheek and when he slid his thumb over my lower lip, I trembled.
“I want…” he murmured. “More than anything else, I want for you to be happy. If I had to choose between my next breath and your happiness, then I’d take my last breath satisfied, all because I knew you were going to have the things you wanted in life. The writing career you wanted, a big house, some place where you can see green…you like the city, Tennessee, but your heart isn’t here. I’d die easy if I knew you had the things you wanted in life.”
It was like he’d somehow managed to reach inside me and wrap his hand around my heart, squeezing it. I couldn’t breathe and tears blurred my vision.
“Flynn?”
He pushed his hand into my hair and I shivered.
“One last time.” The rough, silken whisper made no sense.
But then his mouth was on mine and I groaned. He did too, sliding his tongue into my mouth. As he deepened the kiss, I found myself clinging to him and the only thing that kept me upright was the fact that he had curled one arm around my waist and the solid strength of him was there, steadying me.
This kiss was nothing like any I’d ever experienced. It was everything I’d ever hoped a kiss could be.
And it was a goodbye.
When he started to pull away, I clutched him tighter, my teeth nipping at his bottom lip. He tried to pull away again and I wrapped my arms around his neck, desperate to keep him there. I couldn’t let this go. I couldn’t explain it, but deep inside I knew a simple, hard truth. One that I’d tried to deny, but couldn’t anymore.
He’d talked about my happiness.
The best chance I had of it was standing right in front of me.
This time, I let him end the kiss, but I didn’t let him go. Instead, I caught his hand and guided it to my breast. His breath came out of him in a rush, eyes blazing with a desperation to match my own.
Then he caught my hand and, in a rush, he twisted off my ring and hurled it to the far corner of the room.
“Not when my hands are on you.”
Chapter 23
The darkness of the hallway wrapped around us.
I’d never been back here before, but I didn’t care where he was taking me. Only the man in my arms mattered.
The studio had a private area in the back and I knew Flynn and I had half-stumbled, half-groped our way down here, pausing every few feet for him to push me back up against the wall and kiss his way down my neck, then back up to my mouth, all the while his fingers were busy underneath my skirt. My panties had met their end somewhere behind us.
He’d made me come twice already, but every time I’d reached for him, thoughts of reciprocation on my mind, he’d gripped my hands and tugged me further down the hall.
“In a bed,” he mumbled against my mouth. “In my bed.”
I liked the sound of that.
Flynn’s bed…
It never occurred to me to think about the fact that his bed should have been at his apartment, but then again, with one hand between my thighs, talented fingers stroking my clitoris, I wasn’t exactly thinking very clearly.
When my knees started to give out during my third climax, he half-tossed me over his shoulder and we’d stumbled into a darkened room.
I caught sight of the bed and a big window, shaded by drapes. I didn’t notice anything else though, because Flynn was coming down over me, one knee on either side of my hips as he reached for the long series of buttons that ran up the front of my shirt.