Pursuit: An Urban Fantasy Novel (The Lillim Callina Chronicles Book 4) (18 page)

“You used me?” Caleb said, but it wasn’t his voice. It was deeper, throatier. His head cocked to the side.

“Yes,” Masataka said. “Your host is weak, and you’re an ass. I knew Caleb would be able to talk you into it because he thought I wanted to die.” He shrugged. “That was never in the cards.”

“You killed your brother,” I said, flopping onto my back to stare at him. For whatever reason, I still felt too weak to move. So how was he hopping around like the goddamn energizer bunny?

“That was… regrettable,” Masataka said after a long moment. “But he would understand.”

“Oh, you don’t really think that,” Caleb said, his voice thrumming with wicked intentions. “You’ve boxed that tasty little morsel up for now, haven’t you, Masataka?” Caleb smirked, his face twisting into the same grin I’d seen spread across so many faces in the past. That… wasn’t Caleb, at least, not right now.

“Say what you want,
Prince
,” Masataka said. “Mitsoumi was a weak leader. I will use the throne to drive a stake through the heart of the underworld. He never… could have done that. Years from now, people won’t even remember this day.”

“Talking, talking,” Caleb said, sliding up next to Masataka and trailing one hand up Masataka’s chest. It happened so fast that I didn’t even see Caleb cross the distance between them. “So much talking.”

Masataka’s eye twitched as Caleb licked his cheek. One long, slow movement that left Masataka’s face covered in saliva. “You taste like arrogance, Masataka,” Caleb crooned. “It’s very nearly my favorite flavor after greed and strawberry-vanilla swirl.” Caleb poked Masataka in the chest. “But there is chocolate too. I do so love chocolate. I should dip you in chocolate before I suck the marrow from your bones.”

“Neat,” Masataka said, trying to push Caleb away, but the bigger man’s hands clamped around Masataka’s wrists. He spun Masataka around in an instant before cradling him like a dancer.

“Oh no, my play thing, we’re just getting started,” Caleb cooed, mouth only inches from Masataka’s throat. Masataka shivered as Caleb’s tongue snaked out again and slid along the flesh of Masataka’s neck.

Masataka shut his eyes for a split second, his body trembling as he reached one hand up behind Caleb, digging his fingers into my boyfriend’s back. “Is this what you want, Caleb? Is it really?” Masataka asked, voice husky as he kissed Caleb full on the mouth.

“Oh my god,” I said as some very complex thoughts whipped through my mind at breakneck speed, none of which I was too keen on examining in the near future.

Caleb’s eyes shot open as a mixture of blue and orange flame began to dance along his flesh. Bits of him started to flake away, flitting through the wind like ash. He reached out, shoving Masataka away with one stilted, jerky movement. Masataka hit the dirt and sat there, grinning like an idiot.

“Stop,” Caleb growled in his normal voice… and I don’t think he was talking to Masataka.

“But we’re just getting started, Caleb,” Masataka cooed, looking up from the ground and smiling coyly, curling one finger at my boyfriend.

Caleb took a step back, stumbling backward in the dirt as his body actually caught fire. It was like watching someone struck with a match after being doused with gasoline. My boyfriend took one step, two as blue flame whipped around him, chasing away the dancing oranges that had been there a second ago.

“You will do as
I
say, Caleb,” Caleb said, but it wasn’t his voice. It was the voice of the Blue Prince “
I
am the master.
You
are the puppet.”

Caleb grunted, falling to his knees in the dirt. “No,” he said, fingers clawing at the black sand of the killing fields. “We’re supposed to be partners,” my boyfriend whispered, voice barely louder than the sizzle and pop of the flames.

“So Lillim, how about we finish this once and for all?” Masataka asked. He was a few feet away, walking toward me. His trident dragged along the dirt, leaving a trail in the sand. “This time, I won’t hold back.”

I groaned and pushed myself onto my knees. My stomach sloshed so hard that I felt bile rise up in my throat. I fell forward on my hands as my belly emptied itself. I kept retching long after there was nothing left, the muscles of my stomach bunching together so tightly that it physically hurt.

“Gross,” Masataka said as he circled around me, still dragging his trident. “You’re just gross.”

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. “I don’t really care for you either, Masataka,” I said, but my words were like whispers in the wind.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t bother me,” he replied as he returned to stand in front of me. With a flick of his wrist, his trident completed the loop, and a circle of power sprang to life around us. Energy the colors of a rainbow burst from the ground and shot into the sky.

“Now, no one will be able to get inside,” he grinned at me. “Not Caleb, not your father, not anyone.”

“Pity,” I said. “Now you’re trapped in here with me.”

I got to my feet and wobbled to the side like a drunk, stretching my left hand out for balance. Little stars exploded in the back of my head, throbbing in my temples as I tried to steady myself.

“Put up your dukes,” I growled, throwing my hands up in front of me like a drunken boxer, fists half-clenched.

“Did you know that duke used to be another term for fork? And a fork used to be another word for hands?” Masataka grinned at me. “I was sad when I found that out. I was hoping it was a war term from when kings battled. Like I’ll see your Duke of Yester with my Duke of such and such.” He shrugged.

“Thanks for the lesson,” I spat and swung at him, my fist lashing out at him with all the finesse of a sandbag falling to earth.

He stepped casually to the side, and my blow missed him. My own momentum carried me forward, and I stumbled, collapsing to the ground as my legs gave out beneath me. Nausea swelled up inside me, and I gripped the dirt with my hands as I retched. Nothing came out, but that didn’t stop my body from trying.

“Still feeling the effects of the cleave, eh?” Masataka knelt down next to me and patted my head like I was a puppy. I would have turned and glared at him if I could have. “What, no snappy one-liner?” he asked after a moment. When I didn’t respond, he shoved me, and I fell over, flopping onto my side like a dead fish.

“I’m going to kill you,” I growled, trying to get back to my feet, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t quite get them under me. It was like trying to stand on an oil-slick in butter-shoes.

“Doubtful,” Masataka said, reaching out and grabbing me by the chin. He twisted my face toward him, not hard, mind you, but forcefully enough that I couldn’t resist, and he squeezed my cheeks so that my lips bulged outward. “I know everyone says ‘you look just like Dirge,’ but I don’t think that’s the case. I mean, okay, you have lavender hair, and your face is similar,” he shook his head, “but other than that, you don’t look that much alike. At best, you’d be cousins.”

“Mmmph,” I replied but what I’d really said was, “thanks jackass, now let me go so I can rip out your spleen and beat you with it.”

Masataka stood, dragging me to my feet with him. I just sort of dangled there, unable to do more than grip his wrist weakly. Behind him, the energy of the circle was so bright and hazy, I couldn’t see through it. Not that it mattered, I was pretty sure nothing could break through it anyway. That’s why people used circles after all, to keep things either inside or outside of it.

He reached back and hooked his trident to his back, his Vajra swarming over the weapon and securing it into place in an instant. He looked down at me before leaning his face close to mine and blowing the hair out of my eyes.

“You know, if I was willing, I could probably pretend you were Dirge. The problem is that every single time I see you, it tears me up inside. It makes me remember that she chose death.” He flicked my ear with his free hand, and the shock of it zipped through my body. Then he did it again like a jackass. “Say something,” he said.

He released me and I stumbled forward into him, unconsciously wrapping my arms around his body for stability. His Vajra oozed beneath my fingers like a slimy toad, and my forehead hit his chest. He must have been stunned because he stood frozen, unable to move as I held onto him, desperately trying to stand.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and the words were muffled against the flesh of his Vajra.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” he asked. “Your apologies are worthless to me.”

“No,” I whispered, pushing myself away. “I’m sorry Dirge didn’t love you. I’m sorry she died and left you.” I fell back against him as my legs gave out. I tightened my grip on his back so I wouldn’t slide to the ground. “I’m just… sorry.”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” he replied after a silence so long that I could have used it to circle the earth… twice. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone.”

“Mattoc’s gone,” I whispered, and even as I said the words, I felt tears starting to fill my eyes.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” Masataka asked, gripping me by the shoulders and holding me away from him. He stared at me. There was a very strange mix of emotions on his face.

“He sacrificed himself to stop Crom Cruach in Fairy,” I bawled, my words blurring together in a whirlwind of sobs. “He just… just gave up and cut his cord.” I looked up at Masataka. “Why would he do that? Why would he sacrifice himself? Why would he do that to save me?”

Masataka swallowed and shut his eyes. His chest heaved as he took one giant breath and let it out through his teeth. “He probably wanted to save you more than he wanted to live. He probably didn’t know another way.” His words came out slow, too slow.

I shook my head, my fists lashing out and smacking weakly against his chest. “But I didn’t want him to die, Masataka. I didn’t want him to sacrifice himself for me.” I snuffled as his arms tightened around me, pulling me close.

“No one ever wants someone they love to die, Lillim. No one wants to be sacrificed for. It sucks because you’re still alive and they are gone… and all you can do is try to pick up the pieces. You…” He paused, and I looked up at him. He smiled bitterly. “Was this your plan?” he asked.

“My plan?” I asked, trying to wipe away my tears but wound up just hitting myself in the face with my wrist.

“To make me justify Dirge’s death? To make me try to understand it? To make me realize that part of the reason she gave her life was to save me?” he said in a low voice. A shiver rushed over his body as his head dropped forward, smacking against the top of my shoulder. “Was this your plan, to make me forgive her?”

“No,” I snuffled. “It really wasn’t. My plan was to kill you.”

“Do you think this is what Dirge would have wanted?” he asked. “I ask myself that question all the time. My answer is always no. She would not want me to be doing this. She was always a head on type of person. She was always the person to run headlong into a problem and beat it into submission. But… still I wonder, would she be proud of me?”

“No,” I said. “Though, I don’t know her well enough to say for certain. Admittedly, I don’t have
that
many memories of you… but I don’t think she would be.”

“Oh?” he quirked an eyebrow at me. “And why do you say that, Lillim?”

“Because you’re not happy, Masataka.” I swallowed and looked up into his face. My hand went up, and I smoothed the hair out of his face. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done because just touching him made me feel physically ill. “Dirge sacrificed herself to win, yeah. Yeah, she did it to protect you and everyone else. But… but she wanted you to be happy, Masataka.”

“I am happy,” he said, voice annoyed. “Why does everyone always say I’m not happy?”

“Because you’re not. Happy people don’t do this.” I tried to gesture but it was too hard so I just let my hand fall to my side. “Happy people are
happy
, Masataka.”

“Fair point,” he said. “But I’m not unhappy.”

“Whatever you say,” I said, and my hand fell away from his face. As it did so, he grabbed me by the wrist.

“I wish…” he said, looking down at my hand.

“You wish you could figure out a way for me to deserve my life, don’t you? Make me understand the sacrifice, not that you made, but of what not having Dirge means to you,” I replied before he could finish.

“Yes,” he said, voice choked.

“Can I show you something, Masataka?” I asked, staring up into his eyes. It was like watching a tropical island storm.

“What?” he asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

“I want to show you what she meant to me,” I replied, swallowing again. “What the gift of this life has meant to me.”

“Okay,” he said, and I lifted myself up on my toes, using of my hands to balance myself on his hips. He took half a step back, confused as I pushed myself onto him and pressed my lips against his. His mouth parted, and the taste of him filled my mouth.

I shut my eyes and exhaled a breath that was roses, thorns and all. My power surged out of me, enveloping him in a torrent of
my
memories. He moaned against my mouth, teeth clicking against mine as rose vines crept up my legs. The scent of them filled the air like a heavy blanket.

“You know what Dirge used to say?” he asked, lips still pressed against mine so that he was speaking into my mouth. “She used to say ‘if all I have to do is die, that would be enough—’ but I didn’t want her to die. Her dying wasn’t enough, not to save everyone… not to save me.”

“Dirge,” I swallowed, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him into me. “Was a fool for never loving you, Masataka.”

“It’s my fault for never telling her how I felt,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning into me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and maybe he felt me move because he opened his eyes and looked at me. “What?” he asked, putting his forehead against mine and staring down at me. I smiled weakly at him.

“Nothing,” I replied swallowing. “Just kiss me one more time,” I said and my throat was so tight that I almost couldn’t push the words out.

“Okay,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me again. He pressed his lips to mine, and a surge of heat traveled through my body as he reached around my back and pulled me into him.