C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-FOUR
I
t almost killed me. Hours after healing her, the poison of Melinda’s blood disease hunkered down inside me like a hibernating beast. My powers had shorted out, and I couldn’t heal myself. A brush with Mrs. Rosenbaum had left me sick for weeks. How long would this last? Better yet, would I ever be able to heal myself?
“You son of a bitch! How could you do that to her?”
Gabe yelled at my grandfather, while I pretended to sleep. They’d been going at it ever since we’d arrived home and my grandfather had carried me into the house. I hadn’t said two words, and it had been up to Franc to explain why I could hardly lift my head.
Gabe sounded frantic, but I felt nothing. Blissful nothing. The post-healing hypothermia had passed beyond chattering teeth and skipped to sluggish limbs and a slowed pulse. Was this what it felt like in that moment before a person froze to death? I’d read that it was like going to sleep once the pain stopped. Part of me wanted to tell Franc and Gabe to leave me the hell alone. Their shouting voices grated, slicing into the numbness that had taken hold of me. I wanted nothing more than to drift away. But they wouldn’t shut up.
“Remy agreed to the healing. Nobody forced her to do it.”
“That’s bullshit,” Gabe insisted. “You manipulated her. Anyone who knows her understands that she takes too many chances to help others. You should have been looking out for her.”
“I was!” my grandfather shouted. “She has a gift, and a responsibility to use it. Hell, she cured cancer! Who knows what the limits to her abilities might be? Do you know how many people she could help?”
“You mean
your
people. You intend to use her to help your fight against the Protectors.”
A silence followed that accusation. A wisp of a wish formed that my grandfather would deny Gabe’s accusation.
Then Franc spoke slowly, “I think it’s time you left, young man. I appreciate your concern for my granddaughter, but we can take care of her.”
Wishes were for idiots.
I thought Gabe might fight my grandfather, but a long moment later, the front door slammed. He’d gone. Asher’s brother had gone. Now I really was on my own. Perhaps it was better that way. I was so tired of being used by people who pretended to feel something for me.
If I regained my strength, I would leave this place. I would run and hide, and I could do that better on my own. Caring about people just made them marks for those who wanted something from me. Really it was better to live alone.
Even as the thought occurred, I knew it was a lie.
I insisted on staying on the couch when my grandfather went up to bed. I told him it was because I didn’t want him to have to carry me up the stairs. Truthfully I didn’t want him or anyone else to touch me. My walls were down and my senses wide open. I couldn’t protect myself if I wanted to.
“Remy,” Gabe whispered, and I jumped.
No floorboards had creaked when he crept into the house. I hadn’t even heard a door open and close, but Gabe knelt beside the couch. His eyes shone when a little slant of light hit them.
He came back.
A surge of relief swept through me, but I ignored what that emotion might mean.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “Franc will be pissed if he sees you.”
“I’m here to help you heal yourself.”
“No, Gabe,” I answered. I’d never felt so exhausted, and it resonated in my voice. Even my bones seemed made of lead. “Go away, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“What did he do to you?”
Gabe’s gaze flicked upstairs. The anger I’d heard in his voice earlier still simmered under the surface.
“Nothing,” I said.
Nothing that everyone else hasn’t done.
Gabe didn’t believe me. Doubt narrowed his eyes.
I faked a smile to reassure him. “I’m okay. I just need some sleep. You can go.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he surged to his feet, sweeping me up blanket and all. He lifted me against his chest and carried me through the house to the back door. Somehow he managed to avoid bumping into any furniture.
“Gabe . . .” I protested.
“Shh, Remington. We need to talk. Please.”
Gabe saying “please” shut me up. It didn’t happen often. He peered out the kitchen window for a moment, and then maneuvered us out the back door. As soon as it closed behind us, he took off running at a speed that sent the sky swirling with the treetops in a whirl of black, dark green, and tiny white pinpoints. My stomach flipped, and I closed my eyes.
Why was Gabe doing this? Did revenge mean so much to him? A longing tumbled through me like a leaf set afloat on a pond. I’d thought I’d set that hopeful part of me aside, and yet . . . I wished that one person would put me first. That one person would be on my side and never disappoint me.
I’d thought that person was Asher, but what had loving me ever gained him aside from pain and ultimately death? My ability would never allow me to be normal. I would hurt people over and over, and if I wasn’t the one doing the hurting, then the people chasing me would be.
I deserved to be alone.
Gabe gripped me tighter. “You’re not alone, Remy.”
He only said that to be nice. Eventually he would have to go back to what remained of his family. And if he wouldn’t go on his own, I would have to find a way to make him go. I would—
I froze. “What did you say?”
Gabe tilted his face away to hide his expression, but not before I glimpsed his resigned expression.
“Gabe?” I insisted.
We reached a hiking trail. To one side of the dirt path, someone had constructed a bench out of fallen logs. Gabe sat down with me still tucked safely in his arms. His hands gripped me too tightly, almost as if he thought I would run away. I waited.
His Adam’s apple shifted and then he admitted, “I said you’re not alone.”
The worst kind of déjà vu crept over me. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible. Not twice. Not after Asher. I . . . No. Just no.
Gabe wouldn’t look at me. I would have pulled his chin about so I could see the truth on his face, but the blanket held my arms captive. Frustration and horror mingled, and the screaming protest swelled in my head.
Gabe winced in obvious pain.
I shuddered, finally accepting a new, screwed-up reality. With my weakened powers, I couldn’t even raise my mental walls to shut him out. I felt stripped bare, every raw nerve exposed to the night breeze. A moan hitched in my throat, and Gabe pulled me closer as if to comfort me.
“How long?” I choked out. “How long?”
How long have we been bonded? How long have you been reading my mind?
“Since the night at the motel when I helped you heal yourself.”
The sobs ripped out of me. I’d thought the bonding had been unique to Asher and me. We weren’t the first Healer and Protector to bond, but I had thought it only happened once with one person and my ability to bond had died with Asher. Even Asher had said our bonding was different from any he’d heard about. Like how he could read my thoughts, and I could cure his immortality. I’d hated it that he could read my mind, but I’d dealt with it because I loved him. I’d even accepted that it could be an advantage in a fight, and I’d begun to believe it added to the way we felt about each other. But bonding with Asher’s brother? I imagined Asher’s face if he knew and cried harder.
How could this happen?
“Talk to me, Remington,” Gabe pleaded.
I pressed my lips together.
Don’t call me that. Don’t act like we have cute names for each other.
“Hey, this hasn’t been a joyride for me over here, you know.” Gabe’s voice had a hard edge to it. “It’s not like I asked for this!”
I managed to get a fist free and swung at him weakly. His head snapped back and I missed him.
“Are you seriously yelling at me?” I shouted. “You’ve known about this for how long? Maybe you could give me a minute to process the little secret you’ve been keeping to yourself?”
His mouth turned down. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
We sat in silence. I wanted to tell Gabe to get his hands off of me, but he’d know that I would simply fall over without his support. Mind eavesdropping eclipsed verbal lies every time. A desire to continue weeping nearly overtook me.
Pull yourself together, Remy. What good are tears anyway?
I rubbed my forehead.
Oh Asher. How could this happen?
Gabe swallowed. “Do you know how often you think about him? How often you daydream about him and wish I was him? Geez, Remington, it’s like I’m grieving for him twice, hearing your thoughts.”
His voice sounded raw with hurt, and I cringed. I thought back over the last weeks. Lost in sadness for Asher and my family, I hadn’t been careful with my defenses. Sometimes I’d even left my walls down
because
the humming of my energy hurt Gabe. Like a small, cornered animal, I’d turned on him, wanting to cause him pain so I wouldn’t feel so helpless. My petty actions had shamed me more than once. And Gabe had never betrayed that he’d known exactly what I was doing.
Even now he wore that irritating distant expression, and I hadn’t a clue what he was thinking.
“Why would you let me hurt you?” I asked, confused. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me that we’d bonded?”
The tendons stood out on his neck, and the impersonal mask slipped a little.
“Gabe?”
“Leave it alone, Remy. You might not like the answer.”
His eyes finally touched on my face. They burned with a heat that had little to do with anger. Once upon a time Asher had looked at me like that. Usually before he kissed me, he would—
“I’m not Asher, damn it!”
I jolted in Gabe’s arms, shocked by the frustration in his voice. For the first time, I looked at him, really looked at him. Not as Asher’s brother or as an enemy Protector, or even as someone who had become my friend. Gabe might be angry, but he held me with tenderness and care. He kept his energy in check, even though he could kill me. Over the last weeks, he could have killed me a thousand times. The way I’d kept my defenses down, it had almost been a challenge to him. An invitation to send me to Asher when I’d tired of fighting. He’d never come close to hurting me.
I’d thought he stayed out of loyalty to Asher. Or to avenge Asher’s death, but it wasn’t a bloodthirsty desire for revenge that made Gabe’s heart beat faster under my hand. I shivered. Gabe cared for me.
And that scared the shit out of me.
“Yeah. You and me both,” Gabe whispered.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Something about that gesture caught my rapt attention. He looked as if he was savoring a favorite scent, the way I inhaled deeply just before I took my first sip of coffee. I stared. Guilt colored his cheeks.
Oh hell.
“You can smell,” I accused.
All of Gabe’s senses were returning. His constant nearness to me would make him more and more mortal. More and more vulnerable to attack.
“Help me heal myself,” I demanded.
After the evening’s revelations, he’d expected me to fight him, rather than let him help me. I’d surprised him, but Gabe shifted into immediate action. His energy swept over me, and I set aside my chaotic emotions. With new eyes, I reached for the tendrils of his power. In the last weeks, it had become easier to use his power. Why hadn’t I remembered how the same thing had happened with Asher? The more our bond deepened, the more comfortable I’d been using his power as if it were my own.
It took forever to heal myself. Melinda’s disease was lethal and widespread. I took it one step at a time, focusing on one area of my body at a time. An hour later, beads of sweat dripped down my face, and I wanted to give up. There seemed to be no end to the damaged blood cells. I’d finally met an illness I couldn’t recover from.
“You give up, and I swear I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”
Gabe sounded upset, so I tried for a smile. “You think insulting me is going to help things along?”
“It’s always worked before.” He wiped my forehead with the edge of the blanket, and I saw how tired he was, too. He added, “You’ve got this. After fighting Dean and a whole group of Protectors, this is a cakewalk.”
“It wasn’t a group. Two isn’t a group.”
“Shut up and concentrate.”
I did. I put every bit of effort I had into it. Too much time passed before green sparks lit the air and I could feel myself returning to normal. I was
humming
again.
For all of a minute, I let myself regroup. A cold breeze dried the tears I hadn’t known I’d been crying, and I shivered. Gabe swayed in exhaustion, and I put my mental walls back into place to protect him. Then I sat up and pushed myself away from him. He let me go when I stood and the blanket fell to the ground. I walked a few feet and shoved my hands into my jeans pockets. A plan had formed the instant I found out he was becoming mortal because of me. Time to get a move on.
“You have to go, Gabe.”
“If this is because of how I feel about . . .” His voice trailed off, leaving the words unspoken. He sighed. “I already feel like I’ve betrayed Asher. You don’t have to worry about me giving you my class ring or asking you to the prom.”
The last he’d said with forced humor, mocking himself and our situation. I’d always thought Gabe arrogant and prideful. Obnoxiously so. He was, but he’d had his reasons. He’d purposely held himself apart from me to protect himself. Fat lot of good it had done.
“I want you to leave, Protector,” I said in a frigid tone.
Enough. No more pain and death because of me.
Gabe stilled in the act of picking up the blanket. “What are you talking about?”
“I belong here with my grandfather and his people. My people. I’m going to let them test me. If I’m the answer to everyone’s problems, then it would be selfish not to agree. You would only interfere with that if you stay. I don’t need you anymore, okay?”