“Exactly how long were you listening?”
“Too long.”
Gideon gave another slight nod, but this one was dismissive. “Immaturity. Another great recommendation.”
Kieran had wanted Gideon’s help, thought he at least understood that things were out of control. Gideon had known Theo for years. Gideon should know how to get him to understand why it was crazy. Instead, Kieran got this bullshit.
Theo was the one who’d proposed in front of the world. Kieran was just trying to keep things from falling apart. He wasn’t going to be the scapegoat. Besides, if he wanted a list of his failings, he could visit his parents.
“Forget it.” Kieran pushed up from the table.
Gideon snorted derisively. “Way to prove my point.”
Kieran was a step away when Gideon said, “I thought you cared about Theo.”
Christ, he was a manipulative bastard. Kieran turned back. “I do. That’s why I was asking you for help. But if you’d rather be a superior asshole about everything, fine.”
“Sit down.”
Kieran took a step back toward the table.
“Sit. Trust me, kid. You want me on your side.”
Kieran dropped onto the bench and resisted the urge to fold his arms.
Gideon steepled his own hands. “Listen. I don’t give a shit about you. But I love Theo. I’ve known him half my life, and I would kill or die for him. We clear on that?”
Kieran guessed it was supposed to be a threat, but he couldn’t help feeling a little jealous that this guy not only felt like that about Theo but had no trouble saying it to a complete stranger. Kieran nodded sullenly, not caring if he proved Gideon’s immaturity assessment right.
Gideon went on. “I’ve picked up the broken pieces when some asshole has screwed him over before, and I’ll be doing it long after you’re out of the picture. My goal is to get him out now before things get crazier. He’s already going to be hurt. I don’t want him to be hurt and broke.”
“I don’t give a shit about his money. Or you. I don’t want to see him hurt either. It’s why I said yes in the first place. But things just snowballed, and I don’t know how to stop it.”
“Okay. So maybe right now we have the same agenda. But if that changes, stay the fuck out of my way.”
Kieran had grown up in Brooklyn. It wasn’t the first in-his-face threat. He knew better than to show fear. “Or what?”
“Do you really want to test me?”
What Kieran wanted, he already knew he couldn’t have. Him and Theo, before the marry-me bomb went off and blew everything to pieces.
“Good,” Gideon said when Kieran didn’t answer. “First, stall. Do you think you can handle not running to city hall for a day or two?”
If you elope, don’t expect any presents.
Bubbe’s dry voice echoed in Kieran’s head. That would be one way out of it. No big ceremony. No friends and family. No one caring about it but them. But they’d still be married. Kieran would still be waiting for the mess when Theo decided to
stage a new production and move on
because Kieran didn’t live up to expectations.
“Yes, I can handle that.” Kieran pretended he was talking to Asshole Todd at work.
“Fabulous.” Gideon’s ironic intonation pissed Kieran off more. “I’ll be in touch.” After a faint twitch of the lips that was nothing like a smile, Gideon added, “I have your number.”
THEO CALLED
this the greenroom. Kieran thought of it as the antechamber to Hell. If Theo hadn’t been there, Kieran would have darted out a fire door. He was still considering whether faking an aneurysm wouldn’t be a better plan.
Theo had gotten someone to take the fresh flowers away before Kieran started sneezing, so that particular option was out.
“They had that green tea you like.” Theo handed off a blistering hot plastic cup before sitting next to Kieran on a squishy sofa. “God, your hands are freezing. Baby, listen. I know I said I wouldn’t ask again, but I mean it. You say the word and I’ll tell them we can’t do it.”
Kieran was pretty sure his teeth were about to start chattering. “It’s live TV.”
“This kind of thing happens all the time. People get stuck in traffic, they get sick.”
“Martin will have a cow.”
“Martin calves regularly. He’s his own dairy farm.” Theo pulled the cup back. “My concern is you.”
“I said I was doing it.” He wasn’t going to take that road now. Not when it was almost over. He’d be making an even bigger ass of himself to back out now.
“Okay.” Theo gripped Kieran’s icy hand. Usually he hated holding hands in public, wasn’t into any kind of PDAs, but right now it felt good, solid, warm.
He managed a deep breath.
“Look at me if you get nervous. Don’t worry about the cameras. Ryan will ask about the proposal, whether you were surprised, that’s all. It’ll be over in a few minutes.”
It was exactly what Kieran had told Gideon. Theo made the impossible sound completely ordinary. Maybe his eyes were hypnotic. Or there was something in the tea.
Theo rubbed a thumb across Kieran’s knuckles. “You’re sexy, funny, and smart. How could anyone not love you?”
Right then, in Hell’s anteroom, Theo gave him a wink, and Kieran’s heart did that stupid, funny skip and lurch. Two things became 1080p clear. Making Theo happy made Kieran happy. And Kieran was 100 percent screwed.
About five minutes before they were supposed to be on, Ryan Banks came over to introduce himself. He was even better looking in person than he was on TV. Kieran hadn’t expected that, had thought it would be like the stage actors he’d seen, where they were hard to recognize offstage and in their street clothes. With his smile and earnest, friendly demeanor, Kieran could see how Ryan had managed the quick climb from local feature reporter to cohost on the national morning show. He’d even landed the spot after he came out, a total nonstory, casually mentioning on air that he and his boyfriend had recently traveled to Germany.
He took a sip from a bottle of some superoxygenated bottled water. “Damn you, Theo. You’ve set the bar pretty high. Craig will be expecting me to have Santa deliver his ring during the Macy’s Parade.”
“
Susan
is Kieran’s favorite show. The cast is great, did me a huge favor.”
“As if Neil and David weren’t already an impossible standard in gay romance.” Ryan spun the cap back onto his water. “I suppose you and Kieran will be adopting some equally adorable children to shame us with your family perfection.”
Kids. Jesus. He and Theo hadn’t had anything like that kind of a talk yet. Like it wasn’t already obvious how not ready for this whole wedding thing they were.
“No worries there. Not for a long time. Too busy enjoying each other.”
As quick as Theo’s denial was, Kieran still saw that as a giant Road Closed Bridge Out obstacle they needed to navigate.
“Really? Craig is already looking at egg donors. He can’t wait.”
A guy with his hand on the Bluetooth in his ear strode up with an anxious expression, but Ryan waved him off. “They’re ready for us.”
Before Kieran could explain that his legs had just stopped working so he’d have to wait here, he was already standing, drawn to the energy flashing in Theo’s eyes.
They traded one couch for another out on the set. Kieran concentrated on tracing the power lines and data cables taped to the floor and examined the various
X
’s marked out with tape, reminding himself that everything about this was still an illusion, no more real than an eight-bit avatar. With any luck, the producers would find him dull enough to edit out of the frame.
Ryan was even more personable in front of the cameras, inviting Theo and Kieran into his conversation rather than conducting an interview.
A clip of the video played on a monitor in front of them. Kieran hadn’t been able to make himself watch it.
“I’m probably not going out on much of a limb here when I say Theo’s proposal came as a big surprise to you, Kieran. Did you expect anything like that?”
“No.” That sounded a bit harsh. Kieran added, “I had no idea.”
“Did it go the way you planned it, Theo?”
“Exactly. I wanted to make sure he had to say yes.” Theo laughed. “But I owe everything to
Desperately Seeking Susan
’s cast and crew. They went above and beyond for us.”
“You work closely with your casts. To the point that it inspired you to write your own musical?”
Theo took the gift and ran with it. “Yes.
Two for the Show
. It’s about the backstage romances in a traveling theater company in the late forties.”
“But the featured couple is two men.”
“Yes.”
“Well, based on the number of likes your video has gotten on YouTube, I’d say America seems ready to embrace gay marriage, but do you think Broadway is ready to let it take center stage?”
“I think it’s the perfect time for it to shine. It’s always been a part of the culture, accepted there before almost anywhere else. I’ve always been drawn to the duality of theater. Intimacy and distance, reality and illusion, the same lines but a different energy every night. It’s not like any other performing art.”
“What about you, Kieran? Are you involved with the theater?”
“No, I—”
“He’s a computer engineer.” The exaggerated pride in Theo’s voice made Kieran want to cringe. “Thank God. As much as I love the theater, it’s great to come home to someone who isn’t all caught up in it. I can completely relax around him.”
“That proposal knocked me right off my feet. What kind of wedding do the two of you have planned as the second act?”
“We haven’t had a chance to talk about it. We spent the weekend catching up with friends and family.”
So much for being completely relaxed. Had Theo told his family? If he had, he hadn’t told Kieran. And Kieran knew how well sharing with the friends had gone. It was time for a serious conversation.
“Maybe Kieran will weigh in on the planning this time. What do you think, Kieran? What does your perfect wedding look like?”
He’d never given it any thought. Until the moment when Theo knelt in front of him, Kieran had never considered himself and marriage in the same room, let alone snuggled up together on a couch in front of a national audience. He bought himself a little time. “My perfect wedding?” Gideon’s words came back to him.
First, stall.
Time. Distance. Warm weather was months away. “The beach,” he blurted. “I’ve always wanted a beach wedding, sand and sunshine.”
Theo’s surprised stare hit Kieran smack in the right ear, but Kieran gave Ryan what he hoped was a happy smile.
“With the weather lately, you guys could be in for a long engagement. But that should at least give you time to plan. Coming up next, Sandy will talk with Gretchen Carson, author of
Big Day on a Budget
and
The Six Month Wedding Plan
.” Ryan turned back from the camera he’d been addressing. “Maybe you can listen in on some tips. Can I see your ring, Kieran? That’s gorgeous.”
“We’re off air. Ninety seconds,” a disembodied voice said.
Ryan walked them back to the greenroom. “It’s crazy with these work hours, but maybe when I’m on vacation we can get together for dinner. Thank you for the tickets. Craig has been wanting to take his parents.”
“Any time.”
“Don’t think that gets you out of inviting us either.” Ryan left them at the door.
Theo squeezed Kieran in a big hug. “You were amazing, baby. See, it wasn’t too bad. Do you want to go get breakfast? I know you were too nervous to eat before.”
The borderline panic that had been dumping enough chemicals into Kieran’s blood to keep him functioning had drained away, leaving his body packed tight with aching exhaustion. He headed for the K-Cup machine in the corner. “I have to go to work. I told them I’d be in by eleven. It’s not exactly computer engineering, but it is my job.”
Theo followed. “I’m sorry I answered for you.”
“I get it’s not glamorous to be an IT guy. But it was the way you answered. Like you were a parent so proud I managed to use the potty today.”
“You’re always dismissive of it. Like there’s something wrong with being good with computers.”
Kieran shrugged and grabbed his fresh cup of green tea.
“I don’t care what you do. And I am proud of you.”
Kieran bit back a
Gee, thanks, Dad
. It wasn’t Theo he was mad at, exactly, and fighting had never been his style. He’d rather just walk away. Though he was starting to think he was running out of time to get an actual conversation in. Either Gideon would convince Theo that the wedding was a bad plan so completely that Kieran would be completely out of the picture, or he’d wake up the married father of two with no idea how it had happened so fast.
“Theo.” Kieran put his cup down and brushed his fingers across Theo’s wrist. “I get that your job means everything to you. I’m glad you love it. But not everyone is like that. Some of us don’t have a passion for something. I don’t.”
“Of course you do. You just don’t know what yet.”
Kieran sighed and shook his head. “And you’re going to help me find it?”
Theo laughed. “I think career counseling is a bit out of my wheelhouse. Besides, you might decide it’s much more interesting than being with me.” He put a caramel-flavored coffee cup in the machine and turned to study Kieran as the water heated again. “The beach? Really?”
Kieran had grabbed at whatever he could think of to put off a ceremony. Though when he thought of it now, the standing close enough for the ocean to drown out other people, just the two of them there, maybe just in T-shirts and shorts, holding each other’s hands and saying you and me, for the rest of our lives…. That wouldn’t suck. He could actually see it happening.
“I like the beach.”
“Huh.”
It was as if Kieran could hear the idea factory crank into overdrive inside Theo’s head and start projecting previews from a wedding magazine in his brain.
“Hey. Remember. You promised to talk to me first, before making plans.”
“Absolutely. It’s Monday. No show. Dinner?”
Not at a restaurant where they’d be interrupted or Theo would find people he needed to talk to. “At home.”