In the hitch of breath and hesitation that followed, Theo heard reluctance and smiled. “I’ll give it back.”
Kieran grumbled, but it was his amused sound. Another moment and the pressure uprooting his hair from his scalp eased. Kieran flopped back onto the tiles.
Theo forbore from pointing out that this probably wouldn’t have happened in bed, or at least they would have been comfortable while they worked it out.
Without the two-way pull, the ring and curl parted company. “Teamwork for the win.” Theo handed the ring back to Kieran.
Kieran slid it on and held it in front of his face. “Why did you pull out?” His voice was quiet and controlled now. Flat.
Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to Theo that there were other implications. He’d been so concerned with covering up his failure that he hadn’t seen past the need to hide.
“Not because of you. I mean, not because it wouldn’t be safe. I haven’t—I wouldn’t.”
Kieran didn’t say anything. His hand was still in front of his face, and his thumb moved across his palm to rub the band on the ring.
“I wouldn’t ask you to marry me and still want to fuck around.” Theo could see how deep the hole was all around him, but he couldn’t stop himself from digging. “And I haven’t. I don’t. Want to. You’re who I want to be with.”
Kieran pulled his hand down. Theo had learned a lot about Kieran’s expressions. He felt a lot of things, he just didn’t show them all the time, but Theo was good at paying attention. Despite the blank look on Kieran’s face, he was mad and hurt.
“It didn’t have anything to do with you.” Theo offered something dangerously close to the truth, and as the epic stupidity of his statement floated into the air, he wished he could suck the words back inside.
“I’m the one whining like a bitch for you to bust a nut in my ass. How can it not have anything to do with me?”
Theo was so screwed up. Now? Now, when he needed every bit of his brain functioning to navigate this conversation, now all that blood flushed down, swelling his dick against Kieran’s thigh.
It really hadn’t been about Kieran. Now that Theo’s dick was done fucking him over, he wanted back in, wanted to flip Kieran onto his knees and drill him through the floor. But Theo couldn’t tell him the truth. What hot, sexually active twenty-five-year-old wanted to tie himself to an older guy with faulty equipment?
“It was about me. You wanted to fuck. I wanted to suck you. I thought we could do both.”
Kieran lifted his head, a hint of something at the corner of his mouth. “So, you were being selfish?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
Kieran sat up to grab Theo’s shoulders and drag him on top. “I’m not.”
Theo cocked an elbow to support his head on his wrist and look down at Kieran. “No?”
“No. You’re always so focused on me. And it’s hot. Damn, it’s hot. But sometimes it feels like choreography. I like that you got so turned on you just went for what you wanted.” Kieran slid his hand down Theo’s side, then wrapped it around his cock. “Bonus for me because a Theo Medina blow job is a work of art. So what are we going to do about this now?”
Kieran tightened his grip, then started a steady stroke with the short twist—the exact rhythm guaranteed to make Theo’s eyes try to roll back into his head with the effort to push his dick into more, more.
God, it was like the damned thing had never quit on him. So hard. Everything primed. And he knew what he wanted.
“Roll over.”
KIERAN’S STOMACH
jumped at the sharp demand. He’d meant what he said. He liked Theo taking what he wanted, liked switching things up a little, but it was still a surprise. Kieran was pretty sure he was about to find out what taking one for the team could feel like.
But it was still Theo, not someone who didn’t give a shit what Kieran was feeling, so when Kieran shifted around and got up on his knees, the first thing he felt was Theo’s thumb, rubbing, pushing in more oil.
Definitely different than usual lube, and now that they weren’t using condoms they could definitely switch to—
God. Theo pushed in with a long, steady stroke, and Kieran had to bury his head in his forearms.
Theo held himself there, running a warm hand down Kieran’s back. “Okay, baby?”
It was and it wasn’t. Kieran liked to get fucked every once in a while, wanted the intensity that went beyond just feeling good, wanted the sensations edged with pain to drive every thought out of his head until he was nothing but need. Like today. How he wanted to forget Gideon’s phone call, first listing guaranteed ways to get Theo to break up with him and then how very specifically Gideon would make Kieran’s life hell if he was using Theo.
Now, though, now was different. After Kieran had come and all those endorphins had stopped turning every hard slam of Theo’s cock into mind-numbing pleasure. But if Kieran complicated the other parts of his life with overthinking, Theo saved all that overthinking for sex. When they finally got on the same damned page, both of them lost in it, nothing had ever felt better.
And even if he couldn’t come again, Kieran wanted that now. “It’s fine.” He gritted his teeth. “Be selfish. C’mon.” Just having Theo in him didn’t hurt, but Kieran tightened his ass and shoved back and then it did.
But that must have been what Theo wanted to hear because he spread Kieran’s cheeks wider and slammed in deep.
Too much, God, too much. He couldn’t take it. But then Theo wrapped around him, warm and solid and
him
. Theo groaned in Kieran’s ear, and he rocked his sore ass into Theo’s thrusts, trying to be something besides just a hole, to give Theo something.
“Yeah.” Theo threaded his fingers through Kieran’s hair and yanked his head up. And that was definitely different but okay, because it shifted the angle, and it wasn’t just burning friction but that jab and pulse from inside. His dick wouldn’t be taking an interest anytime soon, and this wasn’t the same as when he was revving up to come, but it was a spark of heat and warmth, an echo of what it was like when he was riding that high.
Theo wrapped his other arm around Kieran’s waist, kept them at that angle and hammered away.
“Love you.” Theo sounded drunk. “Love you. God, so much.”
Which Kieran knew was Theo’s own endorphins talking, but the words still made Kieran’s insides warmer. He dragged a hand to Theo’s forearm and squeezed.
Theo’s mouth landed wet and open on Kieran’s shoulder, but as Theo’s hips picked up speed, the kiss turned into a sucking bite. Another sharp edge in all this sensation, too much sensation, but Theo was jerking now, his dick pulsing as he shuddered and spurted inside.
When he eased back, that was the part that hurt the most, and Kieran realized that fucking on the kitchen floor might sound hot, but it was nowhere near as comfortable as Theo’s bed.
Theo kept that arm around Kieran’s waist and kissed the bite on his shoulder. “Sorry about that.”
Kieran knew Theo meant the bite, but it felt like he was sorry about the whole thing.
“It’s fine.” Kieran rubbed Theo’s arm.
“We should probably clean up.”
Even if he had just been thinking that being sweaty and oily and leaking come made the kitchen floor feel that much colder, Kieran wished Theo wasn’t always so quick to erase any sign of sex.
“Yeah. Okay.”
Theo kissed his neck. “You go shower. I’ll get the clothes.”
Candles flickered on every surface in the bathroom. Kieran’s hands fisted against a wave of guilt. Apparently he’d messed up Theo’s big romantic plans. The bedroom was probably more of the same—minus the rose petals that made Kieran sneeze.
He shook his head as he stepped into the shower. Theo and his staging. As if Kieran cared more about candles than the guy in bed with him. Where they did it never mattered. The realization made him smack his palm against the tiles. Shit. How was Kieran any different?
He’d had his own plans in mind. Talking with Gideon had made Kieran think he and Theo were on borrowed time. So how come Theo’s candles and white tablecloth were bullshit when Kieran had spent his quick trip back to the condo fantasizing about getting Theo’s dick up him in the fastest way possible, even if it meant doing it in the hall? Maybe they had more in common than either of them knew.
He went into the bedroom to put on sweats, finding lots of little candles as expected, but all of them extinguished, sweet-smelling clouds of smoke hovering above them.
At least the white tablecloth was still there. And Theo. In a robe.
“Hey. Oysters for a first course.” He grabbed Kieran’s hands and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back.”
Kieran ducked his head and held onto Theo’s hands. “I didn’t mean to mess up your plans.”
“Are you kidding? That was hot. And way better than sex on a full stomach.” Theo pulled one hand free to lift Kieran’s chin for another quick kiss. “Just don’t open the champagne without me. It’s been forever since I had a reason to order Dom Perignon.”
Kieran made a face at the raw oysters. He didn’t see the point in eating a food that you were supposed to tip back and swallow without tasting—like it was a bitter load of come. But as he hoisted his ass up onto the barstool, he realized the oysters weren’t going to be the biggest problem with dinner. Damn, he was sore. He could stand, but then he’d have to explain, and Theo would feel bad. It wasn’t as if Kieran hadn’t wanted exactly what he got. So he could handle an oyster or two. He’d pretend they were one of his less-than-stellar hookups back in Boston.
With his teeth clenched, he got himself settled on the seat in a way that only reminded him of how hard he’d been fucked if he moved wrong. Just in time. Theo came out in a pair of his designer distressed jeans and a sweater and opened the oven.
He put a round loaf of bread in front of Kieran. The smell that came off it made him forget his ass and the oysters. Sweet, buttery heaven.
“Tsoureki. I went by the bakery, and they had it.”
At New Year’s, Theo had introduced him to Greek sweet bread. Kieran wasn’t sure why his education had been so lacking up to that point. He almost fell on it and ripped it apart with his fingers but waited for Theo to stop puttering around and sit.
“Did you tell your family yet?”
Theo slipped off the cage for the champagne cork, and Kieran picked it up, unraveling it as Theo worked the cork out with a soft pop.
“I called my sister. She says congratulations, by the way.”
Kieran nodded, waiting.
“She suggested a slow approach. She’s going to drop some hints.”
Kieran wasn’t sure what was a good answer for that. Theo didn’t talk about his parents or his older brothers. Just his sister and his uncle Spiro. Kieran didn’t talk about his family much either if he could help it. But they’d never made him feel like being gay was wrong.
He made a few last adjustments to the wire he’d been twisting into a new shape. He thought it looked like a lion, with a spiky brass mane. He put it on the tablecloth and picked up the glass of champagne Theo had poured.
Theo put a finger on the wiry shape and spun it on the cloth. “A lion. How did you do that?”
Kieran ignored the warm splash of pride at Theo’s words and shrugged. “Just messed with it.”
Theo lifted his glass, and Kieran’s fingers went numb as they circled his own. He was such a piece of shit, listening to Gideon think of ways to get him out of the engagement when Theo had set all this up to celebrate it.
But that was where they were different. Yeah, Kieran had been determined to get Theo down and dirty on the floor, but that had been about the man. About wanting Theo to cut loose.
This—the champagne and the candles and the oysters and the ring—that was about the show. And ever since Kieran had heard Theo’s so-called friends talking about him, he couldn’t escape the thought that Theo was only in love with the idea of getting married. That once he had everything staged to his exact vision, he’d realize he’d gone wrong in casting the other groom. Kieran had an image of himself in a tuxedo, choking under the collar as he heard Theo say gently,
I’m sorry, but we’ve decided to go in a different direction with the part.
“To us.” Theo clinked his glass against Kieran’s.
At least Kieran knew his lines. “To us,” he answered and took a sip.
But Theo wasn’t stupid. “What’s wrong?”
“Today. Meeting Ryan. Everything’s happened so fast. I don’t—I have a lot of questions.”
Theo studied his champagne. Kieran thought Theo was about to take a big gulp, but he put the glass down.
“Second thoughts?”
More like fifth, sixth, and seventh thoughts. “Not about being with you. I want to be with you. Want a life with you.”
That last bit surprised him. Kieran almost always knew what he was going to say before he said it, but he hadn’t seen that coming. He meant it, though. Meant it a lot. Which was the scary part.
Theo smiled, then leaned across to kiss Kieran with wet, fizzy lips. “Yeah. That’s the plan.”
“So the question is that. Mostly. What do you want that to be?”
THE QUESTION
which had all but choked Kieran on the way out seemed to please Theo.
He smiled and squirted lemon juice and hot sauce on one of the oysters. “Is that what’s been bugging you? Worrying that we’ll turn into some bickering old couple?”
Old? Kieran hadn’t gotten that far. “Not really.”
Nodding, Theo tipped the oyster to his lips.
“Theo, do you want to have kids?”
Theo choked and sputtered, and Kieran couldn’t tell if the look on Theo’s face was for the idea of raising children or because of the oyster stuck in his throat. Theo slammed a hand on the countertop, which got Kieran up and running to him, hands clenching as he tried to remember that first aid demonstration from the in-service.
Theo made another gagging sound and brought a linen napkin to his lips, waving Kieran off.
Kieran made his way back to his stool and eased up onto it. Theo wiped at his streaming eyes and then took a sip of champagne, which triggered a short fit of coughing.