Queer (20 page)
Authors: Kathy Belge
Ready to break up? Here are a few words of wisdom to live by.
DO
Make sure you really want to break up. It's confusing and unfair to the other person if you are wishy-washy.
Say it in person.
Be kind. Be firm and clear, not cold and cruel.
Be efficient.
DON'T
Break up in a text message.
Break up on a public online space.
Break up in public where she can make a sceneâunless you're afraid she might get violent.
Lie and tell him you just want to be alone if you've got someone else in the wings.
Let guilt take over. It's almost impossible to break up with someone without hurting his or her feelings, but if you allow yourself to be overcome with guilt, you might wind up back togetherâand have to do the whole thing again.
Draw it out. Say what you have to say, but don't stick around and process for hours.
THE BIG: "S" QUEER SEX
All
teens have questions about sex, but queer teens often have more. That's because no one is talking about queer sex at home, in health class, or even in the school bathrooms. This is not to say that queer sex is so different from straight sexâit's not. Queer people do it for most of the same reasons, and we face a lot of the same risks. The only difference is that what we consider to be sex and what straight people consider to be sex is sometimes different.
Queer sex is just as natural and healthy as straight sex. And it doesn't matter that queer sex doesn't lead to reproduction (in case you were worried about that). Lots of straight sexâoral and anal sex, vaginal sex with birth controlâdoesn't lead to reproduction either! The whole point of sex (even when it does lead to reproduction) is to enjoy each other's bodies. Queer sex is great, and there's nothing weird about it at all.
When's the right time to have sex? Often sex happens as a natural progression of an intimate relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You get to know each other while dating and hanging out, and you gradually work your way up to being intimate together. Other times, sex can be more immediate. You meet someone and it happens quickly, based purely on physical attraction. Some people see sex as an expression of love, and others see it as a fun way to spend a few hours or to release some tension. And sometimes, especially when you're young, it's simply a matter of experimentation. You just want to know how everything works, how it all fits together, and what all the fuss is about.