Queer (24 page)
Authors: Kathy Belge
Yes indeed: There is such a thing as bad sexâeven with someone you love. It may not be mind-blowing every time. You may do things that you're not particularly into but that really turn your partner on. (Although that's not really bad sex; that's just a compromise.) You might be really hot for someone, but when it finally comes down to it, something just doesn't click and the whole thing fizzles out like a fiat Pepsi.
Maybe you're having an awesome time, and then suddenly she says something that totally kills the mood. Or maybe you've been with someone awhile, and your sex life with them is starting to get stale. Just like relationships, sex involves some work. Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good or push yourself to try new things to keep it fresh. And Sometimes you just have to know when to fold 'em and walk away. The chemistry isn't always there, and that's nobody's fault.
If someone seriously older than you is asking for sex, think twice. For one, there's a possibility that he or she is trying to take advantage of you (see
[>]
). Also it's illegal for adults to have sex with minors, which means he or she could go to jail for being involved with you. There are legal repercussions for minors, as well. The legal ages for what is permissible vary from state to state, so check the rules in yours. And make sure that you are honest about your own age even if you are interested in someone older because you can get them in big trouble if you lie. If someone really cares about you, he or she will wait until you're a legal adult.
When we were growing upâwhich wasn't even that long agoâbeing LGBT was a totally different experience than it is now. There were way fewer role models, and homosexuality was rarely discussed, except when people were talking about AIDS or "sins of morality." Suffice it to say, it was not the most exciting time to be queer. We had to work hard to find queer comrades and really search for representations of LGBT people in books, art, and music. There weren't many.
And that was just a half-generation or so ago. Before that, it was even worse. It used to be illegal for queer people to express their affection in public, have sex, or dress the way they wanted. There was even a time when we could have been arrested for writing this book! But things are way different today. There are famous queer television and movie stars, out political and religious leaders, and a flood of books and web information. And both of us have been able to live openly, enter into loving queer relationships, advocate for full equality, and do what we love without fear of recrimination. We couldn't have done it without the bravery and truthfulness of other queer people, and we're hoping to inspire you to continue the legacy.
Now is a really exciting time to be queer because change is happening so rapidly. You may even see a difference in your school's attitude toward queer kids from the time you enter as a freshman to the time you graduate as a senior. (You may even be a part of making that change.) Lots of teens are already able to take same-sex dates to prom. Perhaps you are one of them. Maybe you are out to your parents or have a boyfriend or girlfriend who you can hold hands with at the movies. Maybe you're trans and have found a loving group of friends who accept you for who you are. Don't take this stuff for granted. Queer teens and their supporters have fought hard for these things, and while the fight for queer rights and acceptance isn't over by a long shot, every baby step of visibility, honesty, and activism gets us a little closer to full equality. It's no longer a pipe dream to be out and to live a normal life in this country. It's a near-reality, and it's up to you to keep pressing ahead to make it happen.
So what to do? Reading this book is a great start. The next thing to doâif you haven't alreadyâis to educate yourself and to connect to the larger queer community. There are thousands of other queer people going through the same things that you are. You just need to find one another. You'll probably encounter some pretty sizeable hurdles in your quest to be free or to find out more about yourself, but it'll be easier to overcome them if you know where to go for help, support, and empowerment. The resources on the following page should get you started and hopefully will inspire you to live your life on your own terms: out, proud, and free.
QUEER ORGANIZATIONS
Become a part of the global queer community! The organizations below will help you connect with others, get up-to-date info on queer issues, and offer a hand when you need one.
About.com
: GLBT Teens
gayteens.about.com
This is a great place to learn about issues of importance to LGBT teens, from coming out to getting involved in your community to sharing about dating and sex.
About.com.
: Lesbian Life
lesbianlife.about.com
Find information about everything, from lesbian celebrities to queer politics to dating, sex, and marriage.
About.com
: Gay Life
gaylife.about.com
Get advice and information from a gay man's perspective about health, love, sex, relationships, and more.
Lavender Youth Recreation & Information Center (LYRIC)
in San Francisco
lyric.org
The website for San Francisco's LGBT youth resource center has lots of good info.
Queer Attitude: LGBT Teen and Global Gay Youth Community
queerattitude.com
Forums, photo galleries, and blogs by and for LGBT youth can be found on this website.
The Gay Youth Corner (GYC)
thegyc.com
Three different queer youth chat rooms offer you opportunities to get advice, chill out, or debate an issue.
PlanetOut
planetout.com
One of the first queer websites, PlanetOut is a place to catch up on celebrity gossip with a queer sensibility.
Trans Youth
transyouth.com
This site specifically for transgender, non-gender-conforming youth, and their friends has info on surgeries, dating, sex, trans pride, and almost everything elseyou might want to know.
Advocates for Youth
advocatesfor youth.org
Find LGBT-friendly sexual health information for youths.
The Trevor Project
thetrevorproject.org
This is a 24-hour suicide help line and support resource for LGBT teens. Call 1-866-4-U-Trevor or visit the website.
The GLBT National Help Center
glnh.org
Volunteers staff the youth talk line at this website that provides help and resources for LGBT and questioning individuals in times of need. Call 1-800-246-PRIDE or visit the website.
The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN)
glsen.org
Find resources for teens in school, including info on the Day of Silence and how to starta Gay-Straight Alliance in your school.
PFLAG: Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
pflag.org
This is a resource for people who love people who are queer.
Center Link
lgbtcenters.org
This group is an organization for LGBT community centers.
Its website is a great place to get involved in the LGBT community, learn about different programs, and locate the community center nearest you.
Many organized religions have members who want to reach out to the LGBT community. Check out these websites for their perspectives.
Whosoever
whosoever.org
This online magazine has information and discussion groups about what it means to be queer and Christian.
Gay Church
gaychurch.org
This site has a directory of LGBT-friendly churches, Bible discussion forums, and interpretations of what the Bible says about homosexuality.
The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association, Inc.
galva108.org
This site talks about the inclusivity of Hindu teachings.
The World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews:
Keshet Ga'avah
glbtjews.org
Find connections and information about LGBT Jewish organizations around the world.
Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns
flgbtqc.quaker.org
Find out about the biannual Queer Quaker gathering, meet other Queer Quakers, and even share recipes!
Seventh-day Adventist Kinship
sdakinship.net
This website helps LGBT Adventists reconcile their religion with their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons
affirmation.org
This site has support and information for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender LDS and their family and friends.
Reading is a great way to get more in touch with queer life. Here are some of our favorite books.
What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality
by Daniel A. Helminiak
Jesus, The Bible, and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths,
Heal the Church
by Jack Rogers
Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and
Lesbian Christians
by Candace Chellew-Hodge
Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America
by Mel White
Gay-Straight Alliances: A Handbook for Students,
Educators, and Parents
by Ian K. Macgillivray
Kicked Out
edited by Sassafras Lowrey and Jennifer Clare Burke
Out Law: What LGBT Youth Should Know about
Their Legal Rights
by Lisa Keen
GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens
by Kelly Huegel
Growing Up Gay in America: Informative and Practical
Advice for Teen Guys
by Jason R. Rich
Questioning Their Sexuality and Growing Up Gay
by Jason R. Rich
Free Your Mind: The Book for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual
Youthâand Their Allies
by Ellen Bass and Kate Kaufman
Come Out and Win: Organizing Yourself, Your Community,
and Your World
by Sue Hyde
Coming Out, Coming In: Nurturing the Well-Being and
Inclusion of Gay Youth in Mainstream Society
by Linda Goldman
Sex: A Book for Teens: An Uncensored Guide to
Your Body, Sex, and Safety
by Nikol Hasler
Intersex (For Lack of a Better Word)
by Thea Hillman
Intersex
by Catherine Harper
Becoming Visible: A Reader in Gay and Lesbian History
for High School and College Students
edited by Kevin Jennings
Completely Queer: The Gay and Lesbian Encyclopedia
by Steve Hogan
The Meaning of Matthew: My Son's Murder in Laramie,
and a World Transformed
by Judy Shepard
Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian
Life in Twentieth-Century America
by Lillian Faderman
Stonewall
by Martin B. Duberman
Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution
by David Carter
Transgender Warriors: Making History, from Joan of Arc
to Dennis Rodman
by Leslie Feinberg
Gay America: Struggle for Equality
by Linas Alsenas
50 Ways of Saying Fabulous
by Graeme Aitken
Growing up on a remote farm in New Zealand can be really gay.
Awkward and Definition: The High School Comic Chronicles
of Ariel Schrag
by Ariel Schrag
This is Schrag's graphic memoir of her freshman and sophomore years as a lesbian teen.
Baby Be-Bop
by Francesca Lia Block
This urban fairy-tale is about a 16-year-old gay boy in Los Angeles.
Boy Meets Boy
by David Levithan
Imagine gay teen love in a fantasy world where homophobia doesn't exist.
Calico
by Dorien Grey
Young cowboys discover romance in the mountains.
Drama Queers!
by Frank Anthony Polito
A high school senior in the 1980s has drama club adventures.
Deliver Us From Evie
by M. E. Kerr
Being queer in a rural town is not easy.
Empress of the World
by Sara Ryan
A story of lesbian love is set in a summer program for gifted teens.
The Full Spectrum: A New Generation of Writing About
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and
Other Identities
edited by David Levithan and Billy Merrell
This anthology of poems, stories, and diary entries is
by LGBT adults.