Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (21 page)

"I thought you just didn't like ranching
.
"
Wendy
shrugged.

"
It had nothing to do with the place…."

"Dad, he never understood it either. Sometimes he'd be sitting out on the porch staring at the road and I wondered if he was thinking about you. He'd get a faraway look in his eyes and tears would almost fall, but he never allowed them to."

Julie
hung her head.

"
Kellie
will need time to sort it all out, but she's had you a lot longer than she's had her dad, she's bound to see how much she relies on you." Letty smiled at her.

Kellie
came in about that time and obviously heard them talking about her and went to her room.

"When you left,
D
ad was so upset,"
Wendy
recalled as she went to get a cup of coffee off the stove.

"I didn't tell him I was going
,
"
Julie
cried out.
"I couldn't. He'd want to know why and I just didn't know how to deal with that."

"That's what got to him so much, he didn't know why…"
Wendy
said lowly.

"I wish now I'd have told him, maybe he would have talked some sense into me. But the whole thing was so embarrassing.
And Dad could be controlling.
Well, you should know
Wendy
…
Wade
ignored me all the time too. He was always too busy building the empire here at the ranch to be interested in women. And I think both the
Weston
boys didn't think they measured up to
D
ad."
Julie
sighed heavily.

Letty came closer
.
"You know being a
McKay
isn't the easiest thing in the world for a girl. Everyone at school used to think I was so stuck up because I didn't talk much, but actually I was a little on the shy side."

"You…shy?"
Sandy
asked.

"Yeah, well, not many took the time to get to know me, believe me
,
" Letty admitted. "And yeah, I actually got to where I was afraid I'd say or do the wrong thing. Daddy could be pretty rough on us."

"He treated us more like boys than girls."
Sandy
chuckled.

"That's for sure," Letty agreed with a smirk.
"But you know what…
?
"

Everyone glanced at her.

"I miss him like crazy. It doesn't seem the same without him here."

"It seems wrong standing here talking about him in his own house,"
Wendy
remarked.

"Oh hush, you're not as goody-two-shoes as you act. Besides,
D
addy wasn't as hard on you. You were the baby
,
" Letty corrected her.

"As rough as he was, as unequal as he sometimes treated us, I missed him through the years."
Julie
glanced at them all. "And I know what you're thinking. I should have come home. But I didn't.
I knew if I did, the secrets would get out and then all hell would break lo
o
se.
And I can't change it all now. It's too late.
I probably hurt him the most.
But I gotta admit, there were many times I wanted to
come home
, needed to, but I was just too darn stubborn."

"What about your engagement, how is that working out for you?"
Sandy
asked.

"It's off. I suddenly realized my relationship with
Jim
hovered around our work, more than our lives. He couldn't stand the thought of me leaving the company,
and
that upset him more than me leaving him. I should have seen through him a long time ago. I guess I had blinders on. I didn't even recognize the classic symptoms of him not wanting a pre-made family."

"That's a shame…"
Sandy
added.

"No, it's a blessing
. What if I had married him and
Kellie
and him had fought
?
I think by breaking up I saved myself some heartache there. Besides, it wasn't the kind of relationship you take into a marriage. Not a good marriage
.
"
Julie
admitted.
"I can see that now."

"And Cade…how do you feel about him?"

Julie
glanced around at them
.
"I'm not really sure…but it looks as though I've got a year to decide exactly what and how I feel."

"So
Wade
and Cade are off limits. Anyone else?" Letty asked.

"No…it looks as though the rest is open range…."
Sandy
smiled.
"But…hey, we are all going to be a lot richer when this is over with, so be careful girls. Don't fall for a cowboy with money in his eyes."

***

Two nights later,
Julie
was sipping a cup of hot tea when
Cade
strode up to the yard.

He saw
Julie
and nodded
.
"
Julie
…how are you?"

Julie
took one look at Cade's ruggedly handsome face, and six-pack abs showing through his unbuttoned shirt and felt herself grow instantly warm
and guilty for looking
at him that way
.

"Okay, I guess
,
"
Julie
managed to answer.

"Just okay?" he asked
,
staring down at her.

"Yeah, just okay
,
"
s
he repeated.

"Something wrong?" he asked in a low drawl.

"
Kellie
is barely speaking to me, is all
,
"
Julie
acknowledged.

With that
,
Cade
sat down beside her in the chair opposite her,
and
then reached for her hand on the table between them. "I'm sorry
,
Julie
. And, I appreciate you telling her about me. I do, but I know it cost you."

Julie
shook her head and looked away
.
"Had to be done…"

"I wouldn't have blurted it out to her
,
Julie
," he said softly.

"I know…you aren't that mean. But I figured I was the one responsible for her not knowing you all that time, it was my place to tell her. I didn't want someone here telling her. I didn't want her to hear it in gossip. I didn't want the speculation of it all. I wanted this to be out in the open. I thought she might understand a little better. She didn't
,
"
Julie
cried.
"Being an only child has made her more precocious than I'd like, but I honestly thought she might handle it better."

"I know. She's confused, doesn't understand. How could she, she isn't old enough to understand.
Something you have to go through yourself to understand.
I haven't said much since the first day about it all. I wanted her to feel she could come to me and talk about it. So far she hasn't."
Cade
squeezed her hand.

"How are you getting along with her?"
Julie
asked curiously.

"Great, as long as we don't talk about you and I."

"Well…maybe time will heal it all."
Julie
sighed and moved her hand away.

But as
Julie
stood up and made to go into the house,
Cade
followed her and pulled her by the hand
.
"
Julie
…I wis
h I'd have been there for you. You faced so much alone, I've been thinking about that and I don't want it to be that way anymore. I want to help you.
You've given me something I thought I'd never have.
"

"What
?"
Julie
looked puzzled.

"A child." He smiled.

"You really like her, don't you?"
Julie
observed.

"Like her
?
I love her.
I think you should spend more time around me and
Kellie
. We had no bad wor
ds between us,
Julie
, we had no
problems and there is no reason we should have any now."

"That's very generous of you
,
Cade. I'll try to make a point of coming around when I see you two together.
Maybe if she sees no animosity, she'll begin to accept things.
Maybe if we conduct ourselves nicely, she will too.
"

"That's my thinking."
Cade
nodded.

"All right. I've got to admit you are being super understanding about all of this, Cade."
Julie
glanced at him and wished she hadn't. Looking at Cade full force in the eyes sent a spiral of reactions through her that she couldn't explain.

Cade
tipped his hat, winked and left.

Julie
sighed and went about her chores for the day.

A couple of weeks passed and
Julie
managed to be around Cade and
Kellie
almost at every turn. Being this close
,
she was bound to notice the easy banter between them. But
Kellie
wasn't giving in much and
Julie
felt uneasy about that.

It was late one afternoon, on a Saturday when she stumbled upon Cade interacting with a group of disabled kids.
It startled her at first, but intrigued her too. She saw
Cade
for the man he really was now and it shocked her. Why hadn't she admired him long ago?

Granted he was a little arrogant back then,
but probably caused by her infatuation for his brother
.

He and a couple of the other hands were
placing the children on horses, fastening them on so they wouldn't fall off
and guiding them about the place. The children were safely strapped into the stirrups and
Cade
soothed their fears with a soft voice, and a big smile.
He spoke confidently to them and
Kellie
was right there, copying him.
Julie
watched for a long time.

Julie
never realized how gentle Cade could be. He didn't get impatient with them, and he let
Kellie
help out too.

But it was late when
Julie
stopped off by the coral to notice Cade playing the harmonica and the kids were all around him
, laughing and listening to him and happy
.
The tune was an old one, and
Cade
played the sweet melody like a slow jazz
, and
Julie
gasped when she recognized it, "Raining in my Heart"
.

The music flowed softly, and
Julie
silently admitted it both startled her and pleased her to see Cade taking so much time and effort with these special children.
He treated them like any other children, as though they could do anything they wanted to do. She liked that. He was so positive with them, so encouraging.

As the children began leaving
though
,
Cade
noticed her and walked over to
stand beside
her.

"I didn't know you played?"
S
he smiled at him.

"An old Uncle of mine taught me
, years ago
. I find it relaxing and the kids really enjoy it."
Cade
grinned as he slid the harmonica into his top shirt pocket.
"Kind of funny, back when I was a kid, we didn't have a lot of gadgets to keep us company, but there was always something we could do, playing the harmonica was my thing, that and fishing."

"I guess there are a lot of things I didn't know about you
,
Cade
,
"
Julie
hesitated to admit.

Cade
studied her
for
a long moment
.
"I guess there are."