Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (23 page)

"I'm trying
.
"
Julie
felt a tear slip down her ch
eek. "I'm enrolling her in school
here at Sweetwater. He offered to take her to school for me."

"At least he's doing something for her. And even though it hurts to see her talking to him so much and enjoying it all, don't fret, she's just had you for ten years and nothing of him, so it's all new to her. Once she adjusts
,
things will get better for the two of you."

"I wish I could be sure of that
,
Letty. But putting her in school here just makes things harder to say goodbye to later. Yet, what can I do
?
She has to go to school. She'll become attached to him and to the place…oh Letty, I could lose her."

Letty pulled away to look into her eyes
.
"Stop that.
Kellie
loves you
;
she'll come around once the
newness of this all wears off. But hey, I hadn't thought about you leaving when the time comes.
I kind of like you being around. I forgot how much fun having sisters was.
"

"So many things are changing.
Kellie
and her father, living here, her going to school here. The money…I haven't given much thought to what I'm going to do now. Since I've quit my job
,
I'm not anxious to return.
But I know I don't want to just be a rich lady who lives off her father's money, if you know what I mean.
"

"I am so glad you said that.
But
I hope you'll decide to stay on here…" Letty encouraged.

Julie
glanced at Letty
.
"I might have to so I can see my daughter."

"
Cade
wouldn't take her away from you," Letty insisted.

"After a year of being with her, I don't know." Julie cried. "And there is always the possibility he might marry and then what?
I never once asked him if he has interest in anyone else. Maybe Wendy would know more about that.
"

"
Wendy
isn't sharing much information for some reason. I guess I can't blame her, she was always the baby and we did s
ort of leave her out of things."
Letty flopped on the bed now and bounced
.
"Have you ev
er given thought to marrying Cade
yourself?"

"Marrying him? I've never even dated him…"
Julie
refolded a washrag.

"Ma
ybe you should give it a try. I've got a hunch the two of you were made for each other
.
" Letty chuckled.

Julie
stopped what she was doing and stared at Letty, her mouth hanging open
.
"Letty, I never pictured you as a romantic. But I swear…."

"Stranger things have happened." Letty chuckled again.
"Have you made love to anyone else, since…?"

"Well
,
no…but
…
"

"Uh-huh."

Julie
grabbed a towel from the laundry basket and folded it, then looked up at her. "I haven't been asked
, anyways
."

"Would you go out with him?"

"I-I don't know. I don't want
Kellie
to get the wrong idea. Or any ideas for that matter. But yes, to answer your question, I'd go out with him, if he asked.
Partly due to the fact that he's
Kellie
's father and he's very attractive.
"

"Then we'll just have to make sure he asks
.
" Letty giggl
ed and went to the bedroom door and turned to look at her
.

Julie
shrugged
.
"I doubt that will ever happen
,
"
s
he murmured.
"Cade's almost as dedicated to this place as
Wade
. Women don't seem on his mind, if you know what I mean."

"I gotta admit I'm a little confused here. You went to Cade, thinking him Wade. You made love, and you didn't sense a difference or anything in his kisses?" Letty's brow moved upward in question as she spoke.
"Most girls can tell a difference.
Surely at some point you realized…
"

Julie
flopped on the opposite side of the bed
.
"Yeah…I did. But by the time I did, I was wound up in his love
-
making. Cade is an excellent lover, Letty. I couldn't have stopped if I had wanted to.
And I didn't want to…I realized that much later.
"

Letty chuckled
.
"And it sounds like you sure didn't want to."

Julie
tried to laugh too, but it wasn't funny. "It's the truth. By the time I realized he wasn't
Wade
, I didn't care. I only wanted him to go on and make love to me. I don't know what came over me. But…Letty
…
"
S
he looked over at her sister with tears in her eyes. "
W
hen I left that morning, I realized I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with Cade. But I also thought I had used him and felt ashamed.
There were no words of undying love.
When I found out I was pregnant I was so confused. I knew if I told
D
addy, he'd make Cade marry me. I didn't want to marry
Cade
under those circumstances.
Naturally, I didn't want to marry  anyone under those circumstances.
I knew I was totally in the wrong, that's why I left and never came back. I wouldn't be here today if
D
ad hadn't died."

Letty nodded. "Wow. Talk about screwed up here. You fell in love with Cade long ago then."

Julie
stared at her as though she'd grown two heads. "Well
,
no…I mean…oh
,
I don't know. I didn't stick around to find out. I had to leave. Now that I'm back, I'm still a little lost on the subject. But how do you tell a kid something like this
?
Kellie
would probably think I'm deranged or something
if I told her I had any feelings for Cade, now
.
And he'd certainly never believe it.
"

Letty nodded and closed her eyes
.
"You are right there, kiddo. But you can't let Cade get away if there is any chance you do love him."

"I've got a year to explore my real feelings
."
Julie
nodded.
"And maybe…set things right."

"Well, it doesn't look like either one of you is going to do anything unless you are pushed into it. So I'll just have to push you both in the right direction
,
" Letty said and reached to touch
Julie
's arm. "Either way, I'm on your side."

"Thanks Letty, it means a lot to me.
Just being able to sit down and talk to you like this means a lot to me. I never appreciated you so much….
"

Chapter
Thirteen

"I can't find
Kellie
,"
Julie
cried in desperation late that afternoon
as she strode towards the barn
. "I thought maybe she was here with you."

Cade
glanced around and sighed
.
"I haven't seen her this afternoon. We had a riding lesson this morning, but I haven't seen her since.
She did seem a little distressed that I suggested she make up with you.
It was just a suggestion.
"

Julie
walked about the bunkhouse, glancing at the made up beds, and the lack of men about. She wondered if they intentionally stayed away from her or not. None of the boys on the ranch seemed anxious to get to know the
McKay
girls, and it might have something to do with Cade mentioning to her that he wanted nothing more to do with any of them.

But the fact that he defended her to her daughter meant a lot to
Julie
.
"She didn't take the news too well
, I guess
.
Probably the last thing she expected from you.
She blames me for it, which she should. I don't know how to mend the rift between us or if it can be mended, but she's at a vulnerable age and she is going to need me in the coming years."

"You're right about that. And I'm sorry for the stress this has caused you, but she needed to know the truth. She can't understand it, that will take time, but she's got time and I'll do all I can to help, you know that, I hope."

"I do now
.
"
Julie
tried to smile.
"I didn't expect it, but I
’
m grateful."

"Okay, look, I'll check around and see if I can find her. In the meantime, stay calm. She's here somewhere
about the place
, there's just a million places to look is all. She needs some alone time to think this through.
It's my guess that's what she's doing right now, thinking.
I'll check with the boys
and
see if anyone's seen her. Let's
not
panic yet
,
"
Cade
suggested
,
giving
Julie
a once over with his glance
.

"I'd appreciate it. And I appreciate you trying to help mend the fences so to speak."
Julie
smiled at him.

"In case I haven't told you, you've done a wonderful job of raising her. I couldn't love her more…"
Cade's glance slid over her again, slowly.

"Thanks…that means a lot to me…."

Cade's glance seemed to fall on her lips, but noise coming from outside distracted him momentarily and the spell was broken.
Julie
sighed heavily
,
feeling she'd missed something.

But as the men filed in from the hot scorching day,
Julie
felt out of place and excused herself, telling
Cade
she'd make a round around the house to see if she could find her.

When nightfall came
,
Julie
began to panic though. She let all her sisters know what had happened. Everyone searched, but they didn't find
Kellie
.
They looked in closets, under beds, in the sheds, in the backyard, even in the tree
-
house, but came up with nothing.

Letty found
Julie
in the bedroom some time later,
staring out the window and
crying.

"Hey, we'll find her. How far can a kid go, after all?" Letty tried to chuckle
,
but it fell short.

"It's nightfall, she doesn't know her way around this place that well. I don't know where she wandered off to, but I'm scared."

"I know, but listen, she took care of herself in the city
,
didn't she?" Letty asked as she flopped on the edge of the bed.

"Not really, she never went out without me or the sitter with her. I didn't allow it.
Besides, she was afraid of the dark. I can't just sit here worrying
;
I've got to keep looking
,
Letty."

"Why don't we check with Cade…
?
"

"Okay."

They found Cade talking to
Caleb
and they stopped in front of the corral.
Some of the men passed and
Cade
called to them to ask if they'd seen
Kellie
. Both shook their head, tipped their hats and walked off.

"Well, yeah, I seen her just before noon. She came in to help me curry the horses. She always likes to help. She didn't say a word about leaving…
We generally have a good conversation each day
;
she didn't act different or say anything about leaving.
"

"Thanks
Caleb
, I didn't figure she would
,
"
Cade
said
,
rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh, I'm sorry,
Caleb
this is
Julie
and Letty McKay."

"
Caleb
,
Kellie
talks a lot about you,"
Julie
said
,
trying to l
ook into his face, but
Caleb
tur
ned away and nodded.
Julie
wondered why the older man never once looked her in the eye. He seemed to always have his head bowed or be turning away from her. It made her suspicious of him.