Rapturous (9 page)

I thought maybe if we indulged, if we did what we’ve both wanted to do for years now, that maybe I could put this ridiculous fascination with her in the past where it belongs. But that’s not what
happened. No, after having her, I only want
more
of her, and that
cannot
happen. It just can’t. Look at how pissed off she is with me now. What would she think if she knew the full truth about me, about my true desires? She’d hate me even more than she already does.

You know that short list of people I love? Addie is right up there on the top of that list, and I can’t bear to think I’ve caused
a permanent rift with someone who’s so important to me.
You probably should’ve thought about that before you fucked her and walked away
.
 

No shit, really?
 

I want to tell my conscience to fuck off and leave me alone, but the thing of it is, my conscience is exactly right. Flynn was exactly right when he got in my face the other night and told me to leave her alone if I wasn’t interested in everything
with her.
 

The cold shoulder is the least of what I deserve from Addie. I’ve got to fix this. I’ve got to repair our friendship, at the very least. I have no idea how I’m going to do that when she won’t even talk to me, but I’ll think of something.

I tune into the conversation the board is having about a kick-off event that will set the tone for what the foundation hopes to accomplish—raising
money for hungry kids without spending hundreds of thousands on fancy Hollywood galas.

“What about a carnival?” The idea is out of my mouth before it’s fully formed.

Everyone looks at me, except for Addie, who types on her laptop, presumably taking notes—or composing a manifesto on the many ways Hayden Roth sucks donkey balls, which is one of her favorite expressions.
 

“What do you mean?” Natalie
asks.

“You don’t want to do a gala, and on behalf of all of Hollywood, I thank you for one less formal event to attend. How about doing something fun for the population we hope to serve by hosting a carnival with rides and games and face painting and other stuff kids love? We could get someone to donate their estate for the day and turn it into a playground for kids. We’ll invite celebrities
to come and bring their kids and contact agencies that support needy kids and get them there, too. Lots of press and photos and TV coverage.”

By the time I finish spewing, everyone is looking at me, including Addie, who stares at me with an intrigued, arrested expression that makes me want to grab her and drag her from the room so we can deal with the terrible awkwardness. But I can’t do that,
so I stare back at her until she looks away, busying herself with her laptop once again.

“That is an amazing idea,” Natalie says. “What does everyone else think?”

“I like it,” Flynn says. “It would be fun and keep the focus on the kids, which is what we want.”

“How would we make money from it?” Flynn’s sister Ellie asks.

“We’d charge the celebrities to attend,” Flynn’s mother, Stella, says.
“They’d pay to be seen at something like this, and their kids would love it, too. It would be great publicity for them to be embracing such a worthy cause, and it would show them as down-to-earth parents who actually play with their kids.”

I grunt out a laugh. Neither of my celebrity parents ever “played” with me, not that I can recall, anyway. One of the nannies, whose name I can’t remember,
took me to a park a few times, but my parents never did anything like that. They were too busy chasing careers that didn’t pan out and romances that ended in one epic disaster after another. Their kid was an afterthought in the midst of all that drama. That’s exactly why I’ll never have kids of my own. I’m too selfish to give them the attention they deserve.

Flipping a pen between my fingers,
I watch Addie take frantic notes as the carnival idea takes off within the group. How is it that even the way she types is sexy? So is the furrow that forms between her brows when she concentrates, and the pucker of her sweet lips.
 

I’m hit with a desperate feeling of dread as it occurs to me that I might not be able to fix the damage I’ve done. That can’t happen. No matter what, I need her in
my life as my friend.
 

With that in mind, I withdraw my phone from my pocket, and, keeping the phone under the table where no one can see what I’m doing, I arrange for the delivery of two hundred dollars’ worth of multicolored roses. I’m taking a huge risk sending them to her at the office, which is why I don’t sign the card. But I don’t need to. She’ll know who they’re from because of the simple
message I’ve included—
I’m sorry. Forgive me?
 

I pay extra to have them delivered within the hour, so maybe she’ll think I arranged for them before I knew she was so pissed at me. When I’ve filled in all the fields, I stare at the Place Your Order button for a long moment before I press it to submit the order. She’ll get them soon, and then we’ll see what happens. I hope it works, because I don’t
have a plan B.

He stares at me throughout the entire meeting. Even though I studiously avoid him, I can feel him watching me. He blew me off, so why is he staring? I want to scream at him to look at someone else, but of course I can’t do that with Natalie and Flynn and his entire family in the room, not to mention the
producers and actors Flynn has recruited to sit on the board. And speaking of that, this is the first time Hayden has attended one of the board meetings, despite repeated invitations from Flynn to participate.

What’s that about? Why did he suddenly decide to come today? Ugh, he drives me
crazy
! That’s probably why he came—to irritate me. Well, it’s working. Yes, it is, even if I adore his idea
about the carnival. See, that’s the thing with Hayden—he can be so exasperating one minute, and in the next minute, he gets it just right.
 

 
We end the meeting with plans to keep in touch about the carnival. Flynn and Natalie personally thank everyone who came as they file out of the room. I gather my belongings and make the mistake of looking to see if Hayden is still there. Of course he is,
and he’s still staring. He smiles at me—a small, intimate smile that includes his eyes, which are now warm with affection that infuriates me.
 

He can stuff his affection straight up his ass. I’m all set with him and his
affection
. Whatever.

I take my papers and laptop and leave the room.

He’s right behind me. “Addie.”
 

Ignoring him, I go directly to the one place he can’t follow me—the ladies’
room. We share it with another company, so he won’t come in here. Dropping my stuff on the counter, I close my eyes and breathe through the anger and agony that overwhelm me. I may tell myself that I hate him, but the truth is I still love him as much as I did before we had sex and ruined everything.

Then tears are rolling down my face, and I want to scream with frustration. I don’t cry at work.
I’m not that girl. I’ve never been that girl. I actually can’t stand that girl who lets her emotions rule her life. That’s never been me, until I had sex with Hayden Roth.
 

Using my sleeve, I wipe my face as the door opens to admit Natalie. Great. She immediately sees that I’m crying and comes over to me.

“Addie? What’s the matter?”

I force a smile for her benefit. “I’m hiding.”

“From?”

“
Him
.”

“Oh. So it didn’t go so well the other night?”

“It went great.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“He left without saying good-bye, ignored a text from me yesterday and today he wants to ‘talk.’ I wanted to talk yesterday. Today I have nothing to say to him.”

She winces. “Ugh. So you guys actually…”

“Did it? Yeah, we did, and it was incredible, amazing, life changing, everything I thought it would
be. It was like a dream come true, until I woke up alone.” Fucking tears. They make me so damned mad!
 

Natalie closes the small space between us and hugs me. “I’m so sorry.”

I appreciate the comfort and friendship she offers. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. He’s an ass. I suspected it before I screwed him. Now I know it for sure.”

“What can I do?”

“This helped, thank you. I need to get myself together
before Leah arrives after lunch.”

“I can’t wait to see her. I’m so excited to have her here.”

“We’ll take good care of her.” I wet a paper towel and use it to mop up my tears and the mascara that has collected under my eyes. I look like hell. This day just keeps getting better. “He had a good idea in the meeting.”

“He certainly did.”

“At least he’s good for something.”

Natalie laughs and
gives my arm a squeeze. “You know where I am if you need to talk.”

“I do. Thank you, but I’m all done talking about him. It’s time to cut my losses and move on.”

We leave the restroom together, and I’m relieved to see no sign of Hayden in the hallway. Natalie smiles at me before she ducks into Flynn’s office. I love her, but I can’t stand that she feels sorry for me. I don’t want her or anyone
to pity me. I got exactly what I wanted the other night. If I haven’t gotten what I wanted since then, well, so what? I’ll survive. I always do.

In the next couple of hours, I throw myself into work. Flynn and Natalie are going to Italy in March for the wedding of Dylan Martin, an actor he’s worked with several times. I plow through the scheduling of the plane, the reserving of a suite at a hotel
under a fake name and confirming the wedding itinerary with Dylan’s assistant.

I move on to reviewing the details of Flynn’s schedule for the promotion of the film that defies naming. It’ll be out in July, and Liza is already arranging interviews and appearances around the premiere. After five years of working for Flynn, the cycle of shooting, postproduction—which he has a hand in when he’s also
producing—promotion and premieres around the world has become somewhat predictable. It’s always a little different from one film to the next, but the steps involved don’t change much.
 

I’ve got a list of questions for Liza, things I anticipate that Flynn will want to know. I’m ten minutes into composing an email to Liza when Mackenzie appears at my door carrying a massive and colorful bouquet.
They positively dwarf her petite frame, and when she peeks around them, her brown eyes dance with glee.
 

My heart staggers when I realize they’re for me.

Goddamn him.
Goddamn him and my staggering heart.
 

Mackenzie puts the vase on my desk. “Someone has been keeping secrets.”

“Not me. I have no secrets.”

“Who’re they from?”

“I have no idea. Is there a card?”

Mackenzie points to the envelope
buried between yellow and pink roses. The fragrance overpowers my senses as I reach for the envelope. I’m afraid to open it in front of her in case he’s signed it. He wouldn’t do that, would he? “Um…”

“Oh, okay. So it’s like that, is it?” Winking, she smiles and turns to leave the room.
 

We’re friends, and we talk about guys and hookups and other such things. But there’s no way I can talk about
this
guy or hookup with her or anyone else tied to Quantum. It’s bad enough that Natalie knows—and if she knows, Flynn probably does, too. Moaning at the mess I’ve made of things, I open the envelope to read the message:
I’m sorry. Please forgive me?

I drop into my chair, undone by the simple sentiment and the grand gesture of four-dozen roses, delivered to the office, of all places. “Damn you,
Hayden.” He’s got my attention, that’s for sure. Now what?

I have no time to answer that question or to think about Hayden and the flowers or his note or anything else, because I’m needed at the luncheon to welcome Leah to the Quantum team. Leah, who’s tall and lean and adorable with curly brown hair and big blue eyes, is so excited about her new job that she all but bounces with unrestrained
glee.

Once she gets past being starstruck by her new employers, I think Leah will make a great assistant to Marlowe. She’s bright and intelligent and eager to learn. Thankfully, Hayden is reportedly upstairs in the editing suite and doesn’t attend the luncheon. Flynn, Natalie, Jasper and Kristian are all there representing Marlowe, who’s in London for a premiere. She’ll be back at the end of
the week, so I’ve got a few days to get Leah up to speed.