Raven (24 page)

“
Should we name you,
Jack?”
The horse bobbed its head and I laughed, finding it too perfect. “Alright, Jack. It seems you found some food, but how about me? Do you know where some
human
food is?”

This time Jack did not reply. I tilted my head, patting him again as I gained his trust. He was just as alone as I was, but together, we could be great friends. I turned back to the log to grab the bag from the ground and threw it on my back. I then hoisted myself up as my feet struggled to find traction on the moss, placing one hand on Jack’s withers for support. He sidestepped closer to the log as though he had done this before. I, on the other hand, had little experience as an equestrian and feared how I would handle this. My friend from the foster home had made it look easy, but then they’d also had a saddle and reins for help. I brushed the dust from his back and tried lifting my leg as Jack shuffled his feet.

“
Stand still, Jack.” I had my injured leg in the air, ready to throw it over his back.

I finally managed to get my heel high enough to slide it over, but Jack refused to make things easier on me as he stepped forward.
“Whoa!”
I screeched, throwing my weight onto him and wrapping my arms around his neck. My head was resting on his mane, my hands locked at the knuckles. Jack walked forward, his head bobbing, dodging around trees as leaves brushed along my body. I continued to hug his neck, afraid that if I let go, I’d simply slide off.

Jack headed downhill as the warmth of his large body began to make me sweat. I breathed in rhythm with his heavy steps, slow and soft. When I could not bear it any longer, I relaxed my grip and adjusted myself until I was balanced on his back. My seat was learning his motions, the rhythm repetitive and predictable. We followed the same path I had taken on my way up which had left a sort of opening for us to walk through. As the trees thinned and the sparkling lake began to shine through the trees, I gathered enough strength to sit up taller, my fingers lacing into Jack’s mane, my knuckles turning white from my strong grip.

I felt the cool air blow off the lake and toward us, Jack’s feet crunching across what used to be the gravel path at the college. I tried to loosen my body in the hopes that I could relax into the same rhythm as Jack, the whole world being jostled about as I rocked back and forth. Jack’s feet left the path now, sinking into the sand of the beach as he walked toward the water. I felt myself slipping forward as he walked downhill and I tried my best to push off his neck and back. At the water’s edge he stopped, lowering his head as I yelped and slid forward. Though I tried to prevent it from happening, I toppled down and off his neck, landing on my butt in the shallow water.

Water splashed into my face, and I drew in a sharp breath of shock, the glacial chill of it leaving me breathless. Jack’s eyes watched me before focusing back on the water, his lips touching the surface as it guzzled down his throat. He made small sucking noises as he drank. I tried to stand, feeling instantly warmer as the humid air of late summer began to work to dry me.

It hadn’t been this warm in months, and for what the weather had been, it was as though I was in a different place entirely. That other place I had been was just a nightmare. I looked to where the dam used to be, seeing that what had been left was now covered in vines as though nature wanted to hide it, as though it was ashamed of that era. I felt like I had been launched into the future, like a time traveler, seeing the world after humanity had long left it.

Jack finished drinking as he shuffled his feet backward, turning on his rear hooves as they twisted into the sand. He took a few steps up the hill and stopped, looking back at me. I had no way to keep him, no restraints or ropes. He continued to stand, as though waiting for me. I stepped toward him, reaching his side as he took a few more steps forward and up the bank to what used to be the shore.

What to do now? That was the question that was haunting the back of my mind. How long would I have to wait? Jack let out a whinny as his whole stomach tightened. I walked up to his side once more, tracing my hand down his neck, the soft fur like silk under the pads of my fingers.

“
Jack, do you know the way back?” I asked, looking into his large eyes. He blinked. “Do you think you can take me?”

I looked down the hill between the two mountains where the river ran. I pointed west. Jack rolled his tongue around in his mouth.

“
I’ll take that as a yes?”

I grabbed his mane, and gently tugged him toward the log where my small shelter had been. The satchel on my back was still dripping with water and I feared checking the contents, afraid all the papers were ruined. I once again performed the same awkward dance as I had before, wrestling my way onto Jack’s back.

Once up, I let out a loud whoop of accomplishment, figuring there was no one around to hear me. The trip down the mountain was going to take much longer than the few minutes it took to fly, or the hour it took to drive. I settled on a few days, maybe a week, depending on how the horseback riding panned out. I looked up at the sun in the sky, seeing it was already low, just inches from the top of the nearby mountain. I wanted to make progress by nightfall so I urged Jack forward, swinging my legs like a buffoon.

My grip on Jack’s mane tightened as his body lurched and he made his way across the tall grasses of the bank and to the edge where the dam once was. He gingerly made his way down the steep cliff side, the water pouring over what was left of the dam below.

I held tight, looking down and praying I would survive this, though dying was not necessarily a bad thing, either. We inched down, weaving back and forth until we at last met the river. The bank of this side was tight, and as I looked across to the other side where the road used to be, I saw the land there was far more desirable.

I pulled on Jack’s mane and he stopped. For a moment I was amazed it had worked at all, laughing to myself. “Okay, Jack. Let’s cross.”

Jack seemed to know exactly what I wanted him to do as he stamped his feet.

“
Come on, boy. This is easy.” I scanned the river, seeing a shallow portion up ahead. “See, up there.” I gave him a gentle nudge with my heels and he stepped forward with a hesitant shoulder.

We weaved our way through the trees that lined the bank. I ducked low, knowing that Jack was not paying attention to the branches that were now slapping me in the face. We reached the spot on the river and I pulled on his mane once more, this time yanking it slightly to the left. He turned his head toward the river.

“
Come on,” I urged, digging my heels in his sides.

He shuffled one foot into the water, followed by the other as he struggled to find footing. I kicked him again, this time with forceful persuasion. Jack reared his head, disliking my form of influence. He stopped and I grew frustrated as he went no further. The water rushed around all four of his ankles. I took a moment to regroup, adjusting my position on his back before pulling my legs away from his sides and then letting them go as they kicked him forward once more.

Jack grunted, flicking his tail once before lunging forward suddenly, digging his back hooves into the river rock and leaping into the water. I screamed as I toppled off his back, hitting the water as the cold took my breath away for a second time. I flailed my arms as I fought to get back to the surface, gasping for air as I came up. I cleared the water from my eyes and looked for Jack, seeing he was now swimming across a deep pool toward the other shore.

I cursed myself and slapped the water as the river carried me. The water had looked far shallower from the bank, certainly not deep enough that I could not touch the bottom. I began to swim, seeing Jack floating away from me as I bobbed in the fast end of the river. Water threatened to choke down my throat as I plunged one arm in front of the other, making progress as I swam into the slow side of the river where I finally felt rocks under my feet. I tread water for a moment before I was finally able to grab onto the rocks enough to remain stationary. I walked out of the river and onto the bank. Jack walked over the rocks and toward me, stumbling as he went. His head hung low as though sorry.

I was breathing hard, dripping from head to toe. “Jack!” I yelled angrily.

Jack reached me, nudging his nose against my wet sleeve. I shook my head, blowing air at his face and teasing him. He shook his head and sneezed. I grabbed my hair and rung it out, twisting it into a knot. At least I no longer needed a shower.

I looked up at the hillside we had just descended, seeing now how steep it really was. I exhaled hard. “Well, that was about enough for today. What do you think?” I looked at Jack but he turned away from me and hobbled off the rocky bank and to a nearby patch of grass where he began to eat. I followed, sitting down beside him as I felt even weaker than I had before, my stomach still hungry, but now to the point where it had begun to hurt.

I pulled my wet bag from my back, opened the latch, and reached inside. I pulled out my journal and the seemingly blank
Book of Us
, laying them on a patch of grass to dry. I looked up to where the sun had been, now gone behind the mountain as the cool ravine air surrounded me. I grumbled, knowing that now, I would probably remain wet all night unless I got a fire started. I stood on shaky legs, leaving my bag as I made my way further in toward the trees, searching for fallen pieces of wood.

There was a bush of berries near the edge of the tree line. When I saw it, I dropped my task and ran toward it, ravaging the vines as I stuffed my face with blackberries. They were ripe and juicy, likely staining my face a deep purple. After about two cups I stopped myself, knowing that eating berries alone would not make my stomach stop aching.

I focused back on the task of collecting wood, searching the edge of the forest. Filling my arms, I made my way back, dropping them on the ground as I cleared the vegetation and dug a shallow hole in the sand. Then I took each piece of wood and balanced them into a cone shape. I was proud that I knew so much about surviving in the outdoors, especially considering the fact that I had never even been camping. I know now that it wasn’t the wilderness aspect that had attracted me to the college. Obviously it had been the fact that Edgar had been here.

I collected some dried leaves and placed them inside the cone in a tidy pile. I sat, taking a deep breath as my hands shook. The berries began to work their sugars into my blood, and after a moment, some of my energy returned. I grabbed two small twigs that sat nearby, rubbing them together in the hopes of creating a spark.

After about fifteen minutes, sweat coated my brow and still I had no fire. Jack was standing nearby, his back foot relaxing as he dozed, fat and happy. I was jealous of him, angry that he could survive the night because his coat had dried rather fast. I let a shiver consume my body as I shook. Cursing under my breath, I decided to change my technique, grabbing a bit of the dry leaves and placing them beside the sticks. I then rubbed them together once more, this time faster, summoning strength I no longer thought I had.

I saw a small wisp of smoke rise then, and adrenaline took over my body as I kept at it. It was then that a spark flashed across my eyes and the smell of burning vegetation wafted into my nostrils. I yelped, quickly tossing the bunch of smoking leaves in with the rest and lunging forward onto my hands and knees. I blew on the leaves, coaxing the fire to life.

I looked at Jack. “Jack, look!
Fire!”

I leapt to my feet as the leaves ignited, dancing around. I wished Edgar could see me now, even Sam. They would not believe this new me, a human, making fire. I stopped dancing then, huddling close to the flames as I continued to assist them, watching the sticks smolder, then burn.

Jack, too, walked closer, seeing now what it was I had been trying to do and sharing in the wealth of the warmth the fire now created. I sat, reaching for my journal and placing my hand on the page to measure how damp it was. It was still cold, but the fibers of the paper were dry enough to write so I reached into my bag and rummaged for the pen. Pulling it out, I saw it was streaked with blood from the surgery earlier and I wiped in on my shirt. I drew the pen into my hand and began to write.

Though it had not been long since
Before,
I could not escape the feeling that I was living some other life completely. It wasn’t even a new chapter of my life so much as it was a whole new book. I felt so alive, though. I felt
real
—bound to myself like never before. For the first time, I could look at the world through the same eyes. I
had
done it.

I placed the pen in the journal and shut it. This was to be the second entry of this new life, this new world. I put the journal back on the patch of vegetation and looked at my leg in the firelight. I was not used to watching something heal so slowly, still a deep gash as the thread held it together. The garlic had been washed out of it now, and I’d tried my best to keep it clean this time, hoping that it would be fine on its own.

I leaned back onto the sand, propping my hands behind my head. I sighed, telling myself that this was it. This was my life now. Closing my eyes as the sound of the fire lulled me to sleep, and though I tried to convince myself no to, all I could think about was Edgar.

HUMANITY