“No. Sweet pea,” Damon said gently, “it’s natural. Even before you lost your family, you knew their jobs held danger. Of course you want to control as much as you can.”
Ravyn rested her forehead against his. The stiff thread of his stitches poked at her skin and she frowned. “We’re putting some salve on that before we leave this room.” Damon squeezed her waist and she got his message without him saying a word. “I need to think before we talk about it, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” He slid his arms up her back, pulling her against him. Ravyn rested her head on his shoulder, trailing her hands down his sides. There was no urgency to their caresses, just a need to feel the slide of skin against skin.
He was hers. Even before that stupid stone had linked them in ways that disconcerted her, she’d known this. She nipped at his neck where it joined his shoulder before kissing away the sting. They’d been born for each other.
And if that knowledge didn’t sit quite comfortably yet, at least it didn’t terrify her any longer.
*** *** ***
Damon woke up feeling as wrung out as if he’d run ten klicks in full gear. Through Death Valley. In August. He groaned silently, not wanting to disturb Ravyn, who needed the rest. If he hurt this bad, she had to be worse off. Still more asleep than awake, he turned his head to look at her.
She lay on her back, one hand over the amulet, the other at her side. Her lips appeared slightly swollen, probably from a few too many hard kisses, he thought regretfully. She had faint circles under her eyes, but then neither one of them had done much sleeping the last two nights. He turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow so he could study Ravyn a little closer. Damon’s lips quirked up at the corners. He doubted he’d ever get tired of looking at her, being with her. Even asleep, she was more vibrant than any other woman he’d known.
Carefully, he pushed her hair off her face. It amused and charmed him that even after all they’d done with and to each other, she retained the need for modesty. He must have pulled that nightgown off her a hundred times and she still insisted on wearing it while she slept. The pale blue color made Ravyn appear exotic and Damon fisted his hand to keep from touching the silky material covering her body. Somehow, despite his best intentions, he found himself running a knuckle across the crest of one breast. He craved contact with her.
He opened his fist, his palm barely touching her as he ran it down her torso. With a sleepy smile, he lightly splayed his hand over her abdomen. Their baby was busy dividing cells. Damon jerked his hand away, no longer drowsy.
He pushed the blankets down, and with a tentativeness that had his fingers trembling, he reached out again, both with his hand and his senses. This time he wasn’t surprised to feel the pulsing that marked the presence of their child. Ravyn had been right, he noted absently. She’d said the unquenchable desire would last until he’d gotten her pregnant. He still wanted her—he couldn’t imagine a day when he wouldn’t—but the need wasn’t out of control any longer.
As the idea registered, a huge grin broke out across his face. He was going to be a daddy! Afraid of spooking her, he hadn’t told Ravyn he wanted her pregnant, wanted this lifelong tie between them. Softly, he rubbed her tummy, saying hi to his baby. It nearly overwhelmed him, the idea of going from having no one to being half of a couple and now part of a family.
Logic said he couldn’t tell whether Ravyn was pregnant; she probably wouldn’t even know this quickly herself. But logic meant nothing. He knew. For the first time, he began to glimpse their connection. It had been there while they’d made love, but he’d been too aroused to pay attention.
Before he could think about that any further, Ravyn’s hand covered his where it rested on her stomach. Damon finally took his gaze from her belly and looked up to find her watching him, her eyes slumberous. Damn, he thought the knowledge blind-siding him. He loved Ravyn. His heart skipped a beat. Damon shook his head—talk about being slow on the uptake.
He linked his fingers with hers so both of them were cupping her abdomen. “You’re pregnant,” he said into the quiet.
“I am?” He watched Ravyn’s eyes go out of focus and felt her consciousness probe her body. “I am,” she agreed.
“Are you okay with it?” He couldn’t quite read her tone.
“I’m fine. How about you?”
He couldn’t keep the idiotic grin off his face. “Will it scare you if I admit I’m excited?”
“No,” she said, smiling up at him. “That makes me feel better. I want our baby to feel loved, not like an obligation.”
“That’s not a worry. I love him already.” Damon cleared his throat, uneasy with the thickness emotion put in his voice. Now would be a good time to tell Ravyn how he felt about her, but something had him hesitating and the moment passed.
“I’m glad,” she said, freeing her hand from his. She reached for him, trailing her fingers just below the wound on his forehead. “I didn’t do a good job mending you. This almost looks worse now that the stitches are out.”
“Don’t fuss, sweet pea. I’ll have a doctor remove the scar and no one will ever know I was hurt.”
“I’ll know.”
She sounded serious and that concerned him. “Ravyn, are you really okay about the baby?”
She sat up, dislodging his hand and didn’t stop moving until she knelt facing him. Damon slowly shoved himself up so they were eye to eye. He could sense something bothered her and his gut clenched at the idea that she didn’t want to be pregnant.
“I’m scared, Damon,” she admitted softly. “It’s not just us facing the killer anymore. I mean that was frightening enough, but now, if something happens, it affects our child too.” He watched her circle her fingers over her stomach, as if offering comfort to the small being now within her womb.
Damon didn’t bother telling her she wasn’t facing the killer, Ravyn would only argue with him about it, but her concerns reaffirmed his decision to keep her safe. “I promise you,” he said, “nothing is going to harm this baby.”
“You can’t promise that,” she said. “I wish you could.”
“Trust me.”
“I do trust you, but you know there’s no telling what will happen. Neither of us has ever worked with this energy before. What if we don’t become good enough with it to win? What if we win, but something happens to the baby anyway?”
Ravyn’s tone became more and more intense as she talked and Damon covered her mouth with his to quiet her. She terrified herself more with every word she spoke. Hell, she was scaring him. When he felt some of the tension leave her body, he eased away from the kiss, but kept his arms around her.
“I’ll take care of the two of you. Trust me,” he repeated.
She was quiet for a moment, then smiled faintly before settling against him. “Is it too early to claim hormones made me overreact?”
He traced his fingers down her spine. “If it makes you feel better, you can blame anything you want.”
“You know what, honey? ”
“What?”
“Our baby is damn lucky to have you for a father.”
Damon stopped breathing for a moment. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tightened his hold on her. No one had ever really cared much one way or the other if he was around, let alone considered his presence lucky. He knew she didn’t realize what those words meant to him. When he finally found his voice, Damon said, “I’m the lucky one, sweet pea. I’m the lucky one.”
*** *** ***
Damon wished now he hadn’t suggested this. His curiosity about using energy as a weapon and his desire to keep Ravyn from becoming suspicious about his plans to face the killer alone, had led him to make an error in judgment. He’d thought it would be simple, certainly no more difficult than turning on the lights.
He was wrong.
When they’d started, Ravyn had been upright. Then she’d sat on the grassy hillside. Now she was lying on her back, face scrunched up in concentration. He sat, forearms braced on his bent knees, and took another survey of their surroundings. This place was the most unique firing range he’d seen. Three sides were steep, artificial hills, as was three quarters of the last side. The entrance was in a stone wall that ran the last quarter of the way along the fourth mound. The narrow enclosure seemed to be bubbling with power, although they had yet to fire a shot.
Damon stretched out beside Ravyn, propping himself up on his elbow, and watched her with concern. Sweat beaded her skin and ran into her hair. Her face was red with exertion, yet beneath the flush, she seemed drawn. Frowning he said, “Ravyn, I think we should quit for the day.”
“I’ve almost got it.”
“That’s what you said an hour ago.”
Her face smoothed out and she opened her eyes, turning her head to look at him. “I really almost have it. Pulling up the energy is easy enough, but it comes in vertically and I need to flip it horizontal to pass it to you. That’s where I’m running into the problem. I lose my grip on it then.”
Reaching over, he pushed her damp hair off her forehead. “We can come back and try again tomorrow, you know.” He’d find an excuse to avoid it then. Damon knew the answer without her saying a word. He recognized that stubborn look.
Turning on his back, he linked his hands behind his head. Although he wasn’t watching her, he kept himself tuned to his sweet pea. If it appeared she was in any kind of distress, he’d step in and stop her whether she was ready to quit for the day or not. He watched the clouds drift past and let his mind wander.
His heart felt full as he considered the future. He wouldn’t bring it up yet, not until he’d taken down the killer, but they had plans to make. Did she want to stay on the CAT teams? And if she did, how would they manage a relationship if she was off world? Then there was his job. Things were heating up again, and he knew he’d be out in the field a lot. He wasn’t sure he wanted to fight in another war or be away from Ravyn and his child for months at a time. They’d work it out somehow, he decided. Loving Ravyn made him too happy to let his career, or hers, get in the way.
Her gasp yanked him from his thoughts. “What?” he demanded, sitting and facing her.
Ravyn grinned up at him. “I did it! I turned the energy.” Her smile faded. “But I got so excited, I dropped it again.”
“That’s great! Why don’t we wrap it up for the day.”
“You keep suggesting that,” she groused. “I want to complete an energy exchange before we head back in.”
“I keep bringing it up because you look exhausted.” Damon knew that fact wouldn’t influence Ravyn. She’d forge ahead no matter what it cost her personally. “What about the baby?”
“I’m fine, honey, and so’s the baby. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”
Damon looked away for a moment and took a deep breath, before focusing on Ravyn again. “Half an hour,” he conceded.
“Okay.”
He knew she’d agreed too easily, but he didn’t call her on it. Ravyn sat up and shifted so she partially faced him. It didn’t look like she was working quite so hard now, although she was clearly concentrating. It didn’t take long before she grinned at him again. “I’ve turned the energy a dozen times without losing it I want to try passing it to you now, okay?”
“Yeah, let’s do it.” Damon centered himself and opened his mind to receive the energy. He wasn’t quite sure how he knew what to do, but it felt right somehow. Instinct he guessed.
He felt Ravyn pull the energy from Jarved Nine and gather it within her. She shifted it and started to direct it toward him. Only the energy never made it. Damon frowned. It was as if some barrier prevented it from reaching him. “What happened?”
Ravyn shrugged, but she looked decidedly uncomfortable.
“Let’s try again.”
“Um, you’re right I am tired. Let’s call it a day.”
“The half hour isn’t up. Try it again.”
She opened her mouth, but shut it without saying a word. Damon stared at her intently, but Ravyn wouldn’t meet his eyes. He had a bad feeling about this.
He sensed her go through the process again, and he opened himself even further. Again, the energy was blocked as she tried to send it to him. Damon closed his eyes and let himself “see.”
There was a fortress around Ravyn. It was so high, he couldn’t locate the top of it and his gut told him it was far too thick for the energy to make it out. He’d known Ravyn protected herself, he just hadn’t realized how impenetrable her barriers were. Expectantly, he looked at her and waited for her to raze the wall. Or at least let him inside.
Minutes passed and she did nothing. She wouldn’t even look at him. It dawned on him then that the wall wasn’t something she’d created unconsciously or had forgotten existed. This barrier had been deliberately erected and she wanted to keep him out. For an instant, he was stunned into numbness; then pain deeper than anything he’d known before ripped through him. It couldn’t hurt any worse if the killer had reached in and torn out his heart.
Damon turned his head, hiding his devastation. His luck hadn’t changed. Here he’d been thinking about them being a family, about finally having someone of his own and it had been nothing but an illusion of his own making. It hadn’t taken very long for the bubble of his imaginary Utopia to pop. And his sweet pea was the one holding the pin.
Not
his
sweet pea, he corrected. Ravyn.
He was stupid, he berated himself. Just because he loved her, didn’t mean she felt the same for him. How many more times would it take before it sank in that he’d always be an outsider? Even Ravyn didn’t want him. Not really.
Damon pushed himself to his feet.
To hell with her.
He stalked off, leaving her in the grass.
*** *** ***
Ravyn couldn’t believe how fast things had gone wrong with Damon. He’d changed from ebullient and happy to cold and remote. And the fault rested squarely on her shoulders. So far she’d endured two days of his excessive courteousness without a break. She didn’t know how to fix it, though, not without letting down all her guards. The very thought made her desperate.
“Why don’t we go outside and get some air?” she suggested.
Damon glanced at her and then went back to cleaning one of the guns. “Why?” he asked, in an oh-so-polite tone. “It’s just as artificial out there as it is in here.”