Authors: Marie Force
“No apologies necessary.” Maddie waved her hand. “But I heard you were back, and I had to see you. I hope it’s okay that I just showed up.”
“Of course it is!” Sydney linked her arm through Maddie’s and led her inside. Buddy followed close on their heels. “Can I get you a drink? I’m sure I have something that’s caffeine free.”
“Ice water would be great.”
Sydney introduced Maddie to Buddy, fixed the water and a diet cola for herself and led Maddie to the back porch. “Tell me everything! I heard you married Mac McCarthy of all people—only the island’s most eligible bachelor. You devil! Do tell!”
Maddie’s face turned bright pink the way it used to when Sydney would whisper to her about having sex with Luke on the beach. Some things, it seemed, never changed. She and Maddie had scooped ice cream together for three summers and had formed a tight bond, even though Sydney was a few years older. Before the accident, Syd had made it a point to see Maddie every summer when she brought the kids to the island to visit their grandparents.
“I’m sure you’ve heard the story.”
Syd smiled. “Not from you.”
“Well, Mac had just arrived from Florida for a visit with his parents. He stepped off the curb on Main Street, and I crashed right into him on my bike.”
“I heard you got the worst of the injuries.”
“Ugh, I was a scabby mess for
weeks
. While I recovered, he took care of me and Thomas—he was just nine months then—and he’s been taking care of us ever since.”
“So I see,” Sydney said, raising an eyebrow and nodding to Maddie’s rounded belly.
Maddie giggled. “He’s so amazing. I’d love for you to meet him.”
“I knew him way back when. I’d see him around the marina when I met Luke there. If I remember correctly, he was quite handsome.”
“He’s even more so now.”
“I thought the same about Luke when I saw him last night. Amazing how the men out here age so well.”
Maddie’s mouth fell open. “You saw Luke? Where?”
“Right here.” She filled Maddie in on Luke’s “visits.”
“That’s so sweet,” Maddie said. “How he came all those times just to check on you.”
“It was far more than I deserved after the way I left him without a word.”
“I’m sure he understood.”
“I don’t think he did. I apologized, but that’s hardly adequate after all these years.”
“Will you see him again?”
“I don’t know. I hope so. We were always such good friends before anything else. I missed him for a long time after it ended between us.”
“As I recall, it never really ended.”
“Not the way it should have, that’s for sure.”
Maddie reached for Sydney’s hand. “How are you? Really? I’ve thought of you so often.”
“I’m doing okay. Today has been a good day. Yesterday was a good day. Two weeks ago, I had a really bad day. It happens. Not as often as it used to, but still…”
“I suppose it’s to be expected.”
“That’s what I’m told.”
“I hope we can spend lots of time together while you’re here. I want you to come to my house and see Mac and meet Thomas—” Maddie stopped herself, and her face flushed. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I shouldn’t have… You may not want to see Thomas.”
“Oh, Maddie, of course I want to meet your son. I’d love to.”
Maddie’s eyes filled. “I think about Max and Malena all the time. They were so beautiful and so well behaved.”
Sydney smiled even as her throat closed at the reminder of her children. “I was proud of them.”
“With good reason. So will you come over some time soon? Have dinner? Mac’s sister Janey is getting married at the end of the month, so it’ll be a fun time around here. I hope you’ll be part of it all.”
“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
Maddie stood to go. “Don’t be ridiculous. There’re so many McCarthys, one extra person would hardly be a hardship.”
Sydney got up to hug Maddie. “Those McCarthys are lucky to have you.”
“We’re lucky to have each other. Call me?”
“Promise.”
After Maddie left, Sydney fed Buddy and prepared a pasta dinner with some grilled shrimp she’d picked up at the grocery store the day before. She made a salad, opened a bottle of white wine and sat at the kitchen table that overlooked the pond. At home, dinnertime was one of the more difficult parts of her day. It reminded her of just how alone she really was. Often she didn’t bother to cook, resorting instead to a sandwich or a can of soup. What was the point in cooking for one?
Here on the island, removed from the daily grind of her routine, being alone didn’t feel quite the same as it did in the too-quiet house that had once teamed with activity and the shrieks of children. Sure, her children were present here, too, in the house they’d loved to visit each summer, but it was different. She could breathe here.
Sydney cleaned up the kitchen, poured a second glass of wine and took it to the porch to watch the sun set. Long after the sky went dark and the activity on the pond stilled for the evening, long after she finished her glass of wine and the crickets began to sing, Sydney stayed on the porch, rocking back and forth as Buddy slept at her feet.
She told herself she wasn’t waiting for Luke. He hadn’t made any promises about coming back. They’d said everything they needed to say the night before. What was left to say?
Just as she was about to head inside, she heard the unmistakable sound of his boat scraping against the beach. A smile tugged at her lips, and her heart began to beat fast with anticipation. He’d come back.
All day, Luke had vowed to stay away. After their conversation the night before, he had the closure he’d longed for. He had the satisfaction of her apology, of knowing she’d suffered over what she had done to him, that she hadn’t left him behind and never thought of him again while she moved forward with another man. What more was there to say?
Apparently, a lot, he thought, laughing softly to himself as he pulled the boat onto the beach, announcing his arrival to her. Would she be waiting? When she asked him to come back, had she meant the very next night? Those were the questions that had tormented him all day as he went about his work at the marina, guiding boats, collecting payment and shooting the shit with Mac, his father, “Big Mac” McCarthy, and the other old men who hung out on the docks. Just another busy summer Sunday at McCarthy’s.
At midday, Mac had asked him if everything was okay.
Taken aback by the question, Luke had nodded, surprised to realize Mac had picked up on the disquiet that had overtaken him. Not that Luke was ever one to run on at the mouth, but Mac said he seemed distracted.
That was one way of putting it. Yes, he’d been distracted by thoughts of freckles dancing across a sunburned nose, the light timbre of her voice, the laughter he’d missed so much and the feel of her hand in his, her fragile bones and pale skin such a sharp contrast to his much larger hand.
Now, despite all his plans to the contrary, he was back for more. The thought that he could be setting himself up for an even bigger disappointment than he’d suffered before nagged at him. At the end of the month, she would leave the way she always did. She would return to her life on the mainland while he stayed behind to weather another isolated winter on the island. Since Mac had moved back to the island and started a small construction business, Luke stayed busy working with him in the off-season.
But still…the idea of spending time with her this summer and then watching her leave again… Shaking off those unpleasant thoughts, he gathered up the gift he’d brought for her, and calling himself fifty different kinds of fool, he headed up the overgrown path that led to her yard. No matter what he might want to believe, he never had been able to stay away from her. From the moment he first saw her scooping ice cream in town, he’d been drawn to her like a moth to flame. Why should now be any different?
Emerging from the reeds that lined the shoreline, he looked for her on the porch and was filled with relief when he saw her in the rocker, almost as if she’d been waiting for him. “Don’t go there,” he muttered. “She’s sitting where she sits every night. It’s got nothing at all to do with you.”
“Talking to yourself?”
Startled, he looked up to find her standing now and gazing down on him from the porch with mischievous laughter dancing in her eyes that soon slipped from her lips. The melodic sound stopped him dead in his tracks as hundreds of memories of long-ago moments besieged him all at once. No one had ever gotten him to laugh at himself the way she had. She’d poked and prodded and cajoled him right out of his shell.
Luke had always been quiet and reserved, content to sit back and watch life go by rather than actively participate. Until he met Sydney. Until she forced him to participate. With her, he’d been more open, more spontaneous, more talkative than he’d been with anyone else. After she left him, he’d retreated right back into that shell, where he’d remained ever since.
“Luke?” He snapped out of his thoughts to find her laughter had faded to concern. “Are you coming up?”
“If you’re sure you want the company.”
She gestured to the stairs. “I’m sure.”
As he took the stairs to the porch, his hands felt clammy and his heart raced, the way it had all those years ago when he’d been a teenager in the throes of first love. Nothing at all had changed since then. The realization left him staggered. He still loved her as much as he ever had. Despite everything that’d happened, despite all the pain she’d caused him, he still loved her.
“Are you all right, Luke?”
For the second time that day, someone looked at him with concern. Apparently, he was doing a piss-poor job of hiding the fact that seeing her again had rocked his world.
Rather than try to explain his odd behavior, he withdrew the gift from behind his back. “For you.”
Her eyes lit up with surprise and delight. “You brought me something?”
“Don’t get too excited,” he said, suddenly wishing he’d brought her a real gift rather than the dead starfish she unwrapped with reverence.
“Oh, Luke. You remembered.” She ran a finger over the starfish. “I always loved them.”
“Yes, I remembered.” What an understatement! He remembered every damned thing they’d ever talked about, every damned moment that had ever transpired between them. Yes, he remembered.
“It’s beautiful. Where did you find it?”
“I saw it on one of the rocks by the marina at low tide and climbed down to get it.”
“It makes me so sad that such a glorious creature is dead.”
Her sadness gutted him. God, what had he been thinking bringing her, of all people, something dead? “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He started to reach for the starfish, but she hung on to it.
“Why are you sorry? It’s a very thoughtful gift.”
He wanted to shoot himself for putting that pensive look on her gorgeous face. “I didn’t mean for it to make you sad.”
“The damndest things make me sad these days, but then, I also find joy in things that might not have touched me before, such as a gift from an old friend who remembered how much I love starfish.” She went up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
Luke stood frozen in place. The quick and spontaneous gesture, so typical of the Sydney he’d once known, left him riveted and thankful for the dark shadows on the porch that hid his instant reaction to her touch. It had been a mistake to come here when he wanted her more than his next breath. It was a mistake to restart something that couldn’t go anywhere, something that had the power to crush him all over again.
“I’m sorry,” she said, tuning in to his dismay. “I shouldn’t have done that.
“Don’t apologize. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come.”
She stared up at him with those clear blue eyes that had never contained an ounce of guile. “Why?”
He glanced at the floor, summoning the strength he’d need to walk away—this time for good. “I can’t do this. I really thought I could, but I can’t.”
“What can’t you do, Luke?”
“I can’t come here and pretend to be your friend when that’s not what I want.”
She winced, and her eyes shone with tears.
Luke hated that he’d caused her more pain. Like she hadn’t already had more than enough.
“I understand,” she said stoically. “I hurt you so badly. Why would you want to be my friend anymore?”
Luke uttered a softly spoken swear that was so far out of character for him, he could see he’d shocked her. “That’s not it. You apologized, and I meant it when I said I forgive you.”
“Then why can’t we be friends?”
As if attached to a string controlled by someone other than him, Luke’s hand reached out to caress her soft cheek. “Because what I want from you goes far beyond friendship, and you’re not ready for that.”
“Luke,” she whispered, gripping his wrist. She turned her face into his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.
A tremble zipped all the way through him. Nothing had ever electrified him the way her touch did. With great reluctance, he withdrew his hand. “I’m sorry. I wish I had it in me to be around you and not want more, but I can’t do it.”