Ready to Love Again (Sweet Romance #2) (5 page)

We made our way back to work in the beautiful afternoon sun. The wind felt good in my hair and I had an overall feeling of happiness. Chase had been good company and it was always good to make new friends, which is what I felt he now was.

Chapter Six

That evening, safely back at home, I decided to take a bath and get an early night. A knock at my front door had me changing course.

“Hey!” Clark greeted as I opened the door.

“Oh hey!” I said as I stepped aside to let him in.

Clark sat on the small couch and waited for me to join him.

“I hear you had lunch with Chase today,” he said without preamble.

“I did.”

I knew Chase must have been the one to tell Clark, what I didn’t know was why he would have told him.

“And?” he asked, pausing for me to give him all the gossip.

“We went to Parker’s pub, ate lunch, and returned to work. No big deal.”

“No big deal? Come off it! Chase is a heartthrob around here, all the girls want to date him.”

“Really? Then he should be a pretty happy guy,” I said as I stood and went to the kitchen.

“You’re single and gorgeous. Chase is single and a hell of a good looking guy. You’d make such a hot couple,” Clark called after me.

“Can we just drop it please, Clark? I can’t date a colleague.”

I hoped he’d buy my excuse, but knowing Clark, he would pester me regardless.

“Is that a rule at work or just a personal rule?” he asked from right behind me, startling me as he did so.

“A personal one. Please, Clark, I wanted a bath and an early night, not the Spanish Inquisition. Lunch was nice, Chase is a nice guy, but nothing more than friendship can come of it. Okay?”

“Okay,” he said and retreated to the couch.

I made us a hot drink and returned to sit next to him.

We talked about what I had thought of the pub and of Emily. I didn’t admit how she had made me feel. Clark is like a dog with a bone and I knew admitting those kind of feelings was contrary to my make believe rule of not dating a colleague.

Clark left me to get a bath and an early night.

I had never been so glad to get into bed and have the day over with. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

I have loved you all my life, or at least it feels that way. I can still remember the carefree teenagers we used to be before this disease took over me. We were young and inseparable, our love was what bound us together. You were strong, beautiful, innocent…there was something about you that I fell for the moment I saw you across the football field. I saw you with your friends, sitting there without a care in the world. You were the most beautiful girl on the planet, with your glossy red hair that bounced in the breeze and your emerald green eyes that reflected the sun’s rays. Alyssa, you couldn’t have been more perfect. You completed me in a way I hadn’t realised I was missing out on before.

As I sit here, I can recall our first date as though it was yesterday. We were at Benny’s and you twirled your hair round your finger as you popped bubbles with your gum. I took you home and it took us forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight on the front porch. I didn’t tell you that night, but I started falling in love with you from the moment you agreed to come on a date, and I never stopped falling in love with you every single day until the end.

I woke with tears in my eyes and a pain in my heart. My sheets were soaked with sweat and my legs were tangled in them. I thought I might stop having these nightmares but it seems they are inescapable.

I untangled my legs and stood from my bed. I walked to the cabinet in the kitchen and reached for a glass. I turned the cold tap on and let it run for a few moments before filling my glass.

I moved to a drawer in my bedroom and reached for a box I hadn’t looked in for a long time.

Nestled in the velvet box was the reason I couldn’t move on. The beautiful square diamond set in the white gold solitaire ring and the plain white gold band that had been placed on my finger…It seemed so long ago, but in the same moment it felt like only yesterday.

I had buried Ethan wearing the matching plain band.

I closed the box and returned it to my drawer. I took a gulp of the cold water and opened the next drawer in the dresser. I reached for a box that I reserve for moments like this one. I took a cigarette and the lighter, moving over to the window as I did so and lit my cigarette.

I opened the window and sat on the windowsill, looking at the full moon as I drew on the cigarette in my mouth. A filthy habit, I know, but I tried telling myself it was okay because it was only for comfort after the nightmares.

My thoughts turned to life before I had moved. Life had been pretty great from the moment I had met Ethan. It wasn’t until he got sick that life had taken a drastic turn. Our lives had been turned upside down and inside out. The day of the diagnosis marked the beginning of the end, we just didn’t know how soon the end would approach.

Ethan had made sure we lived life to the fullest. We packed so much into such a short space of time. Because he didn’t know when the end would be, he said we were to embrace each day as if it were the last. We skydived, bungee-jumped, ran a half-marathon; things we never would have done if it weren’t for Ethan’s illness. But everything we did was tinged with a sadness of knowing that Ethan was making sure he did as much as he could while his body was still capable. They were bittersweet memories in the making.

I finished my cigarette and closed the window. I put my glass in the sink and returned to bed, reaching into the drawer for a sleeping pill. The doctor had prescribed them before I had moved across the country. I had needed them more in the beginning because they stopped my mind from whirring and allowed me to get at least a few hours of sleep. Now I only needed them when I had the nightmares.

Chapter Seven

I arrived at work the next day feeling tired and glum. I wasn’t watching where I was going and bumped straight into Chase.

“Good morning,” he said brightly as he put his arm out to stop me falling flat on the floor.

“Good morning,” I replied, nowhere near as brightly.

“Rough night?” he asked as he looked at me standing there like a dork.

“Do I look that bad?” I asked, worried I had forgotten to comb my hair or something.

“No, of course not. You are beautiful as always. I was referring to your glum tone.”

“Oh,” was all I could say as I took in his incredible appearance.

He was dressed in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt with a pinstripe tie. His hair was neatly styled and he looked every inch the male model.

Breaking out of my impromptu bout of rudely staring at the guy, I cleared my throat before speaking. “I just didn’t sleep well, I’m over-tired.”

“Oh, well, you should really get an early night tonight then.” Chase smiled at me.

“I probably should,” I remarked as I stifled a yawn.

“Let me get you a coffee,” Chase said as he slipped away.

I didn’t know whether to stay standing in the doorway or go to my office. I decided on the latter and put my stuff down on my desk. I used my key-card to log in to my computer and sat waiting for Chase to appear with my caffeine boost.

As if on cue, Chase appeared in my doorway and cleared his throat behind me to announce his arrival.

I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe with a cup in each hand.

“The cavalry is here,” he remarked as he stepped into my office and set my coffee down on my desk.

“Thanks,” I said as I took the cup and almost inhaled half its contents in one go.

“You’re most welcome.” He winked at me before perching on the edge of my desk.

“I think I could do with getting a larger cup,” I said as I drained the rest of my coffee.

Chase offered me his own cup and I offered him a grateful smile as I drank half of his coffee.

“I should let you get to work.” Chase slipped off my desk and smiled at me.

“Thank you for the coffees. I really needed the boost this morning!”

“Glad I could be of service,” he said as he turned around in my doorway.

I smiled up at him and noticed how much smarter he looked than normal. I hadn’t realised it before, even though I had been staring at him. I’ve seen him in a shirt and tie but never the full suit.

“Something special occurring today?” I asked before he could leave.

“It’s my interview for the editor-in-chief position.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know you had to interview. I really thought they’d just give you the job, I mean, you’re the best editor here.”

I saw a slight blush across his cheeks at my compliment.

“Thanks. They had to advertise the job to anyone who wants to apply. They’ve said they want it to be as fair as possible. We have six editors here and everyone has applied. I don’t really think I stand a chance but I have to go in there with an air of confidence in myself even if I’m not feeling it.”

I looked him up and down and he seemed to fidget under the scrutiny.

“You’ll breeze it, Chase. The editors here are all good but it’s you that everyone seems to want to edit their books.”

“Thanks. Hopefully you’re right,” he said as he turned to leave.

“Good luck!” I called out to him as he crossed the threshold.

I went through my emails and replied to anything marked as urgent before getting my Kindle out and downloading the latest indie book I was going to try to sign.

***

That afternoon, Chase came by my office and invited me out to lunch. I had been so engrossed in the book I had been reading that his knock on the door half scared the wits out of me.

“So, how do you think you did in your interview?” I asked as I took a fry from the basket on the table in the pub.

“Oh I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. The questions they asked weren’t hard to answer but we have some talented editors at Emerging Butterfly and…well…” he dipped a fry in some ketchup before putting it in his mouth, leaving his sentence unfinished.

“And what? You’re the most talented at what you do, you have it in the bag!” I exclaimed a little too loudly.

Chase smiled the first genuine smile I had seen since before his interview and I couldn’t help but notice how his eyes sparkled and the dimple in his one cheek showed.

“Thanks, but you’re just being biased and too kind.”

“I’m not biased.” I tried to hide the smile emerging on my face.

“Yes, you are,” Chase said, playfully punching my arm as he made for a handful of fries.

“Okay, so maybe I am a little. But seriously, all the clients like to have you edit their books. Why do you think you have a higher workload than most of the editors?”

“Because we have more clients in a particular genre,” he said as he crammed the fries in his mouth.

He’d got me there. Just lately we seemed to have an influx of dystopian novels as well as sci-fi and a couple of other genres in Chase’s repertoire. But that didn’t stop me thinking of him as our best editor.

“Okay, you’re a crap editor and you won’t get the job. Is that any better?” I asked then proceeded to snort—undignified, I know, but it was funny.

“That’s much better!” Chase asked as he waved Em over to order another drink.

“Oh good, I was afraid the truth would hurt your feelings.” I giggled as I picked at the leftover fries.

“The truth will always out,” Chase teased as Em walked our way.

“What’ll it be guys?” she asked in her ever-chipper tone.

“A Coke for me and a diet Coke for the lady, please, Em,” Chase ordered for us.

“Sure thing. Give me two minutes,” she said and dashed off to pour our drinks.

“Truthfully, Chase, you shouldn’t be down on yourself. I won’t mention it anymore until you find out whether you got the job or not, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you,” I said as I finished the last of my diet Coke.

“Thanks,” he replied as Em walked our way, drinks in hand.

“There you go, guys. You wanting any dessert?”

“Not for me, thank you,” Chase replied, then looked at me.

“I’ll have a slice of cherry pie with whipped cream, please, Em,” I said, giving her a bright smile.

“You eat like a man and yet you have a great figure,” Chase said and I blushed right down to my toes.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should! You eat more than Clark and that boy can really put it away. Yet, here you are with a slender figure, curves in all the right places, and not an ounce of fat on you.”

Now I really was blushing. Chase had been kind to me, but he had never offered such outright compliments.

Luckily Em walked back to the table with my pie at that moment, saving me any more embarrassment.

I ate in silence but could feel Chase’s eyes drift over me. I had chosen to wear a skirt and my stilettos gave my legs that look of being a bit longer than they really are. I had painted my toenails purple, not that I expected Chase to notice or care—I was just glad I wasn’t sporting chipped nail varnish, or worse, none at all.

I offered Chase some of my pie and saw the slight glint in his eye as he stole the spoon from my hand and helped himself to a mouthful of my pie and cream.

We finished our drinks, paid Em, and left the pub.

We walked over to Chase’s sleek dark red convertible and he opened the door for me like a true gentleman. I got in the car, pulling my seatbelt around me and settling into place as he got in the drivers’ side.

The drive back to work was quiet. Chase didn’t say anything and I didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. Unlike some silences, it wasn’t tense, it was quite pleasant. I liked that I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable around him. It was good to make new friends. And that’s all he was, all he could ever be. Ethan was my one true love and I would never replace him.

***

By the time home-time rolled round that day, I was more than ready to leave. I had been in talks with the author I had just finished reading that day. To say she was stubborn was an understatement.

My boss had wanted me to acquire this book in particular, as per her email that morning, but I wasn’t getting anywhere fast. The author, Jennifer, wanted the moon and the stars in exchange for rights to her book. Unfortunately, the moon and stars weren’t mine to give, or else I would have wrapped them all up in a bow and presented them to her.

I had emailed her with what we could offer; firstly she would have her book published by us, secondly she would receive a decent percentage of the royalties, then there were the extra things that Emerging Butterfly did for our authors. We arranged cover reveals, blog tours, interviews, guest posts, anything that could help spread the word around. We had a marketing team and they managed everything. But Jennifer just wouldn’t say yes.

I ended up with the headache from hell, and to make matters worse, it was raining and I didn’t have my umbrella while I waited for my cab. I could have waited just inside the lobby but I needed a breath of fresh air, even if I did end up wet through.

“The cavalry to the rescue again, milady,” a voice said behind me as an umbrella came up over my head.

“Thanks, Chase. I’m just waiting for my cab home. Trust me to think the weather would hold out all day and I wouldn’t need my umbrella.”

I shivered just a little and Chase told me to take hold of the umbrella. I wondered what he was doing until he draped his suit jacket around my shoulders.

“Thanks.” I smiled at him.

I caught his gaze and there was something indescribable in his eyes. It scared me a little that his gaze penetrated my self-imposed force-field and made a little pool of warmth in my abdomen.

I abandoned his gaze and instead looked at the sky as if that might make the rain cease and cool the fire inside my body.

“I could always give you a ride home,” Chase offered.

“Thanks but I already have a cab on the way.” I glanced at him and again got trapped by his beautiful green eyes.

I forced my gaze onto something beyond Chase as he stood there waiting with me for a few minutes until my cab arrived.

I thanked him for the use of his jacket and umbrella and it wasn’t until I was safely tucked away in the cab that I took a really good hard look at Chase. Lean muscles, a shirt that clung to his frame like it was a second skin, long legs that seemed muscular as far as I could tell. He really was model material. Shame I only had space in my life and in my heart for one man.

I got home and let myself inside quickly before getting too wet.

I walked into the bathroom, put the plug in the tub, and then turned on the faucets. I poured in some bath salts and started to strip down to my underwear.

I heard the knock at the door in the dim recess of my mind before it fully registered that it was my door someone was knocking on. I grabbed my robe from the back of the bathroom door, tied it around me, and went to the front door.

“Yes?” I snapped out a little harsher than I intended at the unexpected visitor.

“Is this a bad time, darling?” her voice drawled. It had always seemed endearing to me as a child but as a teenager, I had learned to hate that sound more than any other. She was usually shouting at me for no good reason—or none that I could ever see.

“Mother!” I exclaimed, surprised to see her here on my doorstep.

“Well? Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Of course!”

I stepped aside and let my mother in. I love my mother dearly but to have her here was not going to be the most pleasant experience.