Rebel Heart (10 page)

Inside the tent it’s dim. The boy scurries to light the fat lamps an we lay the girl on a cot by the firepit. He pokes at the banked fire, gits it goin agin.

I stare hard at him. He cain’t git away fast enough. As he dives outta the tent, I’m suddenly done. My legs give way an Tommo helps me to a stool. Nero perches on a chest, sets about puttin his damp feathers in order.

Em fusses around the Sky Speaker, gently takin the filthy rag from her mouth. She goes to take the little drum from around her waist.

Don’t touch it, the girl says quickly.

Em snatches her hands away like she’s bin burnt.

You mustn’t ever touch a shaman’s drum, the Sky Speaker tells her. Where’s Zek?

That little rat? says Lugh. He’s gone.

He helps me, she says. Would you give me a hand to sit up?

Her voice is light. Cool. A mountain stream after a long ride. A dawn breeze, before the heat takes hold of the day.

Em helps her sit. The girl unstraps her drum an lays it on a little table beside her. Em drapes a blanket around her thin shoulders. There’s a water bucket next to the fire. Lugh fills the dipper an gives her some to drink.

Thank you kindly, she says. My name is Auriel Tai.

She’s even more strange lookin, here in the everyday closeness of the shabby little tent. Like nobody on earth, with her wolfdog eyes an moon white skin an hair of palest fire.

Yer beautiful, breathes Emmi, jest like a star.

Auriel hands the dipper back to Lugh. Then she looks at us. One by one. Jest restin her eyes lightly fer a moment. It’s a deceptive lightness. I’m last.

She gits up. She comes over to stand in front of me on my stool. Her cool fingers brush my birthmoon tattoo.

I’m glad you found your way to me, she says. An only jest in time, by the look of it.

That was quite the show you put on out there. There’s a spiky challenge in Lugh’s tone. They was lappin it up, he says. Bunch of simpletons, fallin fer yer flim flam.

Lugh! Emmi gasps. Don’t be such a rudesby!

A shaman, huh? he says.

That’s right, says Auriel.

She’s got a calm, still centre, Auriel. So different from all that storm frenzy a moment ago. Lugh’s clumsy roughness makes me wince. I know where he’s headed with this.

Lugh, I says.

What other tricks do you do? he says. How about . . . star readin? Are you a star reader, Auriel Tai? Lugh’s voice is like the sinkholes of the Waste. Smooth earth on top, danger below. A trap fer the unwary.

She falls right in. Yes, she says. Light is my nature guide. Lightnin, the sun, the moon, the stars.

Is that so. He gives her a long, hard, hostile look. Then, Yer pathetic, you know that? he says. You an them loser dirtlanders.

C’mon, Lugh, don’t, I says.

Our father thought he was a star reader, he says.

I know, she says. Willem. When he was a boy, he met a traveller who taught him how to read the stars.

Emmi stares at her, big-eyed. How d’you know that? she says.

That traveller was my grandfather, says Auriel. His name was Namid. They called him the Star Dancer. A wise an knowledgeable man.

Wise an knowledgeable, says Lugh. If it warn’t so tragic, I’d laugh. Our feeble-minded father, always lookin to the sky fer answers when he should of bin lookin at us. He kept us in that gawdfersaken place an he starved us. Not jest of food, though that was scarce enough. He starved us of care. Of hope. He read the stars every night an every night he’d say, tomorrow the rain’s gonna come. I read it in the stars, son. But the rain never came. It never came. You know what did? Ruination. Our ruination. Me an my sisters’. An all becuz of star readin.

He’s kept his voice low. Leashed. Now, in the silence, the air’s thick with the roots of our lives. They crowd me. Press me. Choke me.

My sister don’t need yer help, he says. C’mon, y’all, we’re outta here.

Emmi says, But, Lugh—

Can it, Em, he says. Tommo, bring Saba.

Tommo slips his arm around my waist. Helps me up. Tracker’s got to his feet. He’s whinin, lookin between us an Auriel. Nero caw caw caws.

We cain’t go! cries Emmi. No, Lugh, this is wrong!

Auriel grabs my hand. I can help you, she says. I can heal you. I can banish the dead, put yer bow back in yer hands. I can prepare you fer what lies ahead.

West is what lies ahead, says Lugh. The Big Water.

You won’t go west, she says. I’m sorry, that ain’t what I see.

What you see, what you see! You big fake! He lunges an grabs somethin from a table. Suddenly, a spear of light shatters the gloom of the tent. Auriel shrinks away, throwin her hand over her eyes.

Lugh’s holdin a piece of lookin glass. He’s played it in the light from one of the lamps, right into her face. He tosses it at her feet. Tell yer nature guide to fix yer gawdamn eyes, he says.

As he goes to leave, Auriel starts to speak.

She was a rare beauty, was Allis, in body an soul. Eyes like a spring sky an long golden hair, the same as her firstborn, the child of her heart. She named him Lugh. Lugh, Lugh with yer eyes so blue, I could sail me away on yer eyes.

Lugh’s stopped in his tracks. He stands with his back to Auriel, his tense, hunched back. He cain’t see what she’s doin.

She stands stock still, eyes wide. It’s clear she’s listenin to somethin. Her voice runs like shallow water over stones. Quickly, lightly. Every now an agin, a shudder racks her body.

My flesh is all goosebumps. It’s Ma she’s talkin about. The song she made up an sang to Lugh when we was kids. Auriel’s goin on.

But Allis couldn’t stay. She birthed the baby, then she bled fer two days an died. Don’t leave me, sweet Allis, don’t leave me, my heartsoul, my life. Poor Willem, her death left him broken, he was never the same. Love makes you weak. Who’d wanna end up like him? I ain’t never gonna love nobody, it’s better that way.

Auriel stops, a dazed look on her face. She staggers an Emmi catches her. My skin crackles. We stare at her, me, Em an Tommo. She was speakin our lives. How Ma died. How Pa was. What Lugh always says.

Lugh turns slowly back into the tent. He’s pale. His eyes dark pools of shock. His voice a bruised whisper as he says, How dare you?

She ain’t no fake, Emmi says.

I wanna stay, I says. Please, Lugh.

A long moment. I can see him fight his need to run. Then, Two days an two nights, he says to Auriel. That’s how long you got. Yer time starts now. An I’ll be watchin you. I’m gonna pertect my sister. An if you do her wrong, I’ll do you wrong tenfold, d’you unnerstand?

Auriel nods.

I need some air, he says. C’mon, Tommo.

With that, Lugh disappears into the rainy night.

An I’m suddenly aware of Tommo. I’m still leanin on his shoulder. He’s still got his arm around my waist. He’s tall as me. I never noticed till now. A deep flush colours his cheeks.

I’m fine, I says. Go on.

He hesitates a moment. Then he’s gone too.

The air in the tent, so heavy with tension, lightens with the two of ’em gone.

Auriel sinks onto the cot. Her eyes meet mine. She’s got what she wanted. What I need. It’s took it outta her, tired her, that last . . . the thing with Lugh, whatever that was.

Em rushes to kneel at her feet. How d’you do that? she says. Can you show me how?

Emmi, let her be, I says.

It’s all right. Auriel smiles at her. When I was eight year, she says, I was playin by myself in the woods, when I heard this music. Voices singin, kinda shimmerin in the air. I followed the voices to a little clearin. The sun, the light there was so dazzlin, an that’s where the music was comin from, it was the light. It was singin. I stepped outta the trees into it, into the light an the music an . . . I went on a journey of the spirit. I was unconscious fer many days, my family cared fer my body, watched over me, but my spirit was elsewhere. I was brought back by my grandfather, by Namid. He became my teacher. He died last winter. I miss him very much.

Will you teach me? says Emmi.

Auriel shakes her head. First you must hear the call an be brave enough to follow it, she says. Then yer teacher will come.

I’m gonna listen real hard, says Emmi.

Auriel looks at me. Yer exhausted, she says. We’ll eat, then you need to git some sleep. You an I, we’ll make a start in the mornin.

She serves up tins of thin soup. Emmi, Tracker an Nero hunker down to fill their bellies. As I take mine, Auriel touches my hand. In a low voice she says, The deaf boy. Take heed, Saba. He’s in love with you.

Lugh an me lie on our backs on the shore at Silverlake. We’re eight year old. Pa an Ma lie between us. Ma’s got a round belly from the babby that’s growin inside of her. It’s a soft summer night. We’re all lookin at the stars.

Tell us, Pa, says Lugh.

Yeah, Pa, I says. Tell us agin.

Not tonight, he says.

Oh, go on, Willem, says Ma. You know how they love to hear.

He turns his head an they smile at each other. That secret smile they got jest between the two of ’em. It makes my insides go all funny. He takes her hand an kisses it.

Well, he says, everythin’s set. It’s all fixed. The lives of everybody who’s ever bin born.

The lives of everybody still waitin to be born, says Ma, layin her hand on her belly.

It was all set in the stars the moment the world began, says Pa. The time of yer birthin, the time of yer death, even what kinda person yer gonna be, good or bad.

What am I gonna be, Pa? says Lugh.

Oh, yer one of the good ones, says Ma. She strokes Lugh’s face, smilin at him. My beautiful golden boy.

An me? I says. What am I gonna be, Pa?

Pa don’t answer. He gathers me into his arms, hugs me in tight to his side. His heart beats into me, strong an steady. I breathe his warm, safe skin.

We’re flesh an blood an heart an soul. The four of us. Now an always, till the end of time.

Suddenly a star goes streakin across the sky.

Lugh points at it. Look, Saba! A shootin star!

We watch as it slashes through the darkness. So bright. So fast. Gone so quick.

I tug on Pa’s shirt. Pa? You never said. What’m I gonna be? Good or bad?

He kisses the top of my head. Whispers in my ear, so’s only him an me can hear.

You, my darlin daughter, are gonna be somethin else entirely.

I open my eyes. I’m lyin curled up on my side on the floor of Auriel’s tent. Nero’s tucked hisself between my chin an my chest. Lugh sleeps like he always does. With his head hidden in his arms. Pertectin hisself, Ma used to say. They’re silent, him an Tommo an Emmi. Deep in the black of slumber.

The rain’s stopped. It’s night. Stars twinkle through the smokehole.

Auriel’s awake. She sits in a small rocker beside the firepit, starin into the low flames. She’s wrapped in a dark shawl. Tracker’s head rests heavy on her feet. His great paws twitch in his sleep.

Ancient wolfdog dreams, she says.