REBORN (Metamorphosis Book 1) (28 page)

I smiled at his outburst.  "Can we focus on Thanksgiving and not our sexual activities?"

"So you want to cook at home?  I'm okay with that.  Do you want me to invite Carmelo and his girlfriend in addition to the kids?"

"Sure," I responded softly.

"Why do I suspect there is something you are not telling me?" Kayden said in an exasperated tone.

I took a deep breath then said, "You're right; I just want you to think about it, okay?"

"Spill it out, baby," his voice a little softer now.

"In the past Julian always had Thanksgiving with us."  Kayden stopped the bite he was going to take midair, and raised his eyes to look at me.

"And…" he said in a deceptively low voice.

"And I thought it would be a good idea to invite him and a date to our first Thanksgiving as a couple, to help my children cope with all the news."  I spoke rapidly as to not lose my nerve.

Kayden took the bite he had stopped in mid-air, chewed it, and began to speak very slowly.

"There are two things I will not compromise on.  The first one is your safety or that of my family; the second one has to do with sharing you.  Julian has no place in our lives, I gave you a choice when we began our relationship; I told you it was all or nothing."

His voice was frigid and had an eerie calm about it.  Kayden continued, "I don't want to fight about Julian, especially when you are going away tomorrow, but the answer is no."

"You are being unreasonable, it's my home too."

"Unreasonable, unreasonable?  You haven’t seen unreasonable yet.  Come to think of it, Daniela is in town all alone for Thanksgiving, maybe I should invite her too!"  His voice was getting louder, his temper getting out of hand.

"Maybe we should finish this at home."

"We are finished; if you insist on inviting Julian you will leave me no choice but to invite Daniela," he said with a smile.

I looked at him with beady eyes, annoyed that he finally had one on me; over my dead body would that woman enter my home again.

"Well dear, should I call her to invite her?"

I refused to answer and did not talk to him for the rest of the meal.  I was angry that he was playing with my feelings and my insecurities.

In the car I told him, "The difference between Daniela and Julian is that I have no interest in Julian."

"And I have an interest in Daniela, is that what you are saying?"  He was furious now.  "Do what you want Ellie, but I will not be in the same house with that man.  It's time that you decide what you want."

We rode in silence the rest of the way.  He did not want to fight, I did not want to fight, but the alternative was hell.  I hated not talking to him; worst of all I was beginning to see his point.

With shaky hands I caressed his face; he grabbed my hand and kissed it.  My voice was trembling when I said, "I am sorry, you were right.  I would be furious if you invited Daniela to our home, or any other woman who had the slightest interest in you."

He took both of my cheeks and looked me in the eyes, then said, "I have no interest in Daniela or any other woman for that matter.  Only you Ellie, only you."  His words were sincere, soft, and tender.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Kayden had gone with Aldo in the limousine to greet me at the airport on my return from Spain.  Like so many other people waiting for their loved ones, Kayden had flowers in his hands.  A beautiful smile adorned his face.  He greeted me with a hug and a kiss that took my breath away.  Jeez, I should go away more often!

The ride to the apartment was quiet; Kayden held my hand and I just rested on his shoulder.  He had something on his mind, I was just not sure what.  

"Are you okay?" I asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Yes, I'm fine; just work stuff."  I knew he was evading my question but decided not to pursue it.  "Let's stop at your apartment first, they're cleaning mine and I want to be able to rest before dinner."  Rest?  I had never heard Kayden utter that word.  The man was a machine; he could fuck all night and be refreshed in the morning as if he had slept for nine hours straight.  And to top it all, he had not touched me, we had been apart for three nights, and the most he had done was kiss me at the airport!  Now I was certain that he was keeping something from me.

"Are we going somewhere for dinner?"

"No, we're eating in tonight." 

Okay then; now he was really making me nervous.  Best to change my line of thought.  To distract myself I decided to send a text to the kids to see how they were doing.  I suggested getting together Sunday for brunch.  Damien was already in town for Thanksgiving break, and tonight I figured Kayden would want to spend with me, although I was no longer sure if that was the case.

As suspected, Kayden did not lie down for a nap when we got to the apartment, but he did not attempt to have sex with me either.  He claimed that he had work to do and finally went to his penthouse.  I was getting nervous.  Had he changed his mind about living together?  At six he called to find out if I was ready for dinner. I told him that I would be ready in half an hour.  I decided to wash up and change into a brown pencil skirt and a burnt orange sweater with brown flats.  I brushed my teeth and hair and applied lip-gloss; I was ready for dinner.

Kayden came for me wearing charcoal pants and a grey sweater, how appropriate!

"You look lovely, as usual," he told me after giving me a chaste kiss to my cheek.

"Thank you, so do you," I responded.   

The feeling in my gut would not go away.  We were silent as we rode the elevator and then when he opened the door to the penthouse, my heart stopped for a brief second.  All my senses were filled with the sight and aroma of beautiful flowers and the flickering of hundreds of candles.  The penthouse had been transformed into a magical place complete with sounds of music and alluring aromas of freshly cooked food.

"Oh Kayden, you have taken my breath away," I told him.

"Nothing compared to what you did to me the day we met," he responded.

And then he took a small black box from his pocket and went down on one knee.  My heart started beating faster, my face was flushed, I was stunned; oh my god, he was about to propose!

"Ellie, since I met you my world has been turned upside down.  In these few months you have taken over my life in ways I never dreamed possible.  Without you my life is meaningless.  Please marry me, Megan."

I froze in place; I was numb.  Maybe I did not hear correctly.  Did he say Megan?  In the distance I heard sounds, words, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.  I saw the look of panic in Kayden's eyes, I saw his lips moving.  Still I could not hear anything.  Then, slowly, very slowly I spoke.

"I am not running.  I am going to the guest bedroom.  Please don’t follow me; I am very tired."  Those were the only words I managed to utter, delivered ice cold.

I straightened up and miraculously managed to walk to the guest room.  Not a single tear was shed.  I was numb.  I took the covers from the bed, took off my clothes, and slid naked into bed.

I don’t know how long I slept or how and when I made it to my apartment the next day.  At six I got up with a major headache, went to the bathroom, and went back to bed again.  I stayed in bed the rest of the weekend.

Thanksgiving came and went in a blur.  The only thing I remember was telling my children about the pregnancy.  They demanded to know what Kayden intended to do, whether he was planning to get married.  I explained that it wasn’t his responsibility, it was mine; and as for marriage, he had asked and I had said no. I left out the part that he asked the wrong woman.  No need for pettiness.

The reality was that my worst fears had come true.  I guess that there had always been a part of me that believed that Kayden couldn't love me; that I didn't deserve to be loved.  I knew he wanted me, maybe even as much as I wanted him, but this time it wasn't enough.

I turned off my cell phone and my house phone.  At night I locked myself in my bedroom although he had not attempted to see me.  Sunday, Eva and Leslie showed at the apartment. Vickie had called them; they were worried about me.  They forced me to take a shower and get dressed.  We went out to eat, but I couldn't eat a thing; I couldn't swallow.

Sometime Sunday evening my brain woke up.  It had been a week and one day since that fateful day and it was time to get back to some sort of routine.  My hand went unconsciously to my belly. "Sorry for not taking care of you this week; I have been selfish feeling sorry for myself," I told them.  This was not the first time I had been left alone; Analytical Ellie to the rescue.

My mind disconnected from my body in a feeble attempt to find some normalcy.  I woke up, prepared snacks for the day, and went to work; that was my new routine.  Tuesday evening I had my appointment with Dr. Lynn.  Kayden was there.  He went in with me; I couldn't look at him.

"I'm afraid that you are losing too much weight.  We need to monitor you; this is a time I need you to gain weight, otherwise you are putting your pregnancy at risk," Dr. Lynn told us, and then she continued, "Are you still nauseous? Is everything all right?"

"Unfortunately it is my fault, I am responsible for her weight loss," Kayden told the doctor and grabbed my hand.  My eyes darted in the direction of his touch; it was burning me.  He quickly removed his hand.

"Well Mr. Hale, if it is your fault, fix it.  This is the time to be supportive and caring, not a hindrance.  I'll see you weekly until the weight becomes stable.  Please make an appointment for next week with the secretary."

We left the office without saying a word.  The limo was waiting for Kayden outside.

"Do you need a ride home?" he managed to say.

"No," was all I responded.

"Please Ellie, let me take you home or to dinner.  You heard the doctor, you need to eat."

I looked at him, really looked at him.  He looked tired, like he had not gotten too much sleep in the last week.  There were shadows under his eyes.

"Thank you Kayden, but I think I will walk," I told him as I turned around and started walking toward Michigan Avenue.

"Please Ellie, listen to me; I'm so sorry."

"About what Kayden?"  I stopped walking and turned to look at him.  My hand caressed his face. "You look tired, get some rest.  Don’t be sad about me, I'm not; it's not your fault how you feel.  I will always value the time we spent together but now I need to focus on our babies.  Goodbye, Kayden."

"Don't do this Ellie, I need you."

"Yes, but you don't love me," was all I could say.  I hailed a taxi, got in, and left.

I threw myself into my work at the Art Institute.  Mateo and Ron went out of their way to be supportive.  They both knew my situation and made it their unspoken mission to become surrogates for Kayden.  I changed the day and time of my doctors' appointments as not to run into Kayden.  My main goals during the day were to eat six meals, to make it through the day, and to sleep.  I left early and returned late.  Ron tried to convince me to change my status from part time to full time, since I was at work more than forty hours a week.  I refused; work had become therapy but I knew this was temporary.  In a few months I'd be lucky if I could make it through seven hours a day.

Christmas was fast approaching.  I had decided to go to Miami for a week and stay at my mom's condo.  I needed to do a little shopping for the kids and get a couple of items of clothing for myself before my trip to Miami.  I went into Tiffany and bought necklaces for the girls and cuff links for Damien and Julian, as well as money clips for Ron and Mateo.  My Christmas shopping was done! 

Then I thought about Kayden. This would have been our first Christmas together!  My hand went to my chest to alleviate the pain; it was still there, I didn’t think it would ever go away.  I decided then and there to get him a present too.  A pair of platinum cuff links caught my eyes. They were very simple, adorned with the image of lightning in black onyx.  So Kayden!  I bought them without thinking.

As I entered the building my step faltered; I took a deep breath to steady myself.  Kayden was exiting the elevator with Blondie at his side.  He had a smile on his face and she was hovering all over him.  He came to a haltering stop when he saw me.  I was visibly showing and his eyes went directly to my belly.  No words were exchanged; I walked around him and into the elevator.  I saw his eyes water as the elevator doors closed.

The thing about love is that it's so hard to recover from.  You go about your life day after day and then all of a sudden the pain hits you.  It could be a memory, a song, or a chance encounter like today, and then the equilibrium that you worked so hard to maintain disappears.  Fortunately for me it was Friday evening when I ran into Kayden.  The first forty-eight hours were the most difficult. I stayed in bed, ate, and slept; I knew that next week things would be better.

Mateo had invited me to Nacional 27, a trendy nightclub and restaurant with a Latin influence in Chicago's downtown, for Christmas Eve.  His family was in Madrid and so he was alone for the holidays. My kids had gone to Aspen with their father. It was a family tradition but I did not want to join them.  I did not want to hamper their holidays.  We had exchanged presents the night before.  I had one more present to deliver before Mateo came to pick me up. I took a couple of deep breaths to gather my strength, took the box and went to the twenty-sixth floor.  The last time I had been there was before Thanksgiving.  My knees were shaking, my hands sweating and my heart pounding so hard I thought it was going to explode in my chest.  And yet, I rang the doorbell.