“I don’t have any answers for you. All I know is that we all need Nate to be one hundred percent. He needs to be focused on the mission, for everyone’s sake.”
“What are you saying. You want me to sleep with him?”
“That’s up to you. Look, I like you, Tam, I have since we met in Kosovo. I’m really sorry about your parents, believe me.”
Tam closed her eyes. “But I’m not leading the troops into battle.”
Kate stood. “Nate lost a member of his team today. And he’s lost you.”
“I understand.”
“You better finish that,” Kate said, nodding toward the plate of food. Then she headed for the door. Just before she left, she said, “He’s down in Cade’s room.”
His eyes blurred but this time blinking didn’t clear his vision. He gathered the diagrams strewn over what used to be Cade’s bed and sat down, knowing he had to sleep, wondering if he dared go back to his room.
Was she in bed? If he tried to join her, would she turn away?
All of this was his fault. He’d never let himself get emotionally involved on a mission. That was the kiss of death, and he’d known that since basic training. Afterwards, that’s when fraternizing was all right. Women were great to celebrate with, and even better when a man needed to lick his wounds. Women were distractions. Not all women, of course. But a woman like Tam? He knew better.
Hadn’t he told himself she was off limits? Every time he’d gone into her lab, he’d wanted her, sure, but he was a man of discipline. Restraint. Right up until the moment she’d crooked her little finger, and then he folded like a pair of deuces.
Now it was crunch time, only days away from the end game, and was he thinking about timing, coordination, weapons? No. He was thinking about never touching her again. Never seeing her eyes light up with mischief and pleasure when she tried some new trick in bed.
He wanted her, and it hurt like hell that she didn’t want him back. His past conquests must be feeling pretty smug about now. Who’d it been, Reiko? No, it had been Illana who’d told him that one day he’d fall, and fall hard. That he’d be the biggest fool of them all.
Piss-poor time to learn that lesson, when his life could be measured in hours. He needed to get some sleep and make sure that the one and only thing on his mind was the mission.
They each had a vital part to play in the next few days, but as in every ensemble piece, they needed a steady conductor.
After it was over, he’d make it up to her. For now, if he didn’t sleep he wouldn’t be good for anything. He set his wristwatch alarm for 6:00 a.m. That would give him a good four hours of rest.
He settled himself on the bed, and forced himself to stop thinking about Tam. About Cade. About anything at all.
IT WAS JUST PAST 2:00 a.m. and Tam still couldn’t decide. She’d walked along, gun in hand, and she’d stood in front of Cade’s door until the cold permeated her shoes, her pants, even her jacket. She’d raised her hand to knock at least four times, but she couldn’t go through with it.
The light underneath the door told her he was still awake. He shouldn’t be. Maybe Kate was right. Maybe the best thing she could do to support the mission was sleep with Nate. Make sure he ate, that he got some rest.
If it was only sleep, she’d be able to handle it. But it wouldn’t be. She would turn to him for comfort, because that’s what she did. He would touch her and she doubted she’d say no. What she needed was time. And just a little bit of normalcy. Even more than that, she wanted her mother. To talk to her, get her advice. To know that she was okay, and that Papa was okay.
She knocked on the door, then wiped her eyes with the edge of her jacket.
Nate opened it a few seconds later, gun in hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I woke you.”
He blinked as if he hadn’t realized it was her. “Tam. What time is it?”
“Two.”
He looked behind her at the parking lot, then stepped back. “Come in.”
She hesitated, but the damage had been done. He was awake now, and knowing Nate, he wouldn’t fall back into bed.
He closed the door, engaged the safety on his gun, but he didn’t relax or move. “Did something happen?”
“I’ve finished,” she said. “All my notes are compiled and ready.”
“That’s good. I think Kate might need some help finishing hers. I’d like to have them done by tomorrow.”
“I’ll get on that.” She could barely look at him. Embarrassment over her behavior, confusion about what she felt, those were minor compared to how very much she wanted to be held in his strong arms. She yearned for that feeling of safety only he could give, even though she knew it was a complete illusion.
“I was just going over the plant diagrams—”
“You were sleeping, and I woke you. I’m sorry. I saw the light on, and I—”
“It’s all right. I just thought I’d catch a few hours before we have to get moving.” He looked at the bed, then crossed his arms over his chest, mirroring the way she’d been standing since she walked in.
“Nate, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asked, too quickly.
“You know what for. I was very upset and I said things I shouldn’t have.”
“You didn’t say anything wrong.”
She let her arms drop to her side. “I said plenty. Maybe not in words, but you got the message. You’ve done nothing wrong. Been nothing but good to me.”
He took a step toward her. “I’m so sorry about your parents.”
“I know. And I know if it was possible, you would’ve seen to it that I got to them. But it’s not. You were right to stop me.”
“I—” He stopped. “It’s late. We both should get some sleep.”
“Come back to the room with me.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Not a clue. But I don’t think you should sleep here.”
He winced at the reminder that his friend was gone. “Yeah. I’ll get my things.”
She went to the bed and put all the papers together in a neat stack as he got his duffel bag, and Cade’s. She carried Nate’s backpack and she straightened the bed before they left.
Back in their room, she saw he’d left her toothbrush and paste and her soap and hair things. He’d left the awful Goodwill nightgown and what she’d need for the morning. Everything he owned was in his duffel bag. Yet another reason to feel lousy.
He didn’t make a big deal out of it. They got ready for bed as if nothing had happened, but when she found herself lying next to him in the dark, she knew it was a very big deal. Maybe not for Nate. He wasn’t much older than she was, but he was years ahead of her in worldliness.
She felt like a teenager, and in a lot of ways she was. Her nose had been stuck in a book, and her eyes at a microscope for most of her life. She knew exactly nothing about men, especially not one as complex as Nate.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She laughed. “I’m the opposite of okay.”
“What can I do?”
“You can get some rest. You have to be sharp, and I’ll feel even worse if you stay awake because of me.”
He lay so still for so long, she thought he’d taken her advice. She was about to turn over and close her own eyes when he said, “I want to hold you.”
Simple words spoken so softly, yet they tore her up. Tears burned in her tired eyes, her hands fisted and she could hardly breathe.
“Forget it,” he said. “I’m—”
She reached out with her hand and touched his arm. “I want to be held.”
He moved slowly, inching toward to her until she felt his thigh, his hip, his shoulder. Then he slipped his arm under her neck. When he pulled her closer, she gave up the fight. It was most likely the worst thing she could do, and she’d regret it for the rest of her life, but she’d never been more grateful for the comfort and safety she felt cradled beside him. He wasn’t a wizard or a superhero, but he came closer than anyone she’d ever known.
With her hand on his chest, she tenderly kissed his cheek, and they slept.
THE MORNING BEGAN WITH A meeting in Christie’s room. Nate had slept until six, and he wouldn’t have gotten up then if Tam hadn’t been crying.
She hadn’t even been awake. He could guess what her nightmare was about, but she didn’t say, and he wasn’t sure he should ask.
He knew she wasn’t sure about this, about them being together, and he wasn’t either. But he was grateful for the truce. Maybe they’d never figure out what they should be doing, but in the meantime, he felt a whole hell of a lot better with Tam by his side.
She was pale and shaky as she sat next to him on Christie’s couch, but when he looked at her, she managed a smile.
He turned to the troops. “Vince, you have everything we’ll need?”
“Not everything,” he said. He must have just rolled out of bed. His hair was all over the place, he hadn’t shaved and his shirt wasn’t buttoned right. Kate, on the other hand, looked great, and the way she smiled at Vince was pure indulgence. “I’ve got to get to Mesquite again, and I’m picking up the canisters at the machine shop.”
Nate nodded. “I assume everyone’s packed?”
“What about the computers?” Kate asked. “I’m not finished with mine. Are we taking them?”
“Yes, we are. And Tam will help you with the transcription.”
“Okay, boss.”
“I’ve got to make some phone calls,” Harper said. “Will we get reception at the new digs?”
“I have no idea. We’ll try, and if not, we’ll find the nearest cell tower.”
“What about Eli?” Seth asked.
“He said it’s all a go, but I want you to run through all the electronics again. You and Boone, as soon as we’re over there.”
“Wait,” Christie said. “I have to take Milo to the vet. I can’t just leave him on his own.”
“Okay,” Nate said. “You take him in, but get back as soon as you can.”
She nodded.
“Right people.” Nate put his coffee cup down on the carpet. “We’re leaving in shifts, two at a time in half hour intervals.”
TAM AND NATE WERE THE LAST to go. The ride wasn’t long, and it was quiet, but it wasn’t tense. Mostly because Nate was in command mode, which is exactly where he needed to be.
She kept herself on the far side of the passenger seat, low and silent. Nate looked over several times, but she just smiled to let him know all was well.
It wasn’t, of course, but she wasn’t about to tell him. She hadn’t been able to shake her nightmare. She’d been at the hospital, in the room with her parents. Just as she touched her mother’s arm, the alarms went off. Her mother coded and Tam was pushed out of the way as doctors and nurses tried to revive her. No one turned off the heart monitor, and she listened to her mother’s death. Then Nate had shaken her awake.
Tam wasn’t a superstitious person, but something told her it hadn’t all been a dream. Her mother was gone.
“There it is.”
She stared ahead at what could only be called a ghost town. There were some abandoned shacks on the sides of the road, and a bar with broken and boarded windows. An old grocery store, some more houses and behind a gas station that hadn’t had a customer in years was a two-story apartment building that had one window upstairs that wasn’t broken. “It’s not bad.”
“At least it’s not summer. This place would be an oven.” Nate turned onto another pitted road while she stared at her new residence. She didn’t see any sign of the others, which was good. That meant Omicron wouldn’t see them, either.
The truck slowed as Nate reached the far end of the building. Behind it was a parking area. None of the other trucks were there, either. “Where is everyone?”
“Indoor parking,” he said.
She saw what he meant. The back half of the building on the right side was open, but the roof and second floor were still intact. All the trucks were there. They’d be invisible from a helicopter. “Smart.”
“Yep.” He pulled carefully into the last possible space, and when she got out, the others were there to greet them.
Carrying several bags, she was led into the inner rooms. The place had been swept, but there was still dust everywhere. Without windows, the rooms were cold as hell, but there was a fire pit, and a couple of camp stoves in the remains of an old kitchen. “Vince got all this?”
Nate nodded. “There’s more.”
She followed him to what used to be someone’s living room where there were three tables, all of them pretty big, with mismatched chairs. On one of the tables were two computers, both of which were connected to a huge red generator.
“It’s not on yet,” Vince said, rather proudly. “It’s pretty loud. We figured we’d wait until we’re finished setting up. Then we can plug in our cell phones, boot up the computers and even shed some light.”
Tam saw he’d gotten a couple of standing lamps. Nothing matched, but it was all serviceable.
“Where do I put these?” she asked, raising the duffel bags.
“Over here.” Nate led her to a hallway, then through another door; a completely different apartment. That kitchen also had a camp stove, a cooler, a coffee pot. The living room had a table and chairs, two lamps and a loveseat. “Wow.”
“This is our room,” Nate said from yet another hallway. She passed a bathroom she’d never enter in this lifetime to a fairly decent room that had a small closet. It hadn’t been swept yet, so she didn’t put her things down. “I’ll go find a broom.”
“I’ll take care of this,” he said. “I need you and Kate to get together ASAP. We’ve got to get those ledgers transcribed.”
She nodded, put the bags on the table in the living room and made her way to the computer room.
It was good to have so much to do. She’d never been much of a camper, and she missed a decent bathroom most of all, but by nightfall, they had food, beds, drinks, lights and she and Kate were knee-deep in work.