Redeem Me: Oakville Series:Book Four (3 page)

I’ve got to get this girl out of my head. What’s that old saying? The best way to get over one woman is to get under another. With that thought, I text Riley. I met her a month or so ago. She’s a lot like me when it comes to relationships. Riley has no interest in getting involved with anyone. We enjoy each other’s company for a few hours every once in a while, then go on our merry way. A little distraction is exactly what I need. Riley is quick to reply with a, “Hell yeah”. I knew she’d be up for it. She always is.

I make my rounds and say my goodbyes to everyone. Hope is a little more difficult to say goodbye to, even though I know I’ll be back first thing in the morning to see her. At some point, I’ll have to stop doing that. Paul and Holly are going to start thinking I have some weird obsession with their daughter. The thought makes me laugh. I’m sure they already think it, as do all our friends. They don’t look at me as the soft and sensitive kind of guy. Honestly, that’s how I want it. The minute people see you as weak is exactly when you get hurt. I’ve had enough hurt to last me the rest of my life. I refuse to open myself up to any more.

I look back before heading out the door and see Chelsie eyeing me. I give her my signature wink and sly smile. She rolls her eyes, but I can see right past the look on her face. The bright red blushing of her cheeks tells me she’s anything but disgusted by me. I would like to see what other parts of her body I could heat up, but remembering Holly and Amber’s many warnings to stay away has me walking out the door.

Chelsie

W
hat is it about Angel Walker that causes my pulse to race and my knees to get weak? He’s just a plain, ordinary, conceited guy. There’s nothing special about him. Right? Who am I kidding? It’s absolutely everything about him. His deep, beautiful blue eyes, and ripped body. That sexy voice of his that wraps around you like a fur blanket, making you hot all over. His constant need to joke about everything, which would normally get on my nerves. The fact that his ego is so big, it walks into a room before he does…this is typically a major turn off, but he somehow makes it endearing.

Everyone loves the guy and that’s part of the problem. His bedroom has a revolving door. There are more women in and out of there than there are beads at Mardi Gras. I shouldn’t care, but I do. I find myself wishing I were one of those women. Not that I would have the first clue what to do with him once I had him. The closest I’ve ever been to being intimate with the opposite sex was in the sixth grade with Buster Reed. The name alone should have been a sign to stay away. He was geeky, sure, but he was cute in his own way. I agreed to be his girlfriend and made out with him under the bleachers. The boy kissed like he was trying to swallow my head whole. It was pretty disgusting and must have scarred me for life because I haven’t kissed a guy since.

Pretty damn pathetic. I’m a twenty-five year old virgin. I’d like to say I’m a good girl saving my virtue for the man I marry, but it would be a total lie. Truth is, I’m a coward. But what I’m afraid of exactly is a mystery. It could be that I’m afraid to disappoint my father, who was so strict and protective of me after my mom died. Angel Walker is not the kind of man he’d want to see me with. He’s the type my father always warned me to stay away from. The bad boy. The player. The guy who would chew me up, spit me out, and crush my heart. Funny thing is, I don’t think Angel is really like that.
He’s like a tootsie pop, hard on the outside and soft on the inside—and oh, how I would love to see how many licks it would take to get to the center.
This is the problem. Every time I think about or see him, my libido goes into overdrive.

Deep down, he’s a sweet guy with a big, caring heart. He’s probably just afraid to get that big heart broken. Truth be told, so am I. I want to be held and touched. To feel the warmth of someone else’s body up against mine. It’s not just sex I want to experience—hell, I can have an orgasm from my battery-operated friend anytime—it’s the intimacy I want most. But, it would be nice to have a little experience under my belt. And who better to give that to me than the only man in town who wants no-strings-attached relationships? No strings means no broken hearts.

A purely physical connection is exactly what I need. He can teach me things so I’ll know what I’m doing when I do find Mr. Right. It’s not like I’m going to go and fall in love with him or anything. Angel Walker is not my type when it comes to a long-term relationship. A little between the sheets action is a different story. In that scenario, he is most definitely my type.

“What’s got you smiling over here like the Cheshire cat?” Holly asks as she and Amber sit down next to me. I love these girls like sisters, but do I really want to tell them? How could they possibly understand? They both have these amazing loves and neither of them were virgins at twenty-five. I feel stupid, like they’ll laugh at me.

“Spit it out, woman. You look like you were pretty deep in thought over here.” Amber gives me her no bullshit look and the dam breaks. I spill my guts faster than a pair of rabbits humping. I tell them about my over protective father and my one very bad kiss, but when I get to the part I’m dreading, I watch the girls carefully. My stomach churns and my mouth is so dry, I can hardly get the words out.

“I’m still a virgin,” I whisper. Holly spits water from her mouth, spraying me a little. Amber’s eyes are as big as dinner plates and her mouth hangs open. They are both in shock, and understandably so. If I were to meet someone my age who’s never had sex, I’d be pretty damn shocked too. Still, I can’t help the wave of embarrassment that washes over me. My eyes fall to the floor, unable to bear looking at my friends.

Holly hands me a napkin. In her soft, motherly voice, she says, “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were gonna say you wanted to screw Angel.” Immediately, my head snaps up. How the hell did she know that? “You were looking at him like he was a four course meal and you haven’t eaten in months. Well, I guess you haven’t.” We all giggle, and before long, it turns into full-blown laughter. She’s absolutely right. He does make me feel like I’m starving and he’s the only thing that could fill me up. That thought has me laughing so hard, my stomach aches. I bet he could fill me up all right.

“I’m ready to find out what all the fuss is about. I don’t want the hassles of a relationship right now, so maybe Angel is the perfect one to start with.” Taking a deep breath, I brace myself for their reaction. When neither of them speaks, sweat starts to form on my forehead. What the hell is going through their heads? The anticipation is killing me. “Look. I know he sleeps with just about anything with a pulse, but that’s what makes him the perfect guy for this. I won’t have to worry about him falling for me and I sure as hell won’t be falling for him. Plus, you have to admit, he’s easy on the eyes.” Still, they both sit there gaping at me. Mouths opening then closing like they can’t find their words. After what feels like an eternity, Amber finally speaks.

“I’m just worried a no strings relationship won’t be as simple as you think. I don’t want anything to ruin the friendship you have with Angel,” she says, a bit of hesitance in her voice. She’s trying to tell me it’s a bad idea without actually saying it’s a bad idea. I get it. I really do. But as long as we both know it’s just sex and nothing more, everything will be fine. He’s not the kind of guy to fall in love and he is simply not my type.

After a little more discussion, them voicing their concerns and me standing my ground, the girls relent. They mean well and only want to protect me from getting hurt—that’s obvious—but, honestly, I’m a big girl who can decide whether it’s a risk I’m willing to take. And in this situation, the risk is minute. There is no way I am going to fall for Angel Walker.

Angel

M
usic blares in my ears, a cold beer sits in my hand, and I’m on my favorite barstool, surrounded by my friends. In a few minutes, I’ll be up on that stage doing what I love most: playing my guitar. This band, these three guys, playing my music—these are the only things that keep me sane. It’s the only time my mind is not inundated with guilt and longing for my baby sister. The only time I’m not wondering what she’d look like today. She was such a beautiful little girl, with dark brown hair and big, baby blue eyes. Or if she would have grown up and still had the same sweet personality she had as a child.

The not knowing haunts me. I drive myself crazy with all the “what ifs”. Constantly, I’m wondering what things would be like today if I hadn’t fucked up and allowed her to be taken. There’s an emptiness deep inside me that will never be filled. I try with endless women, hoping the sex will somehow fill that hollow feeling. And it does…for a little while. But as soon as I’m alone in that empty bed, the void opens up like a fucking sink hole in my gut.

Honestly, I don’t think I deserve to have it filled. I was selfish, too busy playing, wanting to feel carefree—feel like the kid I was just once. But in allowing myself that one moment, I neglected my one and only responsibility. She was the only person who truly loved me. She trusted me to take care of her. I failed. She never got the chance to grow up. She’ll never fall in love or have a family. So why should I? This feeling is the punishment I deserve.

Grabbing the shot of Jameson Paul places in front of me, I tip it back, feeling the burn down the back of my throat. I wait for it to numb me enough to wipe away these thoughts for a little while. I miss the days in L.A. when I could snort a line or swallow some pills to chase away my demons. When Kyle, Paul, Marcus, and I came here, we left all the hard stuff behind us. The only escape I have now is booze and women. Paul and Kyle have been able to put their demons to rest. They both found women who truly love them. That’s not in the cards for me.

“Show time, man,” Kyle says as he slaps me on the shoulder and heads to the stage. I tip my beer up and empty it. The closer I get to the stage, the more relaxed I get. Picking up my guitar, I slip the strap over me. When Paul pounds out the first beat of his drums, a calm washes over me. Up here, I have no worries. No demons to take over my thoughts. It’s all about the music. I allow it to consume me. For the next hour, I won’t have a care in the world. I can be someone else.

When I look into the crowd, it’s a rush. A high like no other. Everyone is singing and dancing, and we are the ones putting those smiles on their faces. I glance over to the corner booth where the girls usually sit. Holly and Amber are gawking all doe-eyed at their husbands. That’s nothing new. However, I am a little thrown when I notice the way Chelsie’s looking at me. I’ve seen that look before from countless women: lust. Pure,
I want you in me now
lust. Just never expected that look from sweet, innocent Chelsie. Seeing that look on her beautiful face gives me an instant hard on. I picture her curvy body lying under me, naked. Those perfect fun bags of hers bouncing every time I slam into her.