Redeeming Kyle: 69 Bottles #3 (23 page)

“No, it’s okay.” I drink down the whole glass without even really tasting it. “More, please,” I say.
 

“Let’s give it a couple minutes, see how your stomach reacts.”
 

“I feel better, my body still aches, but I think I’m just really tired,” I tell them both.
 

“Okay, let’s get you out of the tub,” Kyle says and I nod, standing slowly with the help of his hand. Talon put the glass down and is ready with a towel to wrap around me. I shiver because I’m cold.
 

“I’m cold,” I say through chattering teeth. Talon wraps the towel around me quickly and Kyle grabs another one to get me dried off faster. They’ve brought in one of my camis and a pair of boy shorts.
 

Once I’m dry, Talon slips on my top and Kyle helps me step into my panties then they both escort me back to the bed. My skin on the cool sheets causes me to shiver. They cover me up with the flat sheet and nothing else. I shiver again and settle in.
 

I don’t know whether or not they join me because I fall asleep quickly.

Waking up a few hours later, Talon is on the bed, but he’s some distance away, Kyle however isn’t. I actually feel normal, no nausea this morning, so maybe with any luck I got it out of my system early this morning. I look at the clock and it’s seven-thirty. Talon and I are supposed to be at the studio at eleven.
 

I need to find Kyle. I look around the room and he isn’t anywhere to be found. Odd. I go to the bathroom and again when I come out, I don’t see him. Talon is snoring softly on the bed. I check the floor on his side, just to be sure and nothing. I leave the room, still in my cami and boy shorts. When I step into the living room, I see him asleep on the couch and my heart breaks. Why is he out here?
 

I go to the kitchen and get some more Gatorade, I fill the rest of the bottle with a new bottle of water. I shake it up and drink it down. Finishing the bottle quickly, I throw it away. I look over at the couch and decide that he needs a cuddle buddy. I go over to the couch and he’s lying with his head back and his feet on the floor.
 

I get onto the couch and snuggle into the crook of his arm, sliding my hand under his back and then over his stomach and hug him.
 

“Baby girl?”
 

“Hi cowboy,” I say quietly.
 

“What are you doing up?”
 

“I woke up.”
 

“Are you sick?”
 

“No, I didn’t even throw up. Or feel like throwing up. I even just drank a bottle of mixed water and Gatorade and you’ll be happy to know, I’m starving.” I turn and kiss his chest.
 

“We can’t have that,” he says but there is no teasing or playfulness in his voice.
 

I sit up and look at him. “Why are you out here?”
 

“I couldn’t sleep.”
 

“Why?” I ask.
 

“I just couldn’t,” he says a little harsher than I like with him.
 

“Don’t…damn it, don’t shut down on me.”
 

“Why not? Isn’t easier than hearing the same argument from me over and over again?”
 

“Kyle Black!” I unwrap my arms from around him. “Do you honestly think that I don’t care that you’re scared or that you wish you could take it all away for me, carry the sickness and the soreness? Because Kyle, I do care. I fucking care so much that it hurts like hell when you’re like this. You can’t take it away from me. You can’t shoulder this. This is for me and for my body to do what it was designed to do. I was built and designed to carry a baby or babies as is the case.” I take a deep breath, desperate to settle some but it doesn’t work, “Did you know that morning sickness is a sign that everything is healthy, that the babies are healthy?” He shakes his head. “It’s also a sign that I am healthy. This could be so much worse. I throw up once a day, at most twice, some woman are puking non-stop all day and night. Some can hardly keep anything down because they’re throwing up all the time. I throw up once and being pregnant with twins, I’ll say that’s pretty damn good.”
 

He starts to say something and I stop him…

“No, let me finish. Do you know that my breasts and nipples hurt so much because my body is working and changing so that it can produce milk to feed these two when they’re born? That a lot of the pain I’m feeling is actually because of a choice I made to get implants years ago? I chose to get them because I was all nipple, nothing else. I got them for me. So being naturally very small chested my body is going to go through a lot of pains as it adjusts. I know that these two will be fed from what my body is going through up here,” I gently put my hands to my chest, “I tolerate the pain. Did you also know that when you and Talon are sucking on them, you’re both so gentle that it actually turns the pain into the most exquisite pleasure?” he shakes his head. “So yes, I know it hurts you to see me sick, to see me uncomfortable, but I am not suffering. It is worth every minute. But this… with you, is getting harder to handle sometimes. One minute you’re touching and kissing the twins, then the next you’re sleeping on the couch because you’re freaked out. That’s hardly fair to me. It hurts me to see you so upset over something you can’t change. If you keep freaking out like this, you’re going to go insane. We’re not even at six weeks yet. We have thirty-four more to go. If there is something truly wrong with me or with the babies, then you need to freak out. But it’s not, nothing is wrong, everything is fine. So please, take a deep breath.”
 

I stop talking. I’m still upset, but I feel better having said my piece. Now if it sets in with him. I watch as his eyes fill with tears and spill over. I lean up over him, taking his head in my hands, wiping away his tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I keep freaking out, that I keep bringing it back to this. It’s never my intention, it’s never what I want. You’ve got so much on your shoulders, you don’t need to worry about me.”
 

“But I’m going to when you freak out like this on me.” As much as what I’m about to say kills me, I need to say it and I pray I can make it through without crying. “Are you ready for this? For what’s to come? Is that what’s freaking you out? You’re not ready to be tied down with a family?” I’m mumbling and my eyes are watering, but I force myself to stop. “And don’t tell me that you love me, because for this, loving me is not enough.”
 

He doesn’t answer me. I pull back from him, his silence is deafening. I can’t stop the tears as I look at him. As I see him sitting there, not looking at me, not saying a word to me. “If you’re not ready for this, I need to know.”
 

“Bottle cap.”
 

I hiss through my teeth, the ache in my chest explodes, sending shockwaves of pain and heartache through my body. This is too much for me right now, I can’t take it. I turn, leaving the room, going to the bedroom I slam the door shut and I scream at the top of my lungs then everything goes black.

“Addison?” I watch as she slumps onto the floor. “Jesus.” I jump out of bed and race to her side. “Addie, come on, angel. Talk to me. What’s wrong? Are you alright? Come on Addie, look at me.” She just stares off, she looks completely shattered. “Kyle!” I shout. “Addie, what do I do, what happened? Come on, angel, look at me.”
 

“Kyle!” I shout again and nothing. I pick her up, taking her to the bed and I lay her out. She curls into a fetal position so I know that she’s at least moving. “Kyle!”
 

“Bottle cap,” she whispers. “He called bottle cap.”
 

“What? Why?” I ask her. “Addie, come on, what happened?”
 

“He’s not ready. He’s not ready for all this- the babies, the pregnancy, the family, the life, he’s not ready,” she whispers.
 

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” I pull off of the bed and go straight for the door.
 

“Talon! Don’t!” she shouts toward me.
 

When I step into the sitting room, he’s sitting there with his head in his hands. I charge at him, pushing him over. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I shout at him. “What the fuck, Kyle? She’s fucking catatonic in there. What the fuck did you say to her?”
 

“Get off me,” he growls.
 

“Fuck you! What the fuck did you do, what the fuck are you doing? She doesn’t need this shit right now.”
 

He doesn’t say anything to me. He locks his lips.
 

“Don’t you fucking ignore me. Goddammit, Kyle, what the fuck?” I push off of him and sit with my back against the couch. “I will honor your safe word, but I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let you go peacefully. This is hard, for all of us, what do you want her to do? Get an abortion?” I hiss through my teeth and he flinches, but doesn’t answer. “I’ll take that as a no. But goddammit, Kyle, if you can’t fucking do this, if you’re not in this for her, for me, then” I pause, “… you know where the fucking door is.” I tell him as I get up. “She needs us. Stay or go, but if you fucking stay, be here, be here for her, be here for me, be here for the babies. Goddammit, Kyle.”
 

I leave the living room and go back into the bedroom. Addison is full on sobbing on the bed and I climb in behind her, wrapping her in my arms, holding her, stroking her hair, touching her arms. When I go to touch her stomach, “don’t,” she says with finality. “I don’t need the reminder right now,” she sobs out.
 

“Okay angel, I’m sorry.” She sobs harder after that.
 

What the fuck is he thinking? God, I know he’s not ready for this, I’m not ready for this, but the reality is that it’s fucking happening. Fuck, maybe… Jesus, I can’t even finish the thought. The idea of sending her home to LA, no, damn it, I won’t do it. I need her, I need her here with me. I already go fucking crazy enough as it is when I’m not near her, I can’t imagine sending her across the fucking country.
 

I’m gonna kill him if he fucking leaves.