Redeeming Kyle: 69 Bottles #3 (27 page)

There is a knock followed by three quick knocks. I stand up. “What’s wrong?” Addison says.
 

“Nothing, angel, Mills needs me.” I bend down and kiss her forehead. “I’ll be right outside. Go back to sleep.”
 

“Okay,” she says sleepily and before I clear her bed, she’s back to sleep. I open the door quietly and Tori is standing in front of it.
 

“What’s up?” I whisper and she steps out of my way right as the door clicks quietly closed.
 

“You mother fucker.” I charge at Kyle, slamming him up against the wall opposite the door. “A little late, aren’t we?”
 

“Come on, Talon. Fuck, I fucked up, I was fucked up.”
 

“Where the fuck have you been?” I’m still pinning him to the wall, it’s the only thing stopping me from punching his face in.
 

“I fucked up, I left, I regretted it the moment I did it but I didn’t know how to go back…I, I got wasted, was wasted when you left that fucking message. I didn’t know how to sober up, then, fuck, I knew she was in fucking trouble and the opportunity presented itself…”
 

“Are you fucking high right now?”
 

“No, god no, I bought it yes, but I chickened out. Dex fucking called me. I told him I needed help. He showed up, flushed it, threw my fucking ass in the shower so I could get here. I didn’t know what else to do, I wouldn’t show up drunk, I fucking couldn’t.”
 

I push on him and let him go. Then I haul off and give him one nasty ass fucking right hook. He grabs his face as Mills grabs me. “Easy, T. I know you’re pissed but this isn’t good, not for you, not for him, not for her. Back off.”
 

Tori assesses Kyle. “You alright?”
 

“Yeah, I deserved that and more.”
 

“If you’re gonna fucking be here, be here for her, be here to fucking stay. If you’re here because you fucking feel guilty for walking out and plan on doing it again, get the fuck out of this hospital. I won’t watch her destroy herself again. She’s fucking here because she didn’t eat enough. She couldn’t fucking get out of bed. She can’t fucking deal with this shit without you, without us. I can’t fucking do this without you.” Mills finally lets me go. “It never fucking occurred to me to make sure she ate more than she was. I didn’t realize until it was too late what kind of danger she was putting herself in because you fucking left her, Kyle, you fucking left me.”
 

“I got scared. I’m not ready for all this.”
 

“Do you think I am? Do you fucking think she is? Because I’m certainly not, and neither is she, but you know what she taught me while you’ve been gone? First, that she’s selfless. Everything she does is for you, for me, for those babies. Second of all, that we’re so fucking scared of the unknown that we can’t see past our own fucking noses and look at what’s coming in the long run and third, she’d fucking leave me if you didn’t come back to us. If you fucking came back to do your job, and not love her, she was gonna fucking leave me because she couldn’t take it, looking at you, knowing how much she loves you and not being able to have you, to hold you, to tell you she fucking loves you. You walked out on us. You were fucking selfish and walked out on our family, all because you think you can’t do this. Because you’re trying so hard to take it all away from her, to shoulder it for her. She loves being pregnant, despite the morning sickness, despite the pain, despite everything else, she loves it, and she loves it because we showed her that we loved it too.

“It’s Wednesday, Kyle. Today is the first day since you left that I could touch her stomach. That I could kiss our kids and that’s because I begged her to let me. She wouldn’t let me take her picture today. Said it hurt too much, it hurt because it was your damn job to do it, not mine. She made that pact with you because you were having the hardest time dealing with all this. She wanted to show you that it was alright, that it would be okay and more than anything, she wanted you to see what was happening to her. She hasn’t journaled, she hasn’t picked up her book and she’s been throwing up alone because she wouldn’t let me in bed with her. By the time I knew she was up, it was too late.
 

“Despite all of that, despite what’s happened, she still loves the fact that she throws up because it means that everything is healthy, or so they say. She loves the fact that her breasts hurt because it means she’s working to feed those twins. She will take everything this pregnancy has to throw at her with everything she has. She’s taught me that when they’re born and she can hold them in her arms that it will all be worth it.”
 

By the time I’m done, I’m speaking softly and Kyle is wiping tears from his eyes. “And me, I gave you my love, the one thing you knew was nearly impossible for me to give up. I gave it to you and to her, and you left. You walked out the door, Kyle. Just like everyone else in my life.”
 

“Stop…” he breathes. “I will spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes this week. I’ve already paid a heavy price for it. I damn near broke eight years of sobriety because of what I did. But I didn’t, because someone was watching out for me. Someone was pulling me back. That someone was you and it was her, and it was those babies. I left because I thought I wasn’t ready, but I know now that I am more than ready. I know now that without you, without her, and without them, that I will be a worthless nothing roaming the streets. I can’t breathe without you, without her.” He stands up and I slam into him again. This time I take his face in my hands and I kiss him long and hard. I move my hands but not my lips. I intertwine them in his and hold them over his head.
 

“Say it,” I demand against his lips.
 

“I love you.”
 

“Say it again.”
 

“I love you with all my fucking heart, Talon Carver!” I slam my lips against his again, kissing him like my life depends on it.
 

“I love you too,” I say back to him and he nuzzles his nose against mine.
 

“How is she?” he asks quietly and I slowly let him go.
 

“She’s dehydrated, but that’s getting better. Her blood sugar dropped to way below normal levels, which is what caused her to pass out. Low blood sugar is from lack of food. She was eating, but barely enough for her, let alone the twins. I’ve never not seen her clean her plate and she left at least a quarter of a big bowl of mac n’ cheese last night and because I was too caught up in showing her that I still love her and the twins, I forgot to feed her this morning. Which is one of the many reasons why we need you.”
 

“How are the babies?”
 

I smile for the first time in three days. “They’re good, from what they can tell. Everything seems to be intact. She’s right on the cusp of them being able to get a visual on their heartbeats. They’re going to do another one tomorrow and then give us instructions on when to come back for another one to make sure everything is alright.”
 

He nods. “I want to see her,” he says.
 

“She was sleeping when I left to come out here.”
 

“I’m right here,” she says from behind us. I whirl around.
 

“You’re supposed to be in bed,” I chastise her.
 

“I had to pee,” she retorts with a smirk. She looks past me to Kyle. “If you cross this threshold, it’s because you’re here to stay. It’s because you’re here for me, you’re here for Talon and you are here for our babies. It means no more guilt about my symptoms. I heard what he told you and he’s right. I know it will all be worth it, in the end. Kyle, I love you more than anything, besides Talon and these little ones in here.” She runs her hand over her stomach. “I cannot handle this again. I am still upset that you left, but I hope it gave you a chance to clear your mind of your fears and your doubts. I cannot promise that I won’t freak out, say something that upsets you, or remain hurt over the fact that you left. I need time to heal and time to believe you’re really here with me, with us.”
 

She pulls herself away from the door jamb and turns, pushing her IV pole back into the room, disappearing behind the curtain. “The choice is yours, cowboy. Get on the horse and ride it, or stay behind and watch it leave.” I give him a small smile and step into the room. She’s crying, leaning against the bed. I take a step toward her and a hand on my shoulder stops me.

“You’ve seen this enough in the last few days. It’s my turn to bear this one.” He gives me a smile and goes to her. Kneeling down, he looks up at her. “Addison?”
 

“Oh god,” she wails, falling forward and he catches her and scoops her up in his arms. I lean against the wall and watch as he holds her tightly to him and I know that today is the beginning of everything we’ve ever wanted.

“Addison…” I put my finger to his lips.

“Shh…” I give him a smile. “What I heard out there is enough for right now.”
 

“But baby girl, please, let me say what I need to say.”
 

He lays me down on the very uncomfortable hospital bed and covers me back up. His hands brush along my pouch and I tremble. He notices and slides the covers back down just a little bit. He doesn’t touch me skin to skin, but gently places his hands on my gown covered pouch. He starts crying and more tears drip from my eyes. His eyes meet mine. The emotions in his eyes show themselves to me immediately and I’m lost in them. “I’m not ready for this…” I fight to keep looking at him, and he doesn’t stop talking, “but I will be ready. I know that now because for three days, all I could think about was you, the babies, and Talon. I made some very shitty choices over the last three days, choices that I don’t want to take back because without those choices, I wouldn’t realize what I would honestly be without you,” his thumbs stroke along my stomach and warmth spreads through my veins, “the babies,” he head cocks in Talon’s direction, “and Talon. I realize that this is where I’m supposed to be, this is the path I’m supposed to take. I bought coke, did you hear that part?” I nod, “I bought it, but sat there staring at it for hours. Trying to build up the nerve to do it. That’s when I realized that there are far more important things in my life than drugs. I know now what it would mean for you to lose me. The sacrifice you would make without me in your life and I realize that I can’t let that happen because that would kill me a thousand times over. I love you more than life itself. I need you and I need Talon and I need these panda cubs.” I sob at his use of the nickname for the twins. “I will be here every day, I will love you every day and I will show you how much I love you. I can’t promise not to worry when you’re sick, I cannot promise not to worry when you’re hurting, and I cannot promise that I won’t panic from time to time. But I can promise to remind myself that this is all worth it, this is all,” his hands move from my stomach down, tugging on my hospital gown, lifting it to beneath my breasts. He leans down and kisses me. I sob harder. “Worth,” he kisses the other side, “every minute, every hour and every day.”
 

I see Talon from the corner of my eye. His eyes are red with tears. I hold my hand out for him to come and take it and he comes over, hesitantly. “The next time either one of you feel panicked about what’s happening to me? Ask me, I will tell you. Read about it. Know about what’s happening to my body, you both want to shoulder what’s happening to me because you think it’s a burden, it’s not. It is an absolute blessing. Read the books, follow along with the growth, the progression, so that when something new happens with me, you don’t panic on me. I’ve fought so hard to be strong for both of you, to be strong for the babies and I can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted and I feel like someone has stuffed a softball in my stomach.” They both snort a laugh.

“That would be us, we did that part,” Talon says with a wide smile and Kyle chuckles.
 

The tears that I’d finally managed to stop come back, but now they are happy tears. “We will do our best. But give us a little slack if we screw up,” Talon says with a smile. “Because you know damn well we will.”