Redemption and Regrets (Chastity Falls, #4) (25 page)

~ Cara ~

T
he door opened, but I didn’t turn over to see who was there.

I didn’t care.

“Baby,” Mom said softly, and I felt her perch on the bed behind me. “You can’t stay locked up in here all day.” When I didn’t respond, she reached over and laid a hand on my arm. “Cara, you could have told me about Jason. I would have listened, and I would have done something. God, I can’t believe we trusted him and he-” She gulped and I found her hand to squeeze it.

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Cara, look at me.”

I rolled onto my back and stared up at her with puffy eyes.

“What Jason tried to do to you, well, just the thought of it breaks my heart, but the fact you thought you couldn’t come to us ... to me, with it kills me. I am your mother, baby. I would have listened.”

Couldn’t she see that I didn’t care about Jason or what he’d done? I only cared that Braiden had gone. He had left me.

“He’s gone,” I whispered, a new gush of tears falling.

Mom pulled her legs up and lay down beside me, wrapping me in her arms. “Shh, baby. Everything will be okay. Shh.”

Anger burned through me. All my life I’d been coddled and wrapped up in an untouchable bubble. Even Forest Grove came with the Jason-stipulation. My parents kept saying it was for my own protection, that they were acting in my best interests, but nothing about this situation felt right.

Braiden was the first guy I risked letting in—not that I had a choice when it came to his haunted blue eyes. I hadn’t planned to fall in love with him; I didn’t even know that much about him, for Christ’s sake, but none of that mattered because his soul spoke to mine. I’d known it that first time he visited the stadium.

How was I just supposed to turn my back on that?

I couldn’t.

But he had left me. He hadn’t fought for us. He’d just taken Daddy’s offer and then he was gone.

He. Was. Gone.

~

A
fter spending most of the day moping in my bedroom, I finally left its comfort and went for a jog. I was due back in classes tomorrow, but I didn’t feel ready. Not when everything that had happened over the last five days consumed my head. All I’d wanted was my independence, and to a certain degree, I’d found that in Forest Grove. Sure, Jason was a regular pain in my butt, but I’d had friends, ran track, attended classes, and partied with the rest of Pacific students. I was my own person.

Meeting Braiden changed all that.

I was still me, but I felt ... different. Maybe it was a silly crush. I’d never been in love before, so how would I know anything? But if it was only lust, why did my heart hurt so much? And why, every time I closed my eyes, did I see his face? His eyes.

He was a part of me.

The house came into view as I jogged out of the dense woods around the perimeter of the grounds. A lone figure stood in front of the annex staring out in my direction. I couldn’t make out my father’s face, but I knew it was him. The rigid stance, the gray suit. He was watching me. And I hoped he felt even an ounce of the pain and hurt I did.

It crossed my mind to cut across the yard to avoid talking to him, but I’d never backed down from him before. I wasn’t about to start now.

“Cara,” he said as I slowed my pace. “I’d hoped we could talk?”

I glared at him. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“No, I guess you don’t, but I have plenty to say to you. Please?”

I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but something about the way he asked permission caught me off guard, and I found myself saying, “Okay, but I need water first.”

“I’ll have Miranda bring us drinks to the den.”

“Great,” I said sarcasm dripping from my voice as I brushed past him and stormed into the house like a petulant child. But he brought this side out in me with his condescending bullshit.

When I entered the den, I made myself comfortable in an old leather armchair and waited. No doubt, he was going to chastise me for keeping the whole thing with Jason quiet. And I didn’t even want to imagine what he would have to say about Braiden. But I would grin and bear it all because it was just the way we worked. He spoke, I listened, and then I hated him a little bit more.

Miranda breezed into the room flashing me one of her warm smiles. “I added a little mint and a dash of lime.” She placed the tray down and met my eyes. “Smile, Cara honey, whatever it is the Lord will answer your prayers.”

I needed more than the Lord. I needed a miracle.

“Thank you, Miranda. That will be all.” My father appeared in the doorway and adjusted his silk tie before taking the chair opposite me. Miranda closed the door leaving us alone and we drank our water in thick silence. Neither of us willing to break eye contact.

The seconds ticked by and I remained still, focused on the man who refused to recognize I was no longer a child—that I no longer needed to be protected. That I could make my own decisions.

“This is not a conversation I ever thought we’d be having.” My father leaned forward and clasped his hands in front of him.

“And exactly why is that, Daddy?” I said in a sickly sweet tone. “Because you never thought I’d fall in love? Or perhaps you just never thought I had it in me to love an ex-con?”

He shifted on his seat clearly uncomfortable with my harsh words. Well, good. I wanted him to squirm. “You mistake my meaning, Cara. I am referring to what happened with Jason.”

“Oh.” The single word fell from my mouth. I hadn’t expected this.

“You seem surprised?”

“That you want to talk about your beloved and trusted Jason? About how the guy you favored over your own daughter tried to rape her? Surprised doesn’t even begin to describe what I am feeling.” Heat colored my cheeks and I took another sip of water trying to calm the rage building.

“I guess I deserve that.”

“Pfft,” I muttered both confused and unnerved by the turn this conversation had taken. Authoritative father, I could tolerate. At least, I knew where I stood. But this version of my father threw me for a loop. He seemed so weary. So unsure.

So remorseful.

“Jason has always shown me nothing but loyalty and support. You were friends, were you not? In high school? At college?”

“Well, yeah, I guess, but only because you made it so difficult for me to form friendships with anyone outside of the family or your associates. People didn’t want to befriend the girl with Frankie O’Connor for a father.”

Something passed over his face but was quickly replaced with his usual mask. “And for that, I’m sorry. But I can’t help who I am, Cara. What I do. This is the life I was born into as it is the life you were born into. Is it really that bad? To be my daughter?”

I looked in right in the eyes as I said, “It hasn’t always been easy.”

“No, no, it hasn’t. But I am your father, Cara, and I have always acted in what I considered to be your best interest.”

“And Braiden?”

“Is not the right guy for you.”

“How? How can you possibly know who is the right guy for me? Aren’t I supposed to decide that for myself?”

My father’s eyes softened a fraction, and he sighed. “Sweetheart, I know because I was Braiden Donohue. Back when I met your mother, I was that self-assured, untouchable guy who thought he had the world at his feet. I did whatever I wanted with little consequence. I hurt people, stabbed them in the back, if it meant getting to where I needed to be. You deserve so much better.”

Tears built behind my eyes, but I would not cry. The man in front of me didn’t deserve my tears. He had taught me that crying showed weakness, and I would not be weak. Not here. Not now.

“Braiden has changed. He served out his time. He’s different. You tried to have him killed, Daddy. Killed! You expect my understanding and forgiveness for that but can’t find it in yourself to try to understand Braiden. To try to see that he is changed. He wants to be better. He
can
be better.”

My father stared at me like he no longer recognized me. It wasn’t the first time I’d gone head to head with him over something, but maybe it was the fact I refused to fall in line or maybe, just maybe, he was starting to understand how deep my feelings for Braiden ran.

I should have known better.

“Cara, what’s done is done. Braiden is gone. You need to forget about him and focus on college. On your future. I didn’t ask you in here to talk about Donohue,” he said detaching himself from everything I’d just said. “I brought you in here to apologize for not being there when you needed me. I will never forgive myself for what happened, but know that Jason will never harm you again. He will never set foot in this house again. As far as I’m concerned, Jason Delaney is dead to this family.”

Chills rippled through my body at my father’s cold words. His eyes filled with a fire that I’d only ever seen once or twice in my life. I closed my eyes trying to shut my mind down as it began to conjure up all of the possibilities about where Jason was or what was happening to him. I hated him—didn’t ever want to see him again—but I also didn’t want to imagine him being tortured like Braiden had. Of the knowledge that this was who my real father was. A man that tortured and killed his way through problems.

“I- I can’t be here.” I jumped up and glared at my father, needing to be far, far away from him. “You still don’t get it. I don’t think you ever will.” My feet propelled me toward to the door as I ignored his pleas.

Mom had told me how hard life with my father had been. How those early days, when I was just a baby, had tested her resolve and pushed her to her limits. But she’d stuck by him. In spite of who he was—his name and what he did—Mom saw something good in him. She believed in their love and she fought for him. For her. For their marriage.

Because she thought a love like that was worth fighting for.

Braiden hadn’t fought for us. Not in the end. He’d chosen to sacrifice our relationship for what he thought was the greater good. I didn’t doubt that a part of him believed every word my father said about him—that he wasn’t good enough for me.

But he was wrong.

And if he wouldn’t fight for us. For our love.

I would.

~ Braiden ~

I
awoke early after a comatose night of sleep. It was probably the concoction of beer and pain meds, but at least, I hadn’t dreamed of Cara—and if I had, I couldn’t remember. I needed a clear head for the day ahead. Briony and Luke were expecting me in Astoria, and I didn’t want to dance around, making friends and playing catch up. I wanted to get in and then get the fuck out. The sooner I had the information O’Connor needed, the better.

After showering and repacking my few belongings into the rucksack O’Connor had returned to me, I wandered outside the motel and managed to hitch a ride into Astoria with a trucker on his way to the Port. My stomach somersaulted with nervous energy, a million fucking scenarios playing out in my head, and by the time he rolled to a stop, I was ready to puke.

“Thanks, man,” I said climbing out of the truck and getting my bearings. He’d given me directions of where to hail a cab to take me to Luke’s apartment.

It was only a short ride from the Port to the apartment, and in no time, the cabbie pulled to a stop. I paid him and climbed out staring up at the building. There was no going back now. Once this was all over with, I could start living my life—no expectations, no lies or secrets, just me and my own rules. My heart hammered against my chest, but I shut it down. I shut it all down. Now was time for the old Braiden Donohue to pull on his game face.

“Braiden.” Briony rushed out of the door and ran toward me. I dropped my bag and caught her as she flung herself at me. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. I thought you were lying in a ditch dead somewhere.”

Guilt knocked at my conscience, but I refused to let it in. She had lied to me, kept things from me.

Played me.

“Hey, I’m fine. See.” I released her and stepped back. “Never been better.”

She eyed me critically. “Really? You’re back? For good?”

“There are still things I need to be clear on, questions that need answering, but yeah, where else would I be?”

Her lips curled into a huge smile just as Luke appeared behind her. “Let’s move this inside, no?”

I heard his warning loud and clear; we needed to stay under the radar. I nodded, hauled the bag over my shoulder, and wrapped my other arm around my sister leading her back to the building.

“It’s good to see you, man.” Luke opened the door to the apartment and motioned for us to enter. Briony seemed unaware of the clipped tone of his voice, but I didn’t. He was suspicious. But he had every right to be. Without hesitation, I replied, “I needed to work out some things. Turns out going home wasn’t my smartest move ever, it brought back some shit. Shit that only liquor and sex can cure.” I winked at him, and Briony nudged me in the stomach. “Braid, too much information.”

I dropped my bag and held up my hands in surrender. “Hey, just telling it like it is. I was celibate for four years, B. What else did you expect?”

“Pig.” She smiled and went to the refrigerator to get drinks. “You could’ve texted or called. Something, Braiden.”