Chapter 32
Charlotte Knight
Friday: 1:34
P.M
.
With each step Charlotte took, her legs felt as if they were laced with lead. She longed for the day to be over. Beside her, Xavier walked as they ventured on a narrow path just outside of the cabin. George and Nina had found seats on the wraparound porch to have their talk. Charlotte had seen Beryl and Travis heading in the other direction, walking alongside the lake.
Not wanting to stay in the cabin and possibly be heard by Phillip and Shelby, they'd gone in the only other direction in which they might have the privacy Phillip urged them to seek for their ultimate marriage saving discussion.
Charlotte viewed it as a waste of time. There was no doubt in her mind that her husband was up to no good. Just as Phillip had suggested, she brought along the folder with all the hard facts tucked within, even though she knew most of the information like the back of her hand. Just in case Xavier tried to dispute something, she'd whip it out and stop him dead in his tracks.
She'd been avoiding this discussion for months, scared to hear what the ugly truth really might be. Now somewhere deep inside she was actually glad they were going to finally talk. It was now or never. If they didn't discuss their problems, then she'd just return home to continue the living nightmare. Once they talked, she could make some decisions.
“At some point we're going to have to talk,” Xavier said.
They'd been walking along the path for almost five minutes without saying a word to each other. Charlotte didn't say anything.
“Did you hear me?”
She could hear the frustration in Xavier's voice. “I heard you,” she said and continued on without offering anything else.
They walked a few more steps, then Xavier stopped abruptly. Charlotte stopped also once she realized he wasn't moving anymore.
Looking around, Xavier pointed to a tree, which had fallen. He walked toward it and sat down. “I am not walking another step. We're going to talk. Now.”
Charlotte was surprised by the command in his voice. He spoke in a business-like tone as if he were talking to one of his trainees. With only a slight moment of hesitation, she sat down next to him on the trunk.
Without hesitation, Xavier spoke. “I understand you're upset and you've been harboring some appropriately warranted anger toward me, but at some point this has all got to stop.”
“Iâ” Charlotte started to speak.
Putting his hand up, Xavier cut her off. “You, you, you. I've heard from you, Charlotte. Now, you need to listen to me.
Charlotte folded her arms and looked away from him at the trees in front of her.
“I know you've gone to a great extent to find out as much as you could about what I was doing behind your back. You asked me time and time again to come clean with you, and I didn't. I understand I should have.” He paused, tapping the folder on Charlotte's lap. “I am sorry you had to pull all this stuff out in front of strangers to get me to fess up. So what's done is done. I apologize for everything. And believe it or not, I have nothing else to hide. You were completely on point with the information you discovered. I honestly hadn't realized I was talking to those women so much,” Xavier said.
“Did you realize how many times you slept with those women?” Charlotte asked, trying to catch him in a lie.
“I only slept with Yasmineâtwice. That is the God's honest truth.”
“Oh, now you want to bring God into this. And you expect me to believe you?”
“Yes, I do. Because I am telling the truth, and I'm so sorry this all happened.”
“Why, Xavier? Why did you do this to me? To us?”
“I don't know. I really don't know. Most of it, like the Internet stuff, was just so ...” He looked around as if searching for the right word. “Addictive. It was like all I could think about was getting on the Internet, and once I was on there, time flew by. But I promise you, ever since you confronted me with the STD results, I've given it all up. I'm scared to even get on the Internet and check what the week's weather forecast is anymore.”
“So what was it? What wasn't I doing? What did those women have that I didn't have?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Like I said, I don't know what was so addictive about all of it. I really thought I had conquered that part of my life during my first marriage.” Xavier looked down at his feet. “I am pretty sure I've conquered it this time.”
“Pretty sure?” Charlotte asked. “How am I supposed to live with pretty sure? Do you know what you've put me through? How in the heck do you think I felt getting a venereal disease from my husband, like some common street hooker or something?”
Xavier winced, but didn't say anything. Charlotte was glad, she needed to let him know exactly what he'd put her through.
The volume of Charlotte's voice increased. “And then to find out my husband has been soliciting women on the Internet. And talking to other women more than he talks to me. How do you think I felt?”
Xavier continued to look at the ground.
Charlotte took her hand and hit Xavier's shoulder as hard as she could. He barely flinched. “Well, I'll tell you how it made me feel. I felt sick to my stomach, and I almost turned into a mad woman going around like I was some sort of detective. I almost drove myself crazy. And if it weren't for a good friend of mine, I probably would have gone completely mad. It took that friend to remind me that my actions were not what God could be pleased with. And that was the last thing I wanted to hear. But the more they talked to me and the more I thought about it, I realized, I couldn't handle the situation in an eye for an eye manner.
“Just because you had done some ungodly things to defile our marriage, I didn't have to reciprocate or continue to sneak around finding out about your dirt. This person encouraged me to talk with you about the things I'd found and get it all out into the open. He was the one who gave me the information about this marriage retreat, hoping it might help us.”
Xavier's eyebrows rose finally turning his attention to Charlotte in order to look squarely at her face. “He?”
“Yes, he,” Charlotte said.
“I know most of your friends, and what male friend do you have close enough to give you advice about our marriage?”
Charlotte could hear the defensiveness in Xavier's voice.
“Shawn,” she said. She braced herself for his reaction.
“Shawn? You've got to be kidding me. That guy has been trying to talk to you ever since you two started working together.” Xavier paused, shaking his head. His male ego had been bruised. “So he's been talking to you, huh? Probably filling your head with nonsense. He's probably really trying to make it look like he's the good guy and I am the bad guy so he can finally get a chance to be with you.”
“You have some nerve. For your information, Shawn is a true friend. And I really don't know where you get the idea that he wants to be with me. He has a girlfriend. A very nice and understanding girlfriend, I might add.”
“Oh sure, have you ever seen this girlfriend? She's probably just a figment of his imagination, just a part of his story to make you believe his nice guy routine. And how do you know she is so nice and understanding?”
“I met her once. She lives in New Jersey. She was
very
understanding when she found out I was staying at Shawn's house,” Charlotte said, again waiting for Xavier's reaction.
Xavier snapped his whole body around to her. “What do you mean when you stayed at Shawn's house? When did you ...” His voice trailed off.
“You know when. And for your information, Shawn was nothing but a gentleman the entire time I was there. He gave up his bed for me and slept on the couch. And the only thing he tried to do the whole time I was there was convince me that I needed to go back home and talk to you about everything. So you can get all the crazy ideas out of your head that the man is trying to get with me.”
Xavier shook his head. “Do you expect me to believe you were in some man's house for three days and he didn't try anything?” Xavier took a deep breath. “Am I supposed to believe you two didn't do anything?”
“You have some nerve. First of all, I don't have the proclivity you have with talking to and sleeping with other people,” Charlotte said. “And let's not forget, you are the one who drove me to go to that other man's house in the first place.”
Xavier recoiled as if Charlotte had slapped him in the face.
Several moments passed without either saying a word. Finally, Xavier broke the silence. “Okay, you are right, and I guess I deserved your last comment.”
“You're doggone right you deserve it. You've done all this dirt and you sit here trying to turn the tide on me? Then you want me to believe you are a changed man and you'll never do this to me again? You did it to your first wife and now to me. When will it ever stop?”
“Baby, I am sorry. Sorry for accusing you of doing anything with Shawn. I was wrong. It's just that I've always had it in my mind that that guy likes you.”
“He does like me, but only as a friend. So can we please stop wasting time and get off the subject of Shawn? Because if it weren't for Shawn, we wouldn't be sitting here right now.”
“Okay, you're right. I don't want to waste anymore time either. Bottom line is I love you, and I'll do whatever it takes to earn your love and trust back.”
Charlotte shook her head. It wasn't that she didn't love her husband, she had always loved him. She was extremely hurt by what he had done and didn't know if she'd ever be able to trust him again.
Xavier continued. “I know you have all that evidence, but if you look at the dates closely, you won't find anything damaging, on my part, since I found out about having gonorrhea.”
Charlotte reached for the accordion file again.
“Stop. I don't have to look at those papers to know that. I haven't contacted any of those women since before the day you confronted me in the dining room. It is true that Yasmine continued to call me for a while after I broke it off with her, but I told her time and time again to stop calling me. So you go ahead and look at all that so called evidence and check the time stamps and dates. I haven't called anyone I wasn't supposed to,” Xavier said.
From what she could remember about the timeline of the phone calls and the calls Xavier had made to all three women, what he was saying was true. And the recording devices she'd put in their home and in his car hadn't even remotely suggested that he'd wanted contact with another woman.
“Is there anything else you need to come clean about?” Charlotte asked.
“No, and if you do have something else you've been waiting to spring on me, I can honestly say that I have no idea what it could be. As far as I can recollect, you've done some really good detective work.”
Charlotte listened to what her husband was saying, hearing the sincerity in his voice. His tone and body language didn't suggest he was lying, and if she hadn't been pretty much monitoring his every move, she might still have doubts. But deep in her heart she believed her husband was telling the truth. She didn't know if it was because she wanted to believe him or because she needed to believe him. But deep in her heart she did.
“You've got to believe me, Charlotte,” Xavier said.
With a sigh, Charlotte said, “I do believe you.”
“I promise you, baby, I'll never hurt you like that again. You've got to believe that too.”
“I believe what you say. But, honey, I think you have an unnatural problem with your appetite for women. You are going to need to seek professional help for this. I really don't think it is something you can control on your own.”
“I can. I just had a brief moment of weakness. But I know I can do this by myself.”
“Look, I still love you. I never stopped loving you, but it will take some time for me to work through all of this. And after all you've put me through, I don't think I'm asking too much for you to seek some professional help.”
“I really don't think I need any help, but if you want me to, I'll see someone. I am willing to do anything it takes to get us back to the way we used to be.”
“I hope you have patience because the road to the way we used to be will be pretty long,” Charlotte said.
“Well, I'll pray to God that the road will not be too long,” Xavier said.
“Good, because the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are really the only hope you have.” She meant this.