Chapter 31
Charlotte Knight
Friday: 9:26
A.M
.
Everyone in the house sat in the living room patiently waiting for Phillip. Shelby had asked them to meet in there instead of at The Round Table. Charlotte was glad to see that Nina was looking better than she had the previous evening and had even gotten a little bit of her spunk back.
Breakfast had been over for almost thirty minutes, and Phillip had failed to appear as he normally did during breakfast. And now he was late to start their morning session. The group had already gone through as much small talk as they could take during breakfast and during the first few minutes of their assembling in the living room.
Nina sat on the loveseat, leaning her head and body against George, and Beryl sat on an armchair on one side of the room while her husband sat in a matching chair on the other side of the room. Xavier sat on one end of the couch, while Charlotte had made sure to sit on the other end, as far as she could get away from him. Now all that could be heard was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room.
Shelby had pulled two chairs from The Round Table and set them in the front of the living room area, on opposite sides of the fireplace. At first, even Shelby's face had been pleasant, but now her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at the grandfather clock every other minute to check the time.
When the clock's bell chimed indicating it was half past the hour, Shelby leaned forward and stood up. As she did, Phillip entered the room. A look of relief washed over everyone's face.
“Good morning, everyone,” Phillip said. His face and demeanor was calm and refreshed. He walked over toward the seat designated for him. Passing it, he leaned down to give Shelby a kiss on the cheek. He sat, continuing to look at his wife. “Thank you, Shelby, for having everyone gather in here.”
“You're welcome,” Shelby replied.
Phillip brought his hands together in a single clap. “I guess you're all wondering why we're sitting in here. Very simply, I thought we needed a change of scenery. And I think the chairs,” Phillip pointed to the living room chairs, “are a great deal more comfortable. It's Friday, and I don't know about you all, but to me it feels like this week is going by pretty slow. So I want us to have a little fun and kick our feet up a little.”
“Sounds good to me,” Travis said.
Out of the corner of Charlotte's eye, she saw Beryl roll her eyes.
“I've given you all a great deal of notes and things to consider in your decision to move your marriages forward,” Phillip said. I am going to give you a few more things to ponder for the remainder of your time here and once you get back to your homes.
“We won't be spending the whole day working, per se. During this morning's session, we'll go over some things, but this afternoon, I want you all to make a true effort to find somewhere quiet to talk to your spouse about any and everything you want to and need to talk about. Who knows when you'll have the luxury of time to do so again? Especially once you get back to your busy lives at home.”
Charlotte didn't mind sitting and listening to more insight from Phillip and didn't care if they did so from sun up to sundown. What she didn't want to do was say two words to her husband, much less spend time alone with him carrying on a whole conversation.
Looking at the scowl on Beryl's face, it seemed like her sentiments were the exact same. The only two people who looked like they were okay with the suggestion were Nina and George. They sat all snuggled up, looking like they were on their second honeymoon or something.
“Do we have toâ” Beryl started to say, but was cut off by Phillip's hand. He'd held it up indicating she didn't need to finish the sentence.
“Yes, you have to,” Phillip said. “You need to know that you and your spouse have had ample time to hash out any problems and concerns.”
Like a child upset about not getting a lollipop, Beryl folded her arms.
“During your conversations with your spouse, you may also realize that sometimes things are not always what they seem. Which brings me to our last main topic of the week: the fun house,” Phillip said. “How many of you all have been inside a fun house, like at a state fair or an amusement park?”
Charlotte, along with a couple others, raised her hand. Charlotte had only been inside one fun house and vowed never to enter another. She'd had a hard time navigating the maze of mirrors and ended up walking into so many of them, that she'd bruised her nose. She'd also fallen a couple of times on stairs, which had been moving from side to side.
Then she'd bruised her hip trying to walk through a cylindrical shaped walkway, which continually turned around and around like the mixer on a cement truck. The walkway hadn't been what caused her to bruise her hip. That had happened when just after she'd safely maneuvered out of the cylinder and came face to face with a large, distorted, neon-colored face which seemed to be barreling straight at her.
It was only after she fell back against a wall that she realized the face was hers, reflecting off of a fun house mirror. The neon purple and green lights gave an eerie look to her reflection. A chill came over her body at the memory of it, causing her to shudder involuntarily. She wrapped her arms around her upper body.
“Well, if you've ever been in a fun house,” Phillip continued, “you know sometimes you can find things that aren't so fun, and things that can often be a little scary; especially with the weird music and the sound of a laughing clown. At night, when they've got all the neon lights flashing, it can add to the overall goal of trying to deceive you. Now, let me ask you another question. Have any of you been inside a fun house during the day? Especially when the amusement park is closed?”
No one raised their hand this time.
“Here's the funny thing.” Phillip chuckled. “During the day when everything is turned off, you can see the true facets of the house. The illusions are just that.”
Shelby nodded her head in agreement.
“Sometimes there are things in our life which might be having the same affect as the fun house does. Sometimes we mistake something for something else, or we have a misunderstanding about something that can be resolved, especially when a little light is shed on to it. Believe me, I know,” Phillip said. “But that's another story.”
Shelby nodded her head a little more adamantly this time, making Charlotte wonder what kinds of problems she and Phillip could have had in their marriage.
“Now my example of the fun house is a little on the extreme side. But to put it very simply, the brain often distorts stuff. In many cases, a person's perception will turn into their reality. And no matter what you say to that person, they will stand firm in their belief.
“There are many reasons the brain distorts stuff. One reason the brain might distort something may depend on a person's value system. Or even references a person may think about, which apply to a certain situation.”
Phillip sat on the edge of his seat. “For instance, I remember one time when I was a little boy, I was visiting my grandparents. For some reason, my mom and dad had come to pick me up a few days early. My grandmother wasn't home at the time, so I wanted to leave her a little note, to let her know I had to go.
“Well, the only pen I could find had red ink. I wrote the note and left it on the refrigerator under one of her favorite magnets.”
Phillip took in a deep breath and sighed. “Long story short, my grandmother ended up calling my mom, crying. She was upset because I had written her a nasty note. When my mom got on me about leaving a mean note to my grandmother, I was absolutely dumbfounded. My mother ended up getting to the bottom of it. It turns out my grandmother felt that because I had written the note with red ink, I was mad at her.”
Phillip laughed. “I laugh now, but believe me; it wasn't funny at the time. It took months to convince my grandmother that I wasn't mad. She had been taught that you only use the color red to write to someone if you were angry at them. And my leaving early supported the fact that I must have been angry with herâin her mind at least.
“To this day, I hesitate before using red ink to write anything. And to this day, if I receive something written in red ink, I think about how my grandmother would have interpreted it,” Phillip said. “You all may be able to think of some examples. So again, different value systems can cause our brains to distort stuff. There are times when we only hear what we want to hear. Like when a person says one thing but you hear another thing.”
“And times when a person's emotions will cause them to misinterpret information, especially times when the person is experiencing anger or grief.”
Phillip sat back slightly in his chair. “With communication being so key in marriages, we must try to eliminate as much brain distortion as possible. So that's why it is often important to listen to what the other person is saying, and for clarification, repeat what they've said to make sure you are getting a full understanding of what they actually meant.”
As Phillip continued talking about how the brain often distorts things, and how people can be mistaken, Charlotte, thought about her own situation, reflecting on each of the things she'd accused Xavier of doing and the concrete facts she had to prove his wrongdoings. In her mind, there was absolutely no way she had misconstrued anything.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard George's voice interjecting.
“May I say something?” George asked.
“Sure, go right ahead,” Phillip said.
George addressed the group. “I often encourage couples to do just as Phillip is saying. And you'll be surprised how much people do and don't hear.” George directed his attention back to Phillip. “The other thing you'll be surprised about is how much of their communication isn't verbal.”
“Bingo,” Phillip said. He stood and gave George a high five. “You see, I love it when things fall into place. Like minds do think alike.” Phillip took his seat again. “Communication isn't just about what you say, but also how you say it. The inflection in your voice can be a form of communication, as well as your tone and body language. So what you actually say is only a small percentage of effective communication.”
“Amen to that,” Beryl said. She looked directly at Travis. “Can you repeat that last part again?”
Phillip smiled as if feeling Beryl's pain. Heck, Charlotte figured by now that everyone, except Travis, felt Beryl's pain.
“It's very important to make sure you know without a shadow of doubt what your spouse means. And it is also important to figure out what might be an actual brain distortion. Make sure you are communicating effectively via verbal communication, voice inflection, the tone of your voice, and body language,” Phillip said.
“And if the other person has done all of what you've said and is pretty sure the other person is telling the truth, what happens when they don't deliver?” Beryl asked.
Phillip's eyebrows rose in question. “I'm not sure what you mean.”
“Okay, I'll use Travis and me as an example. What if we have talked and supposedly have an understanding. Like for instance, he knows he needs to look for a job and he says he is going to look for a job. His body language and tone are screaming that he will follow through on what he says he is going to do. But then days and weeks turn into months and he hasn't looked for a job. What happens then? Am I supposed to sit back and continue to let him lie to me like I am Boo Boo the Fool?” Beryl asked.
Travis sat up. “Beryl, that's not fair.” Travis looked around at everyone in the room. Charlotte saw his cheeks flush. “I have been looking for a job. It's just hard out here for a black man,” Travis said.
“Oh really? What I hear you saying is that you've been looking for work,” Beryl said. “Is that true?”
“Yeah, you know I have.”
Beryl held up her hand and started ticking off fingers. “And I see you are sitting upright, looking directly at me, so your body language is suggesting that you are telling the truth.”
“I am, Beryl.” As Travis spoke to Beryl, he continued to glance at the others around the room. His embarrassed face continued to flush.
“Okay then maybe it is me. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe my background and value system is a little different from yours. Now if it were me looking for a job, I'd be doing something on a daily basis to find one. I'd put in applications on a daily basis at various places. I'd also be scowling the Internet and talking to friends and family to find out if they knew of anyone hiring.” Beryl shrugged her shoulders. “But I guess your value system is a little different.”
“I have put in applications, and I looked on the Internet for jobs. I even asked my sister if anyone was hiring where she worked,” Travis said. This time his face took on a smugness, as if trying to save face.
“Ha,” Beryl said so loud that Charlotte almost jumped out of her seat. “In the last six months you've only put in about five applications. And you've been on the Internet even less times than that looking for anything, much less jobs. And I can't believe you are sitting there looking at me with that little smug face of yours.”