Rediscovering Peace (Military Love Book 1) (10 page)

We all sat in silence while we were eating the steaks Braden had grilled and after I finished I looked at my friends.

“So is anyone going to tell me what’s going on and why nobody has said a word since the minute I set foot on this porch?”

Faith, Braden and Caige looked at each other silently communicating who would break whatever news to me. Finally, Caige spoke up.

“Babygirl, we have been thinking. You know how we have the additional guestroom?”

I didn’t like where this was going. “Yes?” I asked skeptically.

“Well, Braden has been looking for a new place to stay. He doesn’t really like the apartment he lives in but he doesn’t want to stay in the barracks either. Since he is here all the time anyways we thought he could just move in with us. It would help with the bills and he could stop looking for a new place.”

Braden and I living under the same roof? That just had bad idea written all over it. It was one thing that he spent almost all his free time at our house but living with us was a whole different thing completely. I had been pretty good in controlling my lust for him but I wasn’t sure how long my self-control would last if I would was forced to live with him. On the other hand, he had been pretty good at accepting that I only wanted to stay friends and hadn’t made anymore hints that he wanted more from me. Maybe he had finally moved on and we would be okay. After a long few minutes of silence I finally answered.

“Sure he can move in. We will figure the details of rent out later. How soon are you going to move in?”

Another awkward moment of silence until Braden decided to answer my question.

“Well technically I already moved in. I know we should’ve asked you first but Caige was one hundred percent sure you would say yes anyways. So we moved all my stuff over earlier today. I hope you’re not mad at us.”

I just shook my head – leave it to my two best friends to make major decisions without consulting me first. Then again, I couldn’t really blame them. I hadn’t exactly been around much lately.

I raised my glass and smiled. “Welcome to the gang, Braden James Parker. I hope you’re ready for this because there is no turning back. You will soon realize that living with Caige is worse than living with any girl.”

Everybody busted out laughing and we enjoyed a nice evening full of laughter, stories and a little too much wine. I decided not to go into work the next day and just enjoyed the company of my friends. Work could wait for a day.

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard a soft knock on my door.

“Come in.” I didn’t turn around to see who came in but I instantly knew it was Braden. I was always able to tell when he was in the room without having to look. It was like there was some invisible energy between us as soon as he was around. Of course, I denied myself any thought that I could possibly be feeling more for him than I let myself believe. We weren’t meant to be together. A person couldn’t still be hung up on her ex and fall for someone else. Even if I would’ve have been able to open up my heart again, I was too busy with work to even think about a relationship.

“Are you sure you are okay with me living here, Skye?” Braden asked while sitting down on my bed.

I turned around to face him. “Of course I am. I wouldn’t have said yes if it wasn’t okay. Really, it’s not like it’s a big difference, you basically lived here before you moved in today anyways. Hell, I think you have spent more time here in the last few weeks than I have. But why didn’t you like your apartment? I know that complex and I know that the apartments are amazing.”

“Well... I have started looking for a new place ever since you told me Oliver used to live there. That’s why I haven’t asked you to hang out at my place anymore. I didn’t want to confront you with memories of the times with him. You know with the base here it’s hard to find a decent place that isn’t a complete shit hole. When Caige found out I was looking for a new apartment he offered me to move in here. First I said no because I didn’t want to overwhelm you, but Caige told me that was bullshit and that you would be fine with me moving in. He basically said the same thing about me living here already anyways.”

“Braden, you didn’t have to start looking for a new place because of me. I would’ve been fine hanging out at your place.”

Braden got up and walked over to me. He pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear and looked at me.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t see the look on your face when I brought you to my place for the first time. There was so much hurt in those beautiful blue eyes of yours. I would do anything never to see that look again. You looked so helpless and broken. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you smile, and I will beat up anyone who tries to hurt you. The first few weeks after we met again you were constantly sad. Just in the last two weeks I can see the old Skye shining through again. The girl who can take on anything and anyone, the girl who always gets back up no matter what life throws at her. I am making it my life’s mission to keep that Skye around because we have all missed her.”

I was speechless. I hadn’t been aware of how apparent my feelings must’ve been. He was right. I had been sad a lot but in the last couple of weeks, I had barely thought about Oliver and finally felt like I could breathe again. I was still hurt by his actions but I knew my life would go on. I looked up into Braden’s eyes and saw him staring at my lips. This was it. He was about to kiss me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop him. He slowly lowered his head to mine and brushed his lips over mine softly. I opened my mouth to give him permission to kiss me. Our tongues entwined, and he kissed me with force yet very carefully as if I could disappear any minute. I felt the heat building in my body, and I wanted more. I wanted to feel Braden but once I would let that happen, I knew everything would change. Coming to my senses, I pushed Braden back.

“I am sorry, Braden. I can’t. I don’t feel what you feel and I don’t want to hurt you. I won’t lie. I do want you. But not the way you need me to.”

“Baby, you can lie to yourself all you want. I know you too feel this connection we have. Don’t deny yourself these feelings. In the eight years we were apart I never once stopped thinking about you. Thoughts of you were what kept me going through my deployment. I hoped I would be able to find you once I got back. It took longer than I had wanted and I really didn’t know I would run into you here. I had always known you were the one, even when I was engaged to Chelsea. That’s why I wasn’t mad when she cheated. She gave me the perfect excuse to walk away. I think she always knew there was someone else.”

“Please stop. I am not the girl I used to be. I am broken and I don’t believe in love anymore. You deserve someone who can love you with all her heart. It isn’t me, Braden. What I feel for you is lust. Nothing more.”

“If you say so. Skye, I will always wait for you. You’re it for me and I am not going anywhere until you realize we belong together. Fate has brought me back here to you at a time you needed a friend and as much as you want to hide your feelings, I know you feel what I do. So I will be there when you’re ready. Until then, I will continue to be your friend. As I said before if that’s what it takes to stay in your life then that’s what I will do. Goodnight, sweetheart.”

With a kiss on my cheek he left my room and I was left behind dumbfounded. I thought he had finally moved on. I would’ve never allowed him to move in if I would’ve known he still had feelings for me. Why couldn’t he have come back in my life before I met Oliver? I was sure that Braden could make me happy but what if he would eventually think that I wasn’t good enough for him and leave me? I couldn’t let that happen. Breaking up with Braden broke my heart and being cheated on by Oliver shattered it. Braden now had the power to completely destroy it and there would be no coming back from that. I couldn’t allow myself to have a relationship with him again. I wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences if he decided to leave. I would just have to get over this attraction to him. I needed to get out of here and get a clear head. This was getting to be too much for me – the break up with Oliver and then Braden’s presence all the time. I needed a break. I knew exactly what I was going to do to get that break.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Faith asked me the next day as I was loading my suitcase in the car.

“Yes I am sure. I need some time to myself. I haven’t had time to myself to process everything that has happened in the last couple of months. In a matter of weeks, I caught my fiancé cheating on me and all of a sudden my first love is back in my life and wants us to pick up right where we left off eight years ago. I need time to figure out what I want. It’s only three days but going to my parents’ lake cabin will be perfect for me. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. I just need to think. Don’t tell Braden where I went please. Knowing him he would try to follow me.”

I had called my boss earlier that morning to let him know I wasn’t going to be back in the office until Tuesday. I planned on spending a weekend by myself to sort my feelings out and figure out why Braden was invading my thoughts every waking hour. I was confused and that was an understatement. I didn’t want to let him in but at the same time I wanted to keep him as close as possible. Yes, this getaway would be great.

I drove the five and a half hours to get to the cabin. Located on a hill overlooking the lake and woods, I never understood why they had bought a vacation house here when we lived on the beach. But when I took in the peaceful and quiet scenery, I knew exactly why they chose Lake Burton. It was perfect to get away and just have time to yourself. I got my luggage out of the car and opened the door to the cabin. It was exactly how I remembered it from previous vacations with my parents.

I went directly into my bedroom, which was facing towards the lake. I used to lie in my bed all the time and just stare out on the water. Lakes and beaches had always had a calming effect on me. No matter how bad my day was as soon as I got to a beach I was instantly in a better mood. My mom used to joke all the time that I was probably a mermaid in a previous life. As a child I had always believed that she was right.

I flopped onto my bed as exhaustion from the long drive here took over – a nap would be perfect. I texted Faith to let her know I made it safely and turned my phone off. I didn’t want anybody to be able to bother me this weekend. I finally fell asleep after enjoying the view a little while longer and when I woke back up the sun was already setting.

I got up, grabbed a book and a chair and walked down to the dock. I sat down and got lost in my book as the world around me was dipped into pink from the sunset. It was a gorgeous evening. When it got too dark for me to see anything, I went back to the cabin in search of something to eat. Luckily, I had told my mom that I was coming here, and she had arranged for someone to stock up the pantries and fridge. I knew the next store was about thirty minutes away and I didn’t feel like leaving. I was so thankful that my mom had thought about that or I would probably just starve. I fixed a sandwich and went to sit in the living room.

The living room was painted in mint green and barely had furniture. There was only a comfy loveseat, my dad’s recliner and a small TV that I didn’t plan on using at all. This was the first time since leaving Savannah that I allowed myself to think about Braden or Oliver. I thought about how much Oliver had hurt me and how far I had come since that fateful day when my world came crashing down. I realized I didn’t think about him that much anymore and I was starting to live my life again. Though I had been drowning myself in work I didn’t have to fight to get up each morning.

Braden’s words about the old Skye shining through came to mind. He was right – I was slowly becoming my old self again. I hadn’t believed that that would be possible, but I was moving on. Oliver didn’t deserve my love and trust. However, did Braden deserve it? He had never given me a reason to doubt him and even though we were young back then I knew Braden would’ve never betrayed me like that.

I got up and got a photo album out of my suitcase. Braden had given it to me on our one year anniversary and it was filled with pictures of our time together. I looked through it and stopped at my favorite picture. We were standing at a lake in Germany wrapped up in each other’s arms just smiling at each other. I didn’t remember that picture being taken but I knew my dad must’ve taken it on one of our trips to the lake. My parents were always fond of Braden and my dad quickly took to calling him son. They had always seen us getting married and having children. In their eyes there was only Braden in my future. That’s why I hadn’t told them that he found me. They would be over the moon excited and would nag me why I wasn’t giving us another shot. That was the last thing I needed.

I thought back to the day that I finally agreed to date Braden.

It was a Tuesday, and Braden took me out to the lake for a picnic. For the last couple of months, he had made it a point to tell me every Tuesday how much he was in love with me, and that he wanted more than friendship from me. All these months I hadn’t been ready to be with him and I still wasn’t sure I was ready now. I had never had a boyfriend before, but I did have feelings beyond friendship for him. He made me happy, and I was comfortable around him. Time stopped when we were together. We settled down on the blanket with the picnic basket and I prepared for the inevitable speech of Braden.

“It’s beautiful out here. I will never get tired of this place,” I said.

“Not as beautiful as you are.”

“You’re too sweet, Braden. I am glad you’re my friend.”

“About that, Skye. I don’t just want to be your friend. You captured my heart from the moment I saw you strolling around school. For the last three months, I have fought so hard to be just your friend. However, I can’t do it anymore. I am falling in love with you, Skye. I know I have told you this every Tuesday for the last two months. Today is the last time I am trying. I’m not trying to pressure you, but I am pretty positive you feel something for me too. I can’t be imagining it. I have never wanted to be with a girl as much as I want to be with you. When I think about my future, I only see you. I know it’s crazy, but you have turned my world upside down. And I know it will never be the same. You barged into my life with your red hair and those cute freckles and all I want to do is hold you, kiss you and be around you. Please, Skye, please give us a chance. I promise it will be worth it.”