Relative Happiness (31 page)

Slowly, Lillian took her elbow and helped her up. It took a long time. Lexie couldn't feel her legs. She grabbed Lillian's coat sleeve since she couldn't walk on her own. What was wrong with her? What happened?

Lexie slumped against her. Lillian took her over to the car and gently put her in the front seat. She closed the door and went around and got in the driver's side. Lexie shivered.

Lexie felt a blanket cover her. Lillian searched in her tote bag, brought out a thermos and poured hot liquid into the plastic cup.

“Drink this. It will warm you up.”

Lexie did what she was told because she had no will of her own.

“Lexie, I'm going to take you to the hospital, okay?”

Lexie nodded.

She spoke very calmly and softly, and Lexie liked the sound of her voice.

“You'll be fine. You're exhausted, that's all.” She started the engine. “Someone will come back later and get your car. When we get there, I'll have someone call your mother, and she will come. You'll be all right, dear. Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine.”

Chapter Sixteen

She and Dad walked on a beach. The water got higher. She told Dad to hurry up, but he lagged behind. Pretty soon she couldn't see him anymore. The water kept rising and she couldn't move.

Lexie wanted to wake up. She knew it was a dream, but her eyelids were too heavy. She went back to sleep and this time it was quiet.

There was light in the window. She better get up and wake Josh. She turned her head to get out of bed and saw her mother. Her eyes were closed.

“Mom? Why are you here?”

She opened her eyes and quickly leaned over the bed. “Hi sweetheart.”

“What's wrong? Where's Josh? Why aren't you with him?”

“It's alright, dear. Josh is with Beth. He's fine.”

Lexie lay her head back down. Where was she?

“Honey, you're in the hospital.”

“Why?”

“You were very, very tired, Lexie.”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember anything?”

She remembered she drank out of a warm cup. It felt good.

“Not really.”

“Well, that's all right. Listen, honey, I want you to go to sleep now, okay? Everything is fine. I want you to sleep in and I'll be right here when you wake up.” She reached out and stroked her cheek and brow.

Mom is here. That's good. She closed her eyes.

Mom was there when she opened her eyes, just like she said she'd be. She held her hand. They didn't talk, just sat, like she and Dad used to. It was dusk outside, and the room was dark. Lexie heard people walk up and down the halls. She was content to lie still.

“Mom.”

“Yes.”

“Did Lillian Holmes bring me here?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so.”

“Before you say anything, I want you to know that I'll always be grateful to her for helping you. You are more important than anything else.”

“Okay.”

When she woke up again later, Beth was there. She was so pretty, even with her sad eyes.

“Hi.”

Beth smiled. “Wake up sleepyhead. It must be nice for some, to lollygag in bed all day.”

“Sorry.”

Beth grabbed her hand. She looked frightened. “Don't ever do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Don't get sick, Lexie. I couldn't bear it if you got sick.” She looked like she did the day they played hide and seek in the woods by the cottage. Beth lost her way for a few minutes, panicked and called Lexie's name over and over. When Lexie found her, Beth was shaking.

“I'm not sick, Beth.”

“What happened then?”

“I'm weary. That's all. Just weary. I haven't slept well since Dad died. And believe it or not, I haven't eaten that well either.”

“You've got to take care of yourself, Lex. This whole family would fall apart if you weren't around.”

“Oh, pooh.” Lexie laughed. “The only medicine I need right now is to see my baby boy.”

The day she was to go home, Lexie sat on the end of the bed and looked through her get well cards. There was a soft knock on the door. She looked up and there was Lillian.

“May I come in for a moment?”

“Yes.”

Lillian walked about halfway into the room and stopped. She looked unsure, but was perfectly composed. She was a striking woman, about five years younger than her mother.

“How are you feeling?”

Lexie was calm. “I'm better.”

“That's good.”

“Thank you for your help. I don't remember everything, but Mom told me.”

“I'm glad I was there to help.”

Lexie didn't know what else to say.

“I wanted to let you know, Lexie, that I'm leaving Glace Bay. I found another position in a hospital outside of Ottawa.” Lillian hesitated. “I think your life will be much easier when I'm not here. So will your mother's. I deeply regret the hurt I've caused your mother. And you of course. I never wanted that. Your father never had any intention of leaving your mother for me.”

Lillian paled and glanced down at the floor. “Your father and I were good friends. He spent a great deal of time talking about his girls. You in particular.”

Lexie looked at her but didn't say anything.

She looked up. “He said he loved all his daughters, but he had a special bond with you. He loved the fact that you had his mother's name. But he worried about you, too. He said you were the one who felt the pain, everyone's pain, and you were the one who tried to fix it.” She paused. “He loved you very much, Lexie.”

“Thank you.”

“I said goodbye to him that day in the cemetery. I'd like to think maybe I was there for a reason. He'd be glad I was there when you needed someone.”

“Yes. He would.”

“Goodbye Lexie.”

“Goodbye.”

Mom fussed. She was in Lexie's kitchen trying to find the electric mixer, rooting through the shelves underneath the counter. Lexie watched her and laughed to herself. Josh was on the floor, playing with his trucks.

“These shelves are a mess. How on earth do you find anything around here?”

“It's my mess, so I know exactly where things are. What do you want the mixer for?”

“I want to make lemon pudding. I need to beat the egg whites,” She finally spied the missing implement.

“You don't have to do that.”

“Yes I do. You need to eat something, get some meat on your bones.”

“Someone run for a tape recorder! This is a first: Mom wants me to eat.”

She gave Lexie a dirty look, then smirked. “All right, point taken.”

Lexie was still on medical leave from work. She'd go back soon. Mom took over, moving into the house, running after Josh, making the meals and doing the wash. She barrelled around as if she had all the energy in the world. Lexie felt guilty until Beth told her to shut up and be grateful. “Mom's in her element. She's taken charge and has a mission.”

She did seem brighter, Lexie had to admit, not as unhappy or lonely anymore. It was like Beth said: There's nothing like a child in trouble to galvanize a mother into action.

Dr. Chow didn't like the term “nervous breakdown.” He said simply that her glass was full and she spilled over. He called for rest, talk, and an anti-depressant to help her recover from the losses in her life. Lexie asked him why Beth hadn't had a breakdown—she had more to grieve than Lexie did. He said everyone was wired differently. And Beth had her husband, who was a tremendous support.

A part of her felt a failure. She couldn't cope with her life, it seemed. She must have done something wrong. Other people didn't agonize over everything. Why couldn't she?

Christmas came, and with it the snow. Two storms, one after the other, pounded the East Coast. The wind blew the snow into huge drifts, before heading out to sea toward Newfoundland. Glace Bay was a picture postcard, small colourful houses blanketed in clean white cover, occasional black smoke rising from coal stoves, the sounds of civilization muted.

Small chickadees and sparrows flitted among the naked tree branches, waiting for their bird feeders to be swept off and breakfast delivered, while seagulls stood at attention on the eaves of houses to warm their webbed feet. The ducks along Renwick Brook gathered at the edge of the water, hunched over like teenagers sneaking a smoke during lunch hour.

While the main arteries were being cleared, side streets were still blocked and people emerged from their houses one by one dressed in bulky jackets and mitts to start digging themselves out.

Lexie was outside with her shovel. Josh had his shovel too, but it was hard for him to move his arms in his snowsuit. He wandered around the yard, lost in his own world. Sophie was the smart one. She sat in the window and watched from her cosy vantage point by the fire.

Lexie's closest neighbour was Archie Archibald. He was an old character who loved nothing better than to shovel all day, so Lexie made sure she delivered a couple of loaves of homemade bread to him on a regular basis.

Sure enough, she wasn't out for more then twenty minutes before Archie stomped his way through the snow to her driveway, a shovel over his shoulder.

“Right cold today, bye,” he said cheerfully.

“Hi Archie. How many driveways have you cleared so far?”

“Started at Myrtle's, but by Christ that one's got a gob on her. Hollerin' from the back step she was, tellin' me how to shovel.” He shook his head.

Lexie smiled. “You must be glad you never married, Archie.”

“Dodged a bullet there, girl.”

The three of them had the driveway done in no time. Lexie tried to convince Archie to come in for a hot chocolate, but he'd have none of it. He was off to the widow Maxwell.

On Christmas Eve, Lexie was at her mother's making cranberry punch for Beth, Rory, Kate and Daphne, when Mom came in the kitchen to put more gingerbread men on a plate. She sighed as she opened the cookie tin.

“I wish Gabby were here.”

She no sooner had the words out of her mouth than they heard the back door open.

“Merry Christmas!” Gabby yelled.

Mom ran to the door, with everyone was right behind her. They all tried to hug each other at the same time, while the kids jumped around them like fleas.

“I couldn't spend this Christmas without you guys,” Gabby smiled. “A friend filled in for me at the last minute.”

Rory looked at his watch. “I hate to break this up but we better get cracking—church is at six.”

They laughed and talked as they poured out of the house, joining a hundred other families milling into church at the same time.

The kids were beyond excited, and had a hard time staying in their seats. The minister finally called them up to the altar for the children's talk. Michaela took Josh by the hand and followed her sisters. Reverend Higgins lost control in the first five minutes. His voice couldn't be heard over the din of forty children hopped up on Santa Claus juice. There was a fight over who would hold baby doll Jesus.

Beth hid her eyes, then peeked at Lexie. “I don't want to look. Is it one of mine?”

Lexie nodded her head.

“Maddie?”

“How did you guess?”

Christmas morning, Joshua actually slept in. At seven-thirty, Lexie tip-toed out of the spare room and found Mom, Kate, Daphne and Gabby standing in the hall with their slippers and bathrobes on.

“Merry Christmas, you guys.”

“Merry Christmas!” they whispered.

“I thought you said Josh was an early riser?” Kate pouted.

“Well, he didn't go to bed until ten o'clock, the poor kid,” Lexie pointed out. “I've been lying in there since six, willing him to open his eyes, but he's still snoring.”

They stood around like five kids dying for their parents to wake up. While they waited, Gabby suddenly whispered, “Knock knock.”

“Who's there?” everyone whispered back.

“Santa.”

“Santa who?” everyone said.

“You don't know who Santa Claus is?”

The five of them broke up and the harder they tried to keep quiet, the louder they got. Poor Josh opened the door with that stunned sleepy-head look, and was so startled, he promptly burst into tears. They all rushed to cuddle him, which only made things worse. Lexie eventually brought him downstairs in her arms, his thumb in his mouth and his head on her shoulder. When he saw the tree, his face lit up.

Mom started getting the turkey ready as soon as they finished breakfast. Kate and Daphne, who went to a creative cooking class every Tuesday night, were trying to convince her to try a new stuffing recipe. “It's wonderful, Mom,” Kate enthused. “It's got chestnuts and walnuts and saffron rice and all kinds of goodies. It was a big hit in class, wasn't it Daphne?”