Relatively Famous (21 page)

“Syd,” Leah grabs my hand and tries to pull me around to look at her. “Don’t you dare run Sydney. It doesn’t change who he is. You love him. I’m positive he loves you too. Don’t do this.”

I shake her off.
“I can’t do this right now Leah. Not here. Please. I need to process this. Alone.” The elevator doors open and I can’t get in fast enough. The last thing I see as the doors shut is Leah’s disappointed look.

Chapter
28

Shit. Fuck. Crap
.

I slide into one of the hotel cars and come straight home. Realizing I left my bag behind the bar at Verve, I have to get the concierge to
use his copy of my key so I can get inside. No way am I going back there to get my stuff and chance running into Drew or Kiera or Adam.

I no sooner open my door when the nausea comes rushing back with a vengeance. I barely make it to the bathroom, losing everything in my stomach in a spectacular fashion. Gasping, I furiously brush my teeth, yank all of the pins out of my hair, and rip the designer dress from my body, tossing it in the garbage. I hurl the silver Jimmy Choos across the room, wanting everything from this evening as far from me as possible. Standing in just my panties I
collapse in my closet and let the tears come.

I’m able to stop crying just enough to function, but barely. I pile stuff in the open suitcase on my bed as fast as I can, a plan all figured out. It’s not a great plan, but it’s the only thing I can manage to piece together in my pathetic state of mind. I zip the bag shut and
haul it over to the front door.

Thank God I still have my passport and my back up credit card since I left my wallet at the club with the rest of my stuff. Dragging my suitcase out the front door, I lock it behind me and do what I’ve been taught to do my whole life…I run.

Chapter
29

The bright sun and warm weather is a welcome contrast to the cold New York winter that I’m used to. I feel a stab of pain when it reminds me of my Caribbean vacation with Drew, so I shove it down, trying to keep it together. I’m physically and mentally exhausted.

After leaving my loft I spent the night at the LaGuardia Plaza hotel and hopped the first flight I could in the morning. Eight miserable hours of travel
, including a layover in Atlanta, and I’m finally here. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to think of booking a private jet and there’s no direct flight from New York so it’s been a long day. Especially since whenever I fly commercial, the titanium pins in my arm set off the metal detectors causing a nightmare for me at security.

Taking a deep breath, I roll my suitcase across the sunny tarmac and into the tiny airport to go through customs.

By late afternoon, the water taxi pulls up to my destination. Stepping off the boat, I take in the tropical vegetation, the brilliant greens and yellow and reds. I forgot how beautiful it is here. I turn and walk down the paved stone path, the flip flops I bought at the airport clicking against my feet, and stop in front of the massive front door. I ring the bell and wait…then it swings open slowly.

“Sydney?”

“Hi Mom.” I let out the tears that I had been holding in all day and sink into the comfort of my mother’s arms.

My mom doesn’t ask a single question and lets me cry myself out on the couch, then leads me to a
guest room and puts me to bed.

****

I can hear my mom and dad yelling downstairs at each other and another man. They think I’m in my room, but I snuck out to sleep in the back living room on the sofa. They don’t know that I do that sometimes, or if they do, they never say anything. This house is too big. I hate being upstairs all by myself, especially after last week.

“Scott, how did this happen ag
ain?” I hear my mom ask.

“Ms. Allen, I assure you, we are rechecking the entire perimeter wall for the breach,” the man who must be Scott says.

My dad’s voice reverberates through the house. “I don’t want to hear your bullshit! That freak was in my daughter’s room! Now he’s trying to get to her again! I will not have it!” Daddy sounds really mad. He wasn’t here when I went to sleep, he must have come over. He hasn’t been staying here much since the accident.

I shudder; someone was trying to get in my room again. Last week a crazy man showed up at our house and slept in my bed. I was out late with my mom and when we came home I went into my room to change and found him. I screamed until my mom and our housekeeper, Anna, came running in. The scary guy was trying to hug me, saying how much he loved me. Mom started hitting him and Anna ran for Robbie, Mom’s bodyguard. Robbie punched him and held him down until the police took him away.

He had touched a bunch of my stuff that Mommy said we had to throw away and buy all new. I hated that. She threw out all of my pillows and my comforter and some of my clothes because he did bad things to them.

It sounds like he came back tonight to get me. I’m so scared that I’m shaking. I’ll never forget the look on his face. It was like he wanted to
hurt me, even though he kept saying that he loved me.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Tannen…”

“I don’t want to hear any of your excuses, Scott. Find the fucking problem in our security system and fucking fix it, now!”

“Reid, what are we going to do? This sick man keeps trying to get to Sydney.” Mommy sounds like she’s crying. “I thought he was supposed to be in jail?”

“Ms. Allen, the police said that this time, he won’t get bail. It’s a repeat of the same crime, and he broke the protective order.” Scott says.

“Scott, I told you to get the fuck outside and find out what happened! Get out there, meet with the cops that are in
my
yard, and the other security that I pay to keep
my
family safe, and don’t come back in here without a Goddamn answer for me!” Daddy has that low scary voice he uses, right before he’s going to punch someone.

“Yes sir.” I hear the front door close behind Scott.

“Reid, it’s time. The accident, this crazy psycho, we’re not going to be able to stop it. It’s getting worse the older she gets.” I reach over and touch the cast on my arm when my mom mentions the accident. One more week and I can get this itchy thing off.

“I know, Eva. You don’t know how it makes me feel that I can’t keep her safe. I make it worse,
we
make it worse Eva.” Daddy sounds like he might cry, and my dad never ever cries. He’s always the hero, the one who makes everything better.

“On
e month, Reid. Then it’s done.”

I wonder what my mom is talking about.

****

“What happened, Sydney? Why are you here?” She sits next to me on the outdoor couch under a huge pergola attached to the house. “You don’t look well, dear.” It’s a beautiful morning on my mother’s tiny island off the coast of Belize. I never understood before but now I can see why she loves it so much. Peace.
Isolation.

I glance up at her, she looks terrified for me.
And sad. “I don’t feel well mom, I haven’t been eating or sleeping much. Stress from work, the club, I’ve been nauseated all the time. Drew.”

“Who’s Drew honey?” She puts her hand on my leg and waits patiently for me to speak.

I steel myself and tell my mom about my very first boyfriend. How we met, how much fun we have. She lights up when I explain how thoughtful and sweet he is. Mom is impressed by the vacation to St. Bart’s that he took me on.

When I give her details about the trip, she looks at me strangely. “The villa, did it have a name?”

“What mom?” I ask, puzzled by her question.

“You know, was the estate named? Just like this home is called Silent Escape. Did the villa have a name?”

“Yes, Villa Sur la Colline, why?” Mom looks troubled.

“And the boat was called Magic Hour, you’re sure?”

“Yes, do you know something Mom?” She totally knows something. Something I’m not going to like.

“Well, I know who owns that villa, I’ve been there.”
Of course she has.
“The boat must be new, but the name makes sense. It’s owned by Thomas C. Sullivan, the director. The magic hour is the time of day near sunrise and sunset that directors love because it gives them perfect lighting. I’ve worked with him before and he’s one of the few people I’ve remained friends with since I left the business. So, how did you end up at his villa? I know you wouldn’t have gone there if you knew who owned it.”

“No Mom. It’s owned by Drew’s friend Chad, not a Thomas.” My m
om gives me a look filled with pity.

“Honey, Thomas C. Sullivan is Chad. He goes by his middle name with friends and family.”

I press my hand to my forehead. This is so not happening. I would stand up and pace or throw something if I had the energy to do it.

“So Sydney, the question is, who is Drew and why are you here?”
She leans over and takes my hands in hers.

“He… I didn’t know. I… I don’t like to answer qu
estions about me, you know that.” She nods, urging me to continue. “He was willing to be with me and not push me for information. He told me …” I sob. “He told me that he was an investor. That he financed projects and helped direct and market them, I think he even used the words ‘playing a role’. I’m so stupid, I should have seen it! Drew knows I don’t like the whole celebrity scene, so he explained it in a way that wasn’t a lie, but not the whole truth. I never asked questions because I don’t like to answer any in response. So I just accepted what he told me even though it didn’t make sense.” I’m getting more and more anxious as I speak, my voice breaking over the words.

“At the club opening the other night, I met someone who asked about my boyfriend, and when I told her his name, she showed me a photo on her phone. He’s Andrew Forrester, Mom! Some huge actor! And not just any actor, he’s some huge heartthrob ‘sexiest man alive’ actor! I can’t do it Mom. I can’t be like you and Dad!” My voice hitches and I burst into tears. My mom gathers me in her arms, lightly stroking my knotted hair.

“Shhhh, it doesn’t have to be like this Sydney. You can’t keep everyone out. You have to be who you are and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t live your life based on what happened with me and your dad.” She puts her hands on either side of my face and looks at me. “Do you love him?”

I can’t lie to her.
“Yes. I love him.”

“Does he love you?”

“I … I don’t know. Leah thinks he does.” Tears start streaming down my cheeks again. I wouldn’t have thought I had any more in me after crying all night.

“Then the rest doesn’t matter. Follow your heart, sweetie.” This advice is so unlike the mother I grew up with who told me to guard my identity like it was
part of a redacted CIA file.

“I
can’t be out there like that, Mom. If I date him, I’ll be right back where I was with the paparazzi and the fans and the stalkers. I don’t think I’m strong enough for that. I like being nobody,” I choke out.

“Sydney, you will never be a
nobody. It’s time to be Sydney Tannen again. You’re not twelve honey, you’re twenty-four. I’ve been waiting for you to grow up and not need to hide anymore, but you’re still trying to escape life. You
are
strong enough. I was going to tell you when I came to New York next week …”

My head snaps up as if she threw a glass of water in my face.
“You were coming to New York next week?”

“Yes, I still am. I wanted to see your beautiful work at the Warren; it was going to be a surprise.” That explains her sneaky attitude on the phone the other night. “But I’m going back for another reason Sydney.”

She takes a deep breath and I think my mom, Evangeline Allen, a woman who accepted an Oscar on television, broadcast to tens of millions of people, is nervous to tell me something. “You’re old enough to deal with this now. I’ve decided to go back, Sydney. I’m meeting with the head of Black Spark Studios about my return to acting. He sent me a script and I love it, it was written specifically for me. It’s perfect, I can’t pass it up.”

I’m gripping the cushion of the outdoor sofa so hard that my knuckles are turning white. “You’re going to start acting again,” I say flatly. “But, if
you
go back, then …” I can’t say it, I just can’t.

“Then they’ll be looking for you.”

Well, Mom had no problem saying it
.

Chapter
30

I spend five days in Belize with my mom, sleeping, crying and
generally feeling miserable for myself. My mood isn’t improved by Mom breezing around the house with a perma-grin on her face. She would try to give me the neutral Evangeline Allen mask whenever I was around, but it’s obvious that she’s excited to be acting again. And I can’t blame her. She gave that all up for me and deserves to be doing what she loves.

That’s another thing hanging over my head. The revelation that my parents planned my escape from California and the lifestyle we were living solely to protect me. My mother and father gave up a lot to keep me safe. It was with the best intentions and done out of love for me, but now I’m so used to hiding that I don’t know if I can just change. It’s who I am, who I’ve been forced to become.

On my third day of moping around, barely eating a thing since the queasiness is still lingering, I tell my mom that I read the transcript from the Barbara Walters’ interview with Dad. I’m ready to bring this out in the open.

“Did you read it because your dad won an Oscar?” she asks casually.

“What? He won?” I’m shocked, but happy for my dad. Especially since I know he gave me up to save me. “I didn’t know. I read the interview before the awards aired, and you know I don’t watch that stuff. So the interview, Mom, I’m guessing you’ve seen it.” I look at her and wait for her to say something.

“Oh, honey. I wanted to tell you. But your father and I decided that your safety was a top priority. After the car crash, it was only a matter of time until someone really hurt you to get to us or to get a story. Then there were crazy fans that had broken into the house several times, another crazy woman who kept trying to get into your school by saying she was your
mother, it was terrifying for us Sydney.”

“So dad’s affair?”
I choke on the words as my mom sits across from me at the dining set by the pool.

“Sydney,” my mom reaches over and places her hand over mine. She looks at me despondently
, her gorgeous face saddened, “Your dad and I had been having problems for several years by the time that video came out. He wasn’t even living in the house with us. You never noticed because he was always gone so much. I admit that it hurt me deeply that the entire world saw our relationship go under and he made me look like a fool, but we had already been talking about divorce at that time. I was just so angry that he would put us in that position with the tabloids. More specifically, that he put
you
in that situation with the media. The firestorm that was coming with that video, and the breakup of ‘Hollywood’s It Couple’,” she makes a sour face, “was going to make what had happened to you so far look like nothing.”

“So you let me thin
k everything was Dad’s fault?” Tears are threatening to fall.

“No honey. Dad
wanted
you to think everything was his fault. He wanted you to be able to leave with a clean break. He felt guilty and wanted to be punished for it. For driving the car when it crashed, for not able to keep you safe at home; it was killing him to be so helpless. Yes, my ego was shattered in front of the whole world, but I would have been fine eventually. I could have stayed and kept acting. We wanted you to grow up normal and when we got the call that your dad was caught on tape with another woman and it was going to air nationally the next night, it was time to go. I was leaving with you anyway, the scandal just moved the date up a week.”

She pats my hand comfortingly. “I know it’s going to be a tough change, Sydney. For years you’ve been told to hide from the fame that comes with being our daughter. It was so you could become a young woman without the outside pressure of millions of eyes on you and to keep you safe from the things we couldn’t control. Now that you’re an adult, it’s time to embrace who you are and accept it.”

“But it’s all I know, Mom. I don’t know how to be any other way.” I sound like a baby, but I can’t help it. It’s just too much for one person to handle.

“It’s our fault that you’re so afraid Sydney. We didn’t know what else to do. I was hoping when we moved, you could grow up like everyone else. Without people jumping out of the bushes and making you cry, or perverted stalkers lurking in your bedroom because they say they love you, or crashing the car you’re in and taking pictures of you crying and broken in the remnants of the accident. That environment would have damaged you more if we stayed.”

My mom and I are both crying as we hold hands and mourn the loss of my childhood. A childhood that wouldn’t have been normal no matter which option my parents chose, crazy in California or hermit in New York. There is no normal for the child of such scrutinized public figures. They took the only road that could keep me physically safe.

“I love you Mom.
” I stand up and hug my mom.

“I love you too, Sydney.”

“Thanks for saving me when I was twelve, and for saving me again now, Mom” And because she sacrificed everything for me when I was a kid, I think I can suck it up and make some sacrifices now to repay her. It scares the shit out of me, but it’s time. I tell her my plan and she absolutely loves it.