Release (13 page)

The voice in the back of my head was screaming at me to move. Get up. Get out of here.

I ran to my nightstand and grabbed my e-reader, pulling the device out from its case. The envelope I kept behind it was waiting for me. My Run Fund. And now it was time to run.

Numb, I shoved a stack of dirty laundry into a canvas bag. Tears clouded my vision as I realized I was being the dumbass who wastes time in a dire situation. Screw clothes. The dirty ones would be fine for now. Eventually I’d buy new ones.

I tucked my e-reader and the envelope back into the case. Once I stuffed it into my purse and grabbed my car keys, I was ready. I scooped Libby into my arms, threw the bag of laundry over my shoulder and ran for the door. I’d almost made it when a knock sounded from the other side.

It was hard to hold back my scream as I jumped backwards. It was him. I was too late. I set Libby down and dropped my purse to the ground, my hands shaking as I fished for my phone. I needed to call 911 right now. It was my only chance.

“Samara? You in there?”

My gaze went to the door. It was Orion’s voice. Relief washed through every cell in my body. I stumbled to the door and threw it open.

“Samara?” Orion’s brow furrowed with worry. “Are you okay?”

He stepped in and reached for me and I moved away, slamming the door closed and locking it.

“I don’t … I’m not really okay,” I said.

“You’re shaking. And crying.” He scanned the bag of laundry spilled on the ground. “What’s going on?”

“I have to go.” I moved to the floor, picking up my scattered belongings. “I have to go. Right now. I have to go.”

Orion got on his knees in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Hey,” he said softly. “You’re okay. I’m here. And I’m worried fucking sick right now. Please talk to me.”

“Someone’s … coming for me,” I said in a panicked tone. “I have to get out of here.”

“Who’s coming?”

He rubbed my upper arms reassuringly, his blue eyes imploring me.

“Matt,” I said, my eyes flooding with tears again. “My ex-boyfriend.”

“Why do you think he’s coming?”

“Because—” A strangled sound escaped my throat before I could continue. “Because he was paroled.”

His hands stopped their rhythmic stroking of my arms.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s sit down and talk about this.”

“There’s no time!” I cried. “Don’t you understand? He’s out of prison! He’s coming for me. He said he would.”

“I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

My heart was still hammering in my chest and a wave of dizziness overtook me when I tried to stand. “You don’t understand. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

He turned my cheek so we were face to face. “Do you know what
I’m
capable of? I fuck guys up for a living. Big guys. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

I realized he was right. Orion was on my side. He was the one person I trusted. “Can you help me? I can’t stay here.”

“Of course. But you have to talk to me first. What the hell is with the clothes? Were you leaving town?”

I nodded. “As soon as I saw … I check his parole status every day.”

“What was he in prison for?”

I pressed my lips together and shook my head, looking away.

“Samara.” His stern tone made me look at him. “This is bullshit. I’ve respected your need for privacy, but if you’re in danger, you have to talk to me. Don’t do this to me. I’m about sick right now.”

“I don’t want you to know!” My voice was laced with anger and worry. I wasn’t ready. Not even close. I wasn’t ready for him to know the truth. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.

“Why don’t you trust me?”

Now he was angry, too. My chest was tight with anxiety and I felt like it could burst at any moment.

“It’s not about trust,” I said, wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands.

“Let me in, Samara,” he said, his gaze locked on mine. “It’s completely fucked to make me care this much and then leave me a wreck over someone trying to hurt you.”

“It’ll change everything,” I said, covering my wail by putting my hands over my face. “If I tell you the truth, it’ll change everything.”

“I can’t fall in love with someone who won’t let me in. I’m not—”

Something inside me gave way. “He stabbed me! He fucking stabbed me, all right? That’s why he’s in prison. He beat the shit out of me and I stayed and eventually he stabbed me and I thought I was going to die!”

My chest heaved as the silence hung. Orion’s stunned expression confirmed what I already knew. This changed everything.

“Samara,” he said softly. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”

It was out. I’d boiled over, and now I couldn’t get my emotions bottled back up again.

“Yeah, so now you know,” I said bitterly. “It’s the scars. I didn’t want you to see the scars. That’s why—”

“Oh, fuck.” He ran hand through his hair and then down his face.

“There’s one stab wound. The other scar’s on my back, from when Matt was completely gone on drugs and decided he needed to brand me. He held me down and used a needle to tattoo his initials on me.”

I didn’t have to hold back the tears anymore. I let them spill over my cheeks, not even bothering to wipe them away. Orion stood several feet away, his pained expression not telling me if he pitied me or was just mortified.

“Do you want to hear more?” I asked, the edge of bitterness still in my voice. He nodded once.

“I was waitressing in Arizona and he was a customer. We went out a few times and he seemed like a good guy. He said he loved me.” I closed my eyes, the memories like a wound being reopened. “He was the first person who ever said that to me. So when he started getting angry all the time and hitting me, I told myself it didn’t matter because he loved me.”

Orion’s face twisted into an expression of sorrow. I decided to give him the whole story because then, at least one person in the world besides me and Matt would know the truth.

“He would shove me into a corner with his hand around my throat when I did something he didn’t like. He’d hold me there and scream in my face. There were times I thought he was going to choke me.” My voice shook as I remembered the feel of his powerful hand pressed against my windpipe.

Orion looked up at the ceiling, tears glistening in his eyes.

“He got off on it,” I continued. “When he was done screaming he’d shove me to the floor and fuck me with his hand still on my throat. I was too scared to even move.”

“That’s not fucking – it’s rape,” Orion said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“Yeah, well – there you go,” I said. “Now you know why I’m so screwed up.”

“You are
not
screwed up.” He met my eyes and I saw the trail of a tear down one of his cheeks. It made a fresh cut in my already shredded emotions.

“I would’ve gone back,” I said softly. “Even after he stabbed me. If he hadn’t been arrested at the hospital, I would’ve gone back. That’s screwed up.”

“Would you go back now?”

I recoiled. “God, no. I’ll do whatever it takes to never see him again. I can’t do it.”

“You’ve found some healing and strength,” he said, stepping closer to me. “That took a hell of a lot of guts.”

“It took a year of therapy when I moved back here to see why I did what I did and how I can avoid ever doing it again. But even when I tried for a healthy relationship with you—” My voice broke and I paused to regain myself.

“What do you mean ‘
tried
’?” he asked with an edge. “I’m still here. Aren’t you?”

“I want to be. More than you even know. But … the scars—”

Orion’s tone was heated as he cut me off. “Tell me you don’t think I’m that superficial. I’ve got scars, too. Fights and skate blades have left plenty of marks on me.”

“It’s not the scars themselves,” I said, crying so hard I let out a sob. “It’s what they represent. My weakness. I might as well have stabbed myself. Going back into that hell with him over and over again and letting it get so bad is … shameful. I’m ashamed.”

He cupped my cheeks in his hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

“I thought you went to therapy,” he said gently. “But you still don’t seem to realize you were desperate for love and you sought it in the wrong way. That’s not something to be ashamed of.”

“I know how I ended up that way.” I held on to his wrists, still wondering how it was possible for anyone to be so good. “In my head, I know how not to do it again. But it’s still so hard for my heart to feel worthy of you.”

He let out a soft sigh and rested his forehead against mine. “Samara. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. I was already falling hard and fast and now there’s no going back. You’re strong and resilient and beautiful. I want you to know what love’s supposed to feel like.”

“I want that, too,” I whispered, unable to find my voice.

“You would’ve left,” he said. “If I hadn’t gotten here when I did, you’d be gone right now. Do you know what that would’ve done to me?”

“I was so scared.”

“I know. But I’m here. I can keep you safe if you’ll just let me.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding and pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss. “I want that. I need that.”

“I need
you
,” he said. “Like I’ve never needed anything before.”

His words infused me with comfort. I’d put it all out on the table – my darkest truth and my deepest worry, and he was still here. He still wanted me.

Leaning his forehead against mine, he rubbed my back reassuringly. He’d said he wanted me to know what love what supposed to feel like. It was this. I felt worthy in his arms. Important. Protected.

I brushed my lips against his and he reached up to cup my cheeks as he kissed me. His tongue caressed mine and a deep, sudden craving to be closer to him took over.

I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. We stood together at the foot of my bed and I looked up at him, telling him with my eyes what I wanted.

He wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed me again. When he pulled back and slid his hands under the sides of my shirt, a familiar flutter of anxiety beat in my chest. I reassured myself silently as Orion pulled my shirt up and gently worked it over my head.

My gray cotton bra was worn and frayed, but it seemed to escape his notice. His gaze swam over my chest. His hungry expression was for me. My body. My imperfect, inexperienced body. He reached his fingertips out to touch me but I stepped back, unbuttoning my jeans.

I wanted him to see. When I wriggled out of my pants and stepped out of them, my black bikini-cut panties sat below the tip of the pink scar beneath my belly button. It went down in a jagged line that ended above my bikini line.

My chest rose and fell as he looked at it for just a second before his fingertips grazed over the surface of the slightly raised line. Though I was relieved he knew my dark secret, I felt overly exposed in this instant. No one but the doctors who’d treated me had seen my body since Matt attacked me.

Nothing could have prepared me for Orion to drop to his knees and press his lips to the scar on my lower belly. He kissed it softly, running his hands up the backs of my thighs.

I looked at the ceiling, its texture blurred by my tears. My hands found his hair and I stroked my fingertips through it. Relief made me weak, but just a second later a spark of arousal brought the tension back into my joints.

He hooked his fingertips around the sides of my panties and eased them down. When I looked down, his eyes locked onto mine. The dark blue depths I saw made my breath hitch.

My panties dropped to the floor and he leaned forward, kissing the bare skin of my thighs. His hands ran up the backs of my thighs again and a shiver of desire coursed through me when he reached my ass and squeezed it gently.

His mouth roamed higher – kissing, coaxing and igniting me. If I took my hands out of his hair, I was sure I’d float away. I ran my fingers through it in a rhythm. When the tip of his tongue ran the length of my opening, my hands instinctively buried themselves all the way down to his scalp.

“Orion,” I said in a rush. “I don’t know if I can take this. It feels so amazing. So intense.”

He stood, giving me the lopsided grin that made my heart sing.

“Lay down,” he said, pulling his t-shirt off over his head.

I sat on the end of the bed, drawing my legs together as I scooted back. I couldn’t look away from him looking at me. He wasn’t the only one falling in love.

He put a knee on the bed and placed his hands on my knees, parting my thighs wide and staring between them. Instinct made me try to close my legs, but he held them in place.

“Don’t you like me looking?” he asked in a low tone.

“Yes. I just feel self-conscious.”

“Don’t.” He lowered his lips to my inner thigh and kissed it. “You’re beautiful.”

His warm, soft mouth slowly climbed up my thigh, making me into a shuddering, shivering mess of exploding nerve endings. He trailed a fingertip over the line of my opening and I panted with longing and nervousness.

I wasn’t prepared for the sensation that overtook me when he parted my lips gently and blew a warm, gentle breath over my exposed, sensitive insides.

This, I couldn’t take. It was too much.

“Oh, God,” I said, sliding away. “I can’t. I’m sorry. No one’s ever done this.”

A smile tugged at his lips as he wrapped his hands around my hips and pulled me back into place. “Do you like it?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “But it’s driving me out of my mind. I’m moaning and squirming like a crazy person here.”

His eyes darkened hungrily and a low hum of arousal sounded in his throat. “Perfect. Moan and squirm all you want. It makes me that much harder for you.”

My head fell back against the pillow as he flicked his tongue across my clit. He was very gentle at first, but when he added pressure, my back arched off of the bed and I cried out his name.

It didn’t take long for a powerful orgasm to seize hold of me. My hips were in the air, Orion’s hands still wrapped around them, as the waves swept through my body and I screamed every swear word I’d ever heard.

I dropped back down to the bed, my body satisfied from head to toe. I was breathing hard as Orion leaned over me and nuzzled my neck with his soft scruff, kissing me lightly.