Release (5 page)

“Are they still around?” he asked.

The true answer –
I don’t know
– made me sound like a freak. Which I kind of was.

“I was put into foster care when I was five,” I said, staring down at the words on my menu. “My biological parents had their parental rights terminated. I lived in Wyoming then.”

There was silence on the other side of the table. My freak flag had been raised.

“That must’ve been hard,” he finally said. “My niece Chloe is five right now. I can’t imagine.”

“Yeah, it was a long time ago.”

A server came to the table and mercifully ended the conversation. She spouted off the special, and we both ordered a soda. After sliding a basket of bread onto the table, she said she’d give us more time and walked away.

“Were you adopted into a good family?” Orion asked. Dammit. He wasn’t going to drop this.

“Um … no. I was in foster care.”

My heart hammered as I spoke. I never, ever talked about this. Why was I talking about it to Orion Caldwell?

“Am I getting too personal?” he finally asked.

I sighed, forcing back the nervous tears welling in my eyes. “It’s not that I mind you asking, it’s that … I’m a really private person. I don’t want the whole world to know.”

“Samara,” he said softly. I looked up and met his eyes across the table. “I’d never share anything about you with other people. That’s not the kind of person I am.”

I wiped a thumb across the corner of one eye, then the other. “I don’t mean to judge, but you were with Amy Munson for a long time, and that’s the kind of person she is. I figured you guys were alike.”

A sad smile touched his lips. “No. It was a long-distance relationship, and she was able to hide a lot from me.”

“She’s always been a huge bitch, though. Even in high school.”

His smile spread and he nodded. “I can’t argue with that. But let’s not talk about her. Or about anything that makes you feel bad. I feel like I’ve already ruined my chances at a second date by making you cry.”

I laughed as the server delivered two sodas to the table.

“Hey, do you like wine?” Orion asked me. “I’m thinking we should’ve ordered a bottle of wine instead of sodas.”

“I don’t drink much, but I’d try some.”

He looked at the server. “Bring us a bottle of your best white.”

She nodded and disappeared. Orion’s blue eyes focused on me again, and my stomach resumed its nervous churn.

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to,” he said. “I promise I’m not trying to get you drunk.”

“I could use a little loosening up,” I said with a tense note of laughter.

“What, am I making you nervous? I’m super laid-back. Don’t be nervous around me.”

“I can’t help it. I haven’t been out on a date in forever.”

“It’s been a while for me too,” he said, grinning. “Like a really long while.”

“Professional athletes don’t strike me as big daters,” I said. “Do you guys have to do the dinner thing to get a woman in bed?”

He arched his brows and laughed. “Probably not. I’ve got teammates who don’t do the dinner thing.”

“So you play hockey,” I said, pausing when the server arrived with the wine and poured us each a glass. “I know exactly nothing about hockey. What do you do? Just try to score?”

“That’s always the bottom line,” he said, sipping from his wine glass. “I’m a forward and an enforcer.”

“What does that mean?” I sipped the wine and grimaced a little.

“Not your thing?” he asked.

“No, it’s just … I just wasn’t prepared.”

“It means I fight,” he said, switching back to hockey. “That’s part of my job. You know … dirty deeds.”

I scrunched my brow, confused. “What does that mean? You break the rules or something?”

He smiled. “When a player from the other team gets rough with one of our valuable players, I fight back.”

“Really?”

“That’s my song – Dirty Deeds. The one they play if I’m the Player of the Game when I do my postgame skate out.”

I nodded, trying to picture him initiating fights. “Oh. How do you feel about doing that job?”

“I don’t mind it. It’s a damn good outlet for my aggression. I think that’s why I’m pretty tame off the ice.”

“Tame?”

His grin widened. “Yeah, I’m a lover
and
a fighter.”

My skin warmed from head to toe. He was so smooth and sexy and sweet, and I didn’t know how to do the flirting thing. I grabbed my wine glass and took a hearty sip.

“You’re really cute when you blush,” he said. I sipped again.

The server was back with salads, and I took a deep breath when Orion’s attention was diverted. Did he think we were sleeping together at the end of this date? I wanted to forewarn him that there was no way, but couldn’t think of a tactful way to say it.

He was right – he was laid-back. I’d never been around someone so easy to talk to. Two hours later, I’d finished a glass and a half of wine and we’d talked nonstop about books, hockey, my jobs and his workout schedule for the offseason.

“I actually agreed to be in a documentary for a sports channel about offseason life,” he said as he signed the check the server had left. “They’re going to film me training.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Definitely don’t come into the Supersaver on those days.”

“Why are you so shy?” he asked with a grin. “You’re beautiful, Samara.”

I shook my head dismissively. He looked at me, silent for a few seconds.

“Are you up for a walk?” he asked. “So we can talk some more?”

I nodded and we left Aurelio’s, stepping into the fading sunlight. We walked through Henley’s small downtown and then to the high school, which was just another block.

Orion told me about Niko and Camden, the two teammates on his line. He was close with them. Especially Niko, his roommate on the road.

“He’s a beast,” Orion said. “When we fight we both end up bloody.”

“Why would you fight with your friend?” I asked.

“We don’t do it much. It’s just a guy thing. Or a hockey thing maybe. We don’t have the fear of fighting that a lot of people have. It’s just part of what we do.”

“Hmm.” I shook my head and smiled. “I’m not sure I get it. But you probably don’t get my obsession with books, so we’ll call it even.”

We walked into the football stadium, and I groaned inwardly. My high school memories weren’t as warm as Orion’s probably were.

“Wanna sit on the bleachers?” he asked.

“Sure.”

He led the way to the concrete stairs, walking almost all the way to the top before sliding onto a worn gray bench.

“Did you come to games back in high school?” he asked.

“Just one.”

“Why only one?”

I tried not to laugh. “I was with my friend Gabe, and he was on a crazy acid trip. He was convinced the opposing team was actually the Smurfs. We were lucky to get him back to the car without any of us getting arrested. It kind of ruined me for football games. Not that they were my thing anyway.”

Orion scrunched his face in thought before recognition dawned. “Gabe? Was he the guy with the nose rings?”

“Yeah.”

Silence stretched. Orion and I were different then, and we were different now. Was he thinking about it too?

“What kind of books did you read back in high school?” he asked.

I shook my head and laughed. “I went through a nonfiction phase back then. I suffered through some of the longest, most boring books ever written because I thought they’d make me smarter and more refined.”

His eyes softened as he looked at me with an amused expression. “And what do you read now?”

“Romance,” I said, raising my brows in challenge. “And there’s nothing wrong with it.”

A grin spread across his face. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it.”

“Well, people tend to judge. Especially men.”

“Not this one. But romance is also good in real life, don’t you think?”

He was close. So close, and it took me a split second to realize he was slowly getting closer. He leaned his face toward mine, pausing at the last second. It was my unspoken moment to turn away, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

My heart pounded and my blood raced as he kissed me, the tip of his tongue just meeting mine before he slowed and reached up to brush his fingertips across my cheek. I’d never felt anything so blissful. His soft, gentle kiss left me dizzy when he slowly pulled away.

A cool breeze kicked up speed and I wrapped my arms around myself. Orion wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. I froze, my body tensing against my will.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

I told myself I was in a public place. That I was free to leave anytime I wanted. That he wasn’t trying to hurt me. But still, I couldn’t force my body to unstiffen.

“I’m okay,” I lied. “But maybe we should head back.”

“Sure.”

I’d worried things would be tense after that, but the conversation was still easy. Orion told me about his parents, carefully making sure not to ask about mine.

On the drive back to my apartment, we listened to music, and I was grateful for the silence. My mind was racing with thoughts about Orion. I was feeling off-balance, like I needed to get away from him to regain myself. He was so sweet and genuine, and I didn’t know what to do with that. I felt a little drunk – like my inhibitions were much lower than usual. Only it definitely wasn’t from the glass and a half of wine I’d had more than three hours ago. It was him.

He followed me up the garage stairs, and my heart pounded with every step I took. Was he coming in with me? Hell no. I couldn’t handle that. But still – hell yes. My body and mind were in a heated conversation right now.

I dug my keys out of my purse, hoping he didn’t see my hand shaking. He took my free hand in one of his, lacing his fingers into mine loosely.

“When can I see you again?” he asked.

“Um …” I was dumbstruck. Not just by his light, masculine scent and his fingers wrapped around mine. He wanted to see me again.

“Soon?” he asked, leaning closer. “Can I text you?”

“Sure.”

I felt the slight scrape of his scruff on my skin when he came all the way in for another kiss. Like the first one, it was soft and gentle. And again, it left me dizzy.

“Goodnight,” he said softly.

“Goodnight.” I smiled and let my eyes linger on his for another delicious second before unlocking my door and sliding inside.

I locked the deadbolt and the handle, listening to the hammer of his feet descending the wooden garage stairs. He hadn’t tried to get me to sleep with him. Not even close. Orion Caldwell was more of a mystery to me than ever.

I closed the outside door that led into the storage room of the Supersaver bakery, reaching for my apron and pulling it from its hook.

“Samara?” Liz’ face appeared in the doorway to the main bakery area as she leaned over to see who’d come in.

“It’s me,” I said, tying my apron strings. “Good morning.”

“Well?” Her eyes widened and she stared at me expectantly.

“What?”

“Your date with Orion. I’ve been about to burst all weekend. How was it?”

I walked to the sink to wash up. “Good.”

Liz approached the sink and leaned against it. “And …? I need more than just ‘good.’”

“We ate at Aurelio’s,” I offered, drying my hands with a paper towel. “Do you want me to start on the muffins?”

“Was there, you know … hanky panky?” Liz nudged me and grinned.

I rolled my eyes dismissively, but my cheeks grew hot as I thought about Orion’s tender, sweet kiss at the stadium.

“There was!” Liz cried, nudging me harder. “Oh, I knew it! I could see it all over his face. That boy is smitten with you, Samara.”

“I don’t know what you consider ‘hanky panky,’” I said, enunciating with air quotes. “He kissed me. Not a huge deal. And he is not smitten. He wanted to talk about a book with me.”

“A kiss
is
a huge deal,” Liz said emphatically. Her eyes took on a dreamy look. “I went to school with Orion’s father, you know. Hugh Caldwell. He was on the football team. Had the same beautiful blue eyes Orion and his sister both have. And he was such a gentleman.”

“What were you like in high school, Liz?”

She laughed as we walked into the prep area together. “Oh, I was a bit of a partier. My poor parents had their hands full with me.”

“You?” I arched my brows with surprise. It was hard to imagine Liz, with a neat gray-streaked bob, as an unruly teenager.

“I did about every stupid thing all parents hope their teenagers never do. And then karma caught up with me, and my kids did the same.”

I lined up ingredients on the stainless prep table. This quiet early-morning time at work was my favorite. The store wasn’t open yet, so I didn’t have to keep an eye out for customers. I just baked and cleaned up, free to let my mind wander.

“What about you?” Liz asked. “What were you like in high school?”

“Uh, you’d be surprised,” I said, sorting through mixing bowls on the shelf of the prep table. “I was what you might call Goth. Dressed all in black. Even dyed my hair black.”

Liz’ face scrunched with consternation. “That is a surprise. You’re so pretty. You could’ve been a beauty queen.”

A small snort escaped my nose unexpectedly. “Yeah, if there was a ‘Miss Introvert’ pageant.”

“Did you and Orion go to school together?”

“Yeah, but we only had one class together.”

“He was such a doll back then, but now …” Liz paused and fanned herself with a sheet of paper. “Well, it’s not right for me to think that way about someone younger than my kids, I suppose.”

I smiled, thinking about him again myself. I’d hardly been able to think of anything else all weekend. It’d been a long time since I’d even been alone with a man – almost three years. Spending an evening with a man who could make me warm without even touching me was unnerving and exciting. And when he had touched me … I’d felt pretty. Beautiful, actually, for the first time in my life.

The words that had been drilled into my head so many times were now engrained in my subconscious.

You’re just a stupid cunt no one’s ever wanted. You’re damned lucky I even bother with you.