Release (6 page)

It amazed me how much my past was still part of my present. Even after more than three years on my own, the feelings of worthlessness remained with me.

But Orion hadn’t made me feel worthless. Sitting in that stadium with him had been almost cathartic for me. Most of my high school memories carried a bitter sting of rejection. Being not just noticed by Orion at the football field, but
wanted
by him was like a salve on those old wounds.

“I’m going to start stocking the cases,” Liz said, loading a cart with doughnuts. She started to roll it away, but stopped.

“You’re going out with Orion again, I hope?” she said, brows arched with curiosity.

“I think so.”

“Good. Bet you can’t wait ‘til things heat all the way up with him, if you know what I mean.”

I busied myself measuring, and Liz rolled her cart away. That was something I hadn’t even considered. Would Orion want more than a kiss next time? I couldn’t let that happen. I’d already shared more about myself with him than I had with anyone in a very long time. But I drew the line at things moving beyond kissing. If they did, he’d discover the secret that was my greatest shame. No matter how much I liked him, I wouldn’t allow that.

I was well and truly fucked. Not only was Samara on my mind most every waking minute, she was woven into my subconscious, too.

Closing my eyes, I began my morning jerk-off while thinking about the feel of her body against mine the other night. When I’d wrapped my arm around her at the stadium, I’d felt her round, firm breast against my chest.

I imagined her letting me kiss not just her lips, but also her bare thighs. The soft, sensitive skin of her neck. Those perfect, ample breasts.

She was guarded, but I hoped to break down those walls. For the first time, I was even more attracted to a woman’s insides than her outsides. Not that her looks didn’t do it for me, because they most definitely did. Thoughts of slowly peeling the clothes away from her long, lean body were about to send me over the edge.

I grabbed my cock harder and pumped it faster. Samara was a total package. Gorgeous, vulnerable, smart and so fucking real it almost hurt to think about her sometimes.

How could I ever go on a date again with a woman who talked about her boot collection, her impressive resume or her ability to toss back half a dozen shots and remain standing? After just one date with Samara, I didn’t think it was possible to go back. She talked about things that mattered and wasn’t self-absorbed. When I made her laugh, I got the high I’d never gotten from anything but hockey.

My fantasy wasn’t to have her, but for her to want me. For her to open herself up and invite me to explore every inch of her. I pictured her undressing in front of me, a sultry smile on her lips, and I came in a sudden, hard rush, holding back a groan.

I’d never thought I’d be living in my parents’ basement again, and though I was alone here, knowing my mom was upstairs made me feel like a horny teenager again.

I grabbed a towel to clean up and headed for the shower.

Had I waited long enough to ask her out again? I only had the summer, and I didn’t want to waste any time. It’d been two days since our date, and we’d exchanged a few texts since.

The hot shower relaxed me. I decided as I let the water wash down my back that I’d ask Samara out again today. I was planning to work out this morning and watch a baseball game at the Dugout this afternoon. Maybe she’d be free tonight.

I dried off, dressed and headed upstairs to the kitchen to find breakfast.

Drew and Chloe sat at the table, silently eating cereal. Mom was leaning against the kitchen counter with a mug of coffee and Liv sat at the table, her head resting on top of her folded arms.

“You alright?” I asked her.

“Mm-hm,” she murmured.

“She worked last night,” Mom said. Liv worked third shift at the front desk of an emergency room. She’d been a stay-at-home mom when her douchebag husband left, and she’d been glad to find a job with good benefits. Mom worked days at an insurance company, so Liv being on third shift allowed the two of them to balance taking care of the kids.

“Can we go to the pool today?” Chloe asked Liv, her eyes wide and hopeful.

“No, honey,” Liv said. “Mommy’s gonna lay on the couch for a few hours at home. I have class this evening, and I have to be able to stay awake for it.”

“I don’t wanna watch TV all day,” Drew said with a whine. “It’s boring.”

“You go home and sleep, Liv,” I said. “I’ll take the kids for the day.”

She lifted her head and looked at me. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. We’ll go to the stadium so I can run some laps, and then we’ll go to the pool. And I’ll take them out for broccoli at lunchtime.”

“No!” the kids cried in unison, turning my way.

“I hate broccoli,” Drew said.

“Broccoli’s awesome,” I said, keeping a straight face as I approached the coffee pot and poured a cup. “It’ll put hair on your chest.”

“I don’t want hair on my chest,” Chloe said, giving Liv a panicked look.

“He’s teasing, you guys,” Liv said. “He’s more likely to feed you candy for lunch.”

“That’s true,” I agreed.

Liv and my mom were both giving me an admonishing look.

“Drew can’t have too much to drink,” Liv said. “And he has to stick close to his diet. It’s important.”

I nodded. Drew had some kind of kidney condition I couldn’t pronounce the name of. Liv had always kept the family on a healthy diet and had to limit what Drew drank.

“We’ll go to the deli downtown,” I said. “Whole grain bread, I know. And water, but not too much.”

“Same for Chloe,” Mom said.

“Got it.”

“We’re going to the pool?” Drew asked happily.

“Yeah. Finish your breakfast and we’ll drop by your house to get your suits on our way to the stadium.”

“Thanks, Uncle Orion,” he said, grinning.

“Yeah, thank you,” Liv echoed. I internally cursed Joe over the dark circles under her eyes. Spineless bastard. I hoped to get my hands on him one day. But for now, all I could do was be there for my sister.

“I don’t mind. We’ll have fun.”

Liv rubbed her temples and stood up. “I’m not even gonna drive home. I’m gonna go crash in my old bedroom.”

“What’s with the scrubs?” I asked. The blue cotton garments hung on Liv, obviously too big for her.

She looked down at her clothes. “Oh. I got puked on last night. A doctor loaned me these from his locker.”

“Eww!” the kids cried, grinning at each other.

“Get some rest, honey,” Mom said, rubbing her palm in circles on Liv’s back.

The kids finished their cereal and we headed out, picking up their swimsuits on the way to the football stadium. They chased each other around the grassy field while I ran three miles on the track. I was carrying about 25 more pounds of muscle than I had in high school, but my turns around the track felt just like they had back then.

The concession stand had been painted, but other than that the place was unchanged. It was a comfortable reminder of my high school days. My parents had watched me compete in track meets here. I remembered my dad leaping to his feet when I’d done well, arms in the air as he celebrated.

“Are you done? Can we go to the pool?” Drew asked when I stopped running.

“Yeah … let’s go.” I was breathing hard from sprinting at the end.

The Henley Public Pool also hadn’t changed much. It was a giant rectangular pool with one simple slide. But it was a popular spot for kids on summer vacation to spend the day. Liv and I had spent many days here once we were old enough to be on our own in the summer.

Drew and Chloe wanted to race, play a shark game and take turns getting flipped into the water by standing on my hands and being launched upward in the deep end. After a couple hours, I took a break to order lunch delivery for the three of us from the downtown deli.

I was checking my phone from a lounge chair when I felt someone looking at me. I looked up and saw Leah Paulson, who I’d gone to school with, staring my way. I raised a hand in a wave and she broke out in a grin, waving back. She’d always been a nice girl – blonde, curvy and happy all the time. She was chasing two little boys that I assumed were hers.

Seeing Leah’s kids made me think of Samara, and the way she’d mesmerized the kids at the library with her story. I checked the time on my phone. It was close to two PM, the time Samara got off work.

I couldn’t wait any longer to see her. I typed out a text:

Me: Wanna come hang out at the pool with me and my niece and nephew?

The ten minutes it took for her to respond felt like forever.

Samara: I don’t swim.

Me: You don’t have to swim, just come hang out.

It took almost five minutes for her to reply, and I wondered if she’d been considering whether or not to come.

Samara: Okay. I need to go home and change first.

I smiled at the screen of my phone. No smiley faces or exclamation points from this one. And that just endeared her to me all the more.

Though I was kicked back in a lounge chair, I kept my eyes on the entry door to the pool. When Samara finally walked through, I held my hand up in a wave.

She sat down on the chair next to me, her lips pursed nervously. I hadn’t expected her to wear jeans and a t-shirt to the pool, and I wondered if she planned on just stopping by for a few minutes.

“You have your suit on under there?” I asked, hoping for a better look at her body.

She shook her head. “I don’t swim.”

“You could still wear a suit, though.”

She stared out at the water, watching the kids swimming and having fun. I sensed that she was avoiding looking at me.

“You afraid of the water?” I asked.

“No.”

“Hey,” I said softly. “Will you look at me?”

She turned her head and met my eyes.

“Everything okay?”

“It’s fine,” she said. “Maybe you should put your shirt on.”

I arched my brows and laughed, tossing an arm over the back of the chair. “Is that it? Are you nervous ‘cause I’ve got nothing but swim trunks on?”

“No,” she said in a defensive tone. “I’m pretty sure you’re not hitting me up for sex at the public pool.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Why don’t you want to look at me?”

She wiped her palms on her jeans, staring back out at the water. “I looked at you when you asked me to.”

“Did I do something wrong? Should I have asked you out again sooner?”

“No.” She looked down at her hands. “I just feel out of place here.”

Again the differences between Samara and Amy stood out to me. Amy would’ve shown up in an indecent bikini and climbed onto my lap. I found Samara’s modesty very appealing, though I had no idea why she was so unsure of herself. I could tell she had an amazing body underneath those clothes.

“We’ll go pretty soon,” I said. “The kids are about worn out anyway. How was work?”

“It was good. Mondays are usually busy.”

“You working at the library tonight?”

She shook her head. “I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights there.”

“Can I take you out tonight?”

Her smile was almost challenging. “You really want to go out with me again?”

I laced my fingertips into hers. “I really, really do.”

“Okay,” she said softly, still smiling.

Chloe rushed up to us, water dripping in a path behind her. “Uncle Orion, Drew’s really tired. He’s too tired to climb the ladder out of the pool.”

“I’ll be right back,” I said to Samara, getting up from my chair. I followed Chloe to the side of the pool’s deep end, where Drew was holding on to the concrete wall, his head down.

My heart rate sped up and I silently cursed myself. He’d overdone it. Drew had never had the stamina Chloe did, though he tried to deny it and would exert himself. Liv kept a close eye on him, and I should’ve too.

I jumped in to the deep end and approached him at the wall.

“Hey man, you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “Just tired.”

I reached around his waist to support him and turned his chest toward mine.

“I’ve got you, buddy. Put your arms around my neck, okay?”

He held on to me and I kept one arm wrapped around him as I used the other one to hold on to the ladder and climb out. I carried him down to our chairs, where Samara was waiting with an open towel.

“Is he okay?” she asked, laying the towel over his back.

“Yeah. We just need to get him home so he can lay down.”

Samara nodded and wrapped another towel around Chloe, who was standing in the puddle of water that had gathered at her feet, shivering.

“We’re just gonna grab our stuff and go, okay?” I said to Chloe. “We’ll change at home.”

“But we’ll get your car all wet,” she said.

“It’s okay. This is my friend Samara. She’ll take you into the girls’ locker room to get your stuff out of your locker.”

Samara rubbed the towel over Drew’s back and arms and then used it to dry his hair. She pulled it away and replaced it with a dry one. My towel. But her concern for my nephew meant a lot more than having a dry towel did.

She led Chloe into the locker room and I carried Drew into the boys’ one, somehow managing to empty our locker while carrying him. His head rested limply on my shoulder. I wondered if he could feel my heart, which was pounding with worry.

Samara and Chloe were waiting when we emerged from the locker room, and I led the way to my car. Chloe went to a backseat door and opened it, heading back to the third row. As I set Drew inside, Samara was climbing in beside him. She buckled his seat belt and met my eyes.

“I’ll ride back here with him,” she said. I nodded, grateful.

It was a quick drive back to my mom’s house, which was silent when we walked in. Liv was still asleep upstairs. I set Drew on the couch and dug his clothes from this morning out of my backpack, changing him into his dry underwear and shorts.

He yawned and his eyelids slid closed as Samara tucked a blanket around him.

“You’re sure he’s okay?” she whispered to me.

I nodded. “He’s got a kidney condition and he gets worn out faster than other kids. I shouldn’t have let him swim that long. This is my fault.”