Release (18 page)

I reached over to his hair and stroked my fingertips through it. “Me too.”

“Please tell me what’s holding you back from moving in with me. If it’s honestly the job thing, I’ll help you get a job here. It’s an easy thing. Don’t let that be the reason.”

“That’s part of it,” I said. “But it’s also … it’s hard to explain.”

“Try.”

I took a deep breath and let it out, considering. “I promised when I got away from Matt that I’d never be codependent again. When I moved back to Henley, it was the first time I felt okay being alone. I spent so much time trying to make up for never being adopted and I felt so free when that cycle was broken.”

“Loving someone and wanting to be with them doesn’t make you codependent.”

“I know.” I stroked a fingertip across his bearded cheek. “And I know that what we have is healthy. It’s just …”

“What? Samara, level with me. I don’t like feeling like a fool in love with someone who isn’t sure they feel the same way.”

I scrunched my face at him. “That’s not fair. You’re questioning my feelings for you because I’m afraid to move here?”

“But why are you afraid? I told you, whatever your dreams are, you can reach them here. School, work, anything. Become a chef. Or a teacher. Or a dog walker. For fuck’s sake, you can do anything you want. You’ve got a rich boyfriend who’ll do anything to make you happy.”

I turned onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. “That’s the thing, Orion. My dream would probably surprise you. I’m not sure I’m the kind of woman you want.”

“What’s that mean?” He put his fingertips on my cheek and turned my face toward him. He was leaning on an elbow and staring down into my eyes. “Stop being so fucking cryptic and talk to me.”

“My dream is to be a wife and mother. That’s it. I don’t particularly care about finishing school. I work because I need the money, although I enjoy what I do.”

“And you didn’t feel like it was safe to tell me that’s your dream?”

I tried to look away again, but his fingers were still there, and he held my cheek in place.

“It’s not something I felt like I should say so early on. I don’t want to move here with expectations, but I don’t want to move here without them. I know that’s crazy.”

His fingertip made its way down to my jaw line.

“It’s not crazy. Are you saying you want to know I’m serious enough for marriage and kids? I am.”

I felt something inside me that I could have sworn was my womb clenching. It was creepy, so I decided to forget it ever happened.

“But wanting to get married and have children in an abstract way is different than being there with the person you’re with. It’s too early for you to know if you want it with me.”

His face crumpled a little. “I don’t know about that. Are you saying you want those things but you don’t know yet if you want them with me?”

“No, I’m not saying that.”

His fingertip was on my lips now, tracing softly over one and then the other. “You are really fucking obtuse sometimes, Samara.”

I smiled. “It’s just that things are really good with us. It’s the first really good thing I’ve ever had.”

“And you don’t want to jinx it?”

“Right.”

“I can see myself marrying you and having kids with you,” he said.

My heart pounded as his words sank in. “Really? Even though it hasn’t even been four months yet? And I have no idea how to be a good mother? And I have no career ambitions at all?”

He hummed his amusement. “I’ll take those one at a time. I wouldn’t have asked you to move in with me if I wasn’t very serious about us. I’ve never lived with anyone except teammates. You’re going to be a great mother. And why would career ambitions matter to me?”

“Because your friends’ wives have great careers. A counselor who helps people, a hockey trainer and a writer? Your mom works, too. And I only want to have babies and take care of them and make them cookies.”

“Samara, I love you. If you want to work, great. And if not, great. I know why your dream is to have babies and take care of them.”

“Why?”

“Because you want what you never had.”

His words made me swallow hard with realization. I’d never thought of it that way, but he was right.

“I’m not saying I want it anytime soon,” I said. “I just wanted to be honest with you that going to school or starting a business doesn’t really appeal to me.”

He smoothed a hand over my hair. “I want you here. And maybe the thing we do to work toward your dream is just be happy. Grow together until you’re positive I’m the man you want.”

“And you’re positive I’m the woman you want,” I said.

“I’m already sure of that.”

I sighed softly. “I kind of am, too.”

“Promise me you’ll think about moving in,” he said. “You’re afraid I’m going to let you down, but I won’t. I swear I won’t. Promise me.”

I ran my hand over his bare hip, his warm, smooth skin reminding me that no matter how much of a dream he felt like, he was real.

“I promise.”

Theo St. James’ fist connected with my jaw like a steel wrecking ball. That shit
hurt
. I closed my eyes for a second, absorbing the pain, and sent my fist flying into his nose.

“I fuckin’ felt that,” he muttered. “You’re less of a pussy than you were last season.”

“Fuck you,” I spit out. “You’re nothin’ but a goon. And you’re a slow one, motherfucker. Some young buck’s gonna have your job any day now.”

His face darkened with fury. It was all out war then, fists and sweat flying until Ryke pressed a hand to my chest and pushed me back. Theo’s captain did the same to him.

“Go cool off in the box,” Ryke said, clapping a gloved hand on my shoulder.

I tasted blood and felt my left eye swelling shut as I did my time in the penalty box. My head was throbbing from the force of Theo’s hits. Getting fucked up wasn’t as much fun as it used to be. I’d always given as good as I got, but I was starting to miss the days when I was a straight forward. Samara was coming tomorrow, and I’d be a mess of cuts and bruises and sore muscles.

My line was out the rest of the game. As soon as I got to the locker room, I dropped my shit and went to the ice bath.

“Hey,” Dell said, sitting down on a bench next to the bath. “I’m gonna need to look at you.”

“I’m fuckin’ tired.” I sat back and closed my eyes. “I just want to relax.”

“I know. Sit there for as long as you need. I’ll check you when you get out.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered.

She stood up. “Theo cleaned your clock, Orion. You might have a concussion.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I said. “I’ll take some Tylenol if you don’t mind.”

A few seconds of silence passed and I thought she’d left.

“Hey,” she said. I opened my eyes and looked up at her. She was all business – arms crossed, a ponytail running through the back of the team hat she wore.

“Yeah?”

“You okay? Did something happen with you and Samara?”

I sighed, thinking of the pillow I’d been using at home. The one she used when she came for weekends, which had her sweet, coconut smell on it. I’d actually told the cleaning lady not to change my sheets this week because of it.

“I just miss her,” I said. “I didn’t know it would be this hard.”

She sat back down and gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it is. Luke and I did it for a while, too.”

“Yeah. It’s that much harder when my friends here are all happily married.”

“Because you have no one to go out with?”

My laugh was a single, ironic note. “No, because I want what they have. I want her waiting for me in bed when I get home from a road trip. I want to have dinner with her at night. I want her in my everyday life, not just on weekends.”

Dell craned her head to look into my eyes, holding out a finger for me to track. I followed it as she spoke. “Does this have anything to do with you worrying what she’s doing back home?”

I shook my head, cringing from the pain in my neck. “No. I trust her completely. I just want her here. It’s fucked up for her to be alone there and me to be alone here, you know?”

She nodded. “I do. And with love, when you know, you just know. I really like her, Orion. She’s genuine and sweet and I can tell she loves you.”

I smiled. “All that from one dinner?”

“I’m a quick study and a good judge of character. Samara was looking at
you
that night. I never liked the way Amy looked at everyone and everything else when she was with you. That told me she was more interested in what you could do for her than what’s in your heart.”

I arched my brows and grunted my agreement. “Yeah, she was.”

Dell stared into my eyes for a few seconds, assessing them. “Your pupils are very dilated. You know what I’m gonna say.”

I sighed. “Yeah. The hospital. It’s fine. As long as we can get some dinner on the way.”

She stood again. “I’d help you out of there, but …” She circled a hand over her pregnant belly and smiled, a picture of happiness.

“I’m good. Just gimme five more minutes. Thanks, Dell.”

Luke and Dell’s son Kyler was staying with his grandparents tonight, so Luke decided to ride to the hospital with us. The tests to determine whether I had a concussion were quick and easy – I’d done them many times.

I scrolled messages on my phone on the walk to Luke’s SUV. There was a text from Samara.

Samara: That fight was brutal. Tell me you’re okay. Love u.

I wrote back as I walked.

Me: I’m okay. I’ll call u when I get home. Miss u. Love u like Dantes loved Haylee. ;)

The Count of Monte Cristo reference made me picture Samara in the library, her hair over one shoulder as she filed away books. Falling in love with her had been the best summer of my life.

A text from my mom made me stop walking right before I reached the car.

Mom: Please call me soon.

She wouldn’t have sent that message unless something urgent was happening. I knew she wasn’t worried about me after seeing the fight on TV – she’d seen me in so many over the years. Pushing the button on my screen to call her, I held up a finger to tell Luke and Dell to wait for me.

“Orion,” she said, her voice edged with worry.

“Mom, everything okay?”

She inhaled sharply before speaking, breaking into tears. “No. We’re at the hospital. Drew is very sick. He has to go on dialysis.”

I pressed a hand to my forehead, the image of my happy seven-year-old nephew in a hospital bed making me dizzy.

“Holy shit,” I said, forgetting to mind my language in front of her. “Is he okay? I mean, right now? Is he in pain?”

“He’s resting comfortably now. But things aren’t good.” She broke into a sob. “I’m sorry. I’ve been holding it together for Olivia, but I just stepped out of the room when you called.”

My sister had to be an absolute wreck. A surge of anxiety hit me hard. Mom was there for Olivia, but who was there for Mom?

“I’ll be there in a few hours,” I said. “Is there anything else I can do? Anything at all?”

“You have a game tomorrow. I know how much you love Drew, but there’s nothing you can do here, honey. I’ll keep you updated.”

“I’m coming home.” I closed my eyes and leaned my forearm against Luke’s car, resting my head on it. “Mom, listen. If there’s a better hospital for him, or he needs treatment, I’ll pay for it. Make sure he’s getting the best care there is, okay?”

“Thank you,” she said, her voice wavering with emotion. “I offered the same thing. Your father’s life insurance was substantial.”

“Hang in there for Liv, Mom. I’ll be there soon.”

We hung up and I turned to see Luke and Dell standing to the side, trying to give me privacy but both looking concerned. When they approached me, I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat tightened.

“I, uh …” I cleaned my throat. “I have to go home. My nephew’s really sick. It sounds like his kidneys are failing.”

As soon as the words were out, I broke down. Tears ran down my cheeks as a sense of helplessness wrapped itself around me. Luke reached out and hugged me.

“I’m sorry, man,” he said.

We broke apart and I wiped a sleeve across my face. “Yeah. So I’m going now.” I gave Dell a cautionary look. “Don’t even try to get me to go to the hospital.”

She waved a hand. “No, I know. How old is he?”

“Seven.”

“Damn. I’m so sorry. But keep the faith. There are treatments.”

I nodded.

“Get in the car,” Luke said.

“Will you give me a ride to my car?” I asked. “I’m on the other side of the lot.”

“I’m giving you a ride to Indiana, man.”

I looked between the two of them. “You don’t need to do that. It’s a two and a half hour drive.”

“Let’s go,” Dell said, rubbing a hand over my back. “Let us drive you and keep you company.”

My mind raced as we got in the car. “We’ve got a flight in the morning.”

“We’ll drive home for it,” Dell said. “Don’t worry about that right now.”

I nodded numbly, dialing Samara’s number on my phone.

“Hey,” she said, her voice sweet and sleepy. “You’re calling early tonight.”

“Hi, baby. I need you to do something.”

“What’s wrong?” Her tone turned serious. “You sound upset.”

“Drew’s in the hospital. It has to be St. Mary’s, where Liv works. His kidneys are failing.”

“Orion. Oh my God. No.”

I let out a shaky sigh. “I just talked to my mom and I’m on the way. Will you go to the hospital to be with them until I get there? They might need help with Chloe, and—”

“I’m on my way. Whatever they need.”

“Thank you.”

“Drive safe, okay?”

I looked over at the driver’s seat, where Luke was rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt as he drove. “Luke and Dell are bringing me.”

“Good. See you soon.”

“Samara – I love you.”

There were unshed tears in her voice when she spoke. “I love you too.”

Orion was a mess when he came running down the hospital hallway. One of his eyes was purple and swollen and he had a fat lip. His t-shirt had a streak of dried blood on it and his eyes were wild and frantic.