Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (34 page)

Jacob digs into the pudding, eating it greedily.  I smile, because it's impossible not to around this kid.  "How are you feeling?" I ask.

He shrugs and puts another spoonful of pudding into his mouth.  "Little better.  I guess."

I don't force the issue.  He has his good days and bad days.  If he wants to talk, I let him talk.  But most of the time he just wants to focus on his mom, sports and videogames.  "So is your mom visiting you tonight?"

He nods emphatically.  "Yeah.  She said she's bringing me that new game I wanted."

"The one with the Ninja Turtles?"

Jacob nods again.

"Awesome!" I exclaim.  "You're going to have to show me all the different characters and levels tomorrow."

He grins.  A spoonful of pudding pauses just before it reaches his mouth, and his brows knit together as if he's thinking about something very serious.  Then he turns to me and says, "You know, you're, like, the coolest girl I know, Avery."

"Well, that must make you the coolest boy then," I say, tapping on the brim of his baseball cap.  He's been wearing that hat every single day since his hair fell out.  I know he wants to look like a normal boy on the outside even if he doesn't feel normal on the inside.

After Jacob finishes his snack, I toss it into the trash.  Then I hand him a napkin so he can wipe the chocolate from his face.

We spend the next half hour talking about comic book characters, cartoons, movies and his crush on the girl across the hall.  Her name is Bailey, and she's as cute as a button.  She suffers from the same affliction as Jacob, and they sometimes go to their chemotherapy sessions together, talking about everything under the sun except for the hospital and cancer, of course.

Yawning, Jacob asks, "Avery, will you read my favorite story?"

My eyes dart to my watch.  I'm going to be late getting home if I don't hurry, but I could never say no to Jacob.  Spending time with him is one of the very few things in my life that actually makes me forget about the sorrow looming over me.  "Sure.  There's nothing I'd rather do," I say, and it's the truth.

I grab a storybook about knights, princesses and dragons in a far off land, sit down in a chair and begin to read.  It doesn't take long before Jacob is fast asleep.  He never makes it the whole way to the end.  One of these days I'll have to start from the end and read to the beginning just so he can hear the ending.

Standing, I quietly put the book away on the shelf.  Then I turn to Jacob, and pull the covers up to his chest and fix his pillow so that he's more comfortable.  Smiling down at him, I study his little face and how innocent and peaceful he looks.  Sighing contentedly, I start to walk around the bed towards the door.

When I look up, my steps slow and then come to a complete stop.  A doctor in a white lab coat stands in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb.  His dark gaze is fixated on me as a heart-stopping grin slowly spreads across his face.  "Hello," he says with a rich timbre to his voice.

I've never seen him in the hospital before, and I'm sure I would definitely remember a face like his.  He's brutally handsome with a mop of shaggy dark brown hair that matches the color of his eyes.  He looks like a doctor that belongs on a soap opera in California rather than here in North Carolina.

"The nurses claim you are the only one who can get Jacob to take his medicine and go for therapy.  You must be really good with kids."  He walks into the room and stops a few feet away from me.  He's tall, towering several inches over my five-foot-five frame.  "Do you have any children of your own?" he asks.

His question brings back haunting memories that I have tried so hard to push down deep into my subconscious.  However, they always manage to bubble back up to the surface.  I was pregnant a little over two years ago.  I didn't even know I was…until I lost it.  As a result of the physical abuse from Nathan, I had a miscarriage.  I remember bleeding profusely on the bathroom floor while waiting for him to decide if he should call an ambulance or not.  I was covered in bruises, cuts and scrapes, and he didn't want anyone to find out what he had been doing to me.  Eventually he decided to call in a favor from a fellow doctor --- someone who wouldn't ask questions and who ultimately didn't.

There was no mourning for the baby I lost.  Nathan wouldn't allow it.  The whole incident was swept under the rug and never talked about again.  Devastated and heartbroken, I vowed to never get pregnant again.  When I think about having kids with Nathan, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I've been on a strict birth control regimen since that day, unbeknownst to my husband.  I would never want to bring children into this world with him as their father.  I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy, let alone an innocent child.

Giving myself a mental shake, I glance up and realize the doctor is staring at me.  Under his gaze, I feel exposed as if he's looking right through me to my very soul.  His question still lingers in the air, and his left brow quirks up as he waits patiently for my answer.  When I say nothing, his eyebrows dip in confusion.  "Are you okay?" he asks softly.

As he takes another step forward, I can now see that his eyes are dark chocolate with flecks of gold.  He's extremely attractive with strong features, and I can't force myself to look away.  Long forgotten need and desire suddenly flood my senses as a shiver runs down my spine, and my fingers itch to touch the stubble lining his strong jaw.  I'm very attracted to him, and it scares the hell out of me.  It's too dangerous…for both of us. 
If Nathan would ever find out
---.  I shudder at the thought, and it feels like I've been doused with a bucket of cold water.  I know that my only option now is to ignore him.  I'm very skilled at pushing people away; and, unfortunately, it's one of the things I'm extremely good at these days.

Smiling shyly, so as to not come off as a total bitch, I give him a small wave goodbye and leave the room hastily.  I have to force myself not to run down the hall.  Only after I'm a few rooms away do I slowly release a breath that I wasn't aware I was holding.  I place a hand over my hammering heart.  I'm completely unnerved and trying to get my bearings when I bump right into the back of Rosie, one of the nurses.  "Sorry," I apologize quickly.

Rosie turns with a big grin on her face.  She's an older woman with more salt than pepper in her hair, rich brown skin and a personality so bright it puts the sun to shame.  I've known her the entire time I've been volunteering at the hospital and consider her a friend…maybe my only friend.  "You look flushed, Avery.  Are you feeling okay?"

My hand fans my suddenly warm face.  I'm sure my cheeks are bright red, and that thought makes me blush even more.  "Yeah.  I'm just feeling very warm.  Is the air conditioning broken again?"

"Nope."  She shakes her head and chuckles.  "You know, all the nurses seem to be complaining about it being so hot in here, and I think I know the reason behind it."  When I raise a brow in confusion, she continues.  "Did you just talk to
Dr. Dreamy
?  All the nurses are getting flustered over the new doctor in the hospital today."

I realize she's talking about the doctor that was in Jacob's room…the doctor I just completely ignored.  "His last name isn't really Dreamy, is it?" I ask.

She laughs.  "No, but it should be."  She leans in close as if she's about to tell me a secret.  "His name is Max Harrison.  He's the new pediatrician, and he just transferred here from Chicago."  Her eyes glance over my shoulder, and a big grin creeps onto her face.  "Speak of the devil," she mutters.

I turn in the direction she's looking and see Dr. Harrison standing in the hallway.  His eyes are glued on me, and it looks like he's trying to decide if he should come and talk to me or not.  I quickly look back to Rosie, and I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks once again.

"Yep.  You're exhibiting the same symptoms as all the other girls today," she says with a knowing look.  "If I was about twenty years younger…"  Her voice trails off, and then she chuckles and shakes her head.  "Too bad you're married, Avery.  I bet you wish you weren't," she says with a wink.

"You have no idea," I mumble under my breath.  When Rosie asks me to repeat what I said, I simply tell her, "I have to go."  I glance at the clock on the wall nervously.  I don't want to be late getting home, especially not after what happened this morning.

I run to the nurses' station, grab my purse from under the desk and hightail it out to the parking lot.  As I walk quickly to my car, I can't help but question the mixed emotions flowing through me.  Dr. Harrison is the new pediatrician.  That means I will be seeing a whole lot more of him.  I have mixed feelings about that fact.  I'm happy that the hospital has a new doctor, but I'm confused and apprehensive about the way I reacted to him.  I haven't been attracted to a man in a long time.  In all actuality, I've been fearful of almost every man I've come into contact with over the past few years.  My aversion to being touched and to men in general stems from years of abuse by the hands of my husband, but there's just something about Dr. Harrison that makes me feel like I could possibly trust him.

Pushing the thought aside, I climb into the car and start the engine.  The clock on the radio flickers on, and I freeze.  I'm running ten minutes behind.  Gripping the steering wheel tightly, I coast the car out of the parking lot.  I just hope that I make it home before Nathan.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

MAX

I never really believed in love at first sight.  My father always preached to me growing up that he knew the moment he saw my mother that they would be together forever.  They've been married for almost thirty years, so maybe there is some truth in what he told me.

I'd never had a moment like that where you just look at someone and feel an instant connection and imagine a future with them even though you don't know the first thing about them…that is, until I saw
her
.

I had been on my way to a patient's room when I'd first noticed her in the hallway.  My heart skipped a beat, and I almost tripped after my legs suddenly forgot how to work.  She was completely out-of-this-world gorgeous with a kind smile that would melt even the hardest of hearts instantly.  That day I watched her from a safe distance as she interacted with the children, and it seemed like she had a kind soul to match her sweet smile.  Since then, I've only caught glimpses of her in the halls, but never had the chance to say hi and introduce myself.

I've only been at the hospital for a week, but with orientation, meeting the other doctors and staff and getting acquainted with the layout of the hospital, I had barely gotten into the swing of things until today.  I'd been kind of admiring her from afar, always hoping for an opportunity to run into her.  And when I finally got my chance to talk to her today, I blew it.

I replay our encounter in my mind over and over.  I wanted her to say something, anything really.  I had an idea of what her voice would sound like in my mind, and I had been dying for a chance to finally interact with her.  And then with complete and utter surprise, I watched the pretty brunette grin and wave awkwardly before practically running out of the room without saying a single word.

Perplexed, I stand frozen in place.  Did I say something to offend her?  I can't remember saying anything beyond normal conversation.  But the look in her eyes when I had asked if she had any kids told me that there was a story behind them.  I sigh and shake my head.  Maybe I was just being too forward.

Finally getting the chance to meet her face to face did something to me.  From a distance she had seemed almost like a mirage.  Up close and personal she is everything I had hoped she would be and so much more.  Sure, on the outside, she's obviously beautiful with long reddish-brown hair framing her pretty face and bangs ending just above a set of stunning blue-gray eyes.  But in those eyes I saw something that made my heart pump a little faster.  It was as if with one glance into them I could see an open book to her soul.  One glance and we connected on some kind of level that I can't explain even though I just experienced it.  A myriad of emotions appeared in that one look, and I instantly recognized one --- a deep and immutable sadness.  Even with the smile on her face, I saw right through her.  It's as if she's wearing an impenetrable mask for everyone else's benefit; but, for some reason, I can see through it.

Her guard was down in Jacob's room, and I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her in her element, relaxed and natural.  I watched her while she tucked him in, her delicate hands pulling up his covers and fluffing his pillow to make him comfortable.  And then she looked down at him with the most serene and empathetic look.  With the sun cascading through the window at her back, she looked like an angel standing in a heavenly beam of light.  It gave me chills.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I venture out into the hallway.  The girl's back is to me, and she's standing with a nurse named Rosie.  I feel the strong urge to call out to her, but I don't even know her name.  I was hoping that her ID badge would reveal what I was looking for, but it just designated that she's a volunteer with a photo.  Anyone willing to volunteer their time in a hospital must have a heart of gold, and I didn't doubt for one second that hers was made of twenty-four karats.

I catch Rosie's stare, and her lips move as she says something.  And then the girl suddenly turns and looks right at me.  I feel the nervousness all over again, and I feel embarrassed that they clearly caught me staring.  I want to go talk to her again, but something is holding me back.  I'm suddenly feeling very nervous and awkward, and those are not typical feelings that I get around anyone, especially women.  I'm not bragging, but let's just say I've never had a problem getting a girlfriend.  Usually I am the one getting asked out.  But when I'm around this girl, I feel like a bundle of nerves, tongue-tied and lucky to even remember my own name.