Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (29 page)

CHAPTER 24

PENNY

I PACK MY bags and cry enough tears to flood New York City.  Angrily, I dash them away.  I'm sick of crying.

The life I want is in New York.  The life I want is with Tucker.

I repeat those two sentences over and over in my mind.  I just hope that I'll start believing them soon.  A pesky voice in the back of my mind keeps asking me, if this is the right choice, then why is it so damn hard?

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I pack the last of my things.  A picture of Colton and me remains on the bed, and I hesitate before picking it up.  I stare at us when we were teenagers.  We were so in love.  And happy.  God, we were happy.

My fingertips glide over the glass over his handsome face, and new tears well in my eyes.

"Penny?" Buddy calls from the kitchen.

"In here," I call back.

He stands in the doorway and looks longingly at my luggage.  "All set?" he asks, solemnly.

I look at him and give him a small smile.  "Now, Buddy Lawson, if I didn't know any better, I would say you were gonna miss me."

He raises his hands above his head and grips the wood frame, sighing loudly.  "Penny…"  His voice trails off.  "Penny, this just ain't right.  You and Colt ---."

"Don't," I say, stopping him before he can say anymore.  "It's not going to work out with Colt and me.  Not anymore."  I stare down at the picture in my hands and hold my tears at bay.  "What happened in the past is staying in the past now, Buddy.  Nothing's going to change that."

He hangs his head and nods a few times.  "Are you gonna say goodbye to him at least?"

I hesitate.  I debated a million times over in my head whether I could have the courage to tell Colton goodbye.  I had decided not to, but I don't know if I could live with myself without some sense of closure.

Buddy looks up and stares at me hard.  "Penny, you have to say goodbye.  You can't just leave him without…"  He sighs again and scrubs a hand over his face.  "This ain't how it's supposed to be.  It's not the way your story's supposed to end."

I nod once.  "Some of us just don't get our happy ending, Buddy.  That's just the way life works sometimes."  I set the picture down on the bed and zip up my suitcase.  "I'm ready," I say with a deep breath.

He eyes the picture that I'm leaving behind, but doesn't say a word about it.  "I'll put your luggage in the car while you go say goodbye to Colt."

*  *  *  *  *

THERE'S ONE LAST thing I have to do before I say goodbye to Colton.  A few days ago, I special ordered a small memorial stone for Mack's grave.  Mack was always like my dog growing up, and I just wanted to do something nice for him and Colton before I leave.

My legs feel like lead as I walk up to the garden.  The patchy, muddy area under the shade tree sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the lush, green grass surrounding it.  Gently, I place the stone on top of the dirt.  My fingers gently trace over the words etched into the gray rock.

MACK

You will forever be in our hearts, and we will remember you there always.

"Goodbye, Mack," I say, rising and wiping the stray tears from my cheeks.  I've cried so much during the past few months, but Mack is so worth my tears.  He was the best dog.  Ever.  And I will miss him for the rest of my life.

Standing, I brush the dirt off my fingers.  Now it's time to tell Colton goodbye.  I steel my nerves, knowing this will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my entire life.  I have to let him go even if I don't know how I'll survive without him.  Taking a deep breath, I leave Mack's grave and make my way to the shed.

I can hear him before I see him.  He's inside the small building, pounding on a punching bag and taking out his frustration and an anger that I will never understand.

As I round the corner, I finally lay eyes on him.  He's shirtless with sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips.  He looks angry and beautiful, and it almost makes me cry to think that this is the last time I'll ever see him.  Maybe years from now when I'm older I'll come back to town.  I wonder if he'll have gotten married by then, maybe have a smidge of gray hair at his temples with a couple of Colton replicas running around.  The thought makes me close my eyes and shudder.  I want to be there for every single gray hair.  I want to be there for every milestone of his life.  I want to marry him and have his children.  But I know now that I can't.  This will never work between us because…he simply does not love me.  And he never will.  He refuses to face his past, and I am his past.  How could we ever make that work?  How could I ever make him happy if he doesn't remember all the times we shared before his accident?

Squaring my shoulders, I look up at him.  "Colt," I say from the doorway.

He immediately stops punching and stands still, chest heaving, body dripping with sweat.  He doesn't even turn to look at me as he asks, "Yeah?"

I close my eyes for a moment.  "I…I just…I wanted to say goodbye."

As the words come out of my mouth, Colton turns and looks at me.  "Goodbye?" he asks as if he doesn't know the meaning of the word.  "You're leaving?  Today?"

I nod.  "Right now actually."

His entire body tenses, and his muscles ripple in response.  "But you said a few more weeks."

"Would it have made a difference?" I blurt out.  Shaking my head, I say, "Let's face it, Colt.  Me being here is not a good thing for either one of us.  I drive you crazy."

"You always drove me crazy," he whispers.

I stare at him with narrowed eyes.  A bloom of hope bursts in my chest.  "You…you remember…?"

"No."  He sighs heavily.  "You told me that before."

Instantly, I feel deflated.  And that's exactly how it's always going to feel.  Just when I get a glimmer of hope, everything will be dashed away in an instant when I realize that Colton is never going to remember me.  "Yeah.  Well, I just wanted to say goodbye."  I can barely make myself meet his stare, but I eventually do.  His expression is unreadable, but I can see a hint of sadness in his dark gaze.  "I hope you have the best life you could ever possibly dream of, Colt.  I want the best for you.  I hope you know that."  Tears start blurring my vision, and I quickly turn away.  I'm a few steps away from the shed when Colton calls out my name.  I slowly turn to look back at him.

"I just want you to know somethin'."  He takes a step towards me, and I stay rooted in my spot.  "The truth," he clarifies.  "Ruby Sue came over that night and threw herself at me.  You saw her kissin' me, but you didn't see me pushin' her away.  I let her spend the night 'cuz she'd been drinkin', and  in the mornin' she made me believe that we had slept together.  That's why I couldn't answer you for sure when you asked.  I didn't remember, but she was so adamant that we did."  He takes a long breath before he continues.  "Anyway, the other night at the dance she finally confessed the truth.  We didn't sleep together.  She lied to me.  And now it's truly over between Ruby Sue and me…just like it should have been months ago."  He hangs his head in defeat.  "I just wanted you to know that."

They never slept together.
  My heart is threatening to jump out of my chest, and my knees are close to buckling.  They kissed, which is still kind of cheating…but if Ruby Sue threw herself at Colton, was it really his fault?  He stayed true to me even though Ruby Sue was technically his girlfriend.  He stayed true to me.

I stand there in shock.  If only I could go back in time, it would change things.  I thought Colton had cheated on me.  I thought he was breaking my heart, but it never happened.  This changes everything…but it's too late.  I'm leaving.  I already made the plans.  The ticket is purchased.  The apartment is ready.  Tucker is expecting me.

I put my face in my hands and breathe in and out slowly.  Why didn't Colton tell me sooner?  It would have changed everything.  "Tell me what you're thinking, Colt," I say, finally meeting my gaze with his.  "I just never know."

"I feel like…I feel like I don't want you to leave.  I feel like that piece of me that you filled up when you came back is being ripped out of me once again."

I slowly absorb his words.  "But why do you feel like that?  Do you know why?"

He shakes his head.

And therein lies the problem.  He'll never know why he feels a certain way about me because he'll never remember me.  He'll never love me like he did, and that is the sole reason why I have to leave.  Even if the circumstances have changed a bit, it doesn't fix everything.  It just makes it more complicated, and that's exactly why I'm running away.  I can't keep tugging on my heartstrings, because one day this heart is going to irrevocably break.

"I have to go, Colt."

"Penny, wait."

I watch him carefully as he stalks towards me.  I hold up my hands.  "Don't.  Please don't," I beg.  He stops walking and tilts his head to the side as he looks at me.  I'm slowly crumbling before him.  If he touches me, I won't be able to leave, and I know I have to…for both our sakes.  "This is just the way it has to be."  I give him a small smile through my tears.  "At least now when I come back into town you'll remember me," I whisper before turning away.

"Always," he whispers back.

At first, I walk down the hill, and then I start to run.  I run and run and don't stop until I'm at my car.  Buddy is leaning against the trunk when he sees me.  He opens his arms, and I run into them.  I can't hold back the tears any longer, and Buddy doesn't say a word as I sob in his arms.  His hand strokes my back and he hushes me, soothing me as best he can.

"I know, Penny.  I know," he whispers in my hair.  "It's going to be okay.  You'll see.  It'll all work out in the end."

His words are comforting, but they couldn't be farther from the truth.  Nothing will ever be okay again.

Shelby Rae stands off to the side with a sad look on her face.  "Are you stayin' or goin'?" she asks solemnly.

"Going," I murmur.  "Definitely going."

Shelby Rae gives me a sad look, but nods before getting in the driver's side.  I hug Buddy one last time.  "I think I'm gonna miss you most of all, Buddy," I tell him, my voice breaking with every single word.

He breathes me in deep and hugs me so tight I can feel my ribs creaking in protest.  "You come back and visit, you hear?"

I nod as he releases me.  "Take care of him."

"You know I will.  But who's gonna take care of you?"

I give him a small shrug.  "I'll figure it out."  I open the passenger's side door.  "Bye, Buddy."

"Bye, Penny."

Shelby Rae is practically sobbing as she puts the car in drive and pulls out of the parking lot.  "Are you okay to drive?" I ask.

"No," she cries, "but I'm gonna do it anyway."

I reach over and gently rub her back as she cries.  "We need to make a promise right here and now.  Promise to keep in touch.  Don't let the distance stop us from being friends."

"Agreed," she says with a sob.

*  *  *  *  *

COLTON

PENNY IS GONE.

She's fuckin' gone.

Forever.

My hands slam into the punchin' bag over and over again.  My muscles scream in protest from the physical exertion, but I can't stop.  I need to get all of this anger out of me before I fuckin' explode.

"Colton," says a voice from the doorway.

I know it's Buddy, but I don't want to hear his bullshit right now.  "Go away, Buddy," I say before landin' a right hook into the bag.  The wooden beam above that the bag is attached to groans as I continue to land blow after blow.

"Penny's goin' to New York.  She's gonna marry that asshole Tucker Hayward and be miserable for the rest of her life, and you don't fuckin' care?"

"Not now, Buddy!" I yell, growlin'.  I punch the bag one last time before taking a step back.  "She's gone, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it!" I hiss through gritted teeth.

"She just left.  She just left ten minutes ago, Colt.  You can run after her.  That's what the hell you can do!"

"And tell her what exactly?  I don't remember you, but come back to town so we can torment each other for the rest of our lives?"

"You didn't see her right before she left, Colt.  I've never seen her like that before."  He shakes his head sadly.  "Shit."  He wipes a tear away from his face, and I stand there in stunned silence.  I've never seen Buddy cry before.  "She was devastated…completely broken."  He frowns and looks up at me with narrowed eyes.  "Because of you."

I run my wrapped hands through my hair and pull at the ends.  "I don't know what you expect me to do, Buddy.  You told me just a few days ago that I need to let her go.  So I let her go!"

"I also told you to get your shit together, but I don't see that happenin'!" he growls.