Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (25 page)

"Have you given any more thought to New York?"  He clears his throat and quickly adds, "I wouldn't keep asking, but my staff keeps hounding me about who's going to be my campaign manager.  They just want to know what to expect, and I need to know if I should be looking for a manager elsewhere or not."  His voice tapers off at the end as if he really didn't want to say the last part.

I glance around the mostly empty bar and close my eyes.  I've already made my mind up about New York, but I haven't even told Tuck my decision yet.  Is that because I secretly want to delay the inevitable?  I have no idea.  I feel like I'm split into two different people right now.  There's a Penny that wants to stay, but there's another Penny that needs to go.  And I can't stay without getting hurt again.  Leaving will hurt me as well, but not as much in the long run.  I have to take the lesser of two evils and decide what's best for myself.

I open my eyes and smile at Tucker.  "I have until the end of summer to move back to New York?"

"Or sooner if you'd like," Tucker says with a big grin.  "Whenever you're ready, Penny."

I nod my head in agreement.  "End of summer it is then."

And in that moment I feel a sense of peace.  I'm finally letting Colton go just like I should have all along.  I'm creating a life without him in it.  And as wrong as that feels, it also feels kind of right.

CHAPTER 21

COLTON

PENNY'S IGNORIN' ME.  And it's not just the she-won't-look-at-me type of cold-shoulder ignorin'.  She is outright, completely fuckin' avoidin' me at every opportunity.  And I find that the more she ignores me, the angrier I get.  I don't want things to be strained between us.  I miss our banter, her anger and her sassy, smart mouth.  I miss makin' her mad at me and her turnin' into a little firecracker explodin' like the Fourth of July.

To make matters worse, the past several mornings have been awful.  I thought I would like havin' her gone.  I thought I wouldn't miss anything about havin' her wakin' me up at five-thirty in the mornin' to try out a new recipe she concocted.  But the truth is I do miss her…
a lot
.  More than I ever would have thought.  I miss bein' her taste tester, as silly as that sounds.  I miss bein' there for all her firsts when she mixes up the wrong batter, but makes somethin' entirely new and incredibly delicious.  I miss her bein' there every mornin' in my kitchen without fail.  She made me feel like I'm not so alone in that big, old house.  And now with Mack gone, it's a big fuckin' deal to me.  And that's a feelin' that I know will be irreplaceable.

I'm spacing out by the time Buddy tries to get my attention for what could be the first or fifth time.  "Dude!" he says exasperated.

I turn to him and raise a brow.

"Where were you just now?" he asks with a concerned look on his face.

I shrug my shoulders and continue fillin' the ice bin under the bar.  I sense Penny before I even see her.

"Mind if I skip out early, Buddy?" she asks sweetly.

It's a Wednesday night, and the bar is dead.  Some kind of party goin' on in town has caused us to have a slow night.  Buddy says, "Sure."

I look up at Penny and realize she's not lookin' at me at all.  I miss her stormy, gray eyes on me.  "Where ya goin'?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

Without even glancin' my way, Penny nervously bites her bottom lip before sayin', "I have a date."

Anger courses through me as I watch her walk away.  My eyes settle on Tucker Hayward sittin' at the bar.  He smiles as Penny walks towards him, and I feel helpless as I watch them leave together.

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.  Angrily, I scoop more ice into the bin and have to force myself not to throw the empty bucket when I'm done.

"You two still haven't kissed and made up?" Buddy asks.

I shake my head.

"Well, it's seriously killin' the vibe in the bar.  You can cut the tension with a damn knife."

"I'll fix it," I tell him.  I have to, because I don't know how much longer I can go without seein' and touchin' and kissin' her.  She became my whole world in the matter of a few weeks, and I feel like the rug has been suddenly ripped away from under me.

"Make sure you do.  Penny's only here for another couple of months, and I ---."  He abruptly stops talking.  "Shit," he mutters under his breath.

My eyes widen at his words.  "What?  What did you say?"

Buddy's mouth opens, but no words come out.  He just said somethin' he wasn't supposed to.  "Uh…Uh…" he stammers.

"What do you mean she's only here for a couple of months?"

Buddy runs a hand over his face.  "I wasn't supposed to tell you."  He sighs before sayin', "Penny's goin' back to New York at the end of the summer.  She's gonna be Tucker's campaign manager.  He's runnin' for state senator.  Hell, he might even be president one day."

His words swirl around in my mind until I'm so furious I can't take it any longer.  She's leavin'?  Penny is leavin'.  I thought I'd have more time.  But more time to do what?  I haven't exactly been swayin' her choice towards stayin'.  I've been pushin' her away.  It's what I do best --- push those closest to me away.  And I've been doin' a damn fine job with Penny.  In fact, I deserve a medal for the biggest asshole of the year.

The chime above the door rings and in walks Ruby Sue with a big smile on her face.  Her eyes land on me instantly.  "Hey, baby," she says with a sexy voice.  "Did ya miss me?"

Yep.  I definitely deserve that medal.

*  *  *  *  *

The countdown to Penny leavin' is like a huge alarm clock above my head.  Every time I try to talk to her, she ignores me.  If she's not gonna give me a chance to explain, how can I get her to change her mind about leavin'?  It's killin' me that I can't hold her in my arms.  Our times we spent together run over and over again in my head.  I can't stop thinkin' about her.  I miss her, and she's still here.  How am I goin' to handle it when she's gone for good?

I walk into the bar, and my level of anger jumps from zero to a thousand the moment my eyes land on Tucker Hayward.  He's sittin' at the counter, and Penny is behind the bar.  He's nursin' a beer, and Penny is leanin' over, givin' him a clear shot of her breasts in a low cut top.  The sad thing is she probably doesn't even realize she's givin' Tucker a show.  But I'm sure he knows, and I'm sure he's enjoyin' it.

Steppin' in front of the bar, I slam my hand down on the wood to garner her attention.  She jumps and glares at me.  "Where's the grocery list?" I ask.  I sound pissed off without even really meanin' to, and she instantly goes on the defensive.

"I didn't finish writing it out yet, Colt," she says before turnin' her attention back to Tucker.

That girl can push my buttons quicker than anyone.  My body trembles as even more anger courses through my veins.  "Well, if you weren't too busy flirtin' with the customers, maybe you would have gotten your work done."  She worries her bottom lip between her teeth, and I can't tear my eyes away from her pretty little mouth.  "I'm here for the list.  You wanted me to get groceries.  I need the list.  I don't have all day to wait around for you to do somethin' you were supposed to do hours ago!"  I'm yellin' at her over somethin' trivial, but I can't seem to control myself around Penny.  I'm either runnin' hot or within the deepest depths of Hades with her.  There's no median, and I don't know why.  I'm just so damn angry that she's givin' this asshole the time of day, but she won't even let me talk to her about me screwin' up.  I need to apologize, but how can I when she won't even hear me out?

Penny storms into the kitchen, and I stand at the end of the bar, waitin'.

"You don't deserve her," Tucker mutters under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear.

I take a few steps towards him.  He stands, our chests only a few inches apart.  I clench my hands into fists, but keep them at my sides.  "You got a problem with me, Tucker?"

"Yeah.  Yeah, I do actually."

Tucker's a few inches shorter than me and doesn't have the kind of muscle mass I do, but I give him credit for not backin' down.  He stands tall, not flinchin', his eyes borin' into mine.  "You wanna say something?  Say it," I spit out.

"You probably already know Penny's leaving with me at the end of the summer.  But what you don't know is I plan on proposing to her shortly after that.  I'm going to marry that girl.  Because
I
deserve her."

His words slice through me like a knife in my chest, twistin' until it's hard for me to breathe.

He continues, "I just want you to know that I will make her happy.  I will cherish Penny, and I will give her the life she deserves."

"And why the fuck are you tellin' me this?" I ask.

"Because the only thing that is stopping her from leaving is
you
."  His finger pokes me in the chest, and I have the sudden urge to break it off.  He withdraws his hand as the waves of anger roll off of me.  "She is having second thoughts about leaving because of you.  And I don't want to risk the chance that she'll come running back here shortly after we're in New York.  You need to let her go, Colt.  Let her be happy.  I love Penny.  I have always loved her.  And her future should be with someone who loves her as much as I do."  He throws his hands up in frustration.  "You don't even remember her, Colt, but yet you let her hang around, letting her make a fool of herself.  She can't see it, but I do.  In fact, everyone sees it….except for you, of course."

"Why don't you let Penny decide what she wants?"

"Why don't you?"  He lets out an exasperated sigh.  "Don't you see what you're doing, Colt?  You can't have the best of both worlds.  You either love her or you let her go.  And I'm asking you to let her go since you obviously don't love her anymore.  She just needs a little push in the right direction, because I know she feels guilty as hell for not coming back sooner.  But as soon as you cut her loose of this hold you have over her, she'll be free to make a decision."  He hesitates.  "And I know she will choose me."

I clench my fists in anger.  Who knew Tucker would have the balls to say all of this to my face?  I close my eyes as I try to reel in my frustration.  His words replay in my mind over and over, and slowly my anger extinguishes and is replaced by sadness.  "You're right," I say.  Tucker's eyes widen.  He probably expected me to yell back, maybe hit him.  I don't know.  But I can't do any of those things, because what he said is true.  "I don't deserve her."

"So you'll stay away from her?"

The thought of stayin' away from Penny makes my chest hurt.  And the thought of her leavin' New York and marryin' Tucker makes my head pound with a ferocious headache.  A quick burst of panic surges through me, and I have no idea why.  It's in that moment that I realize that I can't let her go.  I won't.  "No.  You have until the end of the summer to convince her to go with you.  Penny will decide what she wants.  And if she wants me, well, then you're just shit outta luck, bud."

"You have a girlfriend," he spits out.

"Why does everyone keep sayin' that?" I ask, exasperated.

"Because you do!" Tucker exclaims.  "You've been with Ruby Sue for three years, Colt."  His face contorts with anger.  "Or is she just another one of the girls that you like to string along and fuck with no hope of a future with you?"

His words slam through me, and I raise my fist to slam through him.

Penny rushes out into the room and latches onto my arm before I can connect with Tucker's face.  I use my free hand to shove Tucker away from me.  I'm tired of his shit.  He stumbles, but keeps his balance.

"What are you two fighting about?" Penny yells, steppin' in between us.  Her head turns back and forth to look at each of us with a raised brow, waiting for an answer to her question.  "Well?"

"It's not important," I say through gritted teeth.

Tucker's eyes narrow into slits as he glares at me.  "Not important, huh?  I guess we'll see what choice is made then.  I think we both know who it's gonna be."

Penny's head whips around to me.  "What?  What choice?"

I shake my head, silently askin' her to just drop it.  "Don't you have a job to do, or do I pay you to just stand around all day?" I snap.  The moment the words are out of my mouth, I regret them.

Penny's face falls.  She slaps the grocery list against my chest.  "You don't have to be such an asshole all the time, Colt," she hisses as she brushes past me and walks away.

Tucker's lips turn up into a wide smile.  "Oh, yeah.  I think we both know who she's going to choose."  He claps me hard on the shoulder before sittin' back down in his seat.

My hands tremble with anger.  I want to scream.  I want to punch somethin'.  But moreover, I have an overwhelmin' sense of dread.  Penny could be walkin' out of my life forever in the matter of several weeks.  And the way I feel about that fact scares me, because I don't want her to leave.  I didn't realize it before, but that empty spot I had inside of me for so long after the accident was suddenly filled when she came back into town.  And if she leaves again, that spot will be empty once more.  She's the only one who can make me feel whole.  I can't let her leave.

Tucker wants me to push Penny right into his open arms.  Well, that's not gonna happen. 
Ever.
  And if that means competin' with Tucker Hayward to win her heart, then so be it.

Let the best man win.