Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (22 page)

Shaking my head to dispel the thoughts, I pour a cup of coffee and walk outside to my porch.  I have a clear view of Colt's house from here.  Sitting in a rickety lawn chair that's probably been here for twenty plus years, I sip my cup of coffee.  My plan is to confront him the moment she leaves.  I will stay right here on this porch until that moment comes.  Colton has a lot of explaining to do.  I want to know what the hell happened between the two of them and if it's over or not.  I want to know if he lied to me just to get in my pants.  The thought sickens me.  It makes me physically ill to think that he's been lying to me this whole entire time.  I thought we shared something special, but maybe I was just a fool.  Maybe it was all a lie.  Every single thing.

My eyes narrow as I stare up at his house.  I'm going to try to keep from jumping to conclusions until Colton and I talk.  And so I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

*  *  *  *  *

IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT, and Ruby Sue's car never left.  The lights in the house went out a half hour ago, and the last light to go off was in Colton's bedroom.  I'm left sitting there dumbstruck with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Staring down at the cold cup of coffee in my hands, I slowly gather myself up and walk back into my apartment.  I gently set the cup in the sink.  My hands grasp the edge of the counter as my stomach does somersaults.  I feel horrible.  I feel betrayed.

Hot, fat tears roll down my cheeks, and I let them fall.  I need a good cry.  And then once I'm done crying, I'm going to hold my chin up high and figure out what will happen now.  Everything's going to change after this moment.  I can no longer stay in Willowbrook knowing that Colton and Ruby Sue are hooking up behind my back.  How would I ever be able to trust Colt again?  How would I ever be able to believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

The answer is simple.

I wouldn't.

Mentally exhausted, I go to the bathroom.  I brush my teeth and wash my face on autopilot.  Then I climb into my lonely bed and let sleep take me to a place where I'm not hurting so badly.

I'll deal with everything in the morning.

I just hope my partially healed heart doesn't do any more breaking.

CHAPTER 19

COLTON

I WAKE UP slowly, not really wantin' to be fully awake.  Flashes of last night's events slowly come back to me, but I don't remember much thanks to the beer.  Ruby Sue came over cryin' about how much she missed me and wanted me --- after she told me about breakin' up with her
boyfriend
, the owner of the tattoo shop.  I figured she was cheatin' on me even though we weren't really exclusive.  I'm just thankful I wore a rubber with her every damn time.  If I had known she was fuckin' some other dude, I wouldn't have touched her at all.

At least I wasn't tryin' to sleep with her while I was explorin' my feelings for Penny.  And Penny and me weren't even havin' sex at that point.  I was doin' the right thing.  I know that now.

Feelin' groggy from the five or six beers I had just so I could get through the night with all her whinin', I sit up in bed and yawn.  I remember puttin' a pillow and a sheet downstairs for Ruby Sue to sleep on the couch.  After a few beers, she was in no condition to drive.  I didn't want that worry on my hands, so I told her she could stay.  I just hope I don't end up regrettin' it.

I stand up and stretch.  A quick peek out the window tells me she's still here.  Her Mustang is sittin' in the same place in my driveway.  My eyes automatically flicker to Penny's apartment.  The kitchen window is facin' my house.  No lights are on, and I'm hopin' that she's still asleep.  I need to get Ruby Sue out of here ASAP before this whole thing blows up in my face.

I pull on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and walk downstairs.  Ruby Sue is not on the couch like I expect her to be.  Scratchin' my head, I get a whiff of pancakes comin' from the kitchen.  The smell reminds me of Penny, and I instantly miss her like crazy.

I walk into the kitchen to see Ruby Sue attemptin' to make breakfast.  Attemptin' bein' the keyword there.  And I would say this is her third or fourth attempt accordin' to the number of burnt pancakes piled high in the nearby trashcan.

"Morning!" she rings out when she sees me.  A big smile is on her face, and a sense of dread abruptly hits me.  She thinks we're back together since I let her spend the night.  Fuck.

"Ruby Sue, what are you doin'?" I ask her, not botherin' to keep the disdain out of my tone.

"Making you breakfast," she says with a wink.

I walk around to the stove, and that's when I notice she's wearin' one of my shirts…and nothin' on underneath it.  "Where…where are your clothes?"  Panic starts to hit me then.  Did we do somethin' that I don't remember?  I got buzzed on the beer, but I wasn't drunk. 
Was I?

"I like wearing your shirts when I stay over.  You know that."

"But you didn't --- we didn't ---.  You slept on the couch," I say, desperately needin' to hear her confirm that fact.

"Well, yeah…at first."

At first. 
At first?
  My hands curl into fists at my sides.  "What do you mean at first?"

She flips a pancake and looks at me through her fake eyelashes.  She must have woken up early and dolled herself up for me.  "Don't you remember?  God, how much did you have to drink last night, Colt?"

My world stops spinnin', and I slowly back away from her.  "I didn't drink that much.  I would have remembered…"  I push my fingertips to my temples, beggin' my mind to remember last night.  Ruby Sue slept in my bed?  I don't remember that.  If I don't remember her gettin' in bed with me, what else do I not remember?  Oh, fuck.  Why else would she be naked and be standin' in my kitchen with my shirt on if we didn't ---.  I shake my head.  No.  I don't believe it.  "I don't even remember last night," I confess out loud.

"Well, I can tell you that you certainly didn't have a problem getting it up for me this time," she says with a wicked grin.

My blood boils at her words.  "I can't deal with this shit right now.  I want you out by the time I come back."  Then I turn on my heel and practically crash through the front door.  I can hear Ruby Sue callin' after me, and it makes me even more pissed off.  My legs carry me straight to the shed.  I need to take my anger out on somethin'…and fast before I explode.

I don't bother tapin' my hands as I start layin' into the bag.  My hands instantly hurt, but I deserve it.  I deserve all of the pain.  If Penny finds out what I did, she'll never forgive me.  I fucked everything up just as it was beginnin' to get good between us…just as we were startin' to find our way with each other.

A small part of me doesn't want to tell her, act like nothin' happened.  But how could I ever look Penny in the face again and not think about what I did?  Could I really pull it off?  Could I lie to her?  Isn't omission of the truth the same as lyin'?

I pound into the bag over and over again until my muscles are quiverin' with exhaustion.  I stumble back to the weight bench and collapse onto it.  What have I done?  What have I fuckin' done?

I hang my head in shame.  Even if I don't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen.  I know that better than anyone.

I don't know if I should trust Ruby Sue, but all the evidence and her words are all there.  How did she get my shirt if she wasn't in my room?  And if she was in my room, maybe we did sleep together.  And we probably did more than sleepin' if she climbed into bed with me.  The last thing I remember thinkin' about is Penny.  What if…what if I thought I was sleepin' with Penny?  Could I have lost myself in that fantasy?

I scrub my battered hands down my face.  If Penny finds out, I'll lose her.

I'll lose her forever.

*  *  *  *  *

PENNY

THE NEXT MORNING I wake up feeling sick and exhausted.  Last night's events come rushing back to me, and I realize that Ruby Sue and Colton probably slept together…the same night after we had the most amazing sex ever.  I thought Colt and I were making progress.  I thought things were going to change between us.  But just as I think we're taking three steps forward; we take five steps back.  Right now to me Colton is still the same guy that I came home to --- the Colton that I don't even know.

I climb out of bed and go to the kitchen window.  When I see that Ruby Sue's Mustang is still in the driveway, I tear my gaze away and attempt to suppress my emotions.  Instead of allowing myself to get upset, I go to the bathroom and get ready for the day.  It's Sunday, and I'm not scheduled to work, thank goodness.  I don't think I could take a day side by side with Colt right now.

I take my time doing my hair and applying makeup.  Sometimes a girl needs to feel pretty on the outside when she's a complete wreck on the inside.

Just as I'm finished and walking back into my bedroom, I get a phone call from my dad.  Even though I haven't spoken to my parents much after I moved out, it's good to hear my dad's voice.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" my dad asks.

I bite my lower lip and stall.  How am I doing?  Well, it feels like my entire world is crumbling around me…for, like, the fourth or fifth time since I came back to Willowbrook.  Instead of relaying that information, I tell him, "I'm fine, Daddy."

"Your mama and I were wondering if you'd like to come to Sunday dinner?"

Sunday dinner is a tradition in my family.  My mama always makes a huge dinner every Sunday; one so huge it could probably feed an army even though it's usually just her, dad and me.  And right now comfort food sounds like just what I need.

"Sure," I reply.

I can almost hear his excitement through the phone.  "Great.  Noon okay?"

"Yep."

"See you then, sweetheart."

I hang up the phone and go to my closet to pick out a dress.  Another stipulation to Sunday dinner is that you dress nice, although I don't think I've ever seen my mother not wearing a dress and her pearls no matter where we are.  After scouring my small closet for a bit, I find a pretty, light blue sundress and slip it on over my head.  I pull out a matching pair of light blue flats and put them on as well.

I leave the apartment a little early and am surprised when I see Tucker's Escalade sitting in the parking lot.  He climbs out and walks towards me with a big grin on his face.  "Hey, Penny.  I hope I'm not too early."  His eyes peruse my form quickly.  "But you look like you're ready to go."

"Go where?" I ask him, completely confused.  I haven't seen much of Tucker lately since he's been flying back and forth between New York and Alabama getting ready for his campaign.  He has no idea Colton and I are together…or
were
together, depending on how my conversation with Colton later goes.

"To Sunday dinner at your parents' house."  When he sees my confusion, his smile starts to fade.  "They didn't tell you I was picking you up?"

I shake my head.  My parents are really trying to make this relationship between Tucker and me work.  But at this moment, I'm not mad about it.  I could use the distraction.  "Must have been trying to surprise me," I say quickly.  "Thank you for coming to get me."

"You're welcome," he says, the smile once again reappearing on his handsome face.  "Ready to go?"

When I nod, he opens the passenger's side door for me.  I climb in as he goes around the front of the SUV and gets in behind the steering wheel.  Tuck looks over at me and grins.  "I missed you, Penny," he says while tucking a loose piece of hair behind my hair.  It reminds me of the same action Colton always does, and I immediately pull away.

I could easily use Tucker as a diversion.  I could also use Tucker to get back at Colton.  But that would be wrong.  Tucker is too nice and sweet to be deceived like that.  So I decide to play it casual since he has no idea Colton and I started rekindling our relationship.  As far as how our relationship stands now, I have no idea; but I'm hoping for the best at this point.

"How was your trip to New York?" I ask instead of telling Tucker that I missed him too.

He must take that as a hint, because he straightens in his seat and puts the SUV in gear before driving out of the parking lot.  "Good.  My team is getting a lot done up there."  He glances my direction with a smirk.  "We could really use a campaign manager, though, to keep everybody in line."

I smile.  "I just need a little more time to consider it.  Okay?"

He nods in response.  "Take all the time you need.  I know it's a big step, Penny."

I'm glad he's so understanding.  Yesterday, I wouldn't have been willing to leave Willowbrook.  Today, I'm not so sure.  I don't know what happened between Colton and Ruby Sue last night.  She spent the night, and I saw them kissing, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they slept together.  I have to think that Colton wouldn't hurt me like that, but a part of me feels like I don't know him at all anymore.

We arrive at my parents' place a few short minutes later and are greeted at the door by both of them.  My dad shakes Tucker's hand in a firm grip and claps him on the back.  "Nice to see you again, Tucker."

"Mr. Preston," he says with a nod.

"Mr. Preston was my father's name.  Please call me Martin."

"Okay.  Martin," Tucker says, beaming.  "Thank you for inviting me to dinner."

"Oh, you're always welcome here, Tucker," my mama says with a proud look on her face.  She's definitely taken sides in the whole Tucker/Colton controversy, and she's definitely Team Tucker all the way.  "You two go sit in the living room, and we'll let you know when dinner is ready," she says to Tucker and my father.

My mama and I disappear into the kitchen.  "You could have told me that you invited Tucker.  I wasn't expecting him to pick me up."

"It was a pleasant surprise, though, wasn't it?"

I roll my eyes and walk over to the stove.  "Tell me how I can help."

"Stir the gravy while I finish the mashed potatoes."

The food smells so delicious, and my stomach growls fiercely in response.  Mama is taking a masher to the potatoes when she asks, "How are things between you and Tucker?"

"Kind of on pause as of the moment," I tell her honestly.

"Is it because of Colton?" she asks, and his name almost sounds like a curse coming out of her mouth.

I roll my eyes again.  Lord, help me get through this Sunday dinner without storming out.  "I don't know what's happening right now, Mama.  Let's just say I'm keeping my options open."

"Well, I hope you don't keep them open for too long.  And I hope you realize what…or shall I say
who
…the best option is."

I know who her best option for me is, and I don't know that I can picture my life without Colton.  It would always feel like I'm missing a piece of my heart if he wasn't in my life.  I want my happily ever after.  And how could I live happily ever after with half of a heart?

We finish cooking dinner in silence.  I help her take everything out to the table, and then she calls the guys in from the other room.  It's quiet as we all sit down and pass the dishes around the table, filling our plates to the brim with my mama's home cooked meal.