Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (18 page)

But I do.

So she's only ever been with me.  Her words are my undoin', and I can feel my growin' erection diggin' into her belly.  I'm the only one who's been inside of her sweet pussy, and that turns me on more than anything in this world.

My hands tighten on her arms as I hold her against me.  She focuses on me with those big, stormy, gray eyes, and I suddenly run out of willpower to stay away from her.

"Penny," I growl in warnin' before my lips crash down upon hers.  She whimpers against my mouth from the bruisin' kiss.

I don't wait for her to open up to me.  I force her lips open with my tongue, and I take.  I take her entire mouth possessively, showin' her how much I want her even if I can't tell her.  My tongue runs over her lips and teeth and tongue, not sparin' one single inch of her mouth from bein' tasted by me.

Her hands trail up to my hair, pullin' the ends and yankin' me closer to her.  She moans these sexy little sounds into my mouth, and it drives me fuckin' crazy.  My hands reach down to her sweet, plump ass and cup her backside, squeezin' and massagin' until I elicit a loud gasp from her.

Her fingers reach for my belt, but I finally come to my senses and halt her actions.  "Stop.  Wait."  I hold her hands in mine and stare down at her.  "Penny, we can't do this."

"Why?" she asks with tears formin' in her eyes.

She thinks I'm rejectin' her.  If she only knew how much I want her right now.  But not like this.  Not when she's drunk and probably won't even remember this in the mornin'.

"You don't want me now?" she asks, as her hand slowly caresses me through my jeans.

I can't take advantage of her even if my cock has other ideas.  I take a step back from her.  "Fuck," I groan, tryin' to tame the beast threatenin' to burst out of my jeans.  "We can't do this because you're drunk, Penny, not because I don't want you."  I take another step back.  "It's time for you to go to bed.  You had way too much to drink tonight," I say while silently cursin' Buddy in the back of my mind.  I'm obviously gonna have to keep a better eye on her.

Penny's face falls.  She looks utterly destroyed, and I instantly feel like shit.  "Will you stay with me?" she asks.  I open my mouth to tell her no, but then she adds, "Please," with a sexy pout.

I can't resist that pout.  I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.  I'm probably gonna regret this, but I answer with yes.

A smile forms on her lips as she makes her way back to her bedroom.  I slowly follow behind her.  When I step into the room, she's strippin' off her clothes.  I quickly turn in the doorframe and face the other way.  It's not like I haven't seen her naked before, but this is different.  I would feel like a creep watchin' her now when she's not exactly in the right frame of mind.

I hear her crawlin' into bed, so I turn and look at her.  She changed into a pair of pink boyshorts and a white tank with no bra.  I groan and shake my head.

This is gonna be a long night.

She pats the mattress beside her just like I did to her the other night we were together.  I crawl into the bed, which is clearly too small for two grown adults, and instantly regret my decision to stay.  Her lush body is pushed up against my chest, and I have nowhere to go…unless I decide to sleep on the floor.

She's facin' the wall away from me, and her bottom is pressed up against me.  I'm tryin' so damn hard to kill my growin' erection, but it's almost impossible.  She wiggles, tryin' to get comfortable and makin' my situation even worse.

A low groan escapes my lips.  "Penny," I scold her.

Penny giggles when she realizes what she's doin' to me.  "Sorry," she whispers in a sexy voice.

She's drivin' me up the wall.  "How do you feel?" I ask, tryin' to distract myself.

"Not good."

"Do you feel like you're gonna throw up?"

She shakes her head.  "No.  I don't think so."  Then she says, "Maybe."

Well, that sounded pretty confident.  I roll my eyes and lay my head down on the pillow.  Her blonde hair is near my nose, and I breathe in her soft scent.  She smells like cakes and flowers, and it's intoxicatin'.

"Will you…will you hold me?" she asks so softly that I'm not even sure I heard her right.

I tentatively wrap my arm around her waist, and she sighs contentedly.  "Thank you for staying with me, Colt."

"You're welcome," I say.  If she only knew how hard this was to hold her like this.  Even over the years Ruby Sue and I have been off and on, we never really did the cuddlin' thing.  She was usually leavin' or I was after we were done with the night's sexcapades.

I expect Penny to fall asleep fast, but, of course, she doesn't.  She squirms and moves and bucks that tight, plush ass against my cock for the next forty minutes.

"Penny, go to sleep," I warn.

"I can't.  I don't feel good," she whispers.

I don't know why, but I find myself beginnin' to hum a tune that I didn't even realize I knew ---
Penny Lane
by The Beatles.  This seems to soothe and relax her almost immediately.

"You remembered," she whispers before fallin' asleep.

I remembered?  Remembered what?  Maybe the song means somethin' of significance for us, because I sure as hell never hummed that song before to anyone else.  It would make sense, though.  Her name is in the title of the song.

We lay there with her in my arms for a long time.  Our soft, rhythmic breathing is the only thing breaking the silence.  My eyes gaze down at the top of Penny's head as she rests on the pillow beside me.  She feels so damn good in my arms.  It feels so natural to be holdin' her like this, and it makes my heart ache for something that I can't even wrap my mind around.

"Why can't I remember you?"  I whisper the question out loud when I'm sure she's asleep.

For the first time in the past five years, I want to remember somethin'.  I want to remember her.  But I know the consequences of rememberin'.  More memories will come, and then I'll start to remember all of the people and things that I have lost over the years.  I shake my head and bury my nose in Penny's hair.  No.  I can't remember her.  I never will…but maybe we can create our own memories now so that I don't have to live in the past.

I can offer her that much at least.

I can offer her my future.

CHAPTER 15

PENNY

I WAKE UP the next morning with a throbbing headache and a mouth that feels as if it's full of cotton.  I cough, roll over and catch myself before I fall over the edge of the small bed.  I groan and stand on shaky legs as I make my way to the bathroom.

Over the next several minutes all I can do is groan and grunt like a caveman as I attempt to brush my teeth and wash off my makeup.  When I go to the fridge in search of a bottle of water, I notice a note stuck to the refrigerator door.

When you wake up, come to my house.  ~ Colt

I stare at his writing, my fingertips softly grazing over each letter.  Colton used to write me poems.  No one ever knew that about him, but Colton James Crawford had a soft side.  He was incredibly loving, and I received more love from him during our short relationship than most people have in a lifetime.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I open up the fridge and grab the water.  As I'm drinking, I glance at the note again.  I wonder why he would have been here last night…or maybe this morning?

A vague memory of him carrying me up the stairs last night hits me, and I practically spit the water out of my mouth.  "Oh, God," I moan.  I was drunk last night. 
Very
drunk, in fact, and Colton brought me home.

I stand in the kitchen forcing myself to remember.  "Oh, God," I groan again.  We kissed.  Or maybe I kissed him….or maybe I vaguely remember pawing at his clothes and his belt.  I put my head in my hands.  "I'm never drinking again," I vow.  It's the same vow I make every time I wake up with a hangover, and I'm always very quick to break it.  But this time I want to mean it so badly.

I take a quick shower and get dressed, and then I make my way to Colt's house with a heavy heart and a sick stomach.  When I knock, I hear him yell, "Come in!"

I open up the screen door, and the smell of greasy food hits me.  My stomach growls both from pain and hunger.  I can't tell which.  As I step into the kitchen, my jaw literally drops.  "You're…You're cooking," I say, but it sounds more like a question.

He turns away from the cast iron skillet that's currently frying up several pieces of bacon and smirks.  "Yeah.  So?"

"But you don't cook," I respond in disbelief.  When I knew Colton James way back when, he couldn't use a microwave, much less a stove.  His mama used to say the men of the Crawford house could burn water, and she didn't even let them near the stove half the time in fear of them burning the house down.

"Well, when dad got sick, I had to learn how to cook for us.  We couldn't eat take-out every night from the bar or the same burger joint down the road."

His words slowly sink in, and I instantly feel sad.  Colt has been through a lot, and sometimes I forget about all of that because…well, because I wasn't here.  And that makes me feel even worse.

"Sit," he says, motioning with a fork to the breakfast nook.

I take a seat and watch in awe as he makes eggs, bacon, sausage and toast.  When he puts a heaping plate of food in front me and a glass of orange juice, my eyes grow as large as saucers.  "I'll never be able to eat this much!" I protest.

He grins a crooked grin and says, "You may surprise yourself."

A few moments later, he joins me with a heaping plate of his own.  I've already eaten my eggs and a piece of toast by the time his butt hits the bench seat across from me.  He looks down at my plate and smiles.  It's nice to see him smiling instead of being so damn grouchy all the time.

I groan as I munch on a crispy piece of bacon.  "I haven't had bacon in a cast iron skillet in forever," I say, groaning again.

Colt shifts in his seat as his gaze settles on my mouth, and I realize I should probably stop groaning like I'm having a foodgasm.  "I'm glad you like it," he says after a brief pause.

I wipe my mouth with a napkin.  "So you're cooking and…you're being nice."  He flinches when I say the last part, and I instantly wish I could take it back.  "To what do I owe the honor?" I ask in all seriousness.

"How much of last night do you remember?"

I swallow hard and take a drink of orange juice to stall as long as I possible can.  "Uh, not much," I confess.  "I know I drank way too much, and I know you carried me home."  I instantly flush at the memory.  "And…" my voice trails off.

"And?" he prompts.

"And I might have tried to take your clothes off," I say, biting my lip to hold back anything else that might blurt from my mouth.

His gaze darkens as he stares at my mouth.  I slowly release my lip, and my tongue darts out to soothe the bite.  Colton quickly looks down at his plate.  "Yeah.  You were pretty drunk," he says softly.  "I put you to bed, and you insisted on me stayin'."

I gasp, and my fork falls from my hand, clanging against the table.  "Oh, my God.  Did I ---?  Did we ---?"

His brows furrow as he gauges my reaction.  "No.  We didn't do anything but
sleep
.  Well, you slept, and I made sure you didn't choke on your own vomit.  And then…I left."

"Oh," I whisper softly.  We both turn our attention back to the food and eat in silence for a while.

"I made you breakfast because I know how it feels to wake up with a nasty hangover.  Greasy food always seems to help me, so I thought it would help you too."

I stare down at my now empty plate in awe.  I can't believe I ate everything.  "Well, I definitely feel better…and full."

He grins.  "Good."

I reach across the table and cover his hand with mine.  His eyes glance down at my touch.  "Thank you, Colt."

He nods curtly and says, "Anytime," before pulling his hand away and standing.  He takes both of our now empty plates and silverware and puts them in the sink.

I join him at the sink.  "You cooked.  Let me clean."

He shakes his head.  "I'll do these later."

"I'm sure you're sick and tired of me being in your kitchen all the time anyway," I say.

He stacks more dishes in the sink.  "I miss you when you're not here."

I scoff at his words.  He must be joking.  "You act like you can't stand me being around."

"At first…maybe I couldn't."  He turns to me and says, "That's before I realized how much I would miss you when you weren't here."  He tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear, and I melt.

He leans into me, his mouth seeking mine.  I let him kiss me, but I can feel a lump forming in my throat.  His mood swings are spiraling out of control.  He wants me.  He doesn't want me.  He wants me again.  I can't keep giving into him.

His tongue teases my lips, but I'm having none of it.  The wound is still too fresh.  I can't just suddenly up and forget what he did to me.  He slept with me and then threw me out like yesterday's trash.  And as if that wasn't bad enough, he flaunted Ruby Sue,
his girlfriend
, in front of my face a few hours later, putting even more salt on the wound.  The memory of that night still kills me.

"No!" I shout, pushing him away.  I barely move him an inch, and it's only because he let me.  "You don't get to do that, Colt!  You don't get to just kiss me and pretend like everything is fine, like you don't have a girlfriend and I'm not dating Tucker and that we're not even together anymore."

He takes a step back and stares at me.  "Ruby Sue is not my girlfriend.  How many times do I have to tell you that?" he asks angrily.

"No?  She's just someone you fuck occasionally?" I accuse. 
Like me?
I think to myself, but don't dare say the words out loud.

"We haven't even slept together since…"  His voice trails off, but I desperately need to know what he was going to say.

"Since when?" I demand.

"Since you came into town!"

His words throw me for a loop.  He hasn't slept with Ruby Sue since I came back to Willowbrook.  So all this time he's only been kissing her and making it seem like they had something more going on when they clearly didn't.  But why?  Why put me through all of that pain and torture?  What is his thinking behind it all?

Before I can even process that, his hand is reaching out for me.  I quickly pull away from his reach.  "Don't."  He looks wounded, but it's about time he knows how I feel.  I'm tired of letting everything bottle up inside of me.  I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't tell him how I feel.  "It's killing me inside every time you touch me, Colt.  And it kills me because I know you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you."

He grabs me roughly by the arms and pulls me close.  "Then tell me how you feel, Penny.  Stop beatin' around the bush about it and tell me.  Don't tell everyone else.  Tell me!" he orders.

"I love you!" I blurt out.  Tears fill my eyes and spill down onto my cheeks.  "I have loved you ever since we were five years old, Colt, when you pulled my hair during recess.  I have loved you every day of my life since then, and I…I still love you.  I'll always love you.  Nothing will ever change that.  A love this deep can never heal.  You've scarred me for life.  Don't you get it?  I'm yours.  My heart and my soul belong to you.  Only you!"

His grip lessens as he stares intensely into my eyes.  His chest rises and falls rapidly with heavy breaths.  When he next speaks, it's barely above a whisper.  "Out of all of the things I've forgotten, I regret forgettin' you the most.  Because when I see you, Penny," he pauses and puts my hand over his beating heart, "I remember you in here.  My body wants to go through the motions like it's runnin' purely on instinct.  It takes everything in my power every single day to not grab you and kiss you.  I may not have my memories back, but I know what's gonna come out of your mouth next.  I know that when you put your hands on your hips and look at me with your beautiful face that I want to come undone.  I know that you fidget when you're nervous and that you bite your lip," he says, pulling my bottom lip out from between my teeth, "when you're thinkin' hard about somethin' and don't know what to say."  He stares at my mouth and licks his lips.  "And right now there's nothin' more I want to do than bite that lip, Penny."

"Then do it," I say before I can even think.

Colton's lips crash down onto mine in a fevered kiss.  His teeth tug and nibble on my bottom lip, followed by the soothing lick of his tongue.  I whimper from the sweet pain of it all.  His hands grasp me tightly and pull me against him.  I gasp from the impact, and his tongue takes the opportunity to invade my mouth.  Our tongues tangle together, battling over dominance.  Colton is clearly winning as he claims me, possessively and completely.

My salty tears mix in with the kiss, and it just makes it even more perfect.  Everything about him is exactly how I remember.  He always used to kiss me like it was our last day on earth.  His kisses meant something, and they always made me melt.

Everything around us ceases to exist after that.  Clothes are torn off, buttons are flying, zippers are pulled, and then we're standing almost completely naked in his living room.  Colton's still in his boxers, and I'm in my bra and thong, but all the other clothes have been strewn haphazardly around the room.

Colton cups my head in his hands.  His dark eyes scan my face as if searching for an answer.  And I know exactly what answer he's looking for.  We've reached a defining moment in our relationship.  Once we cross this line, there's no going back.  The other night when we slept together was more out of quick satisfaction in the face of despair.  We were seeking comfort in each other.  But this right now…this is different.  It will completely change everything.

I open my mouth to protest, to tell him maybe we shouldn't be doing this, but he doesn't give me the chance to speak.  His mouth is on mine, swallowing my words, my thoughts and leaving me speechless.  I kiss him back, reveling in the feeling of his body against mine, his heated skin keeping me warm.

"Tell me you want this," he whispers against my mouth.  "Tell me you want me."

I missed him.  I missed him so damn much.  And I didn't realize how much until this moment.  "I want you, Colton.  Always."

The heat between us suddenly turns scorching.  He roughly pushes me up against his living room wall, pinning my arms above my head in one of his large hands.  I'm helpless and totally turned on.  A low moan escapes my lips as his tongue and teeth lick and nip their way down my neck and chest, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.  He kisses the swells of my breasts before tearing the lacey material of my bra down to lick and tease my pebbled nipples.  I throw my head back to rest on the wall behind me and groan loudly, my hands flexing uselessly as he keeps them pinned with one hand.

All of the fighting and conflict we've had between us melts away.  It's hard to believe just a moment ago that I was crying, that we were fighting.  It's only us now, in this moment, and I just hope I can keep him a while longer.  I don't want him to push me away ever again.

His lips return to my mouth, and he kisses me hungrily like it's the last thing he will ever do on this earth and, in turn, fueling the desire raging between us.  The taste of his tongue and the smell of his cologne permeate my lungs and drive me crazy.  He finally releases my hands, and I cling onto him for dear life as he ravishes my mouth with his skilled lips and tongue.