Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (15 page)

I'm mopping the floor when I stop and look up at her.  "It's complicated."

"Complicated isn't even the right word.  It's downright fucked up."

I chuckle.  Shelby Rae never was one to mince words.  With her flaming-red hair and big, pale-blue eyes, Shelby Rae is a force to be reckoned with.  She was always a spitfire and told it how it was.  Only Matt could contain her vivacious spirit, and he did a great job of keeping her in line…well, when she let him, that is.

"I think we need to talk about all this over a big glass of wine…or two," Shelby Rae announces.

I nod in agreement.  "I could definitely use it after the day I've had."

She grabs another mop that's resting on the wall and dunks it into the bucket.  "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can drink," she says with a wink.

After we get the kitchen cleaned up, Shelby Rae and I go up to my apartment with a bottle of wine in hand, courtesy of Buddy.  I think Shelby Rae could have asked for almost anything and he would have given it to her, no questions asked.  It's so cute to see how Buddy is with her, and I hope that he can win her heart.

In no time at all, I'm polishing off my second glass of wine while Shelby Rae is still working on her first.  She has to drive home, so I don't blame her for not drinking like the world is coming to an end…like I am.  Once I've finished catching her up on everything that has happened since I've gotten back into town, she sits in silence for a long time.

"So do you think Colton will pull his head out of his ass and come around anytime soon?"

I shrug in answer to her question.  The truth is I have no idea if Colton will ever have that ah-ha moment where he realizes how much I care about him and finally wants to focus on what we had together.  That moment may never happen no matter how much I want it to.

"You want my advice?" she asks.

I nod.  I've suddenly become mute.  Maybe I'm afraid of how the wine will warp my answers.

"Ignore him."

I stop mid-pour of my third glass of wine.  "What?" I ask, my voice suddenly finding itself.

"Ignore him.  Guys hate that.  Go out with Tucker and show Colton how much he's missin'.  I promise you he will come crawlin' back."

I consider her suggestion.  There's nothing to lose by ignoring Colton except for the obvious reason --- not making any more progress.  But considering the progress is pretty much at a standstill, I won't be losing much.

"Remember how much Colton hated when you gave him the cold shoulder?  That boy would have done anything to get you to talk to him again.  Maybe a part of the
old Colton
, as you call him, will come roarin' back to life."

I finish pouring my glass, and then I sit back on my couch with a smile.  "It might just work.  What do I got to lose?"

"That's the spirit!" Shelby Rae says enthusiastically.  She stands and puts her glass in the sink.  "I better get home.  I want to snuggle with my Lilly bug tonight."

"Your mama is watching her?"

"Yeah.  She'll watch her while I work a few nights a week at the bar."  She grabs her purse from the floor and hooks the strap over her shoulder.  "Mama doesn't mind.  She's missed her granddaughter terribly.  And now that dad and Matt are gone, they both could use some much needed time together."

I set my glass down on the coffee table and walk over to Shelby Rae.  "I'm really sorry about what happened to Matt."  Tears well in my eyes against my will.  "He was such a wonderful guy."

Shelby Rae's eyes begin to shimmer with tears, mirroring my own.  "Yeah, he was."  She wraps her arms around herself.  "I miss him.  I miss him so bad.  It's insane how much."

I walk over to her and pull her into my arms.  "If you ever need to just talk, you know I'm here."

She nods against my shoulder.  "Thanks, Penny.  It's so nice to have you back in my life.  You have no idea how much I need a friend right now."

"Probably as much as I need one," I whisper.

She pulls back and dashes away her tears with a watery smile.  "Must be the wine making me into such a crybaby," she says with a roll of her eyes.  "We'll have to do this again real soon…except with more wine and less tears."

"Definitely," I agree.

"Night, Penny.  I'll see you later this week."

"Night."  I walk out onto the porch and watch her leave.  Sighing, I turn my attention to the house on top of the hill behind the bar.  The lights are on, which means Colton's probably still up.

I wonder if he gets lonely in the big old house all by himself.  My best guess would be yes.  He's lost so much, and I can't even imagine what he's gone through over the past several years.  I guess that's part of the reason why I've given him so many chances.  I know the boy I love is in there somewhere.  I just don't know how to get him back…yet.

I think back to Shelby Rae's advice. 
Ignore him.
  Ignoring Colton might just be the solution I need.  Only time will tell if it works or not, though.

CHAPTER 12

PENNY

THE NEXT COUPLE of weeks go smoothly.  Colton keeps his distance, and I do the same.  I take Shelby Rae's advice and try my best to ignore him…which proves to be pretty dang easy considering he doesn't even want to be in the same room as me.  Colt and I have a few friendly conversations, but otherwise we pretty much avoid each other.

I go out on two more dates with Tucker, but we never take it past first base.  I know I'm holding back, but I can't help it.  My heart just won't give up that last string of hope that maybe someday Colton will come back to me.

The only thing that seems to have changed is that I haven't seen a glimpse of Ruby Sue.  My hopes are that her and Colton finally broke things off and that Colt and I can pick up where we left off five years ago, but I'm not counting on anything just yet.  Because it seems like whenever I get my hopes up, I get let down.  So for right now I'm just holding onto what little hope I have and praying that it's enough to get me by.

It's late at night or early in the morning, depending on how you want to look at it, when my cell phone rings.  My fingers fumble to find the receiver on my nightstand.  "Hello?" I ask with a throaty voice.  I don't hear anything for a few seconds.  It's at that moment that I realize I said hello without even checking the caller ID.  I pull my ear away and look at the screen. 
Unknown contact.
  I put the phone back to my ear and say hello again.

"Penny."

It's Colton, and his voice sounds strained.  He sounds upset.  I sit straight up in bed, wide awake and concerned.  "Colt?  What's wrong?"

"It's…it's Mack," he mutters, his voice cracking with distress.

Oh no.
  "I'll be right there," I say in a rush before ending the call.  I don't even bother changing out of my PJs, which consist of shorts and a tank top.  I simply slip on a pair of sneakers and take off running out of the apartment, down the steps and up the hill to Colton's house.  I don't bother knocking, as I burst through the front door.  There, on the living room floor, is Colton with Mack lying motionless in his lap.  Colton is sobbing as he gently strokes the dog's head.

Tears instantly blur my vision.  I slowly walk over and sit down on the floor beside them.  My fingertips tenderly comb through Mack's fur as I repeatedly say, "I'm so sorry, Colt.  I'm sorry."

"I came downstairs to get a drink of water…and he…he was ---."  He hiccups and stops talking.  Tears stream down his face.  I've never seen Colton cry before.  Not even when his mom died.  He was always strong like that, not wanting to show his feelings on the outside even if he was breaking down on the inside.  But it's a good thing that he's letting it all out.  He needs to release the pain that he's been keeping locked up inside for so long.

"He was such a good dog," I whisper.  "It seems just like yesterday we went to the farm to get him."

Colton looks up at me in surprise.  I'm sure he has no memory of the day we got Mack or that I was, in fact, along for the ride.  After a few moments, he hesitantly says, "Tell me about him when he was a puppy."  His brows furrow.  "I can't remember."

I smile through my tears.  "Well, I was with you the day you got him.  Your dad invited me along for the ride along with you and Connor.  We drove out to a farm in the middle of nowhere.  They had a litter of bloodhound puppies running around as soon as we got out of the truck.  Your dad told you to pick one out, and you walked over to five little wrinkly balls of fur.  They all ignored you and went running after your brother and me.  Except for one."  I look fondly down at Mack.  "You scooped him up, and he licked your face, and that was it.  He chose you."

Colton chuckles.  "And who named him Mack?"

"You told me I could name him, and I chose the name Mack."  Colton seems taken aback by this revelation.  "We took him everywhere with us.  He had a lot of adventures when we went hiking and walking in the park.  My parents never allowed me to have a pet, so Mack really felt like my dog, too."  I swallow past the lump forming in my throat.  "I loved him."  I lean down and press a kiss over Mack's furry head.  "He had a great life, Colton.  Any dog would have wanted the life he had.  He was truly loved and taken care of."

My words seem to have an effect on Colton.  He grabs me and pulls me to him, and I hold him tightly as he cries in my arms.  We cry together for what seems like hours.  And I finally feel like Colton is trying to open up and allow me in even if just for a little while.

"Everyone close to me either gets hurt or dies.  Everyone leaves me," Colton whispers in my ear, and I can hear the heartache lacing his voice.

I wonder if that's why Colton tries to keep me at a distance.  Is he subconsciously trying to protect me by pushing me away?  I file that away in the back of my mind to think about later.  My arms squeeze him a little bit tighter.  "I'm here, Colt.  I'm not going anywhere."

He pulls me impossibly closer to him.  "I treat you like shit, Penny."

I shrug a little.  I couldn't really disagree with him there, but this is a special circumstance.  Colton isn't being a jerk just for the hell of it.  The accident turned him into a different person, and for the first time since I've been back into town I'm beginning to realize it's not his fault that any of this is happening.  If he hadn't had the brain injury, he would be the same Colton that I knew almost my entire life.  It's not his fault that he's changed.  But maybe, just maybe I can help bring him back.

"We can't change the past, but we can try to do better in the future," I tell him.

He nods in agreement, and I hope that he means it.  I want my Colton back more than anything in this world.

After a while, we gather ourselves up off the floor and set off to do what needs to be done.  Colton grabs a shovel from the shed, and I carry Mack's limp body outside.  We bury him near the garden and under a shade tree where he loved to lay on a hot summer day.  With tears in our eyes and a rainstorm looming overhead, we hold hands and say our last goodbyes to Mack.

"I'll miss you, Mack.  Sleep now, boy.  We'll see you again someday," Colton tells him.

Colton doesn't let go of my hand as he leads me back into his house just as it starts to rain.  We spend the next two hours drinking beer on his sofa.  We sit in silence, getting pretty close to being shit-faced.

"Thank you," Colton says after he finishes his last beer.

I smile at him.  "Anytime."

He stands and moves to one of the windows.  Lightning flashes outside and a roar of thunder rumbles through the house.  "It's really coming down out there.  Why don't you stay the night?" he offers.

I stretch out on the couch and nod.  "The couch is looking mighty fine right now," I say with a yawn.

He smiles and stares at me for a few moments before he finally goes upstairs.  I don't know if he wanted me to sleep with him upstairs or not, but I decided that the couch was the safest and less awkward option.  I'm not in the business of pushing my luck when it comes to Colton.  I'll take what I can get.

I grab a throw pillow from the back of the couch, and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits it.

*  *  *  *  *

SOMEONE IS SCREAMING.

My eyes snap open as my senses slowly catch up to my sleepy brain.  Thunder rumbles outside, and for a moment I think that's what woke me up.  And then I hear it again --- Colton is screaming.

"Shit," I mutter, scrambling up from the couch and running up the steps in a sluggish fog.  I go immediately to his old bedroom, not knowing if that's where he still sleeps or not.

I push open the door and see him on the bed, his hands fisted in the sheets and his head turning rapidly back and forth.  "No, no, no!" he's calling out.

He's having a nightmare.  Quickly, I run to the side of the bed and watch him struggling in his dreamy state.  It makes me feel sick and completely powerless to see him in that much pain, even if it just a dream.  "Colton," I say, gently shaking his shoulder.  I think it's going to be better to wake him up than let him live out the obviously horrific nightmare.

His hands twist the sheets around him, and it's almost like he's drowning in them.  "Colton!" I yell.  He continues struggling, and I quickly get up on the bed and untangle him from the sheets.  It takes a lot of muscle and determination, but I finally rip the fabric from his hands.  I throw the sheets to the floor, and a startled cry rips from my throat when I feel Colton grab for me.

He crushes me against his chest, his hands painfully tugging at my hair.  "I couldn't…I couldn't save you," he whispers in my ear.

I realize he's having a nightmare about the night his brother died.  I slowly pry his arms away and place my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to shake him awake.  "Colton!"  I crawl over on top of him until I'm straddling him with both knees beside his hips on the bed.  I take his face gently in my hands and I yell his name again.

That does the trick.  He wakes with a start, panting as if he had just run a marathon.  I instinctively place my palm over his bare chest and feel his thunderous heart beat under my skin.  "Calm down.  I'm here.  I'm here, Colt.  It was just a dream."

His eyes snap open, and I stare into the familiar irises.  He looks so scared and lost, and my heart instantly breaks for him.  Focusing on my face, he asks, "Penny Lane?"

I see a small note of recognition in his eyes for a split second before it eventually dwindles away.  Colton was the only person who ever called me Penny Lane.  In fact, he used to always sing
Penny Lane
by The Beatles to me whenever I was sick or feeling depressed.  He couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but it always made me feel better.  He always did know how to make me smile.

"Colt," I practically sob.  For just that one moment I saw
my Colt
, the boy I fell in love with before I even knew what love truly meant.

His brows crease as he looks around the room.  "Did I…have a nightmare?"

"Yes," I say softly.  My fingers flex over his chest, and I feel him tense under me.  He slowly relaxes after a few moments.  "I couldn't wake you up."  I choke back my emotions.  "You wouldn't wake up."

He scrubs a hand down his face.  "Fuck."  He breathes out slowly.  "That was a bad one."

I watch him carefully.  "Do you have them often?" I venture to ask.

He nods.

I shiver from the cold air blowing from the air conditioner in his window.  Colton always did like the AC on high when he slept.  The room would be fifty degrees, and he would be curled up under a comforter.  That was how he liked it.  But now all of blankets and sheets are on the floor, and I'm freezing.

"Are you cold?" he asks before placing his large hands on my bare thighs.  His palms stroke up and down my soft skin, and my breath hitches in my throat.

The air seems to shift in the room at that moment.  I’m locked in Colton's stare, unable to break it.  His thumbs leisurely graze the inside of my thighs, sliding under the material of my shorts.  It's then when I realize how little clothing both of us have on --- me in a t-shirt and thin shorts with no bra or panties and him only in boxer briefs.

"Colt," I breathe out as his thumbs brush dangerously close to my clit.  The ridge of his erection presses up against me; and my hips involuntarily slide forward and backward, causing Colton to groan under me.  His large hands grasp my thighs, and he coaxes me to move in the same motion again and again.  His nostrils flare as I slowly rock against him, desperately trying to find relief.  Our ragged pants fill the room as we work ourselves up into a frenzy.

Suddenly, the little spark that was between us ignites into a raging forest fire.  I lean down and kiss him hungrily, tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth.  His fingers dig into my hips as he moans my name and roughly grinds his erection against me.  I break the kiss and gaze down at him as I sit up.

Without knowing what possesses me, I grab the hem of my t-shirt and drag it up over my head, unceremoniously throwing it to the floor beside the bed.  His eyes rake my naked torso without saying a word.  It's as if he's memorizing every detail…or perhaps trying to remember.  Hesitantly, his hands slide up my flat stomach, and he cups my breasts in his rough palms.  His thumbs caress my pebbled nipples, and I gasp.  It's been so long since I've had his hands on me. 
Too damn long.

"Penny," he groans before thrusting up against me once more.

Not wanting to wait another second without him inside of me, I crawl off of him and stand at the edge of the bed.  As I take off my soaked shorts, he slips out of his boxer briefs.  I open the nightstand drawer beside the bed and root around in the contents until I find a small tin.  I open it and smirk at the golden foil packets I find.  He always hid the condoms in there so his dad wouldn't find them.  "You kept the same hiding place," I say with a grin.

He watches me carefully as I climb back on top of him.  He has a worried look on his face, and I lean down and kiss him until he seems to relax.  I tear open the condom and manage to skillfully put it on him. 
Just like riding a bike.  You never forget.