Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (5 page)

Buddy collapses onto the couch after hauling my heavy suitcases up the flight of stairs on the outside of the building.  "I'll give you your work schedule tomorrow and a uniform."

I cock a brow at him.  "Uniform?"

Buddy grins.  "Yeah.  There's a uniform, Penny."

From the tone of his voice and the look on his face, I'm a little scared as to what the uniform might consist of, but how bad could it be. 
Right?

"I really appreciate this, Buddy."  I just hate how my relationship with Buddy has also been strained since I got back into town.  Buddy was always my best friend too; and he was always the third wheel, tagging alongside Colton and I wherever we went.  Now he's got an attitude with me, and I have no idea why.

"I wouldn't do it for just anybody.  I want you to know that…even though I have my doubts," he says while looking everywhere in the apartment but me.  I'm starting to wonder if something else happened while I was away to make Buddy act this way with me.  Our relationship is definitely strained, and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.  "But if you're serious about stayin' because of Colt, then I'm not gonna stop you.  That boy needs a swift kick in the pants to get his heart kick-started again."  Buddy pauses and looks me in the eye.  "He ain't been right since you left, Penny, and I'm talkin' about before the accident, too."  I watch as he sits up, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands.  "He missed you like crazy from day one.  You were the only thing he talked about.  He couldn't wait until you came back on break."  He hesitates before saying, "But then everything happened, and you never came back."

"He stopped calling me, Buddy."  I stare up at the ceiling and blink tears away.  "I thought he had found someone else, and that's why I never came home.  But I didn't know about the accident.  I didn't know that's why he stopped calling me."

Buddy stares at me for a long minute.  "He didn't stop callin' you because of the accident, Penny.  He stopped callin' when he heard about your new beau up in New York."

His words send a shockwave through me.  I never dated anyone in college even after Colton stopped calling me and broke my heart.  I couldn't bear to think of being with anyone else but him.  I went through college, determined to finish and determined to come back home someday…to him.  I stayed the course, never strayed.  "What new beau?" I ask, alarmed.

He slowly stands and narrows his eyes at me.  "Your mama told everyone in town about the new beau you found in college.  Some handsome asshat with a BMW and a lot of dough.  She said you two fell in love and were gonna get hitched right after college."

"That's not true!" I cry.  I pace around the apartment with my head in my hands.  "Oh God.  She lied about that too."  I stop walking and stare at Buddy.  "There was no one else, Buddy, I swear.  Even though the phone calls stopped, I never stopped loving Colton.  I didn't even so much as kiss another guy while I was in college.  Hell, I haven't even kissed another guy in five years!  It's only ever been Colt.  It's always been Colt," I say with a sob.  "My mama…"  I choke on my words.  Then I start again.  "My mama told me Colton had found a new girl.  I didn't believe it until he stopped calling and stopped texting me.  Then I believed her.  I believed her.  She never told me about the accident."  I cover my face with my hands and cry.  So much deceit had happened over the past few years, and I had no idea.  Everything was suddenly coming to light, and it was completely devastating.  "After a few months of silence, I started calling him again.  I must have called him a million times, but it always went to voicemail.  Then his number was disconnected.  I thought he was ignoring me, so I just…I gave up on him."  I shake my head.  "I should have tried harder.  I shouldn't have given up on him." 

Buddy takes me into his arms and holds me tightly.  "I believe you.  I believe you, Penny."  He sighs in my hair.  "You always were a terrible liar, and I can tell that you're not makin' this shit up."

His words almost make me chuckle, but my laugh chokes out around another sob.  No wonder Buddy's been acting so weird since I got back into town.  He thinks I screwed over his best friend.  I would be mad at me too if I were him.

"I can't believe Colt thought I would cheat on him."  I pause and give a slight shake of my head.  "Well, I guess I did the same exact thing to him."

"I don't know if I ever truly believed it.  Colton told me numerous times how he wanted to go to New York and talk to you about it face to face.  He just never got the chance to do it."

I pull myself out of Buddy's arms and crumble into a chair in the kitchen.  "If someone would have called me, I would have been here in a heartbeat.  I would have left everything behind to be with Colt."

Buddy nods and exhales slowly.  "You got to understand how it was from our point of view, Penny.  You left Colton and went to New York.  Your mama told us all here the same lies she was tellin' you.  Colt got wind that you had a new beau in college.  He went ballistic and stopped callin' you out of anger.  Then the accident happened.  He was in a coma for months.  You never came to see him, so we never called.  I just figured you knew."

I shake my head slowly.  Everyone assumed I would know.  Of course they would, though.  I was Colton's girlfriend.  I should have known.

"His dad died a few years later, and I was the only
family
he really had left.  I wanted to protect him.  I thought if you haven't seen him in this long that you didn't give a damn.  That's why I didn't call, Penny.  Not because I didn't want to hurt you, but because I didn't want to hurt Colt."  He sighs.  "Colton was a mess after the accident, Penny.  He didn't want to know anything about his past, and so I never even told him about you."  He hesitates before saying, "It's as if you never existed."

Buddy's words rock me down to my very core.  I swallow back the sob threatening to escape.  In that moment, I loathe my parents with a passion.  They never approved of Colton.  They always wanted
better
for me, but they never could understand that wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted Colt with all of his flaws no matter what.  I loved him.  I
still
love him.

"So he doesn't remember anything?" I ask, not knowing if I really want to know the answer.

Buddy hesitates.  "Every now and then he remembers stuff.  He blocks so much of his past out that he doesn't really give himself a chance to remember much."

I pace around the room around, struggling with my emotions.  "Why didn't you tell him about me?  Why didn't anybody tell him about me?" I say, raising my voice to almost hysterics.

"I tried!" Buddy yells back.  "Damn it, Penny, I tried!  He didn't want to know anything about the past.  Every time I tried to bring something up, he would flip out and disappear for days on end.  No one would know where he was.  We were all on edge, thinkin' that he was going to just wind up killin' himself over the guilt.  He didn't want to remember.  He
doesn't
want to remember."  He pauses and then says, "I think he blames himself for Connor's death…or maybe for all of their deaths.  I don't know."  He shakes his head sadly.  "Life hasn't been easy on him.  Colton's lost everyone he loves, Penny…including you because he won't allow himself to remember."

Tears fill my eyes as I grip the arms of the chair.  I try to calm myself down and let Buddy's words slowly absorb.  "So only certain memories have come back to him?"

"He remembers his family, because he's surrounded by them in that house --- the pictures, the memories, the moments of his life and everything that his dad told him before he died.  He would listen to his dad and only him.  His father tried to help him down to his very last breath.  He didn't want Colton to go on livin' on a blank slate.  He wanted Colt to remember everything, but he refused.  The more information he gave, the more Colt started to withdraw from everyone.  Like I said, he doesn't want to remember.  I don't know the exact reasonin' behind it, but I'm sure he has a good excuse for not wantin' to remember his family…and you."

My entire body trembles.  The past few days have been a nightmare.  I had no idea what I would be coming home to when I left New York not even a week ago.  "He doesn't know who I am, Buddy.  It's as if we're strangers."  I say the words out loud, but it's impossible to believe them.  Colton and I have shared so much in our lifetimes.  We have known each other since we were babies, but now I'm the only one who remembers our life together.  He has no idea who I am.  The notion is almost inconceivable.

"I know," Buddy murmurs.  "Funny how life works sometimes.  I never pictured a world where you and Colton weren't together in it.  You guys were destined from the start."  He sighs and shakes his head.  "You shouldn't have left, Penny.  I know you didn't have much choice in the matter, but you shouldn't have left."

"I know.  I know," I repeat over and over again.  I swallow hard past the lump forming in my throat.  I couldn't have known what would happen while I was gone.  My parents practically forced me to go to New York.  I didn't want to go.  I didn't want to leave Colton, but we had a plan.  He called me every day, twice a day, sometimes more.  And then he just…stopped.  I had no idea why other than the lies my mama was spinning.  But now I know the truth.  I dash the tears from my eyes and make my best attempt at a smile, failing miserably in the process.  "Well, thanks for helping me out, Buddy.  I really appreciate it"

He nods once.  "Sure thing."  He walks to the front door.  "I'll see you tomorrow, Penny."

The front door closes, and I listen to Buddy's footsteps disappear down the stairs.  Our conversation replays in my mind a million times while I sit alone in the kitchen.  My parents would have done anything to keep me in New York, to not ruin my so-called dreams.  And so they told lies to keep me apart from my one true love all this time.  If I had come back right after the accident, I could have been there for him.  Maybe things would all be different now.  I could have made him remember me and all the times we had together and how much we loved each other.  But now that opportunity is gone, and I'll never get it back.  And deep down I don't know if Colton will ever be able to forgive me.

I can't even forgive myself.

CHAPTER 3

PENNY

I'M STILL REELING from everything that has happened in the past forty-eight hours.  My world has completely flipped upside down in the matter of a few days, and I don't know if it will ever right itself again.  Colton has no idea who I am, but I'm still in love with him.  If that doesn't sound like a tragic love story, I don't know what does.  What do you do when the person you love doesn't love you back?  Let them go?  Let them move on without you?  If only it were that easy.  I can't make myself let Colton go.  He means too much to me.  Maybe with time, if I see that he's happy without me, I could part ways, but I'd have to make damn sure of that first.

I spend the day organizing and cleaning my new apartment.  Buddy brings by my uniform and tells me that my shift starts at four.  I thank him for the millionth time this week and continue unpacking and putting away my things.  I'm in desperate need of groceries, and I make a mental note to go to the market down the road at some point tomorrow.

It's three o'clock when I decide to stop cleaning for the day.  I'm feeling extremely nervous and anxious.  I have new job jitters that almost everyone gets.  And as if that wasn't bad enough, I finally try on the uniform…much to my dismay.

I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, gazing down at my new
uniform
.  I'm not sure uniform is quite the term I would use for the scraps of material that are barely covering me right now. 
Crawford's Bar
stretches across the front of the deep V tee that looks like it might be a 5T instead of a small, as indicated on the tag.  Then the
shorts
are a whole other matter.  I don't even think they can legally be called shorts considering they almost look like a pair of panties, cutting off right under my
assets
, so to speak.  They show off my long, tanned legs, and I'm guaranteed to get a lot of tips, but I don't know if I feel comfortable wearing something that I'm not even sure I can bend over in.

Feeling frustrated, I blow a few strands of my hair out of my eyes and change into something more comfortable.  Then I make my way downstairs to the bar to confront Buddy.  "You call this a uniform?" I ask Buddy as I enter, holding up the scraps of material.

He stands in the doorway to the back room wearing a shit-eating grin.  "You want the job?  That's the required attire."

I narrow my eyes at him.  "Where's your uniform?" I ask.

He looks down at his black t-shirt that has a Crawford's Bar logo on the chest, jeans and sneakers.  "You're lookin' at it."

I mutter under my breath about him being a sexist pig.  When he asks me what I said, I just flash him a big smile and say, "Nothing.  You better be glad I need this job, Buddy Lawson."  I turn and then throw over my shoulder, "I'll be back down later to start my shift."

He chuckles.  "That's what I like to hear.  See you in an hour, Penny."

Taking my time to get ready, I shower, shave my legs and curl my long hair into soft, loose waves.  I apply some makeup and don the so-called uniform.  I smile at my reflection in the mirror.  Even though I look like I won a competition for the world's sluttiest bartender, I decide to rock that outfit like I own it.  "Knock 'em dead, Penny," I tell myself before leaving my apartment.

*  *  *  *  *

COLTON

BUDDY CALLED ME earlier to let me know he hired a new bartender.  Anxious to see exactly who it is, I go into the bar earlier than I'm scheduled to be there.  I enter through the back of the bar, go through the storage room and lean against the doorjamb of the entrance to the main bar area.  My eyes immediately settle on a petite blonde behind the counter.  She's turned away from me and bent over restockin' one of the coolers.  My eyes greedily peruse her tight body and her round ass that is barely contained in the tiny shorts.  She has legs for days, and I could literally spend days starin' at her backside.  Her long hair cascades down her back in soft waves, and I desperately want to run my fingers through it.

She moves onto her tiptoes as she bends even further down into the cooler, and I can feel my erection strainin' against my zipper.  If she keeps bendin' over like that, I'm pretty sure my hard-on is gonna rip right through the seams and bang against the wall.  My eyes dart around the bar, and I can see the male patrons enjoyin' the view as well.  In fact, one slack-jawed guy is even leanin' over the counter to get a better look.

The girl suddenly stands and turns, and my heart stops.  Penny?

Her step falters as she timidly walks over to me.  "Hey, Colt," she says with a nervous grin.

I take in her uniform, which isn't actually a uniform.  It was a slutty Halloween costume that Buddy had special ordered for a girl he used to date. 
I'm gonna kill him.
  I storm into the back room and pull my soon-to-be-ex-best-friend to the corner of the room.  "What is she doin' here?" I hiss at Buddy.

"She's the new bartender.  We haven't had anyone apply since Sheila left."  He grins and then adds, "Oh, and she's livin' upstairs in the apartment."

I stare at him in disbelief as he shrugs out of my grip and walks away.  No.  This can't be happenin'.  I can't seem to get away from this girl, and now she's gonna be here at the one place that feels like home to me, a place where I spend most of my time.  No.  No fucking way.

I storm out of the room and point my finger at Penny.  "You.  Out.  Now!" I yell.

Penny puts her hands on her hips and stares at me.  "Did you revert back to being a caveman all of a sudden?" she asks with a perfectly arched brow.

She looks so damn cute when she's tryin' to be mad, and I can feel my heart stutter in my chest.  My reaction to her makes my blood boil.  Glarin' at her, I shout, "You're fired!"

Nervously, she glances at Buddy peekin' around the corner and the rest of the patrons that have shown a sudden interest in our conversation.  Then she turns her attention back to me.  "You didn't hire me.  Buddy did.  So the way I see it, if Buddy says I'm working here, then I'm working here."

Feelin' completely frustrated, I scrub a hand down my face.  "Yeah.  Well, he did it without my permission.  We're partners.  It's a fifty-fifty decision, and I didn't okay this."

She stands her ground.  "I'm not leaving."

"Yes, you are!"  I grab her by the arm and haul her into the back room.  She tries to resist me, but it makes me even angrier.  I tighten my grip and roughly pull her behind me.  When she yelps in pain, I immediately let go.  Her hand covers the place where I had been manhandlin' her.  "Shit.  I'm sorry.  I ---."  Frustrated, I rake my hands through my hair.  "I didn't mean to hurt you.  You just make me so damn angry!" I confess in a hurried rush.

When I turn to her, she's cowerin' from me; and my anger instantly melts away.  Everyone else is scared of me and I don't care; but, for some reason, I don't want her to be afraid of me.  "You can't be here, Penny," I say forcefully.

"I…I need this job!"

"Why?" I demand.  How can the mayor's daughter need a job?  I'm sure she's never wanted for nothin' in her life.  Never had to work hard.  She has no idea what it's like to scrape by.

"Because I have nowhere else to go!"

Her words stun me.  I narrow my eyes and ask, "What about your parents?"

A sadness forms in her gaze as she says, "They pretty much disowned me when I said I didn't want to go back to New York."

She's stayin' in Bama?  Buddy had told me the other day that Penny was visitin' from New York.  I had been eagerly expectin' her departure sooner rather than later.  Guess I won't be throwin' that goin' away party anytime soon.  "Y-you're stayin' in Willowbrook?" I stammer.

She nods once.

I watch her wince as her fingers gently massage her arm.  Slowly, I reach for her.  "Let me see."  She pulls her hand away, and I curse when I see the red marks in the shape of my fingers on her delicate skin.  I rummage through the freezer and pull out an ice pack.  I wrap the pack in a washcloth and then hold it onto her arm.  "This is why I don't want you around me," I whisper.  "You drive me crazy."

"I always drove you crazy," she whispers back.  "You just didn't mind it so much back then."

I don't say anything to her comment and force myself to concentrate on the ice pack.  Her flowery perfume wafts over me, and it's almost like a key unlockin' a long-forgotten memory.  I remember that scent.  Before I can stop myself, I ask, "Did you used to wear that perfume before my accident?"

"Yeah," she answers.  "You always said it reminded you of ---."

"Home."

I hear her breath hitch as her eyes dart up to meet my gaze.  "Yeah.  You said your mom would pick a bouquet of flowers from her garden, and the whole house would smell wonderful.  The first time I wore that perfume, you told me to never wear anything else ever again.  And so I haven't."

I look down at her full, pink lips.  Her tongue darts out to wet them, and I have the sudden urge to kiss her.  Without thinkin', I'm leanin' closer to her.  Our lips are almost touchin' before Buddy comes barrelin' into the room.

"If you two are done arguin', I need help out there."  He stares at us and raises a brow.  "Or I can give you another minute…"

What the hell am I doin'?
  Quickly, I step back from Penny and toss the ice pack back into the freezer.  I shake my head to break the trance I seem to be under.  I almost kissed her.  What the hell was I thinkin'?  Like that wouldn't complicate things even more?  One minute I'm firin' her, and the next we're almost makin' out.

I rush out of the room and make my way to the far end of the bar, as far away from Penny as I can get.  Buddy and her walk out of the room and stay on the other side of the bar, much to my relief.  I start takin' drink orders and fillin' them, but my mind and eyes keep strayin' to Penny.  And I'm quick to notice that my eyes aren't the only ones strayin'.  Every single guy in the bar can't stop starin' at her.

After an hour of complete frustration, I finally corner Buddy and ask, "What's up with the
uniform
?  You never made Sheila wear it."

"Sheila was old, dude.  No one wanted to see that."  His eyes wander over to Penny bent over the counter.  "Now I don't know any man in his right mind who wouldn't want to see
that
.  She's gonna be bringin' in the male customers in droves."

My hands clench into fists, and I have the overwhelmin' urge to punch his fuckin' lights out.  "Watch what you say," I hiss through gritted teeth.

"Why?" Buddy asks, challengin' me as he meets my glare.

"Because…because she's an employee now."

Buddy rolls his eyes.  "Yeah, sure, that's the only reason."  He pushes past me and walks over to Penny to help her out.

I'm instantly jealous as I watch them talk and laugh and make drinks together.  I want that comradery and closeness with her, but I don't know why.  I shouldn't want her, but I do.  It's so damn frustratin'.

After several minutes of fumin' from watchin' their friendly interactions, I decide to put a wedge in between them.  "Hey, Penny?" I call.

She turns to me with a wary expression.  "Yeah?"

"That isn't a uniform.  That's a Halloween costume that Buddy had special ordered for one of his exes."

The look Penny gives Buddy makes me chuckle.  If looks could kill, he would be droppin' dead on the spot. 
So much for their comradery.

Buddy shrugs his shoulder and tries his best to look innocent.  "You look way better in it than she ever did," he says in an attempt to save face.  Penny throws a towel in his face and continues to give him the death stare.  Buddy turns to glare at me before he says to Penny, "I think we have some other t-shirts in the back."

When I look at Penny, she has an expression on her face I can't decipher.  She mouths the words
thank you
before goin' into the back to change.

A warm feelin' slowly slides down my spine, but I quickly push it away.  It might have felt good helpin' her out, but I still don't want her around.  I decide I'm gonna keep my distance.

Out of sight.  Out of mind.

I just hope it works.