Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (8 page)

Rubbin' the back of my head with my hand, I stare at Mack and call him a
traitor
once again.  I feel miserable that a dog can remember Penny after five years, but I can't.  Life really isn't fair.  I definitely learned that the hard way.

I get to work on cleanin' up the kitchen.  I cram the dishwasher to the brim and run it, and then I set out to hand wash the rest.  Alone with my thoughts can be a dangerous thing, and I feel myself daydreamin' about how things have changed since Penny came into my life --- or back into my life, I guess I should say.

My feelings for Ruby Sue are different somehow.  I still think she's pretty and smart and fun, but she just can't compare to how I feel when I'm around Penny.  None of it makes sense considerin' I haven't known Penny for very long and I've known Ruby Sue for three years.  I don't know why I feel this closeness with Penny when I didn't even know who she was a week ago or that she even existed.

I finish up the dishes and stare at the apple pie that Penny made for me.  The instant the crust had hit my tongue I had remembered the taste.  I could almost feel my mom's presence here, and it made me happy, but broke my heart at the same time.  I should want to remember things like that, but it kills me every damn time.  When you have lost everything you care about in this world, it's hard to want to relive moments that are now only memories.  Because my family is just that now --- only memories.  It's a constant reminder that they're not here in the physical world, and that destroys me more than anyone will ever understand.

I lost my mother to cancer eight years ago, and my dad died just a little over a year ago from a heart attack.  He fell into a deep depression after mom died that he never recovered from.  He was under a lot of stress from tryin' to raise two young boys and run a business on his own, and Connor dyin' was just the icin' on the cake.  His heart attack was sudden, and it took me by surprise.  He was the only one I had left to rely on, but suddenly he was gone too.  Now my entire family is dead, and I'm responsible for Connor's death.  I couldn't save him.  That night replays in my mind constantly and plagues my nightmares.  I couldn't save any of them, whether it was my fault or not, and now they're all gone.

Sometimes I feel like just givin' up, but I haven't fully given up…yet.  I'm still goin' strong, but it's my past that's weighin' me down.  That's why I don't want to remember anything or anyone.  I've lost it all.  I've lost everyone.  Why would I even want to remember?

The closer Penny gets, the more I want to push her away for this exact reason.  And that's what I do best --- push people away.  I don't want to love her…or even like her, for that matter.  People that get close to me die.

It's like I'm fuckin' cursed.

I take the apple pie and throw it in the trash --- plate, fork and all.  I decide it's best to keep my distance from Penny, keep shuttin' her out.  I can't let her try to heal me, because I'm beyond healin' at this point.  I'm irrevocably broken, and nobody is gonna put me back together again.

CHAPTER 6

PENNY

COLTON'S BIRTHDAY IS coming up in a few weeks, and I want to do something special for him.  I spend all day in the city, shopping for just the right gift, but I come up empty-handed.  I'm saddened by the fact that I don't know him as well as I used to.  I don't even know what he likes anymore.  Stopping at a craft store for some more baking supplies, I come across the scrapbook section.  My eyes dart around the different books.  And before I know, I've collected a scrapbook and all the fixings for the perfect gift.  I have tons of photos and boxes of things I have kept over the years that pertain to Colt and my relationship.

I'm feeling giddy as I check out at the register.  I can't wait to get home and get started.  It will take a while to get the scrapbook put together, because I want it to be absolutely perfect.  It will be a great way for Colton to remember me and remember how we used to be.  Maybe it will even bring back some of his memories of me.

I'm in a happy fog as I return home and get ready for my shift at the bar.  Buddy comes up to me about an hour into work and asks, "Remember how I told you Shelby Rae is fixin' to move back to Willowbrook?"

I nod in response.

"Well, just so happens that she's comin' in a few weeks.  Her mama told me she needs help with movin' expenses and whatnot.  So I thought maybe we could do some sort of fundraiser to help her out."

I instantly perk up.  "That sounds like a great idea, Buddy!"

"I was thinkin' I could rent some of the equipment that they use for the summer carnival.  A bouncy castle for the kids, a dunk tank, a merry-go-round."  He pauses and smiles at me.  "And maybe we could do a bake sale?"

I smile back at him.  "I'll start slaving away."

Buddy brushes my chin playfully with his knuckles.  "That's my girl."

My smile slowly fades as I think about how much time I'll have to spend at Colton's place.  I worry my bottom lip between my teeth.  "I just hope Colton doesn't mind me being in his kitchen more than usual."

Buddy grins.  "I don't think he'll mind at all."

"What won't I mind?" Colton asks, suddenly appearing from the back room.

"I was just tellin' Penny about the fundraiser idea for Shelby Rae."  He hesitates before he says, "Penny could bake more than usual this week for a big bake sale.  We could sell her pies for ten bucks a pop.  I know people would pay it."

Colton nods and says, "That sounds good."  He's clearly not understanding Buddy's meaning behind the whole thing.

"She'll need to spend more time at your place," Buddy explains.  "More bakin'.  More time in your kitchen."

Colton seems to tense at his words.  His eyes glance over at me, but then quickly return to Buddy.  "Oh, uh, if that's what she needs, I'm not gonna stop her."

Giving him a small smile, I tell him, "Thanks, Colt."  Things have been strained between us, to say the least, but I'm hoping we can continue down the same path that we had forged yesterday afternoon.  Maybe spending more time together is just what we need.

*  *  *  *  *

COLTON

OVER THE NEXT couple of weeks, I have a hard time keepin' what I consider my two worlds from colliding.  Light and dark.  Penny is my light, while Ruby Sue is my dark.  Penny opens up possibilities of rememberin' my past and hopin' for a better future --- she's the light at the end of my tunnel.  Whereas, Ruby Sue keeps me just where I want to be --- in the dark, not rememberin' a single thing or dwellin' on my forgotten past.

Penny continues bakin' in my kitchen every morning, and I keep on tryin' to ignore her.  My efforts are not provin' to be very successful, however.  Penny is cute as a button with a heart of gold, and she's almost impossible to resist.  I can totally see why I could have fallen for her before.  Even though I keep pushin' her away, she keeps reelin' me in, makin' me mad as hell but also happy at the same time.  I've never had so many mixed emotions with regards to one person before.

Ruby Sue keeps showin' up at my place on a regular basis, and I keep resistin' her efforts to get me into bed.  Hell, I have taken her out on more dates than I have the whole three years of our relationship.  We've gone to the movies, out to eat and on hikin' excursions --- anything and everything to keep her out of my bedroom.  I have a hard time even kissin' her, and it's gettin' harder and harder to ignore exactly what's goin' on here between Penny and me.

I'm developin' feelings for Penny Preston.

It kind of hit me all at once even though I've resisted it every step of the fuckin' way.  I don't want to love her.  Hell, I don't even want to like her.  But she has this magnetic pull on me that knows just how to tug on the right heartstrings to make me fall more and more for her.

But the bullheadedness in me keeps tryin' to push her away.  It doesn't make matters any better when Buddy is all for our buddin' friendship.  He now and then drops hints about the way Penny and I were with each other, and I have a feelin' we were very much in love.  But Penny never talks about how we were.  She completely skips over that topic, focusin' more on our friendship and my family.  I think deep down she's afraid to push me too far, and she's smart to think that way.  I have a bad feelin' that one of these days she'll push me too far, and I'll push right back.  I have a lot of buttons that can be pressed.  And if you press the right one, I'll have a complete mental shutdown.  I just hope that Penny never pushes that button, but she has no idea what my triggers are.  How could she?  I won't let her in to know me and to know what affects me.

I find myself watchin' her while she works at the bar.  Every guy that talks to her is a potential threat.  I don't know why the hell I'm so possessive over her, but I am.  And I know it's more than just her bein' my employee.  No.  It's somethin' else entirely.  I want her to be mine, but I don't even know why I feel that way.

My tough exterior is startin' to slip, though, and it's all because of Penny.  She's just so damn sweet.  She's…irresistible.  And trust me, I've been tryin' to resist.  I've taken so many damn cold showers over the past couple of weeks, I'm surprised my cock hasn't frozen up and fallen off.

And now with the fundraiser for Shelby Rae comin' up, Penny has been in my kitchen more than I have.  She comes at the ass crack of dawn, and I wake up to her singin' to the top country tunes on the radio in the kitchen.  I took the radio that I used in my shed to work out with and put it in the kitchen a few days ago.  She loves music, and even though I miss my radio when I'm workin' out, it was worth it to make her happy.  And for some reason, makin' her happy makes me happy.

It's the day of the fundraiser, and she's singin'
Dibs
by Kelsea Ballerini.  The song is upbeat, and she's dancin' around the kitchen like no one's watchin'…except I'm watchin'.  She sings like a fuckin' angel, and I curse the heavens above.  She's smart, funny, pretty, sassy,
and
she can sing and dance.  I just need her to have, like, one huge flaw that makes me dislike her just a tiny bit.  But she doesn't have any flaws that I can find…and believe me when I say I've searched high and low for one.  She's fuckin' perfect.

Penny takes a whisk in her hand and sings into it like a microphone, and I can't help but chuckle.  She stops singin' immediately and whirls around.  Her face flushes bright pink with embarrassment.

"Colt!"  She says my name breathlessly, and I suddenly want to hear her moanin' it while she's under me.

Fuck.
  I'm instantly hard.  I walk over to her before I can stop myself.  She's like a siren, always drawin' me in even though I'm treadin' on dangerous territory.  My fingertips graze her pink cheek and wipe off the flour that's there.  "Always covered in flour," I whisper to her.

She stares up at me with those big, beautiful, stormy gray eyes, and I melt a little inside.  "I'm an enthusiastic baker I guess," she whispers back with a shy smile.

Her comment makes me grin.  My thumb caresses her soft cheek, and it takes all of my willpower to pull away from her before I kiss her.  And, damn, do I want to kiss her right now.  "I'm gonna go get ready," I say, taking a step back to create some distance between us before I do somethin' I'll regret.  "You ready for the fundraiser?"

"Almost.  I'm going to finish up some things here, and then I'm going to go back to my apartment to shower."

Picturin' her naked in the shower makes me take a few more steps back before she sees the physical evidence of my wicked thoughts.  "I, uh…I'll see you later then."  She smirks, and I suddenly want to go runnin' back over to her.  But I force myself to stay where I am.  "Oh, and don't worry about haulin' those heavy boxes down over the hill.  I'll do it."

"Thanks, Colt."  She stares at my biceps and grins.  "I knew those muscles would come in handy some day," she says with a wink, before turnin' back to her mixer.

Her hips shake a little as she starts dancin' to the music again, and I almost groan out loud.  I have to force myself to pull my gaze away and go upstairs.

This is gonna be a long day.

*  *  *  *  *

COLTON

THE FUNDRAISER IS going well, although I have one problem --- Penny is wearin' a tiny, yellow bikini.  She's sittin' on top of the dunk tank, waitin' to get wet, and my cock is instantly hard every time I lay eyes on her.  I have to keep goin' into the bar to calm myself down.  I feel like a teenager again, gettin' a ragin' boner every few minutes over a girl I have a crush on.

But this feels like more than a crush.  This feels like somethin' else entirely.  I want Penny…in a bad fuckin' way.  But I know I can't have her without openin' up a big can of worms.  Because I know once I have her, I'll never want to let her go.  And that scares me more than anything.

I could strangle Buddy with my own bare hands for thinkin' that a dunk tank would be a good addition to this fundraiser.  But I have to give him credit for his reasonin' behind it, because the line is almost half-a-mile long with grown-ass men waitin' for their turn to get her wet.  We're makin' money hand over fist between her pies and her bein' on top of that damn tank, but I'm not happy about it.  I'm glad Shelby Rae is gettin' the money she needs, but I wish it were Buddy in that tank and not Penny.

I'm steppin' out of the back of the bar when I overhear a conversation between two guys I have seen a countless number of times in the bar.  Supposedly we all went to school together; but, of course, I don't remember them.

"Did you see that yellow bikini?" Luke asks in a hushed whisper.

"I wish someone would dunk her soon.  I can't wait to see her all wet," Grady says with a big grin.

They're near the back of the line to the dunk tank as I walk past, and my steps slow when I realize they're talkin' about Penny.  My Penny.

"Have you tried her pies yet?  My mama can't stop talkin' about them.  She said they're the best in the county."

"I would love to try Penny's
pie
," Grady says, and Luke chuckles.  "In fact, I'd love to try her pie more than once."

Anger flares through me, and I'm suddenly in Grady's face.  "Watch your fuckin' mouth," I hiss at him.

He puts his hands on my chest and roughly shoves me backwards.  "Back off, Colt.  Last I heard you were datin' Ruby Sue, so what business is it of yours who's talkin' about Penny?"

"It's my business because ---."  I pause and try to think of a plausible excuse.  "Because she's my employee."

"Well, you and Penny ain't together anymore, so I don't see why you would get mad over me talkin' about her sweet…juicy…
pie
…that I'd love to sink my teeth into," he says tauntingly with a smirk on his face.

All I see is red.  And before I know it, I have my hands wrapped around Grady's throat.

*  *  *  *  *

PENNY

THE SUN IS pounding down on me as I'm sitting --- no --- as I'm
baking
on top of the dunk tank waiting for someone to put me out of my misery.  The only reason I volunteered for this damn thing was because I thought I would be swimming in the cool water all day long.  So far, no one has dunked me.  The throws have been too short, too long or not hard enough.  The damn thing must be rigged.  And I'm tired of waiting for someone to push my button, so to speak, just the right way.

As a boy, who can't be older than six, steps up to the plate, I have to force myself not to roll my eyes.  There's no way he's going to dunk me, and I feel like I'm on top of a barbecue pit, slowly cooking to death.

I look at him encouragingly.  "You can do it!" I cheer him on.

After three tries, he doesn't, unfortunately, and I'm sighing as the hot sun continues to beam down at me.

A man steps up to the plate, and he looks promising…and muscular.  He has blond hair and piercing blue eyes, and there's something about the way he looks at me that makes me think that I know him.  But I have never seen this hunk of man before.  Surely I would remember someone like him.