REMEMBER ME: GODS OF CHAOS MC (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Grace

I woke up feeling like a complete fraud.  I had to tell him the truth.  When I realized I was alone in his bed, I sighed a sigh a relief.  I did
n’
t want to face him in the daylight, my lie written across my face.  I knew he was going to be so upset. 

Cops and outlaws do
n’
t mix.  Tha
t’
s an obvious fact.  Sure, I was
n’
t the kind of cop that was all about following the letter of the law to
a’t’
but I was still a cop.  I had become a cop for one specific reason and that was to fight the abuse of women and children.  I did
n’
t give a shit if someone did drugs, or anything else they wanted to do.  As long as it did
n’
t hurt anyone, I did
n’
t care.

And because of that, the fact that Ryder was a God did
n’
t faze me one bit.  I knew a lot of cops that were a lot less moral than him.  Ryder was a good man, and that patched vest did
n’
t make that any less the truth.

It did
n’
t matter, though, what I thought.  It did
n’
t even matter what Ryder would think once I told him.  What mattered was what society thought, what the precinct thought, what my partners would think and what my captain would think. 

I knew there was no way I could continue my job and continue spending time with Ryder.

Our lives were like oil and water.

I might have had a taste of what happiness might be like with him, but that was all that was meant to be.

Long-lasting, healthy relationships had never been a part of my life.  And there was no sense in fooling myself that it could be now.

I had slept in, and just as I was getting out of the shower, wondering if I should just start walking and call the precinct to send a car for me, Ryder walked in the door.

I was wearing his robe, my hair wet and dripping onto his bathroom floor.  He walked in, his eyes on fire with desire, and without saying a word he kissed me so hard I would have sunk to my knees if he had
n’
t held me up.  Electricity shot right through my core, melting every thought of leaving right out of my head.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Ryder

A cop.  A fucking cop.

Over and over, the words played in my head as I raced back to the clubhouse.  I had to tell her what I had learned.  But maybe she already knew?  I ca
n’
t believe I had brought a cop into the clubhouse, the Sons of Chaos MC fucking clubhouse!  I never, in a million years, would have guessed the answer to the question we had been searching for was this.

Was I being set up?  No, that could
n’
t be.  There was no way she faked being unconscious for three days.  No way that scene at her house in Lincoln City was
n’
t real.  Fuck.  I still felt horrible for her, but this fucking changed everything.

What now?

And why in the hell was my cock still raging hard?  I could
n’
t think of her without my body telling me to forget everything else and just be with her.  But my prick apparently had no regard for reality.

I could
n’
t just bring a cop into my life and expect anything to work out.

I was a fucking outlaw!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

By the time I pulled up to the clubhouse, I was a wreck.  I had every intention of walking in and confronting her, telling her everything.  But then I saw her.

And for fuc
k’
s sake, if she did
n’
t just knock me on my ass again.  She had never looked more beautiful.  She was wearing my old ratty robe that was torn on the shoulder, her green eyes shining bright in the morning sunlight. Her long hair was wet, sending tiny droplets of water dropping down onto the top curve of her breasts.  The robe was open completely, and as my eyes traveled down the front of it, past the flatness of her strong belly, and down to the prett
y‘V’
of her pussy, the memory of the sweetness that was waiting for me there overwhelmed me, and I had to have her again.

Before it ended.  Before we had to say goodbye.  Before my little brief respite from the loneliness of my life was over, I had to feel her once more.

I pulled open my pants, pushing my boxers out of the way, and pulled her thighs around me, sinking into her right there on the bathroom floor.  I could
n’
t wait, she did
n’
t ask me to, and I dove into her, pushing, pushing, as hard as I could, the moaning and whimpering escaping from her full lips encouraging me to push harder and harder until I was exploding inside of her. 

I picked her up, carrying her into the bedroom, and laid her on the bed, my cock nowhere near being spent.  I devoured every inch of her, memorizing every detail, trying desperately to resist the urge to tie her to my bed and never let her leave.

But that was
n’
t an option, no matter how much I fucking wanted her.

She was
n’
t mine.  She was never going to be.

But for today?  I sure as fuck was going to pretend.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Grace

We made love until the early morning, when we finally fell asleep in each othe
r’
s arms.  When we woke hours later, I heard birds chirping outside our window.

His window.

I was entirely too comfortable here.  I needed to leave.  It was time to tell him, and as soon as he woke up, I planned to do just that.

I cared about him too much to continue the lie.  I was in a different head space now that the hours had passed, and the sun had come up.  Sleep had helped, too.

I had to do the right thing.

When I felt him stir beside me, his strong, muscular arms pulling me back in to snuggle close to him, I sighed with regret.

Regret for everything.  Regret for being born into a family that was completely fucked up.  Regret for getting in that car with Dice.  Regret for everything that my life had become now that I was a cop.  I did
n’
t even have any friends. 

There was nobody out there looking for me.

My own mother did
n’
t even know I was in danger.  There was no connection.  There was no love.

There never had been.

Until now.  And what I was about to say was going to blow all that love to smithereens.

“
Ryder
,”
I whispered. He shifted slightly, groaning.

“
Ryder, wake up
,”
I said again.  I had to do it now before I changed my mind and stayed in bed fucking him again all day.  It was incredibly easy to do, it turned out.

I silently said goodbye to that peaceful stillness I had found, and said his name one more time, louder this time, and slightly poking him with my elbow in his ribs.

“
Ow
,”
he said, his eyes opening.
 “
You okay, babe
?
”

He fucking killed me.  The concern.  The constant concern for my well-being.  I was
n’
t used to it.  People did
n’
t care about me.  Tha
t’
s not how things worked in my world.

“
I have to tell you something important
,”
I said.

“
What, beauty
?”
he murmured. I turned around, facing him. God, he was so fucking sexy.  His sleepy face just increased his handsomeness.  My pussy quivered as I fought my every instinct to wrap myself around him once more.

“I’m…,”
I whispered, pausing before I crashed into our world with the unpleasant reality
.“I’
m a cop
.
”

One corner of his mouth stretched into a slow grin as he finally opened his eyes and looked at me.

“
Yeah, I know
,”
he said, simply, easily, like I had just told him I was breathing. 

“
What
?”
I replied
.“
What the fuck do you mean you know
?
”

“
I know.  I found out yesterday when I went into town
.
”

“
What!  And you did
n’
t fucking tell me
?
”

“
Well, Sam, I could say the same thing.  In fact, I did mean to tell you but I walked in here and you were all naked and wet under my robe, and wel
l…
I could
n’
t resist, cop or no cop
,”
he said, shrugging.

“
Did you just remember in your sleep
?”
he asked.

“
No, I remembered yesterday, while you were gone
,”
I said.
 “
I was going to tell you, too, but I - well, you - came home and w
e…
yeah
,”
I said.
 “
How did you find out
?”
I asked.

“
I was at the Rodeo Roadhouse having lunch. Couple of cops came in flashing your picture around.  Said you were a missing cop
,”
he replied.

“
Oh. Tha
t’
s probably my partners
,”
I said.

“
You wanna explain a little for me, Sam? What did you remember
?
”

“
I remembered everything, babe.
I’
m sorry, Ryder. I should have told you
.
”

“
At the cost of last night?  Fuck that, babe.  I
t’
s all good.  You can tell me now.  Ther
e’
s no more secrets between us
.
”
 
He pulled me back into bed, and we laid there all morning, as I told him everything.

I told him how I had left as soon as the trial was over.  I changed my last name to Evans, and made sure to keep my name change private.  Because of my job, I had managed to keep my identity a secret and under the radar of anyone who might try to look me up on the internet.  I told him about my work.  And I was comforted immensely by his occasional murmurs of approval.

Maybe he could see me as a real human being instead of a cop.

“
You have to go back, Sam
,”
he said, his voice sad but firm.

“
Yeah, I know
,”
I replied.  And I did.  I had made up my mind. I could
n’
t just give up on all those women and children out there.  I might not be able to save them all, but I had to keep saving as many as I could.

“
So, no husband?  No children
?”
he asked.

“
No.  My life is a lonely, empty landscape
.
”

“
Well, that makes me sad and happy all at the same time, Sam
.
”

“
Tha
t’
s just the way i
t’
s been. Ryder, what are we going to do
?”
I asked him.

“
I do
n’
t think ther
e’
s anything we can do, is there?  What are our options?  You go back, yo
u’
re a cop, and
I’
m an outlaw.  How do you see that fitting together, Sam
?
”

I thought about it, for the millionth time, and I could
n’
t figure it out.

“
I do
n’
t know
.
”
 
My eyes filled with tears.  It was everything I knew and I hated it.

“
Well, me either.  Listen, as much as I care about you, as much as I want you to stay, i
t’
s just not the right thing.  You belong out there, doing your thing.  If I was any other man,
I’
d come with you, w
e’
d find a way.  But that just wo
n’
t work for us.  I know it. You know it. Ai
n’
t no denying it, Sam
.
”

He brushed his lips against mine, gentle and soft. 

“
Ryder
?”
I asked.

“
Yeah, baby
?
”

“
I need you just one more tim
e
…”