Requiem for a Dream (9 page)

Harry and Marion got off on the last of his stuff and
made it on the couch grooving behind the high and the music. There
was a softness in the music that they automatically focused on, a
softness in the light that glowed from the top and the bottom of the
shades and glowed in widening circles, and filtered through the
multicolored sides of the shades and ever so gently pushed the
darkness into the far corners and soothingly coated the room with a
hint of color that was friendly to their eyes; and there was a
kindness and tenderness in their attitudes as they held each other
and turned their heads to avoid blowing smoke in each others face;
even their voices were low and gentle and seemed a part of the music.
Harry was brushing the hair back from Marions forehead, noticing how
the dim light reflected from the perfect blackness of her hair and
made the outline of her nose and high cheekbones seem to shimmer. You
know something? Ive always thought you are the most beautiful woman
Ive ever seen. Marion smiled and looked up at him, Really? Harry
nodded and smiled, Since the first time I met you. Marion reached up
and caressed his cheek with the tips of her fingers and smiled
tenderly, Thats nice Harry. Her smile broadened, That really makes me
feel good. Harry chuckled, Good for your ego, eh? Well I cant say
that it does it any harm, but thats not what I mean. It makes me feel
good all over, like .. . well, you know lots of people tell me things
like that and its meaningless, completely meaningless. You mean
because you think theyre putting you on? No, no, nothing like that. I
dont know or care if they are. I guess maybe they really mean it, but
from them, Marion shrugged, it just doesnt mean anything to me. They
can be the most sincere person in the world and I feel like asking
them what that has to do with the price of coffee, you know what I
mean? Harry nodded and smiled, Yeah. . . . She looked into Harrys
eyes for a moment, feeling the tenderness in her look, But when you
say it I hear it. You know what I mean? I really hear it. It has
meaning to me. I mean, like its important and I not only hear it, but
I believe it with all of me . . . and it makes the inner me feel
good. Harry smiled, Im glad. Because you make me feel good. She
turned excitedly, You know why? Its because I feel that you really
know me, the real me. Youre not just looking at the outside, Marion
looked even more intently into Harrys eyes, but youre looking at my
inner being and seeing that there is a real person inside. All my
life Ive been told Im beautiful, a, quote, Raven Haired Beauty,
unquote, and I was told that because that was supposed to make
everything alright. Dont worry honey, youre a beauty, everything will
be alright. My mothers an absolute nut like that. Like thats the
Alpha and Omega of existence. Like if youre beautiful you dont feel
pain or have dreams or know the despair of loneliness. Why should you
be unhappy, youre so beautiful? My God they drive me nuts, like all I
am is a beautiful body and nothing else. Not once, never, have they
ever tried to love the real me, to love me for what I am, to love me
for my mind. Harry continued to stroke her head and caress her cheek
and neck and gently rub the lobe of her ear, smiling as she moved her
head and softened her smile as he caressed her. I guess we're kindred
souls and thats why we can feel so close to each other. Her eyes
glowed even more intensely as she turned and leaned on an arm and
looked at Harry, Thats what I mean. You see, you have feelings. You
can appreciate the inner me. Like right now I feel a closeness
between us that Ive never felt with anyone before . . . anyone. Yeah,
I know what you mean. Thats how I feel. I don't know if I can put it
into words, but— Thats just it, it doesnt need words. Thats the
whole point. Like whats the use of all those words when the feelings
arent behind them. Theyre just words. Like I can look at a painting
and tell it, youre beautiful. What does it mean to the painting? But
Im not a painting. Im not two dimensional. Im a person. Even a
Botticelli doesnt breathe and have feelings. Its beautiful, but its
still a painting. No matter how beautiful the outside may be, the
inside still has feelings and needs that just words dont fulfill. She
nestled into his chest and Harry put an arm around her and held her
hand, Yeah, youre right. Its not just the outside thats beautiful,
but they dont know. Its hopeless. Thats why you cant be worried about
the world. Theyll just do you in anyway. You cant depend on them
because sooner or later theyll turn on you or just disappear and
leave you there alone. Marion frowned for a moment, But you cant shut
everyone out. I mean you have to have someone to love . . . someone
to hold on to ... someone— No, no, I don't mean that, Harry pulled
her back to his chest, I just mean that bunch of lames out there.
Someone like you could really make it alright for me. With you with
me I could really do something. Marion almost sighed, Do you really
mean that Harry? Do you really think I could inspire you? Harry
looked into her eyes, then at her face and gently glided the tip of a
finger over her cheek and traced the outline of her nose, his face
and eyes in a soft and tender smile, You could really make my life
worth while. A guy needs something to give his life a reason or whats
the point of living? I need more than the streets. I don't want to be
a floating crap game all my life. I want to be something . . .
anything. Marion hugged him tightly, O Harry I think I really can
help you be something. Theres something in me thats crying to come
out but it needs the right person to open the lock. You can unlock it
Harry. I know it. Harry put his arms around her as she cuddled into
him. Yeah, I bet we could. He stroked her head for a moment as he
looked up at the ceiling, Thats why I want to get some money and buy
a piece. I dont want to spend my life hustling the streets and end up
like the rest of them. If I can just get some money I can go into a
business and settle right into it. He looked at Marion and smiled, I
never told anybody this, but Ive always wanted to open a coffee house
theater sort of place. You know, it would have good food and pastries
and different kinds of coffee and hot chocolate and teas from all
over the world, Germany, Japan, Italy, Russia, all over. And it could
be sort of a theater group where youd have performances at night and
maybe mimes doing little skits from time to time. I don't know, I
havent really got it all straight, but— Marion sat up, O, that
sounds fantastic. Thats a great idea Harry. O, you could even have
paintings by young painters on the wall. It could be sort of a
gallery too. Sculpture. Harry nodded, Yeah. That sounds good. O
Harry, lets do it. O lets. Its a terrific idea. I can get the
painters without any trouble. O, and we could have poetry readings a
couple of nights a week O Harry its so exciting and it could work, I
just know it could. Yeah, I know. I figure it may take time, but I
could probably open up a couple of them. You know, after the one here
gets going we could go to Frisco and open one. O, you would love San
Francisco, Harry. And I know enough people there to get it going, the
mimes, the poets, the painters, I know them all, and who knows what
could happen after that. Harry smiled, Yeah. But we have to make sure
its goin right here before we go spreading our wings. O, I know. But
we can still plan. How long do you think it will take to get the
money? Harry shrugged, I dont know. Not long. Once we cop the first
piece it will be pretty easy after that. She hugged him, O Harry, Im
so excited. I cant tell you. Harry chuckled, I never would have
guessed. They laughed and put their arms around each other and
kissed, first gently, then more passionately, and Harry pulled his
face back a few inches and looked lovingly at Marion, I love you, and
kissed her on the tip of her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, then her
soft lips, her chin, her neck, her ears, then nuzzled his face in her
hair and caressed her back with his hands and breathed her name in
her ear, Marion, Marion, I love you, and she gently moved with the
flow and felt his words and kisses and feelings flow through her,
easing away all her problems, her doubts, her fears, her anxieties
and she felt warm and alive and vital. She felt loved. She felt
necessary. Harry felt real and substantial. He could feel all the
loose pieces starting to fall into place. He felt on the verge of
something momentous. They felt whole. They felt united. Though they
were still on the couch they felt a part of the vastness of the sky
and the stars and moon. They were somehow on the crest of a hill with
a gentle breeze blowing Marions hair flowingly; and walking through a
sunlit woods and flower studded field feeling the freedom of the
birds as they flew through the air chirping and singing and the night
was comfortingly warm as the soft filtered light continued to push
the darkness into the shadows as they held each other and kissed and
pushed each others darkness into the corner, believing in each others
light, each others dream.

Sara smiled her way into wakefulness. It was early
but she felt completely refreshed. She wasn't sure if she had dreamed
or not, but if she had it was a beautiful dream. She thought she
heard birds chirping. She got up and went ipsy pipsy into the
bathroom and showered and got ready for the new day. She looked in
the mirror at her hair and shrugged and smiled. Big deal. Its
beautiful. Its in the family, and she giggled. Flash, bam, alexkazam,
its an orange colored sky. She giggled again and went ipsy pipsy into
the living room, turned on the set, then into the kitchen and started
boiling her egg then went out to the mailbox to see if her television
papers had come yet. She knew the mailman wasn't due for hours, but
you never can tell. There might have been a special delivery of some
kind or maybe theres a different mailman whose delivering the mail
early. Her mailbox was empty. So were the others. She went back to
her apartment and started fixing the grapefruit and wondered if she
should eat first the grapefruit or the egg. She sipped her black
coffee, thinking, then ate part of the grapefruit, then the egg and
then finished the grapefruit. And then it was all gone. It seemed
like she just got up and already the breakfast was gone. She shrugged
and filled an eight-ounce glass of water and drank it, visualizing
the weight melting off. She sat at the table drinking her coffee, but
her hands kept reaching for something so she got up and washed the
dishes, then dried them and put them away, then looked at the clock
wondering how long before lunch time and realized it wasnt even
breakfast time yet and a feeling of panic started in her stomach, but
she went back to the bedroom and made the bed and straightened the
room and told her stomach to stop already, Youll feel better in the
red dress than a cheese danish. She sang and hummed and fluttered
about as she cleaned the living room, waiting until it was time to go
to Adas for another treatment on her hair. As she cleaned she became
more and more interested in the program on television and so she
finally stopped and sat in her viewing chair to watch the remainder
of the show. The ending was not only happy, it was funny and
heartwarming and her heart was even more joyful as she got her towel
and left the apartment. She checked the mailbox again then went to
Adas. At least todays not so bad. Just some more dye. Did you get the
letter? No mail yet. I think maybe its coming today. You think its
telling which show? Sara shrugged, I hope. What are you winning
maybe? What am I winning? a weekend with Robert Redford, how should I
know? Maybe when I find out the show I'll know the prizes. Ada
wrapped the towel around Saras neck as they adjusted themselves in
front of the television set, I saw yesterday a lady from Queens on a
show she won a brand new car, a six piece set of luggage with already
a cosmeks case, o such a gorgeous blue. You know Ada, thats just what
I need. A new car and luggage. For when I drive to Miami. I always
have new luggage when I go the Fountainblew. Make sure you have the
car waxed and not a cheapie, but solomized. In that sun you need
protection on the car. Tell me, was the car big enough for a driver
and the luggage? Ada started applying the dye, You should have seen
that lady, she almost fainted. I think she lives near the Katzes. The
Katzes? Yeah, remember? Rae and Irving Katz. They used to live over
Hymies delicatessen. When was this? Maybe ten years ago. Who knows?
Im supposed to remember ten years ago the Katzes from over Hymies
delicatessen. Thats when my Seymour died. O, I know, I know. But you
remember. They had such a nice young boy. Hes a big doctor now. In
Hollywood. Oh yeah, I remember. So they live near the lady with the
car and luggage? Ada shrugged. Could be. They moved to Queens. Maybe
they know each other. Anyway, its a nice prize. Just what I need. I
saw yesterday a couple win a swimming pool. A swimming pool? Yeah.
With already a filter and heater and all kinds things. Now thats what
I need. I could move out the couch and they could put it in the
living room. It wouldnt work Sara. Theyd raise your rent. Raise it
over what? Everything. I'll give them the luggage. Let them take a
trip and leave me alone. Careful, dont move while I get this. Youre
not needing a red nose. Ada carefully applied the dye as they
continued to talk and speculate, and when she finished Sara looked at
the clock, Good. Just in time for my lunch. For a change, I think
I'll have a egg, grapefruit, black coffee, and a little bit letttuce.
Bone appetite.

Harry and Marion slept in each others arms on the
couch. The music was still playing and the light from the lamp in the
corner blended with the sunlight that eased through the drawn shades.
There was a stillness in the room that somehow ignored the noise of
the Bronx streets, cluttered with people and vehicles grumbling,
yelling and rumbling. Their skin was moist from the hot, humid air
yet they slept undisturbed and restful. The apartment, and everything
in it, seemed isolated and insulated from its surroundings, and
reflected the attitude of the sleepers. Occasionally a truck would
rattle windows and shake floors and walls, but the sound was muted by
the stillness of the air; and, from time to time, something would
disturb the air and the dust motes that floated in the diffused
sunlight danced as the air gentled by in caressing waves. The summer
sun continued to rise in the sky and propel shocks of heat down on
the city and the heavy moisture moistened bodies and clothing, and
people fanned and wiped at sweating faces trying to survive another
bitch of a day as Harry and Marion peacefully passed the day sleeping
in each others arms oblivious to the reality surrounding them.