Rescue Me (15 page)

“Those people who do it automatically never think about what they’re doing, they just do it.”

“Just the other day, my mom told me that I don’t take care of myself because I’m too busy taking care of everyone else,” he admitted. “I always thought the same thing about her.”

“It’s sweet that you look out for your family. The fact that you’re so involved in Jasmine’s life is just amazing.”

He shook his head. “I haven’t been as involved as I should have been. If so, she wouldn’t have been acting up in school.”

“Jasmine was misbehaving?”

“Yeah, in Mrs. Overland’s class. That’s one of the reasons I’m volunteering at the school. Mr. Powell, the psychologist …” He waited until Renee nodded. “He thinks Jasmine may be going through abandonment issues. Sort of a delayed reaction to Chantal’s death.”

“I’m not sure how long it would take a child Jasmine’s age to grieve over the lost of a parent. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her.”

“I haven’t been paying attention,” Alex said softly. He was too busy feeling guilty over his own lack of grief.

He would never have wished death on the mother of his child, but in a way Alex had felt vindicated after Chantal’s fatal accident. She had flaunted her lovers in his face, hell bent on hurting him. When he’d stared down at her body
lying on the cold metal table in the morgue, Alex had not been able to summon even an ounce of love for his wife.

“Are things getting better?” Renee asked.

Alex shook his head. “I’m not sure. She hasn’t been disruptive with me in the classroom, of course.”

“At least you’ve taken a step forward in helping her cope. Eventually, things will work themselves out,” Renee reassured him.

Halftime ended and they settled back in to watch the rest of the game. Tennessee scored two quick touchdowns, slicing the Gator’s lead in half. When Tennessee intercepted the ball, halting Florida’s march to the end zone, Renee started to pace.

“Are you going to be okay?” Alex asked, trying to hide his amusement. He enjoyed football as much as the next red blooded American, but Renee took it to a whole new level. She was on the verge of a conniption.

“I told you Tennessee is a second half team,” she said, still pacing.

“There’s still a lot of game left to play,” Alex said. “Why don’t you sit down?” He patted the seat next to him and she sat.

Renee buried her face in her hands and growled when Florida failed to stop Tennessee on third down, but a Gator interception that was run back for a touchdown had her off the sofa in an instant, jumping up and down and causing the flimsy trailer to shake.

“Yes, yes, yes!” she said, plopping to her seat once again. “You have
got
to love this game,” she said.

“More than life itself,” Alex laughed.

“You are not making fun of me, are you?”

“Never,” he said, his chuckle belying his answer.

“You can laugh all you want, all I know is my Gators are up by three touchdowns and we’re about to reach the two minute warning. There is no coming back for those Volunteers.”

“I’ll bet you were the most obnoxious fan in the stadium when you were in college,” Alex said.

“You’d win that bet, buddy. I was put out of the student section twice for disorderly conduct. I yelled cusswords at the refs,” she explained.

“You, Ms. Moore, are my kind of woman,” Alex said. The instant the words left his mouth, Alex wished he could take them back. The atmosphere in the trailer changed; the playful camaraderie of just a few moments ago morphing into an undisputable mutual desire. The air in Alex’s lungs seemed to solidify, making his next breath an uncertainty.

A smile curled up the corner of Renee’s lips. “That’s encouraging,” she said, her seductive gaze drawing him in like a siren. Alex tried to break eye contact, but her eyes held him captive.

She leaned in an inch. He followed.

“Alex—” His name came out of her mouth on a breathy sigh.

“How’s Richards?” Alex asked, jerking back, breaking the spell. Thank God.

The momentary shock that flashed across Renee’s face was quickly replaced with resignation. “Rashad is fine,” she answered. “You know, Alex, you can be straight with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just tell me, ‘Renee, I’m not interested’ and that would be the end of it. You don’t have to bring Rashad—who, by the way, isn’t my boyfriend, in case you were wondering— into the picture. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”

Eli was right, he was out of practice. It had been so long since he’d dealt with all of this, he wasn’t sure how to act around a woman he wanted to get to know better. Alex wished they could just skip all of this “getting to know you” crap and go straight to being comfortable around each other.

But he
was
already comfortable with Renee. They’d just spent the past few hours watching football. She knew the game just as well as he did. Hell, she’d had to explain some
of the new officiating rules that had been implemented last season.

Chantal had hated anything to do with sports, and wouldn’t have known a wing-T formation from a chicken wing. Renee was different, and
that’s
what drew him in. And scared the hell out of him.

“Can I be honest with you?” Alex asked.

“As opposed to lying to my face?”

“As opposed to handing you a load of bull instead of explaining what my hang up is,” Alex answered.

“Okay,” she said, “be honest with me.”

Alex stalled for a moment, debating whether he should tell the truth. He had to be honest with her; she deserved that much. “I haven’t been out with a woman since my wife died,” he said.

She was silent for several long moments. Alex could see her mind working through that. “She’s been dead for two years, right?”

He nodded.

She took a long, deep breath. “Wow. So, you, um, haven’t been…
out
with a woman for about two years?”

Actually, he hadn’t been
out
with a woman in about six years, if
out
was the current euphemism for sex.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to be a little more honest,” Alex said.

“Go for it,” Renee answered.

He settled his elbows on his thighs and rubbed his hands together, feeling the sting in his right shoulder. “You’re the first woman I’ve wanted to go out with in the past two years,” Alex revealed.

Her eyes widened a fraction and her chest heaved as she took another deep breath. “Um, okay.”

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, or pressured in any way,” Alex said. “We don’t have to go out.”

She straightened and placed her feet flat on the floor. She spread her palms out flat and tapped her fingers on her
jean clad thighs. “Well, since we’re being honest here, you should know that I’ve been thinking about going out with you, too.”

“You have.” It was more statement than question.

“Yes,” Renee admitted.

“Oh God,” Alex said under his breath. The arousal clenching his gut had the blood thrumming through his body on a direct route to his groin.

“Alex.” Renee’s soft voice pierced through the haze of desire clouding his brain. “If it’s okay, I’m going to kiss you right now,” she said.

Alex turned toward her voice and opened his eyes, finding her mere inches from his face.

“Is that okay with you?” she asked.

Alex gave a short nod.

Renee captured his jaw in her palm and pulled his face inches closer. She leaned forward and Alex feared his heart would hammer completely out of his chest. That’s just how hard it was beating.

With her eyes locked with his, Renee touched her sweet, succulent lips to his. The moment their mouths connected, an indescribable tightness grabbed hold of Alex’s body. She was so soft, like a pillow sent down from heaven.

Alex tried to heed Eli’s warning about being aggressive, but the urge to invade her mouth was too hard to resist. He prodded her lips open, gently at first, but when they willingly parted, he plunged, slipping his hand in her hair and finding a firm grip. He didn’t want to let her go; knew he couldn’t any time soon.

Alex lost it. Slow and steady became fast and furious. He turned, bracketing her between his body and the sofa. He needed to touch her.

But she touched him first; placing her delicate fingers against his chest and squeezing. The sensation burned through his shirt, through his skin, straight to his soul.

She pushed him. Alex cursed in frustration as he realize
she must want to stop, but when he pulled away, she went with him, pushing him down on the sofa and flattening herself against his chest. She settled her body in the V of his legs, fitting herself against the massive erection raging out of control behind his zipper.

He was close to losing it. Thoughts of what he had been denying himself all these years flooded Alex’s brain. Sensations he had forgotten about; how good it felt to have a woman’s breasts cushioning his chest. How soft a woman felt cradled against his body. It was all coming back to him, but the remembered sensations were heightened now that he was here with Renee.

“Alex, are you ready to start going out again?” Renee asked.

“Yes,” he answered on a ragged breath.

“Are you prepared to go out right now?”

“Oh yeah,” he growled.
Wait. No
. “Are you asking if I have a condom?”

She nodded.

“I don’t,” Alex said, disappointment assaulting him. And how strange was that? He was disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to sleep with a woman he’d known less than two weeks, his daughter’s teacher?

“I guess that would have been asking too much,” Renee said. “Condoms probably aren’t high on your shopping list.” Renee looked up at him from where her head lay on his chest. “You’re doubting this, aren’t you?”

“Just a little,” Alex admitted.

She pushed up from him and settled back on the sofa. Her lips were a delicate crimson after their kissing. “So which
this
are you doubting?” she asked. “That we couldn’t continue or that we started this in the first place?”

“Both.” Alex laughed a little. “Stupid, huh?”

“Not stupid,” Renee said. “I understand where you’re coming from.”

“I’m happy you do, because I don’t.”

“This is a big step for you, Alex. I don’t want you to think I’m one of those fast little girls your mother probably warned you about,” she said with a sly smile. “Can I ask you something?” she asked, completely serious now.

“Okay,” Alex answered, unsure he wanted to hear the question after noting the gravity in her voice.

“You can tell me this is none of my business, or to shut up, or whatever,” Renee said.

He definitely did not want to hear this. “What is it you want to know?” he asked anyway.

“Why haven’t you gone
out
since your wife’s death?”

He wasn’t shocked by the question, but Alex still didn’t know how to answer it.

“Does it feel like you’re being unfaithful?” Renee asked when he remained silent.

Alex really laughed this time. It started deep in his stomach and continued rolling until he could hardly breathe.

“Alex,” Renee said. “Alex, stop that.”

“You have no idea how funny that is,” Alex said, trying to contain himself.

“None of this is funny,” she protested.

“If anyone has the right to be unfaithful, it’s me,” Alex said. He would probably question the wisdom of divulging what he was about to share, especially to someone he’d known for such a short period of time, but it felt right. Something in his gut told him Renee would understand.

“When my wife was killed in that car accident, the man she had been cheating on me with died with her,” Alex said. That familiar mixture of pain, regret, and anger began to churn in his stomach.

“Oh, Alex,” she said on a short rasp of breath.

“He wasn’t the first, but I think she was with him the longest.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You know what’s funny?” He ran his fingers along the fringe of the sofa’s lone throw pillow. “I’m not sure how I
feel about it anymore. Not sure how I feel about her, except for that underlying hate I can’t seem to get rid of.”

Had he actually said that aloud? He looked down at Renee. She didn’t seem disgusted, which was the reaction he would have expected her to have after he’d just admitted to hating his dead wife.

“Your animosity toward her doesn’t make you a horrible person, Alex,” she said.

“Doesn’t keep me in the running for Widower of the Year, either,” he said. How had they found themselves on this subject, anyway?

“You know what?” She traced her finger in circles on his chest. “We’ve had a good day, and I have a feeling talking about this will ruin it.”

Had she read his mind, or what? “Yes, it would,” Alex said.

She looked up at him. “If and when you’re ready to talk, I want you to know that I will listen, Alex. If you ever need an understanding ear, I’m here.”

Alex ran his hand along her hair and down her arm, settling it at her waist. “I’ve spent the last two years convincing myself that I could handle all the crap Chantal put me through,” he said with a mirthless laugh. “What makes me think I can help my mom or my brothers with their problems if I can’t deal with my own?”

“If you asked them, I’ll bet your family would offer to help, too,” she said.

“They would,” Alex agreed. “I just don’t want to burden any of them.”

“It wouldn’t be a burden for me. My offer stands. Please, when you’re ready to talk, let me be here for you.”

He dipped his head and gave her a peck on the nose. “I thought we decided we weren’t going to talk about this anymore,” he said.

“Yes, we did.” She smiled up at him.

“So, what do you want to do?”

“We could kiss a little while longer,” she said.

“A few hours, at least,” Alex agreed, but even as his lips connected with Renee’s, Alex knew he would soon have to leave this fantasy world of football watching and making out on an uncomfortable couch. There were too many issues waiting for him to tackle in the real world, like a daughter who had yet to open up to him, a business that still needed a leader, and a shoulder that had to be rehabilitated. Not to mention Mama and whatever was going on with her.