Rescue Me (18 page)

She looked around him. “Where’s Jasmine?” she asked.

He shuffled from one foot to the other, his big body taking up the entire doorway. “I didn’t bring her,” Alex answered. “That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier today.” He looked past her into the trailer. “Can I come in?”

“Of course. I’m sorry,” Renee said. “Come in.” She stepped back, giving him access to the trailer. He motioned for her to go ahead of him.

He placed the three ring binder he’d carried with him on the counter. “I was trying to tell you this earlier when you came to Mrs. Overland’s class.”

“What?” she prompted when he hesitated.

“I’m not sure what we have going on here, Renee.”

Oh God. Was he already dumping her?

“I like you,” he said.

Her spirits started to lift just a smidge.

“I like you, too, Alex.”

“This is strange territory for me,” he said. Renee could
feel the unease flowing off him in waves. “I’ve felt attracted to women—wait, is your aunt here?”

Renee shook her head. “She won’t be back for a few hours.”

“Busy woman.” The edge of his mouth tipped up in a crooked smile.

“She is,” Renee answered with a smile of her own. “You were saying?” She couldn’t take much more of this evading the issue. He had her nerves on edge.

“Yeah.” He looked around the trailer, wiping his hands on his thighs. Stalling.

“Alex,” Renee said with a pleading voice.

“I’m sorry.” He looked up at her, contrite. “I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I’ve been attracted to women since Chantal died, but not like this. This is different. I’ve been able to fight off those feelings, but I can’t fight this.”

She shook her head. All those words, and she was still as confused as when he’d first opened his mouth.

“I still don’t get it, Alex.”

“I’m not sure what to do about you,” he admitted. “What am I supposed to tell my family? And Jasmine? What am I supposed to say to her? We’ve never talked about me dating anyone.”

“She knows you can’t remain single for the rest of your life,” Renee said. “Oh, wait, I get your point now. How is a six year old supposed to accept that her widowed father is dating again, when you, at your age, can’t accept that your widowed mother is doing the same thing?”

His brow pulled together in an affronted frown.

“Does this mean you want us to stop seeing each other?” Renee asked.

“
Are
we seeing each other?” he asked.

Renee was so taken aback by his question that she literally took a step back. Did he think she let just anyone feel her up while watching football, not to mention what they’d done in the storage closet on Friday?

“That didn’t come out right,” Alex said.

“Whew, that’s a good thing, because I was about to punch you in the stomach,” she said, wrangling a smile from him. “I understand where you’re coming from, Alex, but I don’t necessarily agree with your stance. It may not be my place to say this, but I think you’re sheltering Jasmine.”

“What makes you say that?”

“What is she allowed to do on her own?”

“Nothing, she’s six.”

“At six years old, I got myself dressed for school in the morning and made my own breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, Alex. I think it’s amazing the way you take care of her, but you have to let her grow up. You can’t shelter her from the world, and a part of her world should be seeing her single father with a woman.”

“I just don’t know if she’s ready for that.”

“You seem to use that excuse an awful lot, Alex. What about the reason you’re volunteering at the school in the first place? Have you addressed Jasmine’s behavior with her yet?”

“I’m working on it,” Alex said. “I caught her bullying one of the other students when she thought I wasn’t in the classroom. Instead of going out for recess, we stayed in and talked about what she’d done. When I asked her why she’s been acting up she said the kids who act bad get to sit at the front of the class, and Mrs. Overland calls on them more.”

“She’s looking for attention.” Renee nodded.

“Mr. Powell thinks it goes even deeper,” Alex said, referring to the school’s psychologist. “He thinks Jasmine is acting out specifically in Mrs. Overland’s class because Mrs. Overland uses more of a mothering approach when disciplining her students.”

“Of course,” Renee said with a gentle whisper. “That makes perfect sense.”

Alex expelled a frustrated breath. “We’ve spent the last two years spoiling her rotten, trying to make up for her not
having a mother, but I think we missed what was most important.”

“A girl Jasmine’s age needs her mother,” Renee said.

“But I don’t want her to think I’m trying to replace her mother with someone else, that’s why I haven’t wanted to bring another woman into her life so soon.”

“I can understand where you’re coming from,” Renee said. “Will it make you start hyperventilating if I suggest that we are possibly more than just friends?”

He took a deep, extremely pronounced breath.

“Seriously, Alex. We were seconds from
going out
in the storage room at St. Katherine’s; we may have to up the status. You’re not the kind of guy who goes out with someone who’s just a friend. And I’m certainly not that type of girl.”

His body visibly relaxed. “Does that mean you never went
out
with Richards?”

“None of your business,” Renee returned, “but yes.”

“That shouldn’t make me feel as good as it does,” Alex said.

“It really shouldn’t,” she said. “But I’m happy it does.” She leaned in close, her lips an inch from his. “That means I’m a lot more than just your friend.”

“I’m ready for you to be more than just a friend,” Alex said. He stopped her before she could close the gap between them, his face serious. “I just want to make sure you know what that means.”

“What?” Renee asked, uneasy with the gravity she heard in his voice.

“Eventually, I’m going to have to introduce you to my family,” he said.

Renee slapped his chest. “Don’t scare me like that,” she said.

“You should be scared,” Alex warned.

“Stop it. I already met your brother, and he seemed perfectly fine.”

“You don’t get it; these people have been pressuring me to start dating again for nearly two years. My mother? She’s going to bug the hell out of you.”

“I think I can handle it,” Renee answered, feeling no small amount of excitement at the thought of meeting Alex’s family. “Now, are you going to kiss me, or what?”

“Hmm, I guess kissing is one of the nice perks that comes with the more than friends territory,” he said.

“Oh, we’re just getting started,” Renee said.

“Daddy, do you like Ms. Moore?”

Alex froze, the hand holding the hairbrush arrested above his daughter’s tangled head of curls he’d spent the last fifteen minutes trying to tame.

“What was that?” Alex asked, stalling for time. Had his infatuation with Renee been so transparent that even a six year old could see it?

“Do you like Ms. Moore?” she repeated.

“I don’t dislike her,” Alex answered. He resumed the hair brushing, which was no easy feat with the limited range of motion in his shoulder; even though it showed progress that he was able to comb her hair again. “Why are you asking about Ms. Moore?” Alex asked.

“Because I like her.” Jasmine shrugged her answer.

“That’s good. You should like your teachers. You like Mrs. Overland, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Jasmine answered. “But she’s old.”

“She’s not old, Jasmine.”

“She’s too old for you to marry her.” Alex stopped brushing again. “And Mrs. Overland is already married anyway,” Jasmine continued. “But Ms. Moore don’t have a husband and you don’t have a wife.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to get married,” Alex said. They had never even discussed him dating. There had been no one—until now—who’d captured his interest.

“Well, Uncle Eli and Auntie Monica are getting married, and Uncle Toby and Auntie Cee Cee are getting married. You’re going to be lonely if you don’t get a wife, too.”

“Why do you think I need a new wife? I thought I had you,” Alex teased, pinching her cheek.

“What about when I leave for doctor school?”

Alex’s brow rose. “You’re going to doctor school?”

“Yeah. I’m going to deliver babies like Uncle Eli,” she said matter of factly. “And if you don’t marry Ms. Moore, you’re going to be by yourself when I leave.”

“Grandma’s by herself,” Alex said.

“But Grandma’s old, she’s not afraid to be by herself.”

“We probably shouldn’t mention this conversation to Grandma.”

“Okay.” Jasmine shrugged again.

“Scoot this way so I can brush the other side of your hair,” Alex said. She turned around on the pillow she’d placed on the floor, and Alex took the brush to the other mess of tangles and curls. When he’d sat here to comb Jasmine’s hair after washing it, he had not anticipated having the conversation he had been avoiding for the past two years. He’d always assumed Jasmine wasn’t ready for this discussion, but if he were honest with himself, Alex could admit that maybe he was the one who wasn’t ready.

“You know, Pumpkin,” Alex started. “I’ve been afraid you would be upset if I started seeing someone else.”

“But you need somebody to keep you company like Kayla’s mommy. She has a new boyfriend.”

Kayla’s mommy probably had several new boyfriends.

“That’s a little different,” Alex said. “Kayla’s mommy and daddy got a divorce. Remember we talked about what happens between two people who get divorced?”

Jasmine nodded. “I still think you should get another wife,” she said.

“Maybe one of these days,” he said. “Maybe once you leave me and head to doctor school.”

“Okay,” she grumbled, and pouted.

“Wait, what’s the face about? You just told me you wanted me to get a new wife, and when I say I will, you get that sad look?”

“You don’t have to wait until I go to doctor school, Daddy. You can get a new wife now, and I can have another Mommy,” she said.

Alex stared down at his daughter. How had he missed cues that Jasmine had been yearning for a mother figure? “I didn’t know you wanted a new mommy,” he said.

“I miss Mommy,” she said with a melancholy gaze that forced a lump in Alex’s throat.

“I know you do, Pumpkin.”

“Why was she driving so fast, Daddy?”

“I don’t know, baby. But you remember what we talked about, right? How Mommy is sorry she had to leave you, and that she’s still watching over you?”

“And that she’s my angel in heaven.” Jasmine recited the words Alex had tried to instill in her since Chantal’s death.

“Yes, she is.” Alex put his fingers under her chin and turned her to face him. “You know that another mommy won’t replace your real mommy, right?”

“I know.”

“But you would be okay if Daddy started seeing someone else?”

She nodded.

“Come here, Pumpkin.” Alex helped her rise from the floor, then enveloped her in a bear hug. “Daddy loves you so much.”

“I love you, too. And I really like Ms. Moore, Daddy. She’s better than Mrs. Johnson. I hate Mrs. Johnson,” Jasmine said with feeling.

“Jasmine, that’s not nice.”

“But I do hate her, Daddy. She used to always tell us to shhhhhhh, even when we didn’t make noise. I hope Miss Johnson stays sick.”

“Jasmine, you know it’s not nice to say things like that.”

“But Grandma says I’m supposed to tell the truth.”

“Yeah, but …” This was one of those parenting dilemmas that continued to stump him. Which lesson should he teach today, honesty or politeness? “That’s true,” Alex said, “but sometimes being honest can hurt people.”

“So I should lie?”

“No, not really.”

Jasmine hunched her shoulders. “So what should I do?”

Alex pondered the question for a moment and realized he didn’t have a sufficient answer. “Ask Grandma when we go over there tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Jasmine shrugged.

“So, are you having fun playing softball?” he asked. He snapped the last barrette on the end of her ponytail.

“Yes,” Jasmine affirmed with such enthusiasm Alex had to laugh. “Coach said I’m good at sneaking bases.”

His brows arched in humorous surprise. “You know how to sneak bases?”

“Yep. You have to wait until the pitcher is almost ready to throw the ball. Then you run, run, run. I can run
so
fast. I’m the fastest one on the team. You coming to the game tomorrow?”

“Of course I am.”

“You promise, Daddy?”

“Hey, what’s up all the questions? You don’t believe me?”

“You might have to go to work,” she said. “You couldn’t go to my games last year because you always had to work.”

Instant regret washed over Alex. How many times had he missed her softball games, assuming having Mama there in his place was enough? How many times did he say to people that Jasmine was his daughter, his responsibility? Well, fulfilling his responsibility meant more than plying her with toys she didn’t need and signing her up for a bunch of after school activities. He needed to be there. He needed to give her his time.

Tying a satin head wrap over her combed hair, Alex squeezed her shoulders. “Stand up for me.”

She scooted off the floor and turned to him, her wide, bright eyes vulnerable, and filled with uncertainty.

“I missed out on a lot of the things you did last year, didn’t I?”

“You came to my recital,” she said. “Well, to the big recital. You missed the one with just my class, but Grandma was there. Grandma said you have to work a lot because you’re the boss.”

“That’s true, but the boss doesn’t have to be there all the time. Look, I’m not there now, am I?”

“No, but that’s because you hurt your arm.”

“My arm will still be hurt tomorrow, which means I will definitely be at your softball game, and even when my arm is better and I go back to work, I’ll still be at your games.”

“Really, Daddy? You promise?”

“I promise, baby. Now hop into bed.”

“Daddy, guess what?” she said as she shuffled under the thick, down comforter. “Grandma said if I’m good she’s gonna take me to buy a new bathing suit because there’s a big swimming pool at the house where Auntie Monica and Uncle Eli are getting married. I’m getting a pink bathing suit.” She smiled.