Resist (London) (21 page)

I ignored my ‘mum’s’ cry of protest as I ran down the driveway. She didn’t want me to leave...I didn’t give a fuck. That woman wasn’t my family. Taylor and Jase were my family, and if I could fix what I had broken,
Mason would be too.

I saw him jump into his car and begged my legs to move faster. I wished I ran daily like Taylor did because, damn it, I was so unfit!

I reached the car just as he started the engine, I didn’t even think any further than getting to him, so I jumped in.

“Get out Harper.” Mason growled.

This wasn’t a sexy growl, no, this was a growl like he’d lost control. A growl that said he was deadly serious and he wanted me to leave.

It was pretty intimidating I
suppose, maybe I should have listened. I didn’t though.

“I’m not letting you leave without me! I don’t know what she said to you, but you can’t believe her Mason! Please tell me you don’t believe her, I don’t want you to hate me.”

He was silent for a few beats, but his eyebrows had knit together. I watched as his face smoothed out and then...he started to chuckle, but it was a dark, empty laugh.

What the fuck?

I really didn’t find anything funny.

Then he spoke, and honestly, that wasn’t funny either.

“What is wrong with you? Are you honestly so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you can’t see what you’ve done wrong?”

Um, what?!

I didn’t know what I’d done wrong really. Obviously I knew he was mad at me from the previous day, but something told me that wasn’t what he was talking about. I didn’t have a response. I didn’t need one.

He smacked the steering wheel with the palm of his hand,
then ran both of them through his hair.

“You are so completely fucked in the head.
This isn’t about anything your mum said! That woman in there doesn’t even know who you are, I’m not entirely sure she ever has. She’s either crazy, or brainwashed, whatever the reason, you really are better off without her. So no, this isn’t about her. This is about the fact that you somehow travelled from London to here, chasing after me because you honestly thought...”

He paused and shook his head as if he was lost in thought. It didn’t matter, he didn’t even need to continue,
it had already dawned on me what had made him so angry with me. But he made sure I knew exactly what he thought.

“You thought I’d
murdered
your dad! I mean, just what the fuck were you thinking?! Me? A killer? I actually can’t even believe that you would think that about me! At what point in the last few months have I given you even the slightest inclination that I might be
out of my fucking mind
?!”

He was almost screaming in my face but I couldn’t blame him. He was right. Just five minutes, that’s all it took for me to realise what a colossal mistake I’d made. This was Mason I was talking about! My thoughts had been completely irrational.

“I’m done with you, I’ll take you home, but then you can bet your pretty little arse that you won’t be seeing me again. I can hardly even bear to look at you.”

I actually felt my heart break. I was surprised that in the confines of the car, it couldn’t be heard shattering.
I’d done that to myself, I’d broken my own heart. If only I’d have thought about things instead of doing what I always do. I had spent years acting on instinct, never giving a damn about the consequences, well, it seemed that was coming back to, quite literally, bite me in arse.

I didn’t speak, what was there to say?
Nothing.

I’d lost my chance, I’d lost all my chances
, it wasn’t like he didn’t give me enough. I don’t know if it was seeing my mum again after all those years, or being faced with actually losing him all together, but I felt like I was losing a piece of myself.

We sat in silence for what felt like forever, it was probably about half an hour though. Then I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Why did you go there, Mase?”

His silence made me
nervous, I just wanted him to answer me, even if I didn’t like his response. I didn’t have to worry really, his words floored me, but not in a bad way. In a way that made my heart beat spike, my eyes grew moist and my hands shook. He rocked my world.

“Do you know what it’s like to love someone so much, you’d do anything,
anything
, to make them happy? You honestly would try and move mountains for them. If they were lost, you’d go to the ends of the Earth to find them. You’d give away everything you have, and everything you are, just to see them happy. If they needed you, no matter what, you’d be there. Harper, honestly, I’d have done that for you. I’d have walked through fire to get to you. I’d turn my back on everyone and everything, just to see you smile. Hell, I’d have...I just...I’d have done it all, just for you. That’s how much I loved you.”

Loved?

“I guess, I just wanted to
know
you. I wanted to know where you came from, what made your head so god damn fucked up, you had to screw with mine and I wanted to see for myself what exactly you meant when you spoke about your parents. I wanted to look at the past.”

He fell silent. So was I.

Well damn.

What could I say really? My heart was pounding in my
chest, it felt like it was trying to break free. I was all ready to wrap it up in shiny silver paper, cover it with ribbons and bows and hand it over. But then there was a new fear. He said
loved
, not love. Can you really fall out of love that quickly? I didn’t know.

......I also didn’t really want to find out.

But I had to know for my own sanity, which, let’s face it, was already pretty questionable.

“
Loved
?”

He knew exactly what I was asking.
The was obvious from the way winced when I spoke. He didn’t answer straight away, his teeth worked his bottom lip for a moment and my eyes were drawn to it.

Did he know how erotic that looked? Was he doing it on purpose because he liked the effect he had on me? He released his lip but the spell wasn’t broken, my body ached for his. It’s wrong, I know that, in the situation we were in, to be thinking about having him again, but I couldn’t fight my body’s reaction to him.

“You don’t just fall out of love like that, Harper. So no, I shouldn’t say it in the past tense. But I’m not letting this happen anymore. I deserve better than this and you know it. I’m not going to be your whipping boy anymore and I honestly don’t think you even understand what you did today.”

I did.
Sort of.

“I do understand Mase, honestly I do. I just, reacted. Yes, if I’d have taken the time to think about things then I’d realised that I was being ridiculous, but I didn’t. And in my defence, I was trying to think of a way to save you from going to prison! So even if my thoughts were wrong in a way that I can’t apologise enough for, my actions were right. I was doing the right thing for you. Can’t you see that?”

“You thought I was a murderer.”

Was his stubborn response.

I know, okay, who am I to complain about anyone being stubborn? I’m the queen of stubborn. But I was trying to change, and he wouldn’t give me the chance to do that.

I didn’t have anything else to say, he clearly needed time to process whatever it was he was working through, so I left him to it.

Harper

Mason pulled off the motorway and started driving through the back roads towards London. I didn’t want the drive to be over yet. Once we got home, he could drop me off at my apartment, drive away and even if my best friend was with his brother, that didn’t mean I’d ever see
him
. I needed to keep him with me.

Watching the hills roll by, I thought back to a time when I’d have given anything to go and play outside in the rain. I remember sitting at the window when I was about seven, watching the other kids run past in their
wellies, jumping in the puddles, laughing, holding hands. They looked like they were having so much fun.

I was never allowed. It’s not safe to play in the rain. You can get sick and make every else sick.

Bullshit. It’s perfectly safe to play in the rain and I wanted to do it.

“Pull over!”

“What is wrong with you? I’m taking you home.”

I don’t think so!

“No! Pull over! I want to get out!”

He edged the car over to the side of the road, but I didn’t move to get out. I watched the rain
pour down the car windows and just started talking.

“Did you ever want to play in the rain?” I didn’t actually want a response, so I kept talking. “I did. God, I wanted to play outside in the rain more than anything. Just because it’s not expected! I mean, really, who wants to be outside getting cold and wet when they could just
play inside instead?! It’s ridiculous! But I loved the idea. It’s not just that though, Mason, I wanted to be free! I wanted to escape, because it felt like I was in a prison. Can’t you see that? That’s why I am how I am. I’m free now! I don’t have to do anything anyone else wants, because nobody can make me. If I want to get out of this car right now, run up that hill...” I pointed out the windshield to the view in front of us. “And scream at the top of my lungs, I can do that! If I want to lie down, on the soaking wet ground, and roll from the top of the hill to the bottom, I can do that too! If I want to fuck every guy from here to Timbuktu, I can do that as well. Does it matter that I’m supposed to be an adult? And I should be making different decisions. No. It really doesn’t, because it’s my
choice
. And regardless of what you think about that, and how extreme some of my choices might have been, it’s...just...
me
.”

With that, I jumped out of the car and sprinted to the top of the hill as fast as my legs would carry me. It wasn’t a big hill, but I felt like I was on top of the world. Surrounded by miles of green fields, a few farmhouses could be seen in the distance but I really was in the middle of nowhere.
It was the most alone I’d ever felt, but that was just it. I felt alone, not
lonely
. I knew Mase was right there with me.

The rain pelted down on my face, but it was fun, free and I tipped my face to the sky, soaking in every last drop.

“Harper-Marie! What the fuck are you doing? You’ll get ill from standing out here, it’s freezing!” I heard from behind me.

“Come on Mase! Don’t be such a bore. It’s fun!
”

“This is
not
fun! This is fuckin’ ridiculous. We’re gettin’ drenched!” He exclaimed. Still, he didn’t sound half as annoyed as he was trying to and I knew he was getting it. He was finally understanding what I meant. Good.

I lowered my eyes and stared down at him, the rain had soaked through his white t-shirt, the material clinging to his chest like a second skin. He was just too damn gorgeous. I watched a single rain drop roll down the side of his face, following
it’s path with my eyes as it ran along his jaw, down his neck and came to rest in the dip above his collar bone.

Decision made.

“Wait for it!” I shouted down to him.

“Wait for what
?” He asked.

“Wait for it!
” I repeated. His face seemed utterly bemused, but I wasn’t going to stop.

I ran.
Full speed, straight down the hill in his direction.

His body tensed as I neared and he managed, “What
the...?” Before my body collided with his. The plan was for him to catch me and sweep me up into his arms and kiss the life out of me, like they do in the films. Apparently...this doesn’t exactly work!

Seeing as we both went down. Him landing with an ‘
umph’ on the grass, and me lying on top of him, legs either side of his hips. I could feel my knees burning from the impact, but I ignored it. I had only one destination in mind and nothing was going to stop me. I slammed my mouth down on his and he froze.

Shit!

I didn’t move, I wanted him to kiss me back, I moved my lips along his, gentler than before, giving him chance to adjust. The rain was still hammering down around us and the water hitting the back of my head dripped from my hair, along my face and into my mouth. I could taste the rain, that wasn’t right, I wanted to taste
him.
But he still hadn’t moved!

My tongue swept out and begged entry into his mouth, this seemed to snap him out of his haze and he opened him mouth and groaned when my tongue found his. It wasn’t slow or sweet. This was animalistic, primal, urgent,
sexy. We were fighting each other for control, not that I really cared who took over.

He pushed his body into mine further, rolling at the same time and forcing me to my back, never taking his mouth from mine. I locked my legs around his waist and clung to him, finally...
finally
I had what I wanted. I ached for him, needed him inside me, with everything I had, I was fucking praying for it.