Resonance (Marauders #4) (4 page)

Leah, on the other hand, had been a super mom. She’d stayed at home, took care of her family, and seemed to like it. He’d always felt welcome at the Jensen house, so when it had been decided that he should go live with them, it had been a relief to get away from his own mom. When he’d arrived at their house, Zach and Leah had been waiting for him outside on the stairs, and Leah’d given him a long hug, telling him how happy she was to see him. He was fifteen at the time, and already taller than she, but the tiny woman had still managed to surround him when she held him.

She played cards with Felix and him for a while before starting dinner. He shouldn’t have been surprised when she put a plate in front of him, but he actually was. He’d forgotten her obsession with making sure everyone was full the entire time.

“Do you want me or Tommy to read to you when you’re feeding?” she asked once they’d finished dinner.

Felix looked at him. “Would you?”

“Sure,” he said and wondered what the fuck ‘feeding’ was.

He followed them upstairs, and his heart sank a little when he saw the kid’s room. It looked like a hospital room, there was even an IV pole in the corner next to the bed, but at the same time he could see that they’d done what they could to make it look more homey. Leah unlocked a cabinet, and hung something on the IV before going over to Felix with a big syringe in her hand. When she pulled up the t-shirt, Tommy took a deep breath, and he hoped Felix didn’t notice it. There was a tube sticking out of the kid’s stomach. Leah did something with the tube, but Felix didn’t even seem to notice, just kept on playing with his cars, which reminded Tommy of something.

“Hey, kid, I got you some presents. Would you like to see them?”

“Yes!” he yelled and clapped his hands, still completely ignoring his grandma fiddling with his tube and the huge syringe right next to him. The kid’d done this a lot, and that was as disturbing as the white plastic tube disappearing under the soft skin of his swollen stomach. “I like presents.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Tommy went downstairs to his backpack, and once there he sat down on a stool for a few seconds and took a few deep breaths. The seconds soon turned to minutes.

“How are you doing?” Leah said, and she startled him. He hadn’t heard her coming. “I guess this is a lot to take in for you.”

“Yeah.” He grabbed the two gifts and stood up. “How are you dealing with all this?”

“I enjoy being with him, he’s a great kid, and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. But most of the time I just enjoy him. He’s such a wonderful little boy, and I figure as long as he’s fighting, then I have to fight, too. And when he’s too tired to fight, I have to fight even harder.”

“Yeah. You’ve always been a fighter,” Tommy smiled.

“It’s really good to see you. I’m so very glad you’re here, Tommy. I’ve missed you.”

He gave her a hug, or more like she was giving him one. She still had the ability to surround him and make him feel safe. Felix was a lucky kid to have someone like her fighting for him.

“I’ve missed you, too, Leah.”

She let him go upstairs alone, and Felix was sitting in a big armchair with a big book in his lap. Tommy noticed the IV pole behind him, and Felix pointed at it.

“That’s my other food. It goes directly into my stomach. I don’t have to chew or swallow or anything.”

“Handy,” he said and sat down next to him, but Felix had other plans and climbed into his lap. “What are we reading?”

“This one. It was my mom’s favorite, too.”

“Okay. Have some patience with me, kiddo. Don’t think I’ve ever read out loud before.”

“You haven’t?”

“No.”

“It’s super easy. I’ll help you with the different voices.”

Different voices? He concluded he was in way over his head, but he’d still give it a try.

*

He woke up when Billie carefully shook his shoulder.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I fell asleep.”

Felix had asked him to stay and read a nighttime story, too, and he had. He didn’t think he was doing a very good job with the reading, but the kid seemed pleased about it. After that, he’d apparently fallen asleep.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Almost nine o’clock.”

He got out of the bed and followed Billie outside the room.

“What do I need to do? With the tests and shit, I mean.”

“I’ll set up all the appointments for you. I’ll make sure it all runs smoothly.”

“I want you to call me, you know, if something happens to him.”

“Sure. If you want, you can come and talk to the doctors at his next appointment. Might be easier for you to ask them questions.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“And you should probably talk to your boss. There’s gonna be a lot of appointments and stuff for you, too.”

“Yeah.” He started walking down the stairs, and she followed him. “I wanna be able to come by here.”

“Of course. Just call ahead to make sure someone’s home. He’s got bad days, when he’s really tired, but you could just read or watch a movie with him those days. I work three or four nights a week... if you want to come by when I’m not here.”

He didn’t have time to answer before Clyde appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen.

“Tommy! Come here!” Clyde took him in his arms. “Good to see you, son!”

“Yeah. It’s good to see you, too, sir.”

“I hope we’ll get to see more of you.”

“Absolutely, sir, but I need to be on my way now.”

Billie came up behind her dad and handed him a piece of paper. “This is Mom’s number, and the number to the house.”

She was letting him know he didn’t have to talk to her to see Felix. He nodded when he took it.

“Thanks.”

*

He didn’t go home or to the clubhouse. Instead he drove up to Brick’s house. All the lights were on in the kitchen, and when he got off his bike, he heard Brick’s voice from the deck surrounding the house.

“Hey, Tommy. We’re out here.”

“Okay.”

“Go by the kitchen and grab a six pack on your way.”

Melanie was in the kitchen and smiled at him.

“There’s some leftovers from dinner if you want.”

He realized that one of the reasons he’d always liked Mel so much was that she reminded him of Leah. No one ever left the Baxter household with an empty stomach.

“Sure. Thanks.”

She heated them for him, and he remembered to grab a six pack before walking out on the deck. Brick wasn’t alone out there. Bear, Dawg, and Sisco were with him. It didn’t matter much, since they’d all find out anyway.

“Need to talk to you,” he said as he handed Brick the beer.

“In private?”

“No. It’s okay. Guess you all need to know.” He sat down and started eating. Mel was possibly a slightly better cook than Leah, though. “That chick you kicked out of the clubhouse the other day.”

“Your friend’s little sister?” Sisco asked.

“Yeah. Her. I met up with her yesterday, and her kid is sick. He needs a kidney.”

“Okay?” Brick questioned.

“Turns out it’s my kid, too. And they can’t donate, so I’m gonna check if I’m a match.”

The four of them stared at him in silence for a few seconds, then Bear started to chuckle. “You knocked up your best friend’s little sister?”

“Yeah, the day of his funeral. I’m a class act.”

“Actually,” Dawg said. “Shit like that tends to happen. That’s how Edie and I ended up fucking the first two times. Second time it was my dad’s funeral.”

Tommy stared at Dawg. “You’re kidding me.”

“Nah. Think it’s that you need to feel alive, or something. That’s her theory, and she’s a lot smarter than me.”

“He’s right,” Brick said. “She’s a lot smarter than him, and she’s right about the other thing, too. Think that’s it. So, how did you two go from fucking each other to you yelling you have nothing to say to each other anymore?”

“We... A lot of harsh shit was said.”

“Okay,” Brick nodded. “I get it, that’s your business.”

“Hang on,” Sisco said. “Isn’t this, like, over six years ago? She didn’t tell you about the kid until now? And the only reason she told you now is that the kid needs a kidney?”

He nodded.

“Wow,” Bear muttered. “That’s a cunt move.”

“I know.” He’d finished the food, so he put down the plate and picked up a beer.

“I hope you also know it doesn’t change the main facts here,” Brick said.

“I know that, too. He’s still my kid. I met him today.”

“How was it?” Dawg asked.

“Great. He’s really sick. He’s got some shit that means his kidneys are growing cysts, or something. There were a lot of problems.”

“Tends to be when the kidneys fail,” Bear nodded. “Good kid?”

“Small for his age, but still in a good mood. Funny, too. And smart.”

“Does he know who you are?” Bear wondered.

“She’s told him the truth about me. That’s what the entire family is like. They don’t dodge bullets or cut corners.” He cleared his throat and turned his attention to Brick. “I’ll do the tests and see if I’m fit to donate. If I am, I’m going to need time off and… probably a lot of time off.”

“No problem. Let us know if you need any other help.”

He’d been thinking about it a lot during the day, and on his way from Phoenix back to Greenville. If he couldn’t donate to Felix, it honestly didn’t look like he’d live for that long. The kid was really sick, and Tommy had already missed almost six years. Maybe it would’ve been easier to not get attached, but he didn’t want that. Being in the Marauders meant caring about your family. They were all about that, and telling them about Felix had been a way to strengthen the resolve about being a part of Felix’s life. No one might’ve said anything if he’d told them he didn’t want anything to do with him, but they would’ve thought less of him. Fuck, he would’ve thought less of himself for it. He wanted it cemented that he had a kid. Felix was his kid. His son.

“I will.”

“Should bring him to a family dinner,” Brick said. “If he’s okay enough for it.”

“I will. Thought I’d get to know him first.”

“And the mom? What’s her name?” Bear asked.

“Billie. Don’t think I’ll be bringing her.”

“Shame. She was hot,” Sisco mumbled.

“Fuck’s sake,” Brick growled. “You’re not gonna hit on another member’s woman, former or present, unless he says it’s okay.”

“Wasn’t gonna hit. Just look.”

“She was never my woman,” Tommy shrugged. “Not sure I want you as my kid’s stepdad, though.”

Sisco just laughed, but Brick looked pissed.

“It’s okay,” Tommy assured him. “I’m pretty pissed at her, so I don’t really give a shit about her right now. We’re keeping it civil, but that’s about it.”

He stayed there for a few hours, but they didn’t talk about him or Felix anymore. Only time was when he remembered he had a picture of him and showed it to the others. When he left, Brick repeated that all he had to do was ask. He liked that. Somehow, it felt like he belonged a little more when he had a family. They’d proved he was one of them by extending their protection outside just him.

CHAPTER THREE

A Good Thing

~oOo~

I WORKED AT A veterans center for women. It was privately funded, and to a rather large extent it was funded by my mom’s family. That wasn’t the only reason they’d given me a job there, but I was sure it had helped.

It had been Mom who’d suggested that I’d work at the center, and I’d been very reluctant. At the time, I thought I had enough on my plate with Felix, and I’d wondered why on earth my time away from home should be spent dealing with even more misery. She’d insisted and thought it would make me feel better if I helped someone, and she’d thought I’d be able to deal with it without breaking apart. For once, my ice queen qualities could be of some use, as long as I didn’t seem unsympathetic. Then I’d grown to like the idea.

It was a support center for women who’d been sexually abused while in service. All in all, about twenty percent of women had been sexually assaulted while serving their country. I could hardly believe it the first time I heard that number. That’s one in five, and those were just the ones who’d reported it.

When I understood what the center was about, my initial thought had been that Mom was wrong, that I wouldn’t be able to deal with it, but I did. It was misery that allowed me to get angry instead of sad, and I was angry a lot while I was at work. I mostly dealt with the practical things and the fundraising, but I still got to hear a lot of the stories. In a strange way, I liked it, because it was women supporting each other, and I found that encouraging.

I’d started working around the same time as the center was opened, and not long after, the men started calling to ask where they could get support. I’d been shocked, which I guessed was something like reverse sexism from my side. Soon, we had a few support groups for men, but most didn’t dare to actually come to the meetings. They didn’t want to be labeled as ‘buddy-fuckers.’ We had a phone support as well, and that, along with the group meetings for men, was held at a different location, since the women who came often didn’t feel comfortable around men.

We had a support meeting that day, and I prepared the room with coffee, tea, and cookies—and Kleenex. We went through Kleenex at an insane speed, and we bought bulks of cartons each month. There was always a therapist and a psychologist at the meetings, but sometimes I was in the room as well, just to make sure everyone had what they needed.

As always, I felt drained once the meeting was over. My boss, Helen, stopped me on my way out for a few words on what was coming up next week.

“How’s Felix doing?” she asked when we were done. She often did, and not in a nosy way; she just took a genuine interest. I liked her a lot.

“Okay, at the moment.”

“Have you heard anything about a kidney?”

“Actually,” I started and cleared my throat, “I found his dad. Turns out he was pretty close by.”

“That’s really great,” she smiled.

“Yeah. He’s at our house now, to get to know Felix. He’s been over a few times, but I think it works better for him if I’m not there. I’m not really his favorite person right now.”

“It’s easy to judge when you don’t have the details.”

“I know. I just don’t want to give him the details, and I’m not convinced it matters. I should’ve told him a long time ago.”

“Probably, but as someone who has the details, how would you have dealt with it all back then?”

“I didn’t deal with things back then.”

“Exactly,” she smiled and gave me a hug. “Don’t judge yourself too hard. Others will do that for you, and if they don’t have the particulars, they don’t really have the right.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you next week.”

I said goodbye to the others and took the car home. It had been just over a week since Tommy had met Felix for the first time, and he’d been by twice since then, but never when I was at home. Mom kept pointing it out, though, when he’d been there and how great it had been. Felix talked about it, too, but the way he talked about Tommy was much less annoying.

His third visit had taken place earlier that evening, so I assumed that my evening would be spent with me listening to Mom as she told me about everything that had happened in great detail. I decided that I’d just hide out in Felix’s room if she went on for more than an hour. That would be my Tommy Miles limit for the evening.

I was in luck, though. When I walked into the kitchen, it was Dad who was waiting for me.

“How was work?” he asked me when he noticed me, but his eyes didn’t leave the paper he was reading.

“The usual,” I answered and poured myself a cup of tea before sitting down opposite him. “How was your day?”

“The usual,” he smiled and neatly folded the paper before placing it in front of him.

Dad had been very opposed me taking the job at the center. He didn’t think it would do me any good. He had no problem with me working, but he didn’t see any use for me ‘wallowing in guilt and pain’ while doing it. When I’d insisted, prepared for a fight, he’d backed off. He did that a lot more often these days—backed off.

Everyone in the family had changed when Zach died, but Dad had changed the most. I didn’t think the differences were obvious to anyone outside the family, and it wasn’t anything profound, like he’d suddenly developed a sense of humor or started believing in God. It was small things, like how he chose his battles more carefully, and how he to a much greater extent just accepted people as they were and their wishes. Not that he’d been some kind of dictator before that, but he’d had a way to firmly steer you into whatever pursuit he thought would fit.

I had revolted against that in my late teens, which was how I’d ended up in the Navy. He’d had no problems with me pursuing a military career, but he hadn’t thought the Navy was the right choice for me. When I took my discharge, I had dreaded the talk we’d had, but he’d surprised me. He wouldn’t let me say that he’d been right. My problems hadn’t had anything to do with me being in the wrong place, according to him, and even if I didn’t fully believe him, it was still nice to hear it from him.

He’d told me, with no uncertainty, that he was proud of me, and that my service record and what I had accomplished was a testimony to how well I’d done. I didn’t agree with that statement, though. On a number of occasions when I’d had the opportunity to stand up for myself or my friends, I hadn’t, simply to not be seen as a problem. I’d actually been surprised by how much of my time had been spent following orders and not questioning morons, to avoid being labeled as ‘a problem.’ It was a lot easier to be regarded as a problem if you didn’t have a penis. Complaints were also definitely seen as nagging rather than an actual legitimate complaint when they came from a woman.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

“She fell asleep with Felix, so you’re off the hook.”

“Wanna give me the short version of what Tommy’s visit was like? Just so I don’t have to get it from her tomorrow.”

“It was good. They watched a movie, played some cards, and Tommy took him outside to show him his bike.”

“Outside?”

“The yard, Sparks, they didn’t take a ride. They sat outside for a while by the bike, just the two of them. I thought it was a good thing.”

I hesitated, but finally nodded in agreement. It was a good thing if they found something just for the two of them. I just hoped Tommy was serious about Felix, and that it wasn’t just a temporary thing. I didn’t think that was the case, but I was still worried.

“It was a good thing,” I finally answered with a nod. “Is he… Do you think…” I wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence.

“He’s not going anywhere. And if he does, I have a gun and a couple of platoons at my disposal. I might’ve retired, but my men liked me.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I laughed. “It’s not really fair, though. He hasn’t stayed away by choice.”

“I know that, but now he knows. So far he’s been a man about it, and I hope it stays that way.”

“I think it will.” I was slightly surprised by how it was all of a sudden me who was defending Tommy, and when I saw Dad’s smile I knew he’d tricked me into it. “Damn,” I chuckled.

“He’s a good guy, we both know it, and we’ve both known him since he was a toddler.”

“You have.”

“You did the right thing.”

“I know I did. Can’t let my kid die just because I’m too chicken shit to tell his dad the kid exists.”

“How much does Tommy know?”

“Not much,” I answered, because I didn’t have to ask him what he meant by that. “Nothing about that.”

“So why would he think you stayed away?”

“We had a bad fight, I said some shit, so that would be the reason, in combination with me being a complete bitch, I would assume.”

Dad studied me. “You don’t have a problem with that?”

“Honestly, as long as he sticks around and gives Felix a kidney, I really don’t care what he thinks about me. Words won’t change anything anyway. You know that as well as I do.”

Dad nodded. He wasn’t a man who put much trust in the power of words. Deeds were what mattered, and even if I to some degree had grown out of believing in everything Dad said, I agreed with that. I knew Tommy did, too, so no matter what I told him, he wouldn’t give a shit.

~oOo~

TOMMY EXHALED IN RELIEF and then pointed at the door.

“We’re done.”

The girl left without a word, and he took another deep breath. Since Billie’d shown up, he’d had a tight ball of anger in his stomach, and getting off was the best way to loosen it up for a little while. The more time he spent with Felix, the tighter the ball of anger got, though. He was such a great fucking kid, and Tommy had missed so much.

He hadn’t seen Billie since he’d been at Clyde and Leah’s place for the first time and she left for work. He hadn’t even talked to her. Not that he’d had anything to say, and if he did, he just said it to Leah. He assumed she relayed any messages to Billie.

He’d missed the Jensens, and it was great being back with them even if it didn’t include Zach and Billie. It was sad in another way; talking to Clyde had always been like talking to an older version of Zach, and now it was a reminder that he would never see that—the older version of Zach. The past couple of weeks he’d missed Zach like hell.

With a sigh, he got out of the bed and reached for his jeans on the floor just as his door flew open.

“We’re at the table,” Bull said. “And we’re hitting The Booty Bank later.”

The Booty Bank was the strip club the Marauders owned, and it was just around the corner from the clubhouse. Most of the strippers were also sweetbutts, so it was a great place to pick up a girl for the night, or to just sit and watch them dance while waiting for them to have a few minutes to spare for a free lap dance.

“I’m in,” Tommy nodded and pulled his t-shirt over his head and took the cut from the back of the chair.

“Heard anything from the doctors?” Bull asked as they walked through the hallway towards the Chapel.

“I have the first appointment next week. They’re taking some blood to see if I’m a match.”

Bull nodded. “I hope you are. We’ll all cover for you, you know that, got nothing to worry about.”

“Thanks.”

Bull wasn’t much for words, something Tommy shared with him, so he knew that even if it might sound a bit cold, coming from Bull, what he’d just said was pretty much Bull’s emotional equivalent of taking it up the ass.

They were the first ones at the table, and Tommy lit a smoke while they were waiting for the others.

One of the things he’d liked about the Marauders from the get-go was that they had a clear chain of command. He was used to it, since that was how he’d lived a big part of his life.

They had the president, Brick, and the VP, Bear. When those two gave him an order, he fucking did as he was told, and he wouldn’t dream of questioning it. He knew his value in the club was based on the fact that he had muscles, and that he knew how to use almost any weapon known to man. He trusted those two guys knew that about him, and they definitely had the heads to know where he was best utilized. He gave his opinion on things when it was asked of him, but they had smarter guys in the club, more experienced guys, so along with the rest of the muscle—Bucket, Mace, Dawg, and Wrench—he mostly sat silent at the meetings.

Mech, the tech guy, was also in some ways just muscle. But his leverage was information. He was probably the member Tommy had talked to the least, mainly since he wasn’t a very talkative guy, but also because they had absolutely nothing in common. When Mech was at the clubhouse, he was mostly in front of the computers, and otherwise he was at home with his high school sweetheart, with whom he had two, almost adult, kids.

Sisco was the treasurer and took care of the finances, which Tommy assumed meant he had a slightly elevated position in comparison to the soldiers, but he never gave any orders as such. Besides his work as muscle, he mostly just kept them informed about the finances, something Tommy didn’t really give a shit about. He assumed he got the money he should get, it was at least more than enough money to keep him afloat, so that was good. He liked Sisco, though. Just like Bull and Wrench, Sisco was single and was often at The Booty Bank with the others.