Resonance (Marauders #4) (9 page)

*

I didn’t mention where I’d been or what I’d done when I came home. It wasn’t that I was hiding it from my parents, but I thought I should talk to Tommy first.

Felix was waiting for me in his room, already dressed for bed and hooked up to his IV.

“What are we reading today?” I asked. “Think you’re ready for something new?”

“What?” he asked.

“This,” I said and took
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
from the shelf. “This was your dad and uncle’s favorite book when they were kids. Grandma used to read it to us. It’s a bit scary, but I think you can take it.”

“It’s long,” he said with big eyes.

“Yes, so we won’t read the whole book today. It’ll be like watching a TV series, but a book, with one episode a day. Think you’ll be okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

I lay down next to him and opened the book. “Ready?” I asked, and Felix nodded. “Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies, with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer’s wife.”

*

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a slight anxiety, and at first I wasn’t sure why. Then I knew. Felix was moaning in his sleep, and that had never been a good sign.

“Hey, little guy,” I said as I walked towards his bed. “What’s wrong?”

“It hurts,” he mumbled. “No hospital.”

“Honey, you know I can’t promise you that, and you know why we have to go to the hospital sometimes.” I leaned over and gave him a kiss. “I’m calling Dr. Gardner, and I’ll get you something for the pain.”

He nodded, and when I saw tears in his eyes, my heart broke. I didn’t know if the tears were for the pain or because he knew he’d spend some time at the hospital again, but I assumed it was a combination.

“Call Daddy.”

“Of course I will.”

I called Dr. Gardner first, and he promised to come immediately. After waking up Mom and Dad, I called Tommy, but he didn’t pick up. A few attempts later, I remembered that he’d been back just the evening before, and I guessed he was sleeping off a week of drinking and… other things, so I sent him a text.

CHAPTER EIGHT

How I Cope

~oOo~

WHEN TOMMY WOKE UP he still felt like he’d gone through a stamp mill—his entire body was hurting. The last week he’d spent almost four full days on the bike plus three days with fucking and drinking, and he could feel it. Once they got back, he’d stumbled into his room and fallen asleep fully clothed, with a vague hope he’d feel better when he woke up. He didn’t.

A look at the alarm clock didn’t help him with what the time was because he couldn’t see the fucking hands, so he tried to find his phone while rubbing his eyes. It took him a while to realize that the uncomfortable thing against his hip was the phone.

When he finally managed to focus his sight, he noticed that it was just eight in the morning, and that he had six missed calls and one text from Billie.

‘I’m not sure when you’re coming home, but we’re at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Please call me.”

He was almost shaking when he pressed ‘dial.’

“Tommy?” she answered the phone, so she’d been waiting for him to call, and he liked it. Liked that she wanted him to know.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s either a cyst hemorrhaging, infected cysts, or kidney stones. They’re trying to find out.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Call Mom when you get here. She’ll meet you at the reception desk.”

He hung up and concluded that he needed a shower. He reeked, and he didn’t want to stumble into a children’s hospital still smelling of multiple days of drinking, fucking, and riding. So, he took a one-minute shower, found some almost clean clothes, and then he was out the door from his room.

Bull was already up and drinking coffee by the bar.

“Something’s up with Felix,” Tommy explained. “I’m heading to the hospital.”

“Brother, you need a fucking coffee before you hit the traffic.” Bull poured him a cup and slid it over the bar. “Take two minutes to pour that down your throat.”

Tommy hesitated, but he knew Bull wouldn’t have any problem with simply wrestling him to the ground and force-feeding him the coffee, so he took the cup and drank it as quickly as possible.

“What hospital?” Bull asked.

“Phoenix Children’s Hospital.”

“Let us know how he’s doing and if we can visit.”

“Okay.” He put the empty cup on the bar. “I’ll call you.”

Before Bull even had time to answer, he was on his way out the door. He couldn’t remember much from the ride, but managed to remember to call Leah when he arrived. No one would let him leave the waiting area or would tell him anything before Leah came, and she handed him a badge.

“You need to have this on you at all times,” she said. “All visitors are required to.”

“How is he?”

“Not great. We just found out it’s an infection in the cysts. It’s tough to treat. He’ll be here for a few days, at least.”

“Shit.”

“I’ll take you to him, and then I’ll get you a cup of coffee. It looks like you need one.”

“Rough week,” he admitted as they started walking.

He didn’t bother telling her that he’d already had a cup of coffee, and he was sure he needed another one anyway. Leah opened the door to a room, and he saw Billie next to the bed Felix was sleeping in. He might’ve had a rough week, but she looked a lot worse than he felt.

“Hey,” he said, and she looked up at him with impossibly tired eyes. “Think you need some coffee.”

“I’ve had three cups in the last hour.”

Her normally hoarse voice was raspy. Zach had also had a hoarse voice, and they’d inherited it from Leah. Clyde had more of a deep baritone basically made for barking out orders.

He pulled up a chair next to hers and sat down.

“Get some sleep,” he tried. “I’ll be here, and I’ll wake you up.”

“There’s no use,” Clyde said from the other side of the bed. “We’ve tried.”

“You should listen to Tommy,” Leah still tried while she handed him a cup of coffee in a paper cup. The look Billie gave her was positively murderous. “Or you could just sit there until you fall over—not like it would be the first time.”

Billie’d just opened her mouth, but snapped it shut when Felix stirred in his bed. His little face crumbled, and he started crying.

“Mommy.”

“I’m here, little guy. We’re all here.”

Tommy leaned over next to her, and he’d never in his entire fucking life felt so helpless. He had no idea what to do.

“Hurts.”

“I’ll find someone who can give you something. Okay? I’ll be
right
back, I promise.” She looked at Tommy. “Daddy’ll stay here with you.”

“Daddy?” Felix said, and at the same time Billie stood up.

“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, Champ.”

It was Brick who’d started calling Felix ‘Champ,’ and Felix liked it so much Tommy had started, too. He took his little hand and remembered something Dwayne had done with him when he was a kid. When he was six, he’d had his appendix removed and had been in hospital for a few days. Dwayne had been with him the entire time, since their father had been deployed somewhere, and their mother… wasn’t.

“Squeeze my hand really hard to show me how much it hurts,” he said.

“Go with her to make sure she doesn’t punch a nurse again,” Leah said to Clyde with a nod towards the door Billie’d just left through.

“Did your mom hit a nurse?” he asked Felix.

The little guy tried to smile, but it was twisted in pain.

“Yes,” Felix groaned. “Mommy can box.”

“I know,” Tommy said with a smile. “It was me and Zach who taught her. Some guys at school were mean to your mom, so we taught her how to hit back. She liked it and started boxing at a club.”

It wasn’t so much the hitting people that Billie’d liked. She’d just liked how tough the training was, and the balance between cardio and strength.

When Felix’s face crumbled again, Tommy stopped talking, but Felix shook his head.

“Tell me more about Mom, you, and Uncle Zach.”

Tommy realized that Felix was possibly the one person he’d talked to most about Zach about since he’d died, but he liked it. It felt like he was preserving Zach for the next generation.

“Has she told you about the time when we threw her into a lake?” he asked. Felix closed his eyes and was squeezing Tommy’s hand really hard, but he managed to shake his head. “She always followed me and Zach around, and we were going to meet some girls, so we didn’t want her to come with us. But you know how stubborn she is, and to force her to go home, we threw her into a lake. We thought the wet clothes would make her turn back and leave us alone.”

“Did it?” Felix whispered.

“No.” It was Billie answering, and she had a nurse with her. The nurse gave him a nod before she walked around the bed to the IV pole next to Felix’s bed. Billie sat down on the chair next to Tommy’s and put a hand on Felix’s knee. “I followed them anyway. Uncle Zach was so pissed.”

“I was pretty pissed, too,” Tommy said with a laugh.

Billie’d been thirteen at the time, and when she’d climbed out of the lake with her soaking wet t-shirt clinging to her chest, it was the first time Tommy’d noticed that she was starting to grow breasts. That had been quite a shock to him, it was almost like it was the first time he’d realized she was a girl, but it didn’t stop him from being furious at her for ruining their secret dates. As it turned out, it hadn’t mattered much, since it was his date that night who’d popped his cherry—even if he was a bit uncertain about
when
she’d done it.

He looked at Billie and gave her a smile, but she didn’t take her eyes off Felix for long enough to notice. She looked more dead than alive, and he was starting to wonder if she or Felix would pass out first. He was going to make damn sure she got some sleep.

Not long after the nurse had pushed the drug into his IV, Felix visibly relaxed, and his grip on Tommy’s hand loosened.

“Get some sleep, Champ,” he mumbled and gave Felix’s cheek a kiss.

“You’re staying?”

“I’m staying. I promise.”

“Mommy’s reading
Wizard of Oz
to me. She said it was your favorite,” Felix mumbled, almost already sleeping. “Is it true?”

“Does your mommy ever lie?”

“No,” Felix smiled. “She brought it with her.”

“Good. I’ll help her read it.”

He was strangely touched by Billie reading it to Felix, and it was true. He’d loved the book when he was a kid, and Leah had read it to Zach and him several times. When Billie was older, she’d listened too, but her favorite had been
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
was possibly the only book he’d ever read cover to cover, and ‘To the Emerald City’ had been something both he and Zach had said often, along with comments about winged monkeys and silver shoes—because they were silver, not ruby, in the book.

~oOo~

WHEN FELIX RELAXED, SO did I. I was even more relieved when he fell back asleep; he needed sleep. Unfortunately, that meant my adrenaline stopped pumping, and I felt exactly how tired I was myself. I hadn’t had many hours of sleep before Felix had woken me up. I looked at Mom and Dad, and they looked more dead than alive, too.

“You can go home,” I said to them. “Tommy’ll stay here with me. We got this.”

Mom nodded and stood up. After giving Felix’s cheek a careful kiss, she looked at me.

“We’ll bring some clothes for you.” She seemed to give Tommy a quick evaluation and shook her head. “We’ll get you some clothes, too.”

Once they were out the door, I leaned back and turned Tommy. His clothes seemed fine to me, but he had bloodshot eyes and hadn’t shaved in a while.

“Still hung over?”

“No, just really fucking tired and worn out. I’m sorry I missed your calls.”

“It’s okay. I knew you’d been on the road all day, and I suspected you might be pretty tired.” I smiled. Or, I tried to smile, but even my facial muscles were giving up on me.

“Yup. If you’re not going to use that sleeper chair, I’m taking it.”

All rooms had a sleeper chair, which was nice. I just rarely got around to using them.

“Take it,” I said. I leaned my chin in my hand and my elbow on the armrest, and closed my eyes. “I’m used to this.”

I fell asleep immediately, but was woken up by Tommy not long after.

“Don’t be fucking silly. You need sleep, and we can both use the sleeping chair.”

“It’s not that wide,” I murmured.

“No, but sharing it is a lot more comfortable than sleeping on a wooden chair. Come on.”

I wanted to object, but when he lifted me up, I was too damn tired to fight him. He lay down with me almost on top of him, but since there was only one pillow it was probably the best we could do, and it was quite comfy.

“I’m going to be really bitchy while we’re here. That’s kind of how I cope with this.”

“S’okay. I like you being mama bear watching over our cub.”

I was always a bitch while we were at the hospital. Mom and Dad knew and tried to smooth things over with the staff. They’d told me to focus on the important stuff, and they’d fix the rest. I appreciated it, but it meant I’d lost my boundaries on how to react when Felix was at the hospital years ago. Frankly, it was kind of spilling over to life outside the hospital, too. In combination with how I tended to keep everything in, I was pretty sure every nurse and doctor thought I was a bitchy fucking ice queen. I knew it, but I didn’t know what to do about it, and I wasn’t sure I cared, either. Thing was, if I lost it, I didn’t know if I would be able to put myself back together again. I would probably step out the doors and just never stop running. Or roll up into the fetal position and never stop crying. I couldn’t do any of that, because I needed to be there for Felix, so I bottled it up and kept going.

Tommy’d done well so far when it came to handling Felix being ill, but this was something different. Felix like this for a few hours was tough. Seeing him like this for days was pure torture, and I wasn’t sure he understood how rough it would be—how it would tear his soul apart.

I was resting on his shoulder, his arm around me, and mine over his chest. It did feel a bit odd, but it really was the only way we would both fit without falling off the narrow bed. I turned my head and looked at him.

“Sometimes I don’t know what I’m most sorry about: dragging you into all this, or not telling you about him to begin with.”

“Should be more sorry about not telling me. This sucks, but I’m glad to be here.”

I didn’t want to scare him by telling him it might change pretty soon, so I just hugged him.

“I need to sleep.”

“Yes, you do.” Then he shocked me by giving my forehead a kiss. “Need to be rested to be a good mama bear.”

It was a little confusing to be that close to him, and even more confusing that he was so nice. It wasn’t that he’d always been rude, but it had been pretty cold between us. I’d tried to stay out of his way, but I couldn’t do that now, and I wouldn’t. I was just glad that he accepted and understood, and that he’d still come. It proved that his focus, too, was on Felix.