Rewired (The Progress Series) (25 page)

I giggled, remembering my job at The Crimson. To this day, I still have nightmares about serving. As I began typing the second paragraph, I heard my email ping and instantly felt a flutter in my stomach.

I closed the Word document window and opened my Outlook folder.

To: Bordeaux, Charlene

From: Anders, Jesse

July 19,
12:22am

You’re nervous, aren’t you?

I am too.

I shook my head and grinned, scratching my chin.

To: Anders, Jesse

From: Bordeaux, Charlene

July 19, 12:24am

You have no idea. But let’s lay down some ground rules.

One hug, nothing more. No fighting. No smart-ass remarks about my weight. And we meet in public. No drinking. No smoking weed. And no altercations between Jesse Anders and innocent patrons. Are we understood? ;)

Tell me when and where. I’ll try to find a babysitter.

I hit Send and within a minute, received his reply.

To: Bordeaux, Charlene

From: Anders, Jesse

July 19 12:30am

You have no idea how hard you just made me laugh. Thanks, I needed that.

Monday.
Noon. Cantina’s off Cliff Rd.

I smiled at his response, and after sending a quick message to my babysitter, I sent him one last email.

To: Anders, Jesse

From: Bordeaux, Charlene

July 19, 12:40am

If for some reason my babysitter can’t make it Monday, I’ll send you an email. Otherwise, I’ll see you then.

I bit my bottom lip and shut down my computer for the night. Crawling back into bed, I wrapped my arms around Sam with a wide smile.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but that’s okay. Are the kiddos okay?”

“Yes, they’re fine. Go back to sleep,” I said, nestling my face into his neck. I heard him smile.

“Are you sure you’d be okay with it all?” I asked after a moment.

“What, the book?”

“Yes. I just feel like it’s too risky. I mean, what if he hits on me? Or what if he’s mean or tries to hurt me? I don’t know if he takes medication, and he was always so unpredictable—”

“Hey, take it easy, babe,” he began softly and turned to face me. “Okay, let’s look at this rationally for a minute. One, what if he hits on you—well, what would you do? You’d stop it, right?”

“Of course.”

“So it’s not like he’s going to try to have sex with you in the middle of a public place, which is where I’d assume you’d be meeting. If he does anything inappropriate, just leave.”

“Yeah, I guess I hadn’t thought about that. I would just feel incredibly guilty for going in the first place.”

He shrugged and sat up, turning on the lamp. “I didn’t tell you, but the other day I ran into Tammy.”

I shot up. “What? Tammy, your ex-girlfriend, Tammy?”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

“Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to feel bad, or jealous, or angry with me. Nothing happened. I was on my way into Minneapolis to visit a client and I stopped for a coffee. She was there.” He shrugged. “I had a few minutes to kill before my meeting so we sat and caught up.”

“Oh.”

“Are you upset?”

“Actually, surprisingly no, I’m not.”

“See? Here’s the thing, babe: I dated Tammy for about six months. We had a few good times and I remember her fondly. But the reason there was no sexual tension between us when I saw her last week is because,” he paused, “…my life is complete with you. Here. In this house and with the kids. I’m not looking for anyone else to fill a void.”

I nodded.

“So I think you should be asking yourself the same question. Why are you
really
going to write this book? Do you trust yourself, after all this time, with him? Are you looking for something else? Because if the answers to those questions are innocent and have nothing to do with some kind of pull he has on you, then you’ll be writing the book for all the right reasons.” He laughed and continued. “On the other hand, if you’re just doing this to stir up some drama and want to get in the guy’s pants again, we’ve got a problem.”

I laughed. “No. That’s the furthest thing from my mind.” I scratched my head and exhaled. “I’m not going to lie to you. I just made arrangements to meet him on Monday, and there’s a part of me that’s really excited to see my old friend. But I’d have to be the most unintelligent person on the planet to jeopardize what we have here.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “I love you and the kids way too much. But to be honest, part of me is really scared to see him.”

“Why? Because you think you’ll want to sleep with him?”

“Ha! No. Not that. Part of me is scared because I’ve lost some of that thick skin that was created back then.”

Sam laughed. “Well then this should be perfect,” he said.

I looked at him, confused.

“You’re going to need a thick skin when you start submitting your work to publishing agents and review blogs. You think Jesse was bad? Those people can be brutal.”

*

The weekend sped by, and I devoted every moment to writing the most memorable times with Jesse. All I had was my old journal entries, and I tried to piece together what I could remember. But it was choppy and there were so many things I couldn’t recall.

Monday morning had come and gone, and I had been typing up until the babysitter rang the doorbell.

“I should be back around two o’clock, give or take. Is that okay?”

“Take your time.”

“Thanks, Kaitlyn. Oh! There’s whole milk in the fridge for Scarlett in case she wakes before I get home. And Ren will ask you for cookies as soon as he gets up, but give him a Nutri-Grain instead.”

“I know the drill.” Kaitlyn smiled.

“I have my cell on me…”

“I got it Mrs. B. Go, have a good time.”

I swallowed and hesitantly walked out the door.

I pulled into the parking lot of
Cantina’s at 11:57am, taking a deep breath. Exiting my car, I peered around the parking lot and saw a red bike chained to the railing outside the restaurant. My heart leapt for a moment and felt my face flush.
You can do this, Charlie.

Just as I entered, the hostess approached me. “How many?”

I cleared my throat. “I’m meeting someone.” I glanced around the restaurant, but didn’t see him. “Um, do you have a bar, perhaps?”

“Yes, it’s right around the corner.”

“Thanks.”

I quickly assessed myself, making sure there was no toilet paper stuck to my shoe or spit-up on my sweater, and walked in the direction of the bar. Just before reaching the corner, I took a deep breath and fixed my worried expression.

Three steps forward and there he was.

Jesse’s arms were resting on the black granite as he finished off his beer. With his posture slouched and his knee bouncing, he looked up and swallowed. Setting the empty mug down on the bar, he stood and closed his eyes briefly. I gave him a mischievous smile just as his eyes opened. He cocked his head to one side and reached his hand out, smiling in return.

“Hi,” I murmured as he pulled me close for a hug.

“Hi,” he said, inhaling my perfume. He held on for a fraction of a second longer than I anticipated, and I was the first to pull away.

“Have a seat.” He pulled out a barstool and gestured for me to sit.

I avoided his eyes for a few seconds, unsure of how to begin the conversation. I had been running it over in my mind all weekend, trying to predict the things he might say, all the things I hoped for him, and of course a dreaded outcome that nothing had changed in a decade. I held my breath for a moment before I spoke.

“You look great, Jess,” I said, smiling and pulling my hair behind my ear.

He nodded. “You too.”

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“So…” we said in unison, then laughed. “You first,” I said.

“I could really use a smoke.”

I giggled. “I knew it. I knew you would never quit.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I quit when I got pregnant the first time.”

His posture straightened as he perked up. “The first time.” He smiled. “How many?” he asked, looking relieved.

“Kids? Two. One boy and one girl.”

“So, you’re married then?”

I smiled at his warmth and concern for my happiness. “Yes.” I nodded. “Sam and I married five years ago.”

He exhaled. “Now I really need a smoke. Come on.” His head tipped in the direction of the door behind us. He rose and reached into his pocket for his Marlboro Mediums.

I followed him outside onto the empty patio and shivered once the cool air rushed through me. “It’s been a cold year, hasn’t it?” I asked.

He laughed, and I could feel my entire face light up.
I forgot how absolutely breathtaking he is.

“You want to cut the small talk, Charlie? It was never something we did well.”

My smile widened. “Then tell me about you. I’m dying to know what you’ve been doing for the past eight years.”

“But you already know, don’t you?” He grinned.

The corners of my mouth flickered downward for a moment.

“You call Lily every year on her birthday to check in. I’m pretty sure she’s filled you in on a few details.”

I laughed. “Busted. I should’ve known she’d tell you.” I shrugged. “I know a few things, but I want to hear them from you.”

“Fair enough.” He smiled. “Well, about two years after…I left,” his brow furrowed, “I went back to school and got my degree in elementary education.”

I nodded. “Continue.”

He took a drag from his cigarette. “Then after I graduated, it took a while for me to find a job, but eventually I got one in social work. My
questionable
criminal background kept me from getting a job teaching. And I’ve been there now for two years. I also volunteer once a week after school with some of the kids that are just learning their instruments.”

“Music?” My face lit up. “Lily didn’t tell me that.”

He smiled. Putting out his cigarette, he held the door open for me, ushering me back into the restaurant. After taking our seats again, I asked, “How is Mandy?”

He gulped a new beer and smiled. “She’s good. Real good. She just got married last year.”

“Oh, that’s so great. Did you go to the wedding?”

“I was in it.” He scratched the back of his head. “Our father passed away a few years ago, and she wanted someone to walk her down the aisle.”

“I bet even if he was still alive, she would’ve asked you anyway.”

He exhaled and avoided eye contact. “I don’t want this to get weird.” He paused to look at me. “But I’ve really missed you. I’m so glad you emailed me.”

“It won’t get weird. There’s a lot of history here. We already broke the ice, the rest will be a piece of cake.” I winked.

“I can’t stay long today. My…” He scratched his eyebrow with his thumb, reluctant to say the next words. “My girlfriend is a little uneasy with this whole thing.”

I laughed. “I’m sorry, but Sam has her beat.”

He agreed with a laugh.

“No, I get it. I don’t blame her. How long have the two of you been together?”

“A little over a year.”

“Any kids?” I asked.

He answered with slight reluctance. “Um, no. I don’t think I’ll ever be a dad. It’s a little too much for me to process, I think.”

I nodded and looked down.

“I know you want to ask it, so just do it,” he said.

“Okay. Are you still taking your meds? Smoking weed? Drinking? Are you still going to your doctor appointments…”
Yikes
. It all rushed out way too fast.

He started laughing. “God, I missed you.”

I exhaled.
Whew.

“Have you played chess recently?” he asked quickly.

Laughing, I replied, “No. I’ve played two games of chess my entire life, and I won the second one. I figured I’d quit while I was ahead.”

He laughed. “So you live around here, then?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Sam and I bought my parents’ house.”

He bit the inside of his cheek and chuckled. “Perfect.”

“So, are you going to tell me then? How you’ve been and if you’re okay?” I pleaded.

“Everything is great, Charlie. God, I have so much to tell you.” There was seriousness in his tone and yet he seemed anxious to be talking to me. “I’m happy to report that I no longer do anything you wouldn’t approve of, and am sticking to all the things you would. And I’m…really happy.” He sighed. “Are you happy?”