Rewriting the Rules (4 page)

Only I won’t.

I can’t.

I have to stay away.

I’ve known Charlotte her whole life. Her brother, Will, and I have been friends since we were babies, and when she came into the world, she became part of both of us. The years went on and my feelings evolved from annoyance to lust to love. Falling in love at eighteen was something I didn’t expect. We had a strong friendship and she invaded my fantasy every night. My hand and cock became best friends. Thinking about her, her naked body underneath me, brought on a hard and fast orgasm. She was everything I wanted, until the day she left and never looked back.

When her parents died, Will took on the caregiver role and gave up his opportunity to play soccer in Europe. He continued to play for U of M, but I knew he regretted the decision. Will and Charlotte were left with enough money to be comfortable for nearly the rest of their lives. With the money, Will took care of the everyday bills, bought Charlotte a reliable car, and held down a job working for my dad with a modified schedule. He worked from home most of the time and went into the office when he didn’t have class or a game. He was eighteen and Charlotte was sixteen, both lost and afraid. A knee injury my senior year of high school prevented me from playing soccer again. While Will worked or had soccer, I stayed with Charlotte and made sure she was okay. I drove her to practice and went to her soccer games. I became her best friend and was there whenever she needed me. My love for her grew and she never knew it. I respected my best friend and we lived by the bro code. She was untouchable and too good for me . . . for any of us. Charlotte was supposed to follow her dreams, play soccer in college, and major in business. She was going to make something of herself, and no one was going to hold her back. Not even me.

Two years of helping her. Two years of realizing how much she meant to me. Nothing ever happened between us. Lines were never crossed, and I never pushed her for more. There was harmless flirting, dinner and movie dates. She was happy. She was healing.

Towards the end of her senior year, she announced her decision to attend U of M with us. That was the day I told her how I felt and held her in my arms. She loved me the same way I loved her. We made a promise to tell Will on the day of her graduation from U of M so she could focus on school and soccer. No matter what, I was there for her and never left her side.

Until the day she met Shawn.

I didn’t chase her. Not only did I know she deserved better, she’s also my best friend’s little sister. He’d murder me on the spot without thinking if he knew the thoughts I was having about his sister. So I let it go. I let her go.

And that’s when the walls around my heart became so high no one would be able to reach me. Women were toys to me and meant for my pleasure. It came to a point I settled with Andrea and became too comfortable. The other women before broke it off when they realized I wouldn’t ask them to move in or put a ring on their finger. Then Andrea came along and understood what I wanted and what I would offer. Until she wanted more.

The fact she’s here, and I have no idea why, doesn’t sit well with me. A million questions are going through my head and I want to ask her. I know she won’t tell me until she’s ready, so maybe I shouldn’t help her. Years of silence and here she is in front of me as if nothing happened or nothing is wrong. I need distance from her to figure out my head. I don’t want to be in my own home while she’s here.

When I look at her I see the woman she’s grown up to be, but I still see the teenager I fell in love with. She deserves my help and I want to be there for her. I don’t want to get to know the woman she’s become. Maybe when Will finds out that she’s here, I’ll leave Rochester for a little while. Chicago seems to be a fitting place or even Miami. Wherever Charlotte is, I’ll have to be away from.

Then again, life doesn’t play fair and I’m the one holding the losing hand.

My eyes trail down her body. Her dress is slightly lifted, hitting her mid thighs and her creamy skin is screaming for my tongue.

“I need your help, Troy,” she whispers so softly I had to take a minute to adjust my focus. “I don’t know where else to go.”

“You have Will.” My tone is harsh and short. I pick up my wine glass, keeping my eyes on her, and take a drink. Red wine is bitter and classic like a woman. It needs to be consumed slowly and savored. A true wine drinker will appreciate the taste and aroma unlike someone who doesn’t understand a good, strong, glass of wine. It’s unlike beer or liquor. With wine, the aromas of the grapes and ingredients are being savored. Most of my bottles are reserves from well-known wineries in California. It’s expensive, sophisticated, classy, and sharp like a woman should be.

“Do you want me to go?”

I should have her leave. My life is about control and when I’m with her, there’s none. She’s the only one who knows me inside and out. She’s the one who’ll wreck me.

“No. I think we’ve had a long night and you look like you need sleep. Come on. I’ll take you to the guest bedroom and tomorrow we’ll talk.” When she hears what I have to offer, a smile comes to her face and she stares at me. I see her eyes moving down my face and onto my chest and body. I like how she’s looking at me.

Fuck. No, I can’t be glad. She’s someone I’ve known her whole life and someone I used to watch over. Sexual desires and fantasies for her can’t become reality. The idea of having her the way I want is making me hard and I have to curse myself to look at her as the sixteen-year-old I fell in love with.

“Okay.” She puts away her empty plate and I grab her bags from the foyer. Following me upstairs, I pick the room next to mine, even though I should pick the room down the hall. She needs to be far from me.

Settling her inside, I place down her bags. “If you need anything, let me know.”

Before I can turn away, she wraps her arms around my waist. Her forehead rests on my chest. She’s small compared to my six-foot-one height. Naturally, I hug her back. We stand like this for a while before she lets go and turns away to sit on the bed.

“Thank you.” She looks around the room and turns to look at me again. “I like what you did with the room. Did you design it?”

“Sweet dreams, Charlotte.”

“Wait . . .” I stop dead in my tracks and turn around. I watch her get up and hug me again. “Can you stay with me like before? Until I fall asleep. I miss having you around.”

Standing with her arms around me, I’m doing everything I can not to throw her on the bed and have my way with her. Gently stepping out of her arms, I eye her and tilt her chin up to look at me. “You’ve been gone. We can’t pick up where things left off.” I try my best to not let her know how I’m feeling. She just got back and I don’t want to scare her off. Not again. Not like before. “Things weren’t complicated back then.”

“Nothing’s ever complicated. It’s complicated if you make it that way.”

“It’s late, Charlotte.” I let her go and tell her where the bathroom is so she can get ready for bed. With a nod, I head out of the bedroom and go into mine. Closing the door, I head to bed and lie there with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling.

Charlotte Maxey is back.

Chapter 4

Charlotte

He’s still holding onto the pain I left him with. Shaking my head, I sit back down on the bed and look at the closed door. This isn’t going to be easy like I thought. He leaves me alone in the bedroom and I’m not sure what to think. So many years have passed and I shouldn’t have expected him to welcome me back with open arms, let alone spend the night in the same room as me. I know we have a long road ahead and I’m willing to work hard to be his friend, and hopefully, we’ll find our way back and fall in love again. Only I never stopped loving him and I hope he never stopped loving me.

Have you ever wanted someone so badly it consumes your every thought? This wild need takes over and all you can think about is that person. Your person. As days go by, you give up hope, until something breaks and you realize you’ve been living your life wrong for the past few years, and now this is your chance to make it right.

Making things right with Troy is my goal. It’s what I’ve been thinking about. It’s what I want. The intense feelings I have for him are a part of me. He’s part of me. I can feel it deep in my heart and soul. It’s what I breathe in and out.

It’s Troy.

He’s my reason.

He’s my person.

When he looked at me, I was brought back to the sixteen-year-old girl who loves her brother’s best friend, and wants him to herself. I never told anyone how I felt and if Will ever found out, I don’t want to know what he’d do. They’ve been through so much together and have been best friends since they were babies. If I made a move, or even hinted I wanted Troy, it would hurt Will so badly and I couldn’t do that to my brother. I fell so hard and fast for him, I didn’t see it coming. One day he was picking on me and the next we were sitting in his car singing along to any song that came on the radio. He became my person and my best friend. Troy’s always been the guy every girl wants. Throughout high school I saw him date girls and wished every day it was me. No one saw me as Charlotte Maxey. No. To everyone, I was Will’s baby sister. If anyone touched me or looked at me, they would have to answer to Will, my older and protective brother. Needless to say, dating was next to impossible. I didn’t go to my junior prom because our parents passed away three months before and I didn’t want to hang out with my friends and shop for a dress. The night my parents died, we all had dinner together and talked about taking a family vacation to Italy before my senior year. It was a perfect night until I never saw them again. They went to meet friends, and never came home.

When our parents died, my whole life changed, and I became dependent on Will and Troy. I didn’t want to lose anyone else and we always kept in contact with one another. My issues only grew, and Will didn’t know where else to turn to. I was withdrawn and scared of everything. With the help from Cora and Mike, Troy’s parents, they became my guardians and made decisions for me with Will’s knowledge. I got the help I needed and grew stronger. My attachment issues didn’t seem to be a problem and I was able to slowly move on.

Will gave up his entire life for me. He didn’t want to lose me the way we lost our parents and vowed to always protect me. Troy came around more often to help out. He stopped everything he was doing and practically lived with us. I never saw him date or talk about girls from the moment our lives changed. It was the three of us. Troy’s parents invited us to Sunday dinner and included us during the holidays. As much as I missed my parents, it felt nice to be part of a family again.

The years passed and my love for Troy grew. It was as though the moon and stars aligned. Everything with Troy made sense, and I wanted so badly to feel his lips on mine and to feel the softness of his hands on my body. I wanted more, so much more, but my promise to make Will proud stopped us from getting to that point. Our parents’ death and his rejection to play pro soccer were still raw. Troy and I made a promise to each other that the day I graduated from U of M we’d come clean and ask for Will’s blessing.

That day never came. Instead, life gave us a surprising turn and it wasn’t ever going to be the same.

He let me go.

He never contacted me.

I meant nothing to him and he meant the world to me.

When Shawn and I started getting closer I never saw Troy. He’d make up excuses and I couldn’t fight to get him to come around because Will kept pushing me towards Shawn. One day I gave up and hid my pain and I hid it well. You couldn’t break my broken heart anymore. I destroyed the chance of being with Troy. The jolt of pain hit me hard and it took a while for me to recover. I could never explain the power he had over me. The air was easier to breathe next to him. Everything around me made perfect sense. My world aligned perfectly with his and it was the most natural feeling when it came to Troy Harding.

Every Saturday I’d visit my parents’ grave. I’d sit in front of their tombstones and talk about school, Troy, Will, and Shawn. The burning in my chest when I think about them has never gone away. How can you let go of the pain from losing your parents? I dream about them almost every night and wake up in a pool of sweat. During the day, and sometimes at night, I’ll remember the dreams, and tears will fill my eyes. I remember how much my mom loved to cook Sunday breakfast for us, and how my dad wrapped his arms around her and whispered how much he loved her.

They were high school sweethearts, from freshmen year until the day they passed away. The love between my parents was so strong and so wonderful. It was a sight to see. When we were younger, Will and I would wake up in the middle of the night to music playing in the living room. We’d take each other’s hand and watch from the stairs while our parents danced to
Endless Love
by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. Their love was so pure and perfect. They never argued and I always felt their love. I wanted their love, and I wanted it with Troy. But life has a funny way of changing your path in life.

My phone vibrates on the nightstand and when I grab my phone, I immediately drop it on the bed. Inhaling a quivering breath, I close my eyes and count to ten. I repeat this a few more times before opening my eyes. My bottom lip shakes and my hands tremble. I look at my phone again and read his message.

Shawn:
Did you make it okay?

Me:
Yes, I did . . . How are you doing?

Shawn:
Good, I’m glad . . . Night, Charlotte.

Me:
Night, Shawn.

I don’t text him more and respect the fact that he needs time to be okay. I hope he hasn’t told Will about us. I want to be the one to tell him and explain what happened. Turning over on my side, I slide my hands under the pillow and close my eyes, thinking about tomorrow and what I’ll have to face.