Rex (26 page)

There’s a man delivering boxes when I arrive at Vanessa’s apartment building, delaying my entrance, allowing more time for the sweat to find its way down my skin. By the time I can get through the glass door and step on the elevator, I’m bouncing from foot to foot, attempting to form a script in my head. I want to make sure I say the right thing. At this point, I’m not even sure what that is—I guess like Hunter said, the truth would be nice.

The car finally stops on her floor, and I steel myself with a meaty breath before walking out. I’m just about to knock on the door when it opens suddenly. Vanessa falters, stumbling back in surprise, her purse dropping to the ground.

“What are you doing here, Rex?” she asks flatly as I bend down to help her pick up her belongings. “I’ve got it,” she snarls, waving me away, unwilling to meet my eyes.

The chill in the air sends a shiver up my neck and I can’t stand that I’ve done this to her. Even with that, it takes me a second to respond, so fucking happy just to be in her presence that I’m tongue-tied.

I push back up to my feet. “You didn’t leave me any choice. You wouldn’t respond to my calls or my texts and we need to talk.”

She slings her bag over her shoulder, intent on pushing her way past me. “There’s nothing left to say, Rex. I’m pretty sure we covered everything last night.”

My body blocks her, but I make sure to keep my hands to myself. “Can you just give me five minutes?”

There’s a release of breath as she raises her eyes to the ceiling before finally allowing them to find mine. “Fine. Five minutes, Rex. I have to get to work.” She stands aside, letting me walk in. Relief floods my chest at having made it this far.

“Can I sit?” I ask, motioning toward the couch. She looks at me with a bored expression, as if she has better things to do. Little does she know, I can see right through the tough-girl act she’s trying to dish out.

“Be my guest.” She sets her bag and briefcase down but continues to stand, glancing at her watch.

“I’m sorry, Blon—I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I was out of line in so many ways and I honestly regret it. I reacted to something that had nothing to do with you.” I pause, gesturing toward the sofa with my hand. “Will you please sit your ass down? You’re making me nervous and I’m already fucking nervous as it is.”

Her lips begin a slow curl toward a smile, but then shift direction, as if they’ve changed their mind. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be
uncomfortable
, Rex,” she says, and I certainly don’t miss the sarcasm dripping from her words.

She takes a seat at the other end of the couch, as far away from me as possible, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. An excruciating breath forces its way from my lungs as I try to push the words out before they get caught in my throat.

“The man that raised me. The man that I loved who I thought was my father… was not my father.”

“I don’t understand.”

I scrape a hand through my hair before continuing. “My father is a drug dealing, lowlife piece of shit who’s rotting away in prison right now. One of the many men my mother decided to screw along the way.”

“I’m sorry.” Those beautiful eyes of hers fill with sympathy, or pity, I’m not sure which one. But I know I can’t continue to look at them.

I stare at a spot on the wall, hoping that will make this easier. “I didn’t find out until I was nineteen but ever since then, I can’t tolerate acknowledging my birthday. I feel like my whole childhood was a lie. Hunter is my half-brother, as was Tyler, and my mother is a liar.”

I know I’m rambling but I can’t stop myself. “Every year when my birthday rolls around, my way of coping is to ignore it. So yesterday just reminded me of everything bad in my life… the absolute shit that I come from, and when I walked in, it hit me, and I freaked out and acted like an asshole. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. I’d do anything to take it back,” I plead, my eyes trailing back to her face. “Anything.”

“Okay.”

“
Okay
?”

“Yes, I accept your apology,” she says, and I breathe out a sigh of relief, moving closer to her. But she backs away.

“This doesn’t change anything for me, though.” She kneads her hands together, her shoulders rising and falling on an exhale of breath. “You hurt me and… I don’t know if I can get past it right now. I understand that you’ve had a shitty past, Rex, and I’m truly sorry for everything you’ve been through. But you know what? We all have stuff we have to come to terms with, and you can’t go around using it as a warrant to hurt people. It’s time to grow up. Get therapy or do whatever you have to do so it doesn’t happen again.”

Ouch. But I definitely deserve that.

“What does that mean for us?” I ask, unsure as to whether I really want the answer to my question.

She stands up, snagging her purse from the carpet. “There is no us, Rex. Not now.”

Her words punch me in the gut, but I should know better than anyone how one mistake can cause irreparable damage.

“Not now, or not ever?” The question leaves my mouth and I’m completely aware of my teeth clenching as I wait for her reply.

There’s a long stretch of silence before she responds, instilling a seed of hope in my subconscious. “I don’t know.”

“Well, we’re still friends, right?” That’s the last thing I want, but at this point I’ll take whatever scraps I can get.

“Friends, Rex?” She tugs on the strap of her bag as though it’s her lifeline. “We’re a bit beyond that, don’t you think?”

“So what now, then?”

“Rex,” she huffs, taking yet another glimpse of her watch. “I can’t do this with you right now. I have to get to work.”

I get up off the sofa, following her out the door. “Then when?”

“Rex.”

“Yes, Blondie?” I try to coax a smile out of her, but right now it’s like getting blood from a stone. She won’t even give an inch. She’s so damn stubborn and so fucking beautiful at the same time. It’s driving me insane that I can’t reach out and touch her.

“I have to go.” She closes the door behind us and I follow her to the elevator, neither one of us saying anything.

The entire ride down to the lobby, I’m staring at her and she’s focusing on the numbers as we descend, still clutching onto that strap like she needs protection from me. Maybe after last night, she does.

Her eyes drift from the panel to the dried blood on my knuckles. “What happened to your hand?” she asks, eyes softening with concern, giving me hope that she still cares about me.

I cover up my fist with my other hand. “I had an accident with the wall.”

The doors open then and she bolts. A dull ache slices through my chest, knowing she wants to run from me. But I catch up to her and grab her arm. “Wait,” I plead, and her eyes move to my hand so I wrench it away. “Listen.” I dig my hands in my back pockets so I don’t touch her again, but leave our eyes connected. “I never got a chance to thank you… for that picture of Tyler and me. It’s… it’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I just want you to know,” I trail off, discomfort forcing my gaze away because I don’t want her to see right through me. “It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.” With a nod of her head she turns and breezes past several people before my voice stops her in her tracks, again.

“Blondie!” I yell out, and she whips around just before reaching the glass door. “I can remember now,” I shrug, “he had five freckles.” A half-smile softens her lips and then she disappears into the crowd.

That smile—something else I never want to forget.

Hurried, I turn the corner of my apartment and slump against the nearest building, letting go of my purse and briefcase. I clutch my stomach, trying like hell to breathe and even harder to suppress the tears that threaten to fall. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to push Rex away. The vulnerable part of me wanted to fall into his arms, while the tough side of me had to keep him at bay.

I can’t erase the look on his face when he talked about the picture. It made me want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go—to be the one who takes away his demons. But I can’t be his savior and I certainly won’t be his punching bag.

For a second, I wonder if I was too hard on him—until the memory of last night kicks me in the gut and I realize I probably wasn’t hard enough. Trust is a fragile thing and once it’s shattered, the pieces are difficult to put back together.

The problem is, I’m drawn to him, like a moth is to a flame. I know myself, though, and sooner or later I’ll get burned. As hard as it is, I have to distance myself. Even though it’s the last thing I want to do. Trying to temper my thoughts, I gather my bags and focus on getting to work. That will be my salvation now.

I’m barely inside the glass doors before Tillie bombards me. “Morning, sunshine! I have three phone messages for you here and you had four messages about the Hamilton launch already. I left them on your desk with the guest list. Oh, and Jonathan had to go to California for a last minute meeting with a potential client so he needs you to sit in on the Chelsea meeting, and—”

“Take a breath, Tillie.” I pick up the message slips from my inbox on her desk. None of them look too urgent until I get to the last one, that says Rex. Just seeing his name on a sheet of damn paper has my heart skipping a beat. This will bode really well for me staying away from him. “Tillie, what’s this?” I flip the paper around so she can see it. “It just says
Rex
.”

“Oh yeah,” she smirks, making a noise with her throat, “I’m supposed to deliver the following message.” She snaps her gum inside her cheek. “Rex called and he wants you to know he’s thinking about you. Oh,” she leans closer, whispering, “and he sounds hot.”

My lips quiver at the corners and I can’t help the shake of my head that ensues. “Gah!” I grumble, before retreating to my office and closing the door. What is he trying to do? I just left him not more than thirty minutes ago. I guess telling him I needed space meant absolutely nothing.

Stacks of paperwork on my desk lift my spirits, telling me I’ll be so busy next week that I won’t have time to think about Rex. I plop down in my chair, stowing away my purse in a side drawer then logging on to my computer. The amount of e-mails I have to reply to is staggering, but I figure I’ll dig into those first.

After going through nearly a hundred of them, I settle in with all of the details to prepare for the Hamilton event. Next Friday will come quickly and I need to make sure I have everything in order.

While I’m reviewing the orders for food and drink, my eyes can’t help but wander over to that silly pink slip with Rex’s name on it. I mentally scold myself for acting this way, as if my brain isn’t already on Rex overload. Picking up the slip, I crumple it into a ball and throw it in the wastebasket. There. Done and score.

If only it were that easy.

My phone rings and my ears go on high alert, while my mouth lets out an aggravated, “What now?” A small breath of relief departs my lips when I see it’s Ryder.

“Hey, Ryder, what’s up?”

“Hey. I’m just checking on you. You left before I woke up this morning and I wanted to see how you’re doing?” His voice is filled with concern, reminding me of how sweet he is. Of course, that doesn’t do it for me. I prefer them sick and twisted.

“I’m fine, why?”

“Are you the same girl who was in my apartment last night?” he teases and I giggle.

“Oh. I’m doing okay.”

“Did you speak to Rex?” he asks, and there’s loud chattering in the background.

“Well, he came to see me today…,” I swallow, “to apologize.”

“And… hold on,” he muffles the phone, “I’ll be right there. Okay?” He comes back on the line. “Sorry. So what happened? Did you kiss and make up?”

“No,” I reply, although his idea sounds much better than my reality. “I told him I can’t be with him right now and to get some therapy.”

“You did not!” he yells into the phone.

“Oh yes, I did.” I kick off my heels, flexing my toes under the desk.

“Vanessa,” he reprimands, “you know that’s not what you want.”

“Actually, it is. I can’t shake off the feeling I had last night and I’m not sure it won’t happen again.”

He’s quiet for a minute but then says, “People make mistakes, darlin’.”

“Ryder.” I exhale an abrasive sigh. “If anyone knows that, it’s me. But….”

“But you’re scared.” He finishes my sentence for me as if he can read my mind.

“Okay, yes. Happy?” I bite back, immediately regretting my outburst.

“Hey, take it easy there, tiger.”

“Sorry.” I close my eyes, tipping my head back against the cool leather of the chair.

“I forgive you. You see, everyone makes mistakes.” And I can picture him smiling as if he were right in front of me.

“Okay. I have to get back to work now, Doc. I’ll drop off the check for our session later.”

He chuckles into the phone. “You do that. Later.”

“Bye, Ryder.”

No sooner do I start sorting through the orders when the intercom sounds.

“Vanessa, Olivia is here. Can I send her in?”

“Sure, thanks, Tillie.”

A minute later, there’s a subtle tap on the door and Liv pokes her head in, a curtain of chestnut strands swaying around her face. “Hey, V. Is this a bad time?”