Rex (27 page)

“No, it’s fine. The boss is in Cali. Come on in.” I pile the papers and set them on the corner of my desk while Olivia takes a seat, elbow bent on the armrest of the chair, studying me.

“You okay?”

Oh God, not her too.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I state in a firm tone, and I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince more.

“Really? After everything that happened last night, you’re fine. And why didn’t you call me?” She purses her lips, narrowing her deep blue eyes.

I settle back in my chair, figuring this is going to be a lengthy conversation. “How do you know what happened last night?”

“Well, I stayed at Hunter’s and apparently Rex came by at some ridiculous hour. He was really upset.”

“He was?” I ask, fishing for reassurance, something I can hold on to, believe in.

“Yes. He—”

My hand halts her words. “Before you say anything else. You were right. I got hurt.”

“Oh, V,” she says softly, coming forward and resting her elbows on the desk. “I didn’t want to be right. And honestly, after talking with Hunter this morning, I’m not so sure I am.”

“What do you mean?” I jump in, desperately needing confirmation of Rex’s words.

“I don’t know. Hunter said he’d never seen him like that before. I get the feeling he cares about you.”

Hope blooms in my chest, but is stunted by my own insecurity. Or maybe it’s a lack of faith.

“Well, he could’ve fooled me. Oh wait.” I let out a harsh laugh. “He did.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually saying this.” She gives me a tight smile. “But maybe you should give him another chance.”

Stunned, I do a double-take. “You’re kidding, right, Liv? After all the warnings to stay away from him? Now you’re joining the Rex fan club,” I proclaim, my hand going to my temple to ease the mounting tension.

“What does that mean?” she questions, and I shake my head, brushing it off.

“Never mind.”

Her cell phone dings and she retrieves it from her purse, a wide smile curving her lips as she views the screen.

“Let me guess. Hunter?”

“Yup.” She practically bounces as she gets up from the chair. “I have to run. We have a lunch date.”

“On his desk?” I tease, coming from behind mine to walk her out to the elevators.

The car opens and she steps on, flashing me a flirty grin and a glimpse of her lacy pink bra. “Maybe.”

“Hussy,” I mouth, just as the doors close.

I casually stroll past Tillie’s desk, watching as she stares intently at her computer, her long, manicured nails tapping feverishly on the keyboard. “Any messages?” My words come out casual, but I can’t help biting on my lip.

“Nope, nothing new.” She continues to focus on her work.

“Okay, thanks.” My stomach dips with disappointment but then I remember I asked for this. This is what I want.

Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll start to believe it.

“Rex. It’s good to see you,” Dr. Billings greets me as I step further into her office.

A large part of me feels like this is a mistake. But something prompted me to make the appointment, and since I’m here, I might as well see if she has anything valuable to offer.

She takes a seat across from me in her swivel chair, white-lined pad placed on her lap, black hair pushed up into a high bun. Her matching designer glasses rest against her face, blue suit perfectly pressed. She looks more like an attorney than a therapist, until she opens her mouth.

“So, Rex,” she begins, folding her hands across the length of the pad. “I was both surprised and pleased to get your call. It’s been a few months and it sounds like we need to catch up.”

I don’t respond right away. Instead, I glance around her small office, books neatly organized on the shelf, framed academic degrees lining the walls. I’m aware of the stiff leather couch I’m sitting on, where hundreds of other patients have sat before me spilling all their fucked-up issues, and many will after me as well.

“Rex.” The even keel of her voice gets my attention.

“Yeah?”

“So, tell me what’s happening. Tell me how things are going.”

“They’ve been better.” My knee is bouncing with nerves, wanting to be anywhere but here. I hate this fucking place. It always makes me feel like I’m crazy.

“Expound, please.” She taps her pencil against her pad in time with the second hand ticking on the clock, driving me toward temporary insanity.

“I met a girl. A girl who’s making me say and do crazy shit.” I bite down on my thumbnail, watching Dr. Billings fight back a smile.

“What do you mean?” She starts jotting down notes with her pencil, making me wonder what the hell she’s writing. I’ve barely said anything.

“Just crap I normally wouldn’t say. I find it coming out, even
wanting
to say it sometimes.”

“Are we talking about feelings, Rex?” She pauses with her pencil in mid-air, appraising me in a way that only a therapist can.

“Yeah. And I don’t know how to handle them. Well,” my other leg joins in on the bounce, “I may not get a chance to now anyway.”

“I’m not following.”

“It was my birthday yesterday, and you know I hate that fucking day. Well, I came home to find her, Vanessa that is, making me dinner and I lost it. Said some hateful things to her and I’m not sure she’ll forgive me. She’s actually one of the reasons I’m here.” I exhale a smug laugh. “She calls me on my shit. She basically told me to stop using the past as an excuse to be an asshole.”

Dr. Billings raises her chin, head tilted slightly to the side. “I like this girl already.”

“It just reminded me of how fucked up I am, where I come from.” I brace an arm firmly against the couch as if it can give me the support I need. “Everything feels so fucked up sometimes.”

“What does, Rex?”

“I’m the product of a selfish, alcoholic mother and a low-life asshole for a father. The only positive thing I can think of is Hunter.” I swallow hard. “And Tyler, of course. Hunter never treated me as anything less, even when I told him the truth.”

“And why would he? He loves you. Blood doesn’t change that. Look, Rex,” she places her pad on the side table, “I see people all the time who come from dysfunctional families, who end up closer to friends or other people’s families than they are to their own. Tell me, who brought you up, Rex? Who raised you?”

“Daniel did,” I mutter, recalling the memories I have of him as a child.

“Daniel was your father in the ways that mattered, Rex. He loved you; he raised you until he passed away. That’s the only father you’ve ever known.” She rolls her chair closer. “You know, Rex, you have to stop looking at yourself in such a negative light all the time. You’re a good person.”

“Am I?” I stare at the yellow paint on the wall, thinking about Vanessa. “She gave me a picture of Tyler and me as a gift, so I would remember him.”

“That’s a lovely thing for her to do. She must care about you.” She says it with a reassuring smile on her face, yet I don’t feel sure about anything.

“I think she did.” Regret rolls off of me in waves, my stomach dizzy with it.

“And I’m sure she still does. Whatever you said,” she laughs, “I’m sure it was a whopper, but nothing that can’t be fixed. You just might have to work a bit harder than you’re used to. But….” Her fingers toy with the pearls around her neck. “It sounds to me like she might be worth it.”

My lips turn up of their own volition. “Yeah, I think she just might be. And… I-I’ve been thinking about Tyler a lot, too. Trying to remember what you said about not blaming myself. But it’s so fucking hard sometimes. He told me over and over again how he didn’t like that babysitter.” I thrust a hand roughly through my hair, guilt shrouding my words. “He was trying to tell me, in his own way, give me clues, but I didn’t listen. I thought he was being a pain in the ass because he was younger and wasn’t able to tag along with Hunter and me. If only I had listened, maybe, just maybe—”

“Rex.” She sits forward on an exhale of breath. “I don’t want you to do this to yourself. There is no maybe. You were a child. Period. You were not responsible for your brother in that way. There is only one person who was, and since your father was no longer living, we both know who that was. Now, tell me.” She leans back in her chair. “Have you had any interaction with your mother?”

“I’ve run into her, but that’s about it. She hasn’t changed and she’s not going to. There’s really no hope for any kind of a relationship there.”

“Okay. And while we’ve discussed it before, I seem to hear more acceptance in your voice now. So this is what I’d like you to think about. Why don’t you start using your energy on the people that matter in your life, as opposed to the ones that take away from it. I don’t want to see you continuing to let the past define you because that will lead you down a dark road, Rex… and you’ve traveled that path before. It’s time to chart a new course.” She gets up and walks behind her desk. “Since I squeezed you in today and we didn’t have a lot of time, why don’t we schedule another session?” she suggests, flipping pages in her appointment book.

“Do I have to?” I joke, pushing off the couch and heading for the door. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Okay, Rex. You know where I am. Feel free to reach out via phone if you need to. Take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

The protective coating I have whenever I’m sitting in her office slides away the moment I step outside. Everything changes when I walk off—the bright sky turns dark, the sun hiding behind my clouded past. Uncertainty swells within me as my feet hit the cement, but there’s one thing that keeps me going now. One person who has shined a light on a side of me I never knew existed, who makes me want to get to know the person she sees when she looks at me.

And I sure as hell won’t give her up. Not without a fight.

I pull my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans, finding Vanessa’s number and sending her a text.

Hope you got my message. And just in case you’re wondering, I’m still thinking about you. And I’m so sorry… for everything.

I’m not expecting a response, which is a good thing since I don’t get one. I shove the phone back in my pocket, checking my watch and discovering I’ve only got ten minutes until I need to be at work. My day consists of back-to-back tattoos so there won’t be much time to breathe or think—which works for me.

The shop is crazy busy when I arrive and the energy here brings me the best kind of high. The humming of the tattoo machine is music to my ears, the smell of cleaning products and sterile air making me feel right at home. And this is my home now. Dr. Billings was right about that. Zeek and the other artists I work with have become like my family. We share stories and bond over our art, something a lot of people don’t understand.

“Hey, man,” Zeek yells when I walk in. “How ya doing?” he asks, while Stevie and Jaden look up and give me a quick chin nod before focusing back on their clients.

“Good. Ready to get to work.” I head to my station, my mind still back in Dr. Billings’ office.

He comes over holding one of our portfolios. “Check it out. These are the photos I took of the tattoo you did on Sienna. It’s fucking brilliant, man.”

“Wow.” And I’m actually impressed with my own prowess. “You’re right, I am fucking brilliant,” I brag, closing the book and handing it back to him.

“And fucking full of yourself,” Jaden calls out, earning a chuckle from Stevie.

Zeek shakes his head and cackles. “Well, she obviously thought so, too. You just missed her. She came by to express her
gratitude,
I guess, and damn if I didn’t wish I was the one she was grateful to.”

I point a finger toward the floor. “She was here?” I ask, and he nods. “Well, I’m glad I wasn’t then.”

“That’s right.” He gives me a shove. “You have more important things to think about.”

“Yeah, I do, asshole, like getting my station ready for my next tattoo,” I jab, starting for the back of the shop.

I’m not used to this—this tightening in my chest, these feelings I don’t know how to handle—being consumed by thoughts of a woman. I’ve never had female friends, never needed them or wanted them, and to be honest, why would I? My opinion of women stems from my mother, and we all know what a fine example she set for me.

But Vanessa’s changed all that.

She walked in with her brutal honesty and her confident as hell sway, and made me look at myself. Made me want to trust. Made me want to say and do shit you couldn’t have paid me to do before.

Fuck.

I delve into my pocket for my phone and slide the screen, checking for any sign of her. But there is none. My eyes dart around as I contemplate what to do. I’ve never chased after a woman before, but then again, I’ve never met one quite like Vanessa. I let out a jagged breath and type her a text.

Is there any way I can see you tonight?

My foot taps against the grainy floor as I wait for any acknowledgement from her, smiling when the chime sounds, but frowning when I read her words.

No.

Why not?